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    How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

    ...than you did?

    The boy is now 15. When I was 15, I was smoking, drinking booze and dabbling with dope. I am not stupid, I know that he is trying some combination of these now or will fairly soon. I know, to a certain extent, that there is nothing I can do about it. I am certainly not, however, one of these parents that tries to be his friends and overtly condone him doing any of this. He has, like I did, a lot of freedom and, like I did, will go out in the morning and not come back until later that night. Lots of time to indulge in whatever. I have obviously had the talks with him about booze, drugs etc. and, to an extent, have a lot of faith in the foundations of his upbringing that will, God willing, keep him away from purposefully doing some thing too stupid.

    However, if it were just dope, booze and fags, I would feel a little bit more secure. I know that skink is much stronger than it was when I was a kid but it is, at least, not an immediate danger. I do know that there are different things around such as nitreous oxide which is everywhere presently amongst kids. I have spoken to him about this as well (as much as I know). I am fairly sure that stuff such as ecstasy and acid has reduced in popularity but I know that there are other pharmaceutical pills and whatnot around.

    I know that, the more you tell kids to stop things, the more they are going to want to do it. As I say though, I do think it is important not to condone drug use or boozing at this age, to warn against the dangers and give information about what is around. This is pretty much all my parents could and did do and I still went and did stupid stuff. Have I got anymore chance with my child to stop him possibly harming myself?

    #2
    How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

    Every kid is different. I remember my dad telling me that I reminded him of himself and that he wanted to help me avoid making the same mistakes he did. I appreciated knowing that, because before he told me, I just thought he was an asshole.

    On the other hand, my youngest sister was never any trouble. That's just her personality.

    I'm glad I don't have kids.

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      #3
      How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

      I never had any interest in doing drugs of any kind. Maybe he'll be a square like me.

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        #4
        How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

        I was honest with my son about what I did, told him that I expect that he'll want to experiment, and gave him some good advice about smoking dope or getting mindlessly drunk only around people you know and trust.

        I also presided over the first time he got drunk, which sort of demystified alcohol-consumption as a unilateral declaration of independence.

        It seems to have worked quite well. His acts of rebellion have been to get a couple of tattoos (including his mom's and dad's names in Arabic), which I objected to. Worse tings could have happened.

        No doubt his temperament helped -- he is pretty level-headed anyway.

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          #5
          How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

          My sons are all far better than me, especially when it comes to booze, which had the best of me for a while. The credit goes to their Mum (and me for showing them what an idiot even a non-violent drunk blokes looks like).

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            #6
            How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

            Interesting question. My wife was - and, for those of you that may have been wondering, she has zero compunction about this being known whatsoever, though obviously it's not something that she opens with at cocktail parties - addicted to heroin for some considerable time, so it's a subject that hangs heavy in the air over our child's upbringing.

            Her viewpoint is that, at such a time at which it may become necessary, she will have a full and frank conversation with him about it all. The costs of that lifestyle are so many and varied that if she can't horrify him away from it should he sail close to the wind, then no-one will be able to. I don't know where she'd stand on him getting tattoos. She has fifteen (or some improbably high number) of them herself, so I doubt she'd say much more than "be safe."

            She might have died every day for several years and some of her friends - who, through Facebook, have become my friends as well - are still addicted now and fighting what sometimes feels like a losing battle to get off it. If she can impress upon him that she was the lucky one because she's still alive, then it should be manageable.

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              #7
              How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

              A semi-serious answer would be to make sure you hide your stash. I say this based on the experiences of friends of mine whose teenage boys (not the girls interestingly, but that may just be a coincidence) have discovered their parents stash of drugs. So, if I were you and had friends who still indulged I'd advise them to make sure their gear is under lock and key, as otherwise their kids will almost certainly root it out.

              I wouldn't worry about Nitrous Oxide, by the way. As for ecstasy, I think it's undergoing a bit of a renaissance at the moment, mainly in the form of MDMA crystals. But, as you know, alcohol is the biggest danger to your kids.

              This is going to sound ridiculous, but I reckon you can tell from a relatively young age whether your child will be the kind who will experiment as a youngster or be more cautious. I'm waiting for someone to disabuse me of this notion and knock me out of my complacency.

              Edit: Coincidentally, I quite liked this explanation as to why drugs are illegal.

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                #8
                How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                I know that skink is much stronger than it was when I was a kid
                Is that the stuff that Inspector Clouseau smokes?

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                  #9
                  How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                  No, he's just bang into fish soup.

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                    #10
                    How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                    Incandenza wrote: I never had any interest in doing drugs of any kind. Maybe he'll be a square like me.
                    And me. High five!

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                      #11
                      How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                      I liked the idea of drugs but was terrible at them so gave up out of embarrassment.

                      (On a slightly more serious note, as a result I've little idea how I'll give advice to my kids on this one.)

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                        #12
                        How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                        Skink.

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                          #13
                          How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                          Drugs always made me feel worse, not better. Booze, I quite liked. I've not had a drop in over 18 months now.

                          I talk to my kids openly about drugs, but we also have the ability to point to Mrs WOM's brother for 'what it can do to your brain and your life'. I think they get that, even if it seems cruel to use a family member to make a point.

