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My day without power

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    My day without power

    The flat I'm staying in is undergoing quite a bit of building work. The kitchen is being spruced up, as is the bathroom, and the whole place is being rewired. Which obviously means there's been no power in the place.

    Today has dragged a little. The power went off at about nine, maybe ten. For a while I sat there in a daze, not sure what to do. I tried to do what I normally do when I'm bored, sleep, but due to the noisy builders that was impossible. So I sat on the end of my bed for a while and decided that this was a great opportunity to get stuff done that I've been meaning to for a while. I live in London, the greatest city on Earth. There's no end to the things I can do. Power-schmower. Internet-Schminternet. Onetouchfootball-schmontouchfootball.

    After another half an hour or so sitting on the end of the bed in a blind panic at not being able to do anything I usually do, I pulled myself together, slipped on my gazelles, and left the flat. Leaving the cat in charge, I moseyed on down Lordship Lane for a bit of me time. I deserve a treat just as much as anyone else. In fact, I deserve treats. Not just one, but many.

    My first port of call was Badger Bakery, where I purchased a chicken tikka pastie and a can of sprite. I chose to eat these outside my second port of call, one of Lordship Lane's premier attractions, the laundrette.

    This particular laundrette is ace. It's usually empty, which is a boon, and it smells fucking ace. I love the smell of drying. And I sat, eating my pastie, drinking my sprite, taking in huge lungfuls of the delicious, warm air.

    For some reason those cheeky badgers at the bakery had sprinkled poppy seeds on my pastie. I'm not sure about that. It's a little Heston Blumenthal for me. And they always get stuck in your teeth, don't they? Poppy seeds? Always getting stuck.

    Having scored two of my treats of my list, I continued on my way down Lordship Lane, very much looking forward to my third treat of the day, the bookshop. I browsed for a little while before finally settling on Edgar Allan Poe's Selected Tales. What fun.

    I headed back home in the slight drizzle, taste of curry in my mouth, enough poppy seeds stuck in my shit teeth to open a small opium den, and book stretching my pocket out of shape. I was happy, and content, and proving to myself that I don't need electricity. People got on without it before, and it's easy to do it again. No more telly for me. No playstation. No internet. These things are no longer necessary. I had proved that I could live like those weird Amish fuckers and get on in life On My Own.

    Who the fuck am I trying to kid? Within minutes I was pacing around my room like a camp-site zoo Polar Bear. Smashing myself in the face with bits of wood just to give me something to do. Endlessly switching the TV off and On in the hope it would somehow work. There's a reason people from the olden days are all dead - they died of fucking boredom. I mean, Jesus Christ, if I had had to spend another minute in my own company, I'd have ended up killing myself. Thank fuck they got finished so I could retreat to the comfort of electrical goods and Sky Sports News.

    #2
    My day without power

    Sky Sports News is fucking crap man, have a word with yourself.

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      #3
      My day without power

      Oh totally. But I just needed the soothing tones of hyperbole.

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        #4
        My day without power

        Can I tell you about my day? It's not as good as yours but something great just happened. So I'm reviewing this telly series at work, yeah, and I brought the book in from home in case it would help with spellings or whatever. And there's a scene in episode 3 and I couldn't decide who was speaking so I thought I'll see if I can find it in the booked. Opened the book totally at random - TO THE EXACT RIGHT PAGE.

        I'm so pleased with myself it just isn't true.

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          #5
          My day without power

          Was it the particularly racy bit?

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            #6
            My day without power

            It's Porterhouse Blue, it's much the same all the way through.

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              #7
              My day without power

              Never mind poppy seeds on a pastie, what about flour on a sandwich ? What is the thinking here ? ' There's a perfectly nice sandwich, ooooh I know, lets put some flour on, that'll dry it out nicely, and give the sandwichee something to smear all over his overly clean trousers into the bargain'. Baffling.

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