Colonial fantasies

[G-Man]

A few days ago the Torygraph ran this excerpt from a self-published book about a pretty young blonde's experience of spending a gap year in Africa (headed "How my dream gap year in Africa turned into a nightmare"). Said woman has received a shitstorm of criticism and mocking on the Internet for clearly making stuff up.

It's quite incredible that a broadsheet could have published this text, which is laughably badly written and includes some very obvious fundamental errors. She writes of 12-inch spiders that don't exist in Zambia, of monsoons (!!!) in Zambia, of barbarous rebel troops in Zambia. Those are easily verifiable things for an editor to spot, at least with some cursory googling.

The woman obviously has been to Africa, as her photos show. But she just made up what she writes about. She even got the name of her particular African child wrong, ascribing a name used by one ethnic group to that of another, a bit like naming a Greek child Jan-Klaas.

The centre-piece of the story is how she had to go into hiding in the jungle (of course, the jungle!) to evade those Big Black Brutes who would violate her, or worse. I reckon it was the fantasy of that which motivated the Torygraph editors to run that nonsense.

A catalogue of how she played loose with the facts is here.

[Eggchaser]

Colonial fantasies

You're just jealous because the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika.

[Lang Spoon]

Colonial fantasies

Wonder what the bally natives think when another bunch of gap year Jeremys and Hannahs arrive in their village to teach them the benefits of civilization? I'd be wanting to smite the patronizing twunts right away.

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

Colonial fantasies

That article set off a whole load of negative feedback from my Kenyan friends, who would quite happily kick her up the arse if they ever had chance to meet her. Pity they won't.

[WOM]

Colonial fantasies

I'd hope they have the full "Welcome o' wise Bwana" routine down by now, for their own amusement and sanity...

[ursus arctos]

Colonial fantasies

As Lang Spoon notes, this is apparently a thing among the children and grandchildren of Torygraph readers, which no doubt accounts for the piece being published.

[N est à?]

Colonial fantasies

Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti

[G-Man]

Colonial fantasies

The thing is, the gap-year Jeremys and Hannahs aren't necessarily unwelcome. Properly managed, they can do productive things, and learn a lot in the process. NGOs are grateful for committed, disciplined volunteers -- though not all who volunteer are committed; I have friends who have sorry tales to tell in that regard.

What is not needed are condescending shits with a colonialist mindset on an adventure who want the "natives" (a word that blonde idiot uses) to be grateful to Bwana for feeding them Coca Cola.

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

Colonial fantasies

Did Britain ever actually hold Cape Town to Cairo, its stated ambition at the time?

I think Germany had more than a sausage factory, too. Cameroon and Namibia?

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

Colonial fantasies

Tanzania was a German colony too, in a previous life.

[ursus arctos]

Colonial fantasies

[ursus arctos]

Colonial fantasies

This is 1914



The British takeover of Tanganyika (then part of German East Africa) after WWI completed the red band from Cairo to Cape Town.

[Lang Spoon]

Colonial fantasies

Fer sure (to G-Man). Friends with more skills, usefulness and general compassion and gumption than me have done good stuff in leprosy hospitals in India, delivering babies in Malawi etc. You're right, it's the attitude you take into it, and your ability to not just see the poverty and ghastliness but make a connection with the folk you are supposed to be helping (like they're real people and everything! Not just a poverty cipher).

Some people can't even manage that when slumming it in a rough part of Glasgow, let alone the developing world.

[San Bernardhinault]

Colonial fantasies

Lang Spoon wrote: Wonder what the bally natives think when another bunch of gap year Jeremys and Hannahs arrive in their village to teach them the benefits of civilization? I'd be wanting to smite the patronizing twunts right away.

I wonder if they tell them about the 12 inch Laotian spiders, and that Hutu soldiers from the Congo regularly make cross-border incursions. And then send some friends to fire rifles a few times in the night...

[Lang Spoon]

Colonial fantasies

I hope that's exactly what they do. You could have a great time winding up the entitled wanks no end.

[linus]

Colonial fantasies

Eggchaser wrote: You're just jealous because the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika.

After they got that, and the breweries in Tsing Tao, they called it a day. What more would you need?

[G-Man]

Colonial fantasies

In Namibia German is still widely spoken. It's quite bizarre to see the street signs: going off Robert Mugabe Avenue, a central thoroughfare in Windhoek, you have Heinitzburgstraße, and going off Heinitzburgstraße you have the Afrikaans Kasteelstraat. English, German, Afrikaans -- but no signs in, say, Oshiwambo.

And if you need medicine, you can go to the German Apotheke or to the English pharmacy.

[Lang Spoon]

Colonial fantasies

Is there a particular socio economic or geographical concentration of non-white German speakers in Namibia (is there an advantage to be gained by picking up some German)?

[Amor de Cosmos]

Colonial fantasies

G-Man wrote:
And if you need medicine, you can go to the German Apotheke or to the English pharmacy.

In colonial English it would a chemist surely?

[ursus arctos]

Colonial fantasies

It was never a true British colony, though.

It was German, then South African per a League of Nations Mandate.

So it would depend on South African usage, which seems to be pharmacy.

[San Bernardhinault]

Colonial fantasies

My recollection of Namibia is that there were a substantial number of non-white Afrikaans speakers, but very few non-white German speakers.

It didn't have a particularly Germanic feel, apart from a couple of restaurants trying to serve German style food, which felt particularly incongruous in the middle of a desert where the last thing you want is great hunks of meat and carb.

[ursus arctos]

Colonial fantasies

Ooofah

A woman who has been ridiculed for a book she wrote about her gap year in Africa is in a relationship with Donald Trump’s top fundraiser.

Louise Linton, who attracted widespread criticism for her description of life in Zambia, is dating Steven Mnuchin, the recently appointed national finance chair for Trump’s presidential campaign.]

[G-Man]

Colonial fantasies

San Bernardhinault wrote: My recollection of Namibia is that there were a substantial number of non-white Afrikaans speakers, but very few non-white German speakers.

It didn't have a particularly Germanic feel, apart from a couple of restaurants trying to serve German style food, which felt particularly incongruous in the middle of a desert where the last thing you want is great hunks of meat and carb.

One of my favourite places in Cape Town was a Paulaner beergarden right at the harbour, serving Weissbier brewed under licence on the premises. As you ate your German fare, like Jägerschnitzel or, for the kids, Strammer Max, and imbibed your Weissbiers under the hot sun at the sea, you might have an African troupe performing outside the beergarden. It was wonderfully incongruous.

[San Bernardhinault]

Colonial fantasies

The climate in Cape Town, particular in winter, is distinctly more conducive to eating Schweinhaxe and Sauerbraten than the climate in Windhoek is.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Colonial fantasies

The Nazis did have a vague plan to deport the Jewish population to Madagascar.