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The Tranquility of Solitude

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    The Tranquility of Solitude

    How much time by yourself do you need each day, and what are the reasons? I would say that on average I need an hour of solitude for every hour I spend with anyone else: around 50:50. I get very itchy if I have to spend a full day with no alone time.

    There are also ways I will withdraw while in company: a book is still the best way, the Internet less so.

    #2
    Jam earworm, there.

    I certainly like, and probably need, time on my own at the end of the day, which is why I tend to be channel-hopping on the TV or tidying the place up after my wife has gone to bed.

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      #3
      I'm alone nearly all the time. Occasionally worryingly so. Last March I moved back to Amsterdam, and have since been living alone for the first time in my life. I don't work. I recently finished my studies, though even then the contact hours were relatively minimal and the last few months were spent sat doing my thesis. I volunteer one day a week at the national film archive, a task that involves working alone. Two or three times a week I might pop out of an evening for a few drinks, but otherwise I spend pretty much all of my time actually or at least functionally alone.

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        #4
        So to answer the question, I'm not sure how much time I need by myself.

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          #5
          No.

          It's fucking shit.

          Always has been, always will be.

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            #6
            I like to have the first hour of the day to myself, I'm not a morning grouch but I do prefer to ease into the day rather than having to talk or make decisions

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              #7
              Originally posted by Nocturnal Submission View Post
              Jam earworm, there.

              I certainly like, and probably need, time on my own at the end of the day, which is why I tend to be channel-hopping on the TV or tidying the place up after my wife has gone to bed.
              Same for me - I'm normally farting about for an hour or so on my own at the end of the day. So I guess that is about the length of time to myself that I seem to need. That said, I probably could do with some time alone at the moment, we've had my Mum living with us for the last 3 weeks as she recovers from a couple of stays in hospital and, much as I love her and am doing my best to make sure she gets better, it's time she went home. I can see myself hopping on the bike one night week to just get out of the house for a couple of hours.

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                #8
                I need solitude and never crave company; perhaps because it's always there if I want it. I'm happiest at work when they're all out, although my colleagues are fine.

                I cried off a lunch with a friend today, because I turned up and there was a third person there, someone who bores me. The thoughts in my own head are more interesting.

                Last night I was out with friends and apart from one excruciating cab journey (with one person coked up to the gills) it was nice, watching bands without speaking much.

                And of course, there's also a bit of social media when you feel like interacting.

                Isn't it the saying that introverts recharge with solitude, extroverts with company? I need recovery time after a party or having friends to stay.

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                  #9
                  I definitely crave a reasonable amount of solitude, though being single and living alone sometimes this gets a bit too much for my own good.

                  However, I cannot abide large gatherings - any more than about six and I'm left feeling I might as well not be there. I'll take a lonely fell over a bustling city every day of the week. Silence is golden.

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                    #10
                    I'm really not sure. I'm happiest in the company of close friends, or in front of a class. I suppose I do need alone time, but quite what constitutes that I don't know. Two to three weeks a year I'm by myself with Phoebe the Dog. I say hello to neighbours, and chat briefly with people in the coffee shop but that's all. I'm fine with that, but does it count as solitude?

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                      #11
                      I revel in solitude, but only on my terms. When L and the kids bugger off up north for the summer for days/weeks, I'm miserable in the house alone all week. But I love to steal away for a quiet hour or so if I know they're downstairs or just indoors. My hour-long commute is beautiful, as I sit in the Quiet Zone on the train or I'm riding my motorbike alone.

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                        #12
                        Yes, I need alone time. That's how I recharge.

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                          #13
                          It's an odd one for me, this.

                          I've always been more than happy in my own company, even as a child. I'd spend hours on my own, with music and books, and fill the spaces inbetween with introspection.

                          As I got older, I realised that it's not all that healthy for me to be alone for long periods. As an example, a few years ago TLMG decided to take a week away in Norway, to test out her knowledge of the language. I couldn't make it - financial reasons - but I booked a week off anyway, figuring that I'd have a week to myself.

