I bet she'd love that, Ted

[imp]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

One of my daughters was on the same football team as CNN political pundit John King's daughter for a year. John King is an over-coiffeured cunt on CNN and he's a just a plain cunt in real life - when he bothered to show up at all, instead of watching his daughter play he'd be one of those American dads who turns his back on the game (making a big statement about being American) and spend the entire hour tossing an American football backwards and forwards to his son.

That's as close as I've come in nine years to a mover and shaker on the DC political scene, apart from the time I walked past Wolf Blitzer near the White House.

[Spearmint Rhino]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

WOLF BLITZER??? Who the fuck is Wolf Blitzer? That's even better than Chuck Blazer.

[imp]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

He's the CNN White House correspondent. It's funny how you get used to ridiculous names, isn't it? I hadn't thought for years how odd that must sound to someone hearing it for the first time. It's got a ton more punch than John fucking King. And Wolf's a good bloke too, not a preening twat.

[David Agnew]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Spearmint Rhino wrote:

That's how celebby it is down here by the sea. I also saw Nicola Roberts in Taj across the road from Waitrose. Actually, maybe it's a ghetto for famous female gingers.

I know this may sound like 'Crush Of Shame' territory, but if you're ever looking for a house-sitter... (when I say 'Crush of Shame', I don't mean you, SR)

When I was living in London earlier in the year, I swear I saw Phil Daniels on the South Bank. I figured that only a real cunt would shout "PARKLIFE" at him.

I am a cunt.

(But not one with the bollocks to actually do it).

[mirko bolesan]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Toby Gymshorts wrote:

"Oi! Thompson! You broke my z and x keys!"

He might have been a little confused by that.

It is fantastic that despite the advances in computer gaming technology the idea of pressing keys fast has yet to be bettered in similar games.

[Reed John]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Wolf Blitzer entered the pop culture consciousness during the first Gulf War as CNN's Pentagon correspondent. SNL did a Wayne's World bit in which this improbable name for a military reporter was remarked upon. "Like that's his real name. Yeah, right! And my name is Blitzkrieg Howitzer!"

But yeah, that is his real name.

That John King has douchebag written all over his smug twatty rat face. I hope his daughter hates him.

[Taylor]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

imp wrote:

I hadn't thought for years how odd that must sound to someone hearing it for the first time. It's got a ton more punch than John fucking King.

Nah. As names for White House correspondents go, John Fucking King would out-punch anything.

[Taylor]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Except possibly Jack Fisting President.

[Anton Gramscescu]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Election night '92, I was in Little Rock because it seemed like the place to be. Through a combination of bluff and chicanery I scammed a press pass (long story) and decided to spend the evening following Wolf Blitzer around. He was standing at the back of the large press hall (the convention room in the basement of the Excelsior hotel, which was later to become famous as the place Bill propositioned Paula Jones with his pants down...the hotel, not the conference hall), wearing a strong pastel pink shirt. Assorted hacks from other media were clearly in awe of him, and would come up to him and say things like: "so, Wolf, what do you think of so-and-so for cabinet"?

And Wolf would say something like "oh, sure, I think he's earned it, blah, blah".

And then the hack would scurry back to his desk and write down whatever Wolf had said, basically passing off his pearls of wisdom as news. I'd never seen herd journalism like this - hacks just running off at the mouth to each other and reporting the collective wisdom as "sources in Little Rock say..."

The only other interesting thing I did that night was to say hello to Molly Ivins, which was pretty exciting.

[Gerontophile]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

mnb098mnb wrote:

Toby Gymshorts wrote:

"Oi! Thompson! You broke my z and x keys!"

He might have been a little confused by that.

It is fantastic that despite the advances in computer gaming technology the idea of pressing keys fast has yet to be bettered in similar games.

You have obviously never played International Track and Field on Playstation, where the most valuable things you need are a handkerchief, and an inside out rubber thimble.

[Duncan Gardner]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

When I was living in London earlier in the year, I swear I saw Phil Daniels on the South Bank. I figured that only a real cunt would shout "PARKLIFE" at him.

I am a cunt.

(But not one with the bollocks to actually do it)

Daniels is only one in a long line of A-listers to have called me a cunt- I was refereeing his team in the Camden/ Islington Midweek League.

Useful if ageing midfielder actually- he was shielding the back four, like Makalele or Chrissy Baird in NI away games.

