dog whispering

[laverte]

Soon I'm going to stay with some friends who live in a small flat with a small child and a large puppy called Gigi. I'm not good with dogs, especially big dogs, so I'm slightly dreading it – which is a pity, because I'd be really looking forward to seeing the humans if I wasn't so apprehensive about the dog.

Last time I spent the whole of my visit looking out of the corner of my eye for Gigi. She is, I think, a German shepherd and was then about 15 months old. Obviously she was very excitable, and when she leapt at me, even when she was on a chain, I didn't like it at all. I panic, in fact. Inevitably she senses my unease, and it seems to bug her that she can't get me to like her, so she leaps at me some more. That's my interpretation, anyway.

My friends are really physical when they play with Gigi: they roll around, she bites their hand and licks their face. She's not bitten me but she likes to lick and dribble, and it brings out the worst of my hang-ups about fluids and uncleanliness. My friends allowed her to mill around while we were eating, and I got particularly tetchy about that, for some reason.

Above all, the dog, and my failure to interact with her, haunted me the whole time I was there. I couldn't take my mind off her. While we were out, I was obsessively dreading going back to the flat; and when we got back I had to fight off an urge to make up some excuse to go back out. As a result I didn't enjoy the time I had with my friends and their daughter. It felt as though I had just visited Gigi.

If there are any budding Cesars* on this forum, perhaps I could pick your brains. How should I prepare for the dog (she is about two and a half now)? What can I reasonably ask my friends to do to reduce my anxiety around her? What would you do if you were expecting a mildly cynophobic guest? So far I have made a couple of jokey comments about being scared of a puppy, but I want my friends to realise it's more serious than that, I'm genuinely thinking about not coming to see them because of the dog.

*Not intended flippantly. To me, Cesar is a magician: I would be more confident about cutting a lady in half and putting her back together than commanding a cranky dog.

[San Bernardhinault]

dog whispering

As someone who is also slightly cynophobic (new word of the day for me), you have my sympathies.

And not really liking dogs or enjoying being around dogs is almost as anathema amongst the general public as not liking babies. And the reaction is also similar. People think you're a freak. And/or that you're lying. And that if you just spent more time with dogs you'd grow to love them. And that their dog/baby is special and particularly delightful and loveable, and is the one that will melt your heart. They don't understand that some of us just don't particularly like dogs.

And it makes me feel borderline sick when I see people feeding dogs from their plates, or when dogs lick peoples' faces (or, worse, when they kiss dogs).

Not that I'm able to offer any advice. Just that you have my sympathy, and I'm glad I'm not the only one. (Although my distaste is much stronger for small dogs than big ones).

[laverte]

dog whispering

San Bernardhinault wrote: Not that I'm able to offer any advice. Just that you have my sympathy

That's plenty. Thank you.

My friends don't seem to expect me to like their dog, they just don't do anything to accommodate my distate/anxiety. I wonder what I can ask them to do.

[MsD]

dog whispering

The only thing I can think of, is to ignore the dog first off until you have greeted your friends. Avoid eye contact and put hand up (out of nipping distance) if necessary, without looking at her. Then greet the dog in such a way as she knows she's below the hierarchy of your relationship with them. In her little doggy mind, that should signal "person of rank, better treat with respect". This may go against your egalitarian instincts but dogs operate in hierarchies. That's why they respond to training, and cats don't.

I've also found "shut the fuck up, you little shit" when the owners are out of the room can work wonders if delivered with low menace. Works on dogs, too :-) Kidding! *

I do love dogs but can't be doing with them jumping all over me.

* I actually said "do that again, and I will fucking knock your teeth out" to a nippy Yorkshire terrier, who did that comedy "uh?" but was polite from thereon. I wouldn't hurt an animal but I'm not being bullied by someone who weighs 5 kilos.

