Teenage Daughters

[WOM]

Someone talk me down off the ledge: is their behaving like monsters a phase? Is the moodiness, the threats, the recriminations, the shouting going to pass? I mean, I know that every parent says "Teenage girl? Well, enjoy the next few years..." and rolls their eyes, but shit man, I wasn't prepared for this. It passes, right?

Signed,
Distraught and hiding in the basement.

[evilC]

Teenage Daughters

Heh! I have to confess that, whenever my friends are/were waxing lyrical about their wonderful daughters and the joys of parenthood (or even just recalling the chaos of their own youthful romantic liaisons) I will gently bait them with the question "So - how are you going to feel when brings home her first boyfriend?" The response to this is always an instantaneous darkening of their tone and the phrase "I'd fucking kill him!" is spat forth, seemingly before they even realise what they've said. Of course, they always soften up eventually, after the event, but I'd love to be a fly on the wall for those momentous occasions. :-)

[gjw100]

Teenage Daughters

Oh man. My daughter (now 26) was an absolutely horrible teenager and I say that without any exaggeration but a great deal of rueful reflection. From 12 through to 17/18 she was a constant source of worry for my wife and I. Even in her early teens she smoked, drank, stayed out late (when she came home at all) and a had a succession of unsuitable boyfriends. At school (when she wasn’t truanting or excluded) she was disruptive, rude and lazy. Despite being a bright girl she left with few qualifications of note. At home she seemed in a constant state of anger and resentment to such an extent that my wife despaired of her ever coming out the other side. I was more confident though – essentially she was a good kid and I always felt sure that nature and nurture were both on our side. And so it proved. She’s now a great mother to our 4 year-old grand-daughter, happily settled in her personal life, works hard in a good job, and in the last few months has completely surprised us by helping to care for my terminally ill father - doing his cleaning and shopping, and ringing him four times a day to ensure that he is taking his medication.

[caja-dglh]

Teenage Daughters

WOM wrote: Signed,
Distraught and hiding in the basement.

Distraught and hiding in the basement,

- go to work
- if not, go to CostCo for some retail therapy
- perhaps don't insist you take her places in that car of yours. it is embarassing

Like all things, it will pass.

[Fussbudget]

Teenage Daughters

Earworm

WOM wrote: Someone talk me down off the ledge: is their behaving like monsters a phase? Is the moodiness, the threats, the recriminations, the shouting going to pass? I mean, I know that every parent says "Teenage girl? Well, enjoy the next few years..." and rolls their eyes, but shit man, I wasn't prepared for this. It passes, right?

Well my mum is certainly still hoping so.

All teenagers are different though, aren't they. I mean, generally obnoxious of course, but in a variety of different ways.

[hobbes]

Teenage Daughters

I was great as a teenager. Never gave my parents a moment's grief.
You just have to be smart enough to not ever get caught.

[Toby Gymshorts]

Teenage Daughters

I was a horrible prick when I was a teenager*. A bad-tempered, disagreeable shithouse full of hormones and "I-know-better-than-you". I can't pinpoint the moment I realised that what I was doing was alienating the only parents and the only sister I'd ever have, but it gave me a pretty good jolt. Since then I've tried my best to be a good son and brother; I've also apologised - more than once - for my fucking appalling attitude. So yes, it will pass. You might even get a better person at the other end.

*Go on, tap it in. You know you want to.

[Lang Spoon]

Teenage Daughters

Fucking hell I find myself involuntary biting down on my fist when I think back on the way I behaved from about 13-18. What a massive prick, I can't believe my dad never just decked me. Rude belligerent anti social ignorant dishonest know all areswipe. Most of those lovely character traits are still there dormant like acne but I try not to inflict them on my folks these days.

Leaving home woke me the fuck up. So maybe just hold on a few more years WOM, and if they are going to Uni make sure it's one far enough away they will qualify for Halls.

[Jorge Porbillas]

Teenage Daughters

WOM wrote: Someone talk me down off the ledge: is their behaving like monsters a phase? Is the moodiness, the threats, the recriminations, the shouting going to pass? I mean, I know that every parent says "Teenage girl? Well, enjoy the next few years..." and rolls their eyes, but shit man, I wasn't prepared for this. It passes, right?

Signed,
Distraught and hiding in the basement.

Wait until you reach the "but surely you need to revise for the exam you have tomorrow?" stage. Her brother's attitude to schoolwork and studying is/was markedly different ... I always assumed it was going to be the other way around.

[HORN]

Teenage Daughters

Yes, it ends. But, like shellshock, the effects on those who have to endure the little darlings during this period can be long-lasting.

[ad hoc]

Teenage Daughters

I have a 17 year old and an 11 year old. The older one has never been a problem at all (sure she's occasionally moody, but then who isn't? It;s not like I'm full of sunshine and joy every single day and I'm over 50). She works hard, she enjoys life, she doesn't do stupid things (at least that I am aware of), she plays sport, she is intelligent, bright and you know basically great.

The 11 year old will, I suspect, be more of a teenager as outlined by this thread. But we'll see. It could be that she'll follow in her sister's footsteps.

Did you want to hear about easy to deal with teenage girls, or did you want everybody to share your pain?

[Jah Womble]

Teenage Daughters

My eldest - who turns eighteen this very month - has been exemplary all through her teens (thus far). Does this now mean that she'll become a belligerent, self-entitled adult?