                          The first couple of days, falling over the weekend, went swimmingly. I slept late, ate when I wanted, read books and listened to all the music I could handle.

                          Within 4 days I felt panicky. I'd never really done an entire week on my own before, and I didn't know what to do. Day 5 was a bit of a blur, when I went into central London and spent money I didn't have on trainers and clothes, and then I ended up in the pub on my own.

                          By the time I got to day 7 of 8, I was a bit manic. I couldn't wait for her to get back, and so I didn't sleep at all.

                          Then I went to Heathrow to welcome her back. Had a panic attack on the tube, which necessitated a bit of a sit down and a chat with myself.

                          So. In summary, I love time to myself, but very much on my own terms. I'll go for a walk, I'll listen to music, I'll read a book, I'll pick up my guitar. But I don't ever want to be too far away from another human.

                          There's a flip side to this. When I'm - how to put this? - at a low ebb, I tend to be uncommunicative. I don't mean to be, and there are undoubtedly hundreds of reasons why I shouldn't be, but it happens. I want to be quiet, and I don't want to deal with small talk; if I don't have anything to say, then I won't say anything.

                          TLMG struggles with this. She's a naturally talkative, garrulous person, and silence is her nemesis. It's a constant source of friction between us, and I have no idea how to improve it, other than by unlearning a lifetime's ingrained behaviour.

                          In summary, I both need my own space and hate that I get it by being...... distant.

                          People, eh?

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                            #14
                            Before last weekend's massive family gathering, Mrs WOM gave me the go-ahead to 'disappear if it gets overwhelming'. Sort of blew me away, and I most certainly took advantage of it.

                            Oddly, I can tolerate her TLMG-like non-stop talking. It's her father's that drives me right-the-fuck around the bend.

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                              #15
                              The worst thing is, WOM, that it's not non-stop. She will pick up on my mood, and lack of communication, and it will affect her. She'll stop talking, and that weighs on me.

                              Another thing to bow my head. Although in no way do I hold her responsible.

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                                #16
                                It ought not weigh on you. You're just being you, and you're allowed to be quiet. You can't not be you just so the can keep on being her. I mean, you'd know better, but it sounds like she's just respecting your moods/needs.

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                                  #17
                                  Or she's thinking about your red deck shoes and wondering what she's gotten herself into...

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                                    #18
                                    Oh fuck OFF <smileything >

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                                      #19
                                      I'm having my moment of solitude right now.

                                      Except, I'm virtually hanging out with you lot.

                                      Bugger.

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                                        #20
                                        As much as possible. That's the thing about having a large family and not being able to stand a substantial chunk of it - it makes you relish any moment of solitude.

                                        Way back when, I'd even resort to putting locks on my bedroom door. Not little slidy ones, great big fuck off padlocks with cast iron hasps.

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                                          #21
                                          I love the dog but she does follow me everywhere around the house. I wish she'd leave me alone when I go for a shit.

                                          Is that the sort of thing you were looking for?

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                                            #22
                                            I enjoy a walk or a ride on my own, be it a quick local one or spend 2/3 days up on hills. You never really alone nowadays anyway, quite rare I don't have a signal. Sometimes I go and pitch the tent where I know I won't have a signal (but radio reception!) to really shut out. I don't that very often, but I find it useful, allows time to think, in particular when you walk.

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                                              #23
                                              It's less a ratio for me and more a maximum tolerance of company. I really struggle in company after about 2 hours. By 3 I'm usually desperate for alone time.

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                                                #24
                                                Mrs WOM is gently trying to break me of a few of my more anti-social tendencies. Twice we've gone for tea/dessert in the evening at a friend of hers' house. Nice couple; one of a couple is usually intolerable to me, but both of these folk are nice. Helpfully, she knows my limits, and after 90 minutes one of us will say "Let's not outstay our welcome", and we'll be gone in a jiff. That's about all I can do.

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                                                  #25
                                                  I allow myself anywhere between five minutes and thirty minutes when my boy and his mother go to bed. I work twelve hour days on three or four days a week and still have the website etc to be getting on with, so I'm exceptionally grateful for the opportunity.

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