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                            #14
                            How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                            meregreen wrote: I wouldn't worry about Nitrous Oxide, by the way.
                            Hmmm, I know what you mean but there is one death a year and, if it is your kid, that is one too many. Also, he does have asthma. I take your point though.

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                              #15
                              How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                              If you can keep him off the discussion forums, you'll be doing well.

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                                #16
                                How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                I had nitrous oxide at the dentists last year. I laughed and laughed and laughed, and the more I tried to stop laughing, the more I laughed.

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                                  #17
                                  How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                  Thank you, I think.

                                  Were you prescribed it or did you take your own capsules?

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                                    #18
                                    How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                    Did you even have an appointment?

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                                      #19
                                      How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                      Two years ago I inhaled nitrous oxide every 3 to 5 minutes for 16 hours straight. It's amazing stuff. Consultants kept walking into my room, looking at my charts and asking how long I'd had an epidural in for (I was in the middle of an induced labour that meant very intense and frequent contractions) and doing a double take when the midwives said 'she hasn't had one, she's just on nitrous'. Unbelievably it's not legally available to women in the US who give birth. In the UK the hospital birthing rooms literally have about six outlets in the wall that pump the stuff directly to you (mixed with oxygen) so that you can plug in a breathing tube wherever in the room you feel like being. Trying to get through birth without it would be horrific, I imagine you'd just have to have an epidural a lot sooner.

                                      The hospital I'm looking at for birth this time round (we're moving house soon) includes the pleasing sentence 'Gas and air (nitrous oxide and oxygen), water (i.e. birthing pools) and morphine are all available on the midwife led unit.' Judging from last time though they're a bit stingy with the morphine. I was only allowed two morphine pills after a caesarian, probably a bit too moreish to give you any more!

                                      No idea how you stop kids messing up more than you did. My oldest is only just in toddler stage so I'm in total denial about the future realities of raising a teenager.

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                                        #20
                                        How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                        'Drug crazed mother in charge of toddler. Pictures at 8"

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                                          #21
                                          How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                          Ha ha, my wife had nitrous for 36 hours and as much diamorphine as she was allowed to be given - I think she was allowed it every two or three hours for some period of time, but I forget how long it was. To be honest, that entire period feels like long weird, psychedelic nightmare. Worthing hospital has all the stuff that Balderdasha mentions above. The birthing pool only seemed to be a limited help, but it was some help and she needed as much as she could get.

                                          Her woozy-headed response to it all was something like "this isn't as much fun as I thought it might be." And this is the woman who did everything to excess. On my list of parental concerns, I'd put nitrous oxide as being just about at the bottom. One death per year is a tiny, tiny number. (Oh, and I've used it recreationally - didn't do anything much for me, and only lasted for a minute or so.)

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                                            #22
                                            How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                            My eldest son did his own mistake and lesson taking, which also served as a good demo to the two youngest.
                                            We had warned him about the perils of drinking too much; but I knew he wanted to find out for himself. And for a time was saying stuff, how he felt he had never got really drunk and was disappointed.
                                            So when he was 17, the Fête de Musique came around, this happens all across France on midsummers day (thanks to good old Jack Lange), and all the towns and cities become a huge music festival.
                                            Sounds nice and chilled; but it seems to be the worst night for piss headed behaviour in the younger members of society, and the police are out in force.
                                            Eldest son troops off with his mates into Strasbourg.
                                            About 9h30 that night we get a garbled message from one his mates, he's in trouble, and we need to get him.
                                            We tracked him down to a makeshift emergency tent thing, where he was being physically restrained, totally off his head. No charges were going to be brought, the emergency services , are very worried not because of violence; but Strasbourg has a lot of deep water around with rivers and canals, and drunk twits sink like stones. So we haul him back home, and he is unrecognisable in manner and spirit to we have ever seen him - totally scary.
                                            At home , his younger brothers are transfixed by his performance (not so his Mum). I stay up all night with him checking he doesn't do a Jimi - and next day he is mortified when everything is relayed to him.
                                            Now it is difficult for him to have a lot to drink , his lack of memory of that night really scared him, and his brothers are terrified of drinking.
                                            That will change and now he off at Uni, I am sure he's necking it down. But I think he sort of learnt.

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                                              #23
                                              How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                              How popular is nitrous oxide? If one death per year is a meaningful statistic it must be used by almost no-one.

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                                                #24
                                                How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                                Sam wrote: How popular is nitrous oxide? If one death per year is a meaningful statistic it must be used by almost no-one.
                                                Or it's not very dangerous.

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                                                  #25
                                                  How do you stop your kids making worse mistakes

                                                  My daughter is 12 and mentioned that she smells pot in her middle school's bathrooms sometimes. I don't worry about her too much, she's a pretty cautious person. Mrs. Renart and I have been frank about our own experiences with drugs, and that of people we know (or knew). I told her I can't stop her if she is determined to try anything, but I recommend caution. But I've also told her I'll come pick her up with no judgment if she's in a dangerous situation.

                                                  Frankly I'm more worried about my son when he gets to be a teenager. (He's six now.) He's not cautious at all and has an addictive, obsessive personality. (And likes music that's either heavy and banging, or psychedelic and weird.)

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