She's far more together than I ever was at her age. While she's always been focused and dedicated in her studies, I just wanted to get school/a-levels over and done with and go to art college, have fun and meet cool women, basically. (To my great surprise, my daughter's also maintained a stable, non-arguing relationship with her first-and-only boyfriend for more than nine months now.)

As for the younger daughter, well, she's only nine, so that remains to be seen.

[WOM]

Teenage Daughters

ad hoc wrote: Did you want to hear about easy to deal with teenage girls, or did you want everybody to share your pain?

I wanted to hear "They all do it. It last two years, they straighten out and you never see it again."

But you've failed me....

It's nothing terribly ghastly...yet. It's totally neglected schoolwork. It's holing up in her room to emerge only for meals. It's friends over everyone else in existence. It's a lot of mouth and backtalk.

It's probably normal, but it sucks. I mean, she's a great kid...but boy, when that mood comes over her, she's a whole different person.

[Various Artist]

Teenage Daughters

It's possibly of some small consolation to remember that it's not her fault, WOM. It's the fact that her body's been flooded with strange hormones and impulses it doesn't really know how to act on. Her brain is basically being taken apart and rewired from the inside, while she's still trying to use it, for several years at a time – hence, potentially, lots and lots of mess and noise. That never does much for anyone's sunny outlook, personal balance or social graces.

Synaptically, she should come out of it with a much more coherent and stable architecture, but in the meantime she's got the mental equivalent of the builders in, knocking through here, re-laying cables there, trampling dirt into the carpet as they go and spending the whole day with the radio tuned at high volume to a station you don't like. I guess the trick is to keep picturing it when it's all finished, everything's tidied away and covered with a fresh lick of paint, and you can relax with a cup of tea and admire how it's all turned out so to speak.

[caja-dglh]

Teenage Daughters

I think VA is basically explaining the plot of Inside Out 2 (from the teenage mind part).

[Nocturnal Submission]

Teenage Daughters

Various Artist wrote: It's possibly of some small consolation to remember that it's not her fault, WOM. It's the fact that her body's been flooded with strange hormones and impulses it doesn't really know how to act on. Her brain is basically being taken apart and rewired from the inside, while she's still trying to use it, for several years at a time – hence, potentially, lots and lots of mess and noise. That never does much for anyone's sunny outlook, personal balance or social graces.

Synaptically, she should come out of it with a much more coherent and stable architecture, but in the meantime she's got the mental equivalent of the builders in, knocking through here, re-laying cables there, trampling dirt into the carpet as they go and spending the whole day with the radio tuned at high volume to a station you don't like. I guess the trick is to keep picturing it when it's all finished, everything's tidied away and covered with a fresh lick of paint, and you can relax with a cup of tea and admire how it's all turned out so to speak.

That's excellent, VA, and I'll bear it in mind in the next few years as my daughter, 14 last Sunday, develops.

Frankly, I’m hoping that my wife will be taking on the bulk of the empathy, analysis and advice because I expect to have my hands full with my teenage son!

[Anorak Smith]

Teenage Daughters

Despairing of my 11 year old's attitude this weekend just gone, I found this website and have been listening to the podcasts on the way too and from work this week.

Revolutionary Parent

I'm finding that trying to maintain calm and attempting to show some empathy is helping.

[treibeis]

Teenage Daughters

My only dealings with a teenage girl on a day-to-day basis were with my sister (who's a year older than me). From the age of 14 to 16, she spent 98% of her non-school time in her bedroom. After that, she got a mini skirt and a perm and, for a year or two, shagged loads of blokes. Then she set up her own business and did nothing but work for ten years, before marrying one of her apprentices, to whom, 24 years later, she's still married (he's an arsehole, but that's what sisters seem to do; marry arseholes).

I hope this helps.

[WOM]

Teenage Daughters

This has, indeed, been helpful. Nerve-wracking, but helpful.

[Amor de Cosmos]

Teenage Daughters

In some ways teenage boys are easier (because most of us on here were one, and can dimly remember what it was like.) However in practice it isn't always the case, mainly because many loose the ability to speak — either coherently or at all — with the onset of puberty. Grunts, silence and no eye contact are pretty much the way it goes until they're twenty-ish.

[treibeis]

Teenage Daughters

WOM wrote: This has, indeed, been helpful. Nerve-wracking, but helpful.

Ah, well, in that case, maybe I ought to add that my brother-in-law owns a gun. He doesn't own any ammunition - my sister has seen to that - but still: My father's pride and joy married a firearms fanatic.

[WOM]

Teenage Daughters

Well, my sister married two duds. Neither of them gun nuts, but each a dud in his own right.

It'll kill me if my daughter marries a dud. I have no capacity for making small talk with idiots.

[treibeis]

Teenage Daughters

WOM wrote:
It'll kill me if my daughter marries a dud. I have no capacity for making small talk with idiots.

My father circumvents this problem by not talking to his son-in-law at all. He even goes as far as to hide if he sees him in the supermarket (my sister and father live in the same district).

I think that's what's kept my father young and sprightly. He's nearly 80, but he's still prepared to crouch down behind a stack of bog paper for anything up to twenty minutes in order to avoid talking to a member of his family.

[WOM]

Teenage Daughters

My wife and I were in a Blockbuster video one time and I said "I think that woman over there is my cousin." She suggested I go say hello and I just laughed. She said, "In my family, we say hello to relatives." Not six weeks later, she quite intentionally dodged her aunt in a dollar store.

[Toby Gymshorts]

Teenage Daughters

Are you sure he's hiding when he crouches there? I mean, he is 80.