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    #76
    "Why can't we do that here?"

    Sorry Inca. This guy's been trained to spot a stall-pee type at 20 paces. If he sees your shoes pointing toward the bowl after the door is shut, he reefs you out - over the door - by your collar and explains, in no uncertain terms, that a fucking urinal is used for fucking urinating and a toilet is for sitting upon, and that you'd be wise to remember that next time, you hear?

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      #77
      "Why can't we do that here?"

      There's a great Saturday Night Live sketch from about 15 years ago with Kevin Nealon as the overly-helpful and closeby bathroom attendant and Harvey Keitel as the stall user.

      I can't find a clip on the web anywhere. Hulu doesn't seem to have it.

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        #78
        "Why can't we do that here?"

        Save your sympathy for the British nightclub toilet attendant.

        We don't have the same tipping culture, for a start, so a lot of people will just take a paper towel off him, give him a sidelong curious glance, say "er... thanks" and walk out. Even if they do work out that they're supposed to put some change on his little plate, many people are understandably so fed up at being charged for entry to the club, then paying double the going rate for drinks, and knowing they're going to get shafted for a taxi fare home, that they're fucked if they're going to hand over what's left of their cash to some complete stranger, for the privilege of being watched while they have a piss.

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          #79
          "Why can't we do that here?"

          WornOldMotorbike wrote:
          Sorry Inca. This guy's been trained to spot a stall-pee type at 20 paces. If he sees your shoes pointing toward the bowl after the door is shut, he reefs you out - over the door - by your collar and explains, in no uncertain terms, that a fucking urinal is used for fucking urinating and a toilet is for sitting upon, and that you'd be wise to remember that next time, you hear?
          Hold on now. I use stalls to take a leak, but I put the seat up. Nothing wrong with that, I don't think--takes a shorter amount of time than sitting down and doing your business. If all the urinals are taken, and there's an open stall, I'm taking it. If there aren't urinals, but just a trough, I'm sure as hell only using a stall.

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            #80
            "Why can't we do that here?"

            I went somewhere a few times where they send a lady (I presume for men they send a man, although you never know) into the loo with every single person basically as drug police. I don't get out too much any more so this might be common practice now.

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              #81
              "Why can't we do that here?"

              Lyra - that's insane. I know that the attendants double as drug police, but insisting that patrons are escorted to the toilets, like primary school children... I mean, fucking hell.

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                #82
                "Why can't we do that here?"

                I was wondering if Lyra had become a member of Lindsay Lohan's entourage . . .

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                  #83
                  "Why can't we do that here?"

                  Hold on now. I use stalls to take a leak, but I put the seat up. Nothing wrong with that, I don't think--takes a shorter amount of time than sitting down and doing your business. If all the urinals are taken, and there's an open stall, I'm taking it. If there aren't urinals, but just a trough, I'm sure as hell only using a stall.
                  Bah, I've encountered all these stall-pee straw men before.
                  a) Never in the history of mankind have all the urinals been taken - except at sporting events.
                  b) You stall-pee types may lift the seat, but you piss all over the floor or the wall or the paper roll.
                  c) Notwithstanding a) and b), the stall is for people who have to crap so badly that they'd brave a public washroom to do it, and the last thing they need is to wait another minute or two while a stall-pee indulges his personal insecurities instead of braving a urinal.
                  d) I'll give you the trough exemption.

                  Comment


                    #84
                    "Why can't we do that here?"

                    Tipping in toilets is a good thing, ASSUMING you havent paid to get in there in the first place. YES, YOU Amsterdam, where you charge to go to the toilet, when you already have bought a drink!!!. Bastards.

                    (However, if you are reading a book in the bar previously, you get away with it, because then you claim 'I didnt know you had started the charge for a piss, and I was reading my book'.

                    Especially if you can say that in Dutch.

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                      #85
                      "Why can't we do that here?"

                      I was wondering if Lyra had become a member of Lindsay Lohan's entourage . . .
                      I share a birthday with her and consequently am slightly fascinated by her. And, you know, she IS cute.

                      Taylor, I know! And you start to feel guilty for no good reason. It's moronic. I think the first time I encountered this wasn't too long after Sadie Frost's little daughter found something 'on the floor' and swallowed it. Which obv couldn't have been prevented by this type of thing anyway.