Others include:

John Leslie (shot-stopping keeper)
Abi Titmuss (his then-girlfriend)
Sir Alf Ramsey (before Poland- England in 1973)
The bass player out of Blancmange

[Spearmint Rhino]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

I've also seen Phil Daniels play football. He used to play for the Melody Maker 5-a-side team, then come into the Stamford Arms for a drink afterwards. I didn't like him.

[evilC]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

I saw Robert Wyatt on the South Bank once.

I hope this helps.

[Furtho]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

As names for White House correspondents go, John Fucking King would out-punch anything.

Although like Dirk Fucking Benedict, he tends not to use his middle name when he's on the telly, of course.

[Wyatt Earp]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Her indoors saw Mark "Fast Show" Williams in Lewes, and totally didn't say "You ent sin me--roight?" to him.

[treibeis]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

I played football a few times with the guitarist out of Balaam And The Angel. He had a good engine, covered every blade of grass, got stuck in and didn't start bleating if he got kicked.

[evilC]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

treibeis wrote:

I played football a few times with the guitarist out of Balaam And The Angel. He had a good engine, covered every blade of grass, got stuck in and didn't start bleating if he got kicked.

Was he the one who looked like Lance Percival with a hippy wig on? ...Or was that the bassist?

[Errorist Sympathiser]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Peter Willey comes into my library for a half dozen paperbacks every three weeks. He's got a reputation as a mardy arse but he's just wry.

Lance Kluesner's wife also comes in. He could do better.

Oh, and Helen Blaby, 5 Live Traffic & Travel, too. Archetypal face for radio, that one.

[hobbes]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

I've been for a ride in the Sooty Van. Beat that you star-fuckers!

[Toby Gymshorts]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

gerontophile wrote:

mnb098mnb wrote:

Toby Gymshorts wrote:

"Oi! Thompson! You broke my z and x keys!"

He might have been a little confused by that.

It is fantastic that despite the advances in computer gaming technology the idea of pressing keys fast has yet to be bettered in similar games.

You have obviously never played International Track and Field on Playstation, where the most valuable things you need are a handkerchief, and an inside out rubber thimble.

Nor have you played any of the Mario Party series on the N64, where your best friend was a cylindrical cigarette lighter.

[treibeis]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Was he the one who looked like Lance Percival with a hippy wig on? ...Or was that the bassist?

I would have gone for Leslie Phillips, but you're right. There was definitely more of the Lance Percivals about him.

The bassist was the one in his jim-jams who looked like Mark Viduka with a wig on.

[AMMS]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

I used to play fives every week with the guy who became Mylo and his compadre Willie Threlfall. Sometimes they'd bring mates along and we'd play Skye v The Rest of the World, these games were surprisingly close despite the demographic imbalance.

[meregreen]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Spearmint Rhino wrote:

I've also seen Phil Daniels play football. He used to play for the Melody Maker 5-a-side team, then come into the Stamford Arms for a drink afterwards. I didn't like him.

I played football with Phil Daniels. I didn’t like him either. I was only playing as a favour to a mate who played in his team and had to put up with Daniels having a go at me for some minor misdemeanour. To be fair to him, he looked hungover, or at least played like he was.

When I lived in Liverpool I regularly used to play against Ian McCulloch and Will Sergeant (pair of twats), Ian Broudie (huge twat) and Mick Head (lovely bloke and a brilliant footballer) in a Sunday afternoon kickabout. One afternoon Terry Hall turned up. He was a bit odd. It was a scorching day and he played in jeans and a jumper.

[Felicity, I guess so]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

My mate John used to play in the same 5-a-side kickabout as Del Amitri. He had matching hair to them, maybe that's why they picked him.

I was once stuck in Paris CDG for hours and Archie MacPherson was in the departure lounge for the same flight. I resisted the desperate urge to shout one of his greatest bloopers at him, and instead (rather fittingly as he was doing a fair amount of 'don't you know who I am'-ing) got my French colleague to go over, drape herself over the arm of his chair, touch his arm and say (in a fake 'sexy' Franglais accent):

'O! I seemply luuurve your show!'

[Guest]

I bet she'd love that, Ted

Only people who've seen "Paul Calf's Video Diary" will get this but I saw John Hannah in a bar once and really wanted to go over to him and say/slur: "Say it! I'd rather see Dave Lee Travis play Macbeth" (It was actually the same bar where that scene was filmed which would have made it even more hilarious). I didn't though.