[Furtho]

dog whispering

What an uncomfortable situation, laverte. I like dogs very much now but can certainly recall a time when I really didn't. Two things that in my experience discourage a dog from jumping up at you are not making eye contact and - more effectively - turning your back and folding your arms. Obviously the latter is quite a statement in terms of body language. This being the case, it may be better to speak to your friends about your anxiety. It's not unreasonable that, if you're going to their home, they will meet you halfway by trying to affect Gigi's behaviour in order to help you to enjoy your stay.

[Amor de Cosmos]

dog whispering

What can I reasonably ask my friends to do to reduce my anxiety around her? What would you do if you were expecting a mildly cynophobic guest?

Is Gigi good on command? If she is then her owners should be able to keep her away from you fairly easily.

"Gigi no. Gigi come. Gigi sit (or down, if she gets fidgety.) Gigi stay."

Should about cover it. Your body language will eventually let Gigi know you're not a playmate, but that could take awhile without reinforcement from her owners. So far as you're concerned, there's not a lot you can do aside from bringing it up with your friends. Do they really have to play with Gigi while you're visiting, for example?

How should I prepare for the dog (she is about two and a half now)?

If we have a visitor who's nervous around dogs. We first tell them that Phoebe's not dangerous in any way. She'd like an introduction — a sniff of a hand should be enough. But after that, if you don't pay any heed, she'll go lie down in her bed while these strange two-legged creatures make noises at each other.

I want my friends to realise it's more serious than that, I'm genuinely thinking about not coming to see them because of the dog.

If Gigi's intrusive behaviour persists then you have to tell them that, exactly. You're visiting them, not their dog.

[evilC]

dog whispering

Yep, don't stare at the dog - direct eye contact can be seen as a form of aggression. (edit: and if your eyes are slightly largened, they'll know that is representative of fear.) But dogs do recognise smiles as a sign of relaxedness and even imitate them. Similarly, they know that laughter is a good thing and are attracted to people that are laughing.

Ignoring the dog(s) altogether isn't bad advice either, as they will often interpret that as a sign that you are one of the 'leaders' in the pack. Wolves (who can outperform dogs in terms of following human physical social clues) have been known to react like this when being largely ignored by a human sharing their space.

Here are some tips on overcoming a fear of dogs. Personally, I love them - you could probably tell - so I'll smile at them on the street, and you'd be surprised at the number of times they smile back! Also, since they communicate via smell quite a lot, I let them smell my hair and ears upon meeting and I 'wag my bum' at them too. (i.e. I do what is almost a sped-up version of 'The Twist' and they interpret this as me wagging my tail.) Of course, I do this only because I'm not interested in coming across as dominant towards them, so I don't mind the fact that this behaviour of mine often results in them jumping up and licking my face ...because I like all that stuff!

[Edie St Pierre]

dog whispering

Some really good advice on here.

Also, you didn't say how long it had been since you last visited. Dog's really do mellow-out a lot once they stop being puppies. They're less inclined to run around like the Road Runner on crack, and often only start messing around and playing when they're given an invite to or something.

I hope it goes well and you have a nice time anyway.

[Femme Folle]

dog whispering

In addition to what everyone else has said (all good), for after the initial period when you're just being reintroduced, I would keep some treats in my pocket and whenever you approach her, ask her to sit and then give her a treat. Don't give her the treat unless she sits nicely. I'm assuming she's familiar with basic training. You could also call her over to you, ask her to sit and give her a treat. That way you're teaching her what's expected of her. You're also bribing her into liking you. If she tries to jump on you, do what others have said and turn around with your arms crossed. Be sure to praise her when she does what you want her to.

The people who play roughly with her are not doing her or you any favors. You should never play rough with cats or dogs, because they never learn that biting hurts and that it's not okay.

[Femme Folle]

dog whispering

Also, keep the tone of your voice upbeat, like you're talking to a baby. In a lot of ways, they are exactly alike.

[San Bernardhinault]

dog whispering

The advice here is all good, I think. It's mostly what I do (apart from the treats thing, and letting them smell my arse) as a way of managing my interactions with dogs.