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                        #86
                        "Why can't we do that here?"

                        I think I would get rid of nightclubs 'employing' African immigrants on fuck all money to beg and plead with drunk and resentful nightclubbers for enough cash to pay their rent. It's demeaning for everyone concerned.

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                          #87
                          "Why can't we do that here?"

                          My mate did a documentary about that, Liq. They (the toilet workers) don't really see it like that.

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                            #88
                            "Why can't we do that here?"

                            Ok, I just like to ban it because I'm a tight cunt.

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                              #89
                              "Why can't we do that here?"

                              Can I ban people who go to nightclubs?

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                                #90
                                "Why can't we do that here?"

                                I wish the Netherlands had a sense of humour.

                                Comment


                                  #91
                                  "Why can't we do that here?"

                                  Wish we had more public holidays here (and not at the expense of annual leave either). I believe some European countries have about double what we have...

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                                    #92
                                    "Why can't we do that here?"

                                    Nightclubs are a public nuisance. Everytime a professional athlete or actor gets shot or into a fight or whatever it's almost always described as "outside a [fill in city where he plays]-area nightclub."

                                    Comment


                                      #93
                                      "Why can't we do that here?"

                                      Professional athletes and actors are a public nuisance. Every time a nightclub gets in the news it's almost always described as "an actor got shot outside a nightclub"

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                                        #94
                                        "Why can't we do that here?"

                                        I never thought of it that way.

                                        "Nightclub" is a bit of an anachronism, isn't it? Nobody calls them that anymore in real life, do they?

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                                          #95
                                          "Why can't we do that here?"

                                          I call them 'da cluub'.

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                                            #96
                                            "Why can't we do that here?"

                                            And soon you will be calling them "nights" (one of the more bizarre current Italianisms).

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                                              #97
                                              "Why can't we do that here?"

                                              Bruno, America is very well off for public art collections. No need for Europe-envy there.

                                              TonTon, Singapore is your place for discouraging cars.

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                                                #98
                                                "Why can't we do that here?"

                                                WornOldMotorbike wrote:
                                                Hold on now. I use stalls to take a leak, but I put the seat up. Nothing wrong with that, I don't think--takes a shorter amount of time than sitting down and doing your business. If all the urinals are taken, and there's an open stall, I'm taking it. If there aren't urinals, but just a trough, I'm sure as hell only using a stall.
                                                Bah, I've encountered all these stall-pee straw men before.
                                                a) Never in the history of mankind have all the urinals been taken - except at sporting events.
                                                b) You stall-pee types may lift the seat, but you piss all over the floor or the wall or the paper roll.
                                                c) Notwithstanding a) and b), the stall is for people who have to crap so badly that they'd brave a public washroom to do it, and the last thing they need is to wait another minute or two while a stall-pee indulges his personal insecurities instead of braving a urinal.
                                                d) I'll give you the trough exemption.
                                                I hate to sound sanctimonious, but there is a good proportion of men out there who can't use urinals at all. This is due to a genuine Social Anxiety Disorder known as Avoidant Paruresis. I know because I am a sufferer in recovery.

                                                This condition affects both men and women, and in the worst cases sufferers cannot use a public toliet at all. You can imagine how this affects quality of life. I have heard an estimate that one in ten people suffers from AP to some degree.

                                                AP is certainly not just a question of "personal insecurities" or indeed "wussiness." I met a guy who suffered from the condition who was 6'4'', a builder and weightlifter, a proverbial brick shithouse, who suffered terribly from the condition.

                                                The causes of AP are debated - childhood trauma is one cause - but it can be treated. Sufferers should check out this website for help.

                                                [/rant]

                                                Ahh that's better. Ooh what a lovely day...

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                                                  #99
                                                  "Why can't we do that here?"

                                                  Fine. Just be sure to lift the seat. The women have us dead to rights on that topic.

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                                                    "Why can't we do that here?"

                                                    Avoidant Paruresis.
                                                    I have that, I think. I can usually use a public urinal with no trouble but I have a very hard time getting the urine to come up if there are people queuing up behind me to use the urinal, no matter how hard I try to relax. In that case, the only solution for me is to go into the stall and close the door.

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