The Day I Was Sent To Jail.

[adams house cat]

Everybody hated Wilma. Attorneys, clients, defendants and prosecutors, other judges. She was a squat Navajo spinster with a face like a bulldog licking piss off a cactus. She was also a dry drunk. If she fell off the wagon the night before God help Magistrates Court next morning because she would be nursing a hangover. If she stayed on the wagon it was the same. Bad tempered and rude. All her decisions were arbitrary and bore little relationship to the law.

Everybody hated Wilma but the difference was that Wilma hated me. She thought I was stroppy and pushy because I wasn't afraid to pull her up when she was wrong which was often. Others did too, of course, but she took exception to me. Maybe it was the accent.

I was assigned to defend a woman who was charged with ADW and spousal abuse. Her mean spirited, no account husband had come home drunk from a night of whoring once too often and she laid him out with his own guitar. She was in Court to be committed for trial. The case was called and I entered my appearance.

"The defendant has no address in the file. Is this an oversight or is the defendant homeless?"

"No. Not homeless Judge."

"Then why no address?"

"The defendant may be at risk from the complaining witness Judge. Pursuant to NM Code.... I am not required to present an address in open Court if there are reasonable grounds to believe that a party may be at risk. I respectfully decline to give the address in open Court."

"Just read out the address Sir!"

"Pursuant to NM Code...."

"You've said that already. This is my last time of asking. If you don't answer you will be cited for contempt."

"Pursuant to...."

"I am citing you for contempt. Officer, arrest this man."

"Judge. The relevant statute is not for reinterpretation by a lower court." She looked like she was about to explode. "I will not divulge the address. Lock me up if you please."

As I was about to be hauled in irons out of the courtroom Scotty rose and entered his appearance. He asked for five minutes to talk with me. "What the fuck are you thinking?"

"I don't want that address in an open court file Scotty. He is a violent man with a large violent family and she has kids."

At that point I was hauled off to jail.

I wasn't there long. Three hours as our office took the matter immediately to the Chief Judge of the district who had no time for Wilma. Did my standing no end of good. Word got around. Suddenly I was the lawyer who was prepared to go to jail for his clients.

Scotty wasn't put in the dilemna that I was. Wilma continued the case for 2 days for 'reflection'. When it came back it was dismissed.

[WOM]

Niiiiiiiice.

[WOM]

I'm raising my hand right now to be your editor if/when you decide to publish.

[San Bernardhinault]

Awesome stuff, as always.

[Patrick Thistle]

I'm raising my hand to buy a copy if/when you decide to publish.

As long as you get a decent editor, of course.

[Furtho]

This is just tremendous stuff, ahc. Careful with your choice of editor, though, would be my advice.

[adams house cat]

I don't know any editors. Wouldn't know where to look.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Great stuff

[Lang Spoon]

Apparently the average book published by an independent only sells 240 copies in the U.K. these days. I reckon you’d get at least that from otf members these days ahc.

[treibeis]

This OTF member would buy one.

[White No Sugar]

I like it. Right up my street.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Yes, I'd buy one for me and quite a few more for friends.

[linus]

Seriously adams, there's a lot of great material there. If you need a publisher north of the border, I could hook you up.

[Incandenza]

My only complaints is I feel like you were holding out on us all the time when you weren’t telling these stories, AHC

[EIM]

Any OTFers ever served time? There must be.

I've never been arrested even. Far too good at what I do.

[Aitch]

I was once woken up by a policeman tendering a bacon sandwich in a police cell in Spain and told to be on my way. No idea how that happened.

[The-Reverend]

Had a month on remand, served it in Doncaster.

As with life, generally if you don't act like a dick then you will be ok.

[nmrfox]

Not actual jail time, but 6 months suspended for 2 years for non-payment of poll tax.

[WOM]

I was actually pulled over and nearly arrested for "looking a lot like a badass we're looking for outta Calgary". Wasn't helpful that my wife kept going to the cop "Him? Him? He looks like a badass?"

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Surely in Canada, an incredulous Giggling wife saying things like "Well Guess who just got a new nickname for everyone to use? Wait til they hear about this at home." was all the police needed to allow you carry on your way?

[WOM]

Would have been nice. I was sat there for over a half-hour [engine off, sir] while they ran all my ID through CODIS and whatever else they had in the squad car. Both cops came to the window at least three times to ask "You sure you never been to Calgary? What about Fort MacMurray?" and so forth. Like I'd forget that. Or admit to it. Or something.

[Nefertiti2]

Time for a name change -WOM must become BooC.

[Sporting]

I got arrested once, in Gijón, Spain. Three of us, after a heavy night out, were attempting to take a short cut through the station. We were stopped by a security guard and his savage alsatian. He forced us to back up against a wall while he called the friendly men in blue. I was so drunk that I don't know how much of this is memory and how much what I've been told, but never mind...The police arrived and took us down the clink, handcuffing us first. They wanted to know why one of us had been carrying a huge casserole dish and another one of those "Men At Work" moveable roadsigns. And they accused us of wanting to beat up the security guard using these "weapons". They asked my friend why he had the sign and he answered that it was a habit of his...as indeed it was...for no particular logical reason, he had collected a dozen or more road signs in his bedroom...

To cut a long story short, the security guard didn't want to take the matter further...no doubt to save him from ridicule from his mates and boss. The story appeared in the local press with only our first names appeared in full (initials for our surnames) This was enough to identify us, with the resulting problems and kudos which one would expect from such publicity.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Never been arrested.

When I was a kid I used to get Calgary and Calvary confused (having learnt of the latter at the Catholic schools I attended). I hope and assume that the justice system in Calgary never involves crucifixion.

[Amor de Cosmos]

Never been arrested but got pulled in for line-ups a couple of times. Notting Hill police station was at the end of the street. Old Bill would accost whoever happened to be close by at the time.