But it's all about how Laverte can act, and not what she can ask of, or expect from, her hosts.

Is there anything she can reasonably ask of the dog owners? Can you ask that the dog be in a different room when they're eating; or that the owners tell the dog to sit/wait/stay every time it approaches her? Is this overstepping the bounds of what you can expect a host to do? Is there any way of comfortably asking the hosts to change their regular environment - disprupting their lives and their dog's life?

What do you guys do when someone who's scared of dogs come to stay?

(I ask for Laverte in the third person, but I'm really asking for myself).

[Femme Folle]

dog whispering

That's a good point, SB. I have trained my dog to bahave around people so that it's not a problem when someone comes to visit. However, I've never had a guest who was afraid of dogs. Sometimes we encounter a neighbor from the building in the elevator and since I know she is afraid, I tell Teddy to heel and he stays next to me without moving, so she doesn't feel afraid. If someone were deathly afraid, I would wait for another elevator.

I grew up being afraid of dogs, so I am sensitive to the fear of others. If Laverte's friends are good dog owners, they won't mind doing whatever will make her feel more at ease. If that means putting the dog in a crate or in another room, then that's what they should do.

Don't be afraid to admit your anxiety about this. Some GSDs make me feel a little uneasy too.

[Edie St Pierre]

dog whispering

Well, I don't have a dog myself but two of my family members do, and I know in that instance they'll put their dogs in the conservatory (away from the rest of the house) and go in every hour or so to see if they want to have a run around in the garden or go for a wee or something.

I think it would all depend on the degree of nervousness of the person who's come to visit. I think the personality and temperament of the dog comes into it a lot too.

[Edie St Pierre]

dog whispering

What's a GSD by the way?

[MsD]

dog whispering

Good sized dogs?

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

dog whispering

LaVerte, why can't you just tell them that you have a bit of a problem with the dog? I have a lot of sympathy for your situation. My parents inherited my uncle's sheepdog Spot, who is a lovable old slob. But she's awful smelly, and very unhygenic. I'm on industrial strength immunosuppresants, so I don't touch her or go near her, and am uneasy that she lives indoors.

Now you'd think it was easier to bring up the topic with your parents, but my mam giggles at me, and says "This is spot's home, who are you to be setting rules" before giving the dog something to eat, and generally makes it clear that Spot is now No. 1 child in our family, while giggling.

I'm sure that whatever you say to these people, you'll be taken more seriously than I am by my parents. but if you're uneasy about it, you just have to let them know, otherwise it is all you will be thinking about.

[Janik]

dog whispering

Geometric Standard Deviation. But probably not in this context [Google suggests German Shepherd].

[Amor de Cosmos]

dog whispering

San Bernardhinault wrote:
But it's all about how Laverte can act, and not what she can ask of, or expect from, her hosts.

Is there anything she can reasonably ask of the dog owners? Can you ask that the dog be in a different room when they're eating; or that the owners tell the dog to sit/wait/stay every time it approaches her? Is this overstepping the bounds of what you can expect a host to do? Is there any way of comfortably asking the hosts to change their regular environment - disprupting their lives and their dog's life?

(I ask for Laverte in the third person, but I'm really asking for myself).

As I mentioned previously, she/you are visiting the people not the dog. You have to be able to talk about your issues with them openly, and discuss how far they're willing — or able — to deal with them.

What degree of fear do you/she have? If you're genuinely terrified of being in a canine's presence, then maybe a visit is not on.

Something as simple as not having a dog present when you're eating shouldn't be hard to deal with. Most dogs, if they've been recently fed, won't be particularly interested in hanging out around a dining table, unless they're used to being fed scraps from the table (bad owners!) If they do then they need to be in another room (which, for sure raises other potential issues: barking, whining scratching etc.)

Basically if you own a dog there's no expectation that others should make allowances for it. If you want to entertain people, then your dog must behave accordingly. As with most things full and early communication by all concerned is key.

What do you guys do when someone who's scared of dogs come to stay?

A stay can be dealt with (see above,) an unannounced visit is more of an issue. Last week a friend of La Signora's came for coffee, and brought someone we didn't know who was scared of dogs. Fortunately I was home, so Phoebe stayed with me in my office. Which was fine. If I hadn't been home, and she'd been shut in a room by herself she'd probably have cried. In that situation the best solution might be that the humans go out for coffee.

[Femme Folle]

dog whispering

German Shepherd Dog.

[evilC]

dog whispering

Yeah, GSD = German Shepherd Dog in most cases, or 'Alsatian', in common parlance (even though Alsace is in France, of course!).

However, it's often more accurately a Belgian Shepherd Dog, depending on the type. There's Tervuren, Groenendael, Malinois and Laekenois, plus probably several others I don't know about.

[linus]

dog whispering

Mat wrote: Some really good advice on here.

Also, you didn't say how long it had been since you last visited. Dog's really do mellow-out a lot once they stop being puppies. They're less inclined to run around like the Road Runner on crack, and often only start messing around and playing when they're given an invite to or something.

I hope it goes well and you have a nice time anyway.

GSDs are fairly high-maintenance dogs, and if they're kept in small apartments, as most dogs are in french cities, they might not mellow out.

[caja-dglh]

dog whispering

You really ought to mention it. Our English Bulldog is an over enthusiastic idiot. We love her. However, we are well aware that she is annoying and she often gets shut away at our call before other people even say she is annoying and some people have told us directly she is annoying at which point it is pre-requisite. She won't bite but she is just an over excited idiot and a problem as such*. And nearly six, so never going to learn now (that and stubborn like any bulldog is meant to be).

Now, my sister-in-law is a horror about it. But she annoys us because she has basically trained her daughter to be scared of dogs ("I would be scared too - look at those big scary teeth" is her way of comforting her daughter who is scared of dogs... not sure how much of that is conditioning). Still, when they visit she is shut outside or upstairs. The only downfall is that they want us to visit them always, as they are way more wealthy, and it makes the dog sick as she makes herself ill with the anxiety of being away from us. So we basically said no to a thanksgiving invite as we know it would cost us about $1000 in board and medicine after a trip away. I am not sure they understand that side of things.

Anyway - people visiting us we always make every effort to make the dog out of the way or as calm as possible. She limits us visiting them as she is weird.

I guess some folk aren't aware how it affects other people - with all the political nonsense going on it becomes pretty obvious that many people don't think very far outside what they want. So mention it. I really hope they would then at least make an effort.

* I regularly have to pin a 50lb dog to the ground as someone comes in the house as she will knock over anyone and anything to enthusiastically say hello. After 15 minutes she basically falls asleep but that 15 minutes feels like an eternity.

[caja-dglh]

dog whispering

TLR - my dog is a twat but I am aware of it. We try our best to control it and it annoys us, but maybe some people just don't do that. So tell them as it should certainly help make some improvement.

[ad hoc]

dog whispering

I'm with laverte and San Bernardhinault here. Luckily I don't have many friends who have dogs, and those that do tend to have somewhere outside that the dog lives for the most part. So it's not a big problem for me, but it has been in the past.

And while I think the advice to tell them and explain is the right one, it is, I know, quite difficult to do. We cynophobes seem baffling to cynophiles, and it does sometimes seem like we're asking them to keep their baby in another room.

[jameswba]

dog whispering

I like dogs and, given the right circumstances and 'right type' of dog*, I'd be happy to look after a friend's dog for a few days.

But I have no time for people who can't understand why others might not want their dog sniffing round them and their stuff, trying to lick them etc.

*I don't mean breed, just that I would only want a dog that was comfortable with the owners not being there, wouldn't bark or howl whenever it was left alone and wasn't unpredictable around other people or other dogs.