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John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

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    John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

    So, this was how my evening went yesterday.

    Part I

    I was meant to play Squash for my local team. We were away to March, the County Champions for the past two seasons. We were not excepting things to go well. It was also close to our longest away trip of the season.

    No matter. We had a plan. The skipper, who works in Cambridge, would pop home, get his stuff, pick me up from my house, collect our top string player from the station (he works in London), pick up one other up on the way. The fifth player (our 2nd strongest) would meet us there as he was coming from a different direction.

    Then this happened.

    At this point I only noticed the news on the Foxton incident. More on the other queues later.

    The skipper was stuck on the wrong side of the railway line from his stuff, but the right side for the game. Our no.1 was in a train that had stopped at Baldock and wasn’t seemingly going anywhere, as the railway was also shut (obviously).

    So, OK, I will collect the skippers stuff from his wife, drive to Baldock to get the other guy, head back, pick up the other player who lives in the local area, nip around the obstruction on back roads known to locals. Sorted [and if you think this took a single phone call to arrange...]. We also warned the home team of problems ahead.

    As I drive home from work to begin stage one of this convoluted plan, a van pulls blindly out of a side road and crashes into the side of my car.

    FFS.

    #2
    John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

    Part II

    My car is damaged, but driveable. However I now need to sort this out. More phone calls. The skipper has worked his way around the problem and is heading back home. He can collect his own kit (and see his wife and kids, if only to say ‘hello, goodbye’!). The no.1 player’s train has got him home, as the train company are pushing trains on to get people as close as possible before stacking them just before the line closure. So the skipper can collect people instead of me. I will make my own way after I’ve talked to the insurance company.

    That gets sorted, though a mistake in also wanting to deal with a dented bumper from a previous recent incident with a drain pipe that leapt out at me (OK, that one was clearly my fault!) means it is going to cost me the excess on my policy. Still, at least my car will not be battered and bruised when I get it back. Worth it? Maybe.

    Out I trundle to the game. I’m going to be late, but not too late. I have two potential routes, which are pretty even stevens in terms of journey time, one around Cambridge, the other via Huntingdon. I reject the Hunts one, as that will be the direction most people are bailing to in order to get around the shut level crossing. The back routes are noticeably busier than normal, but flowing freely. It is all going swimmingly.

    Then I get around Cambridge and run into the other A10-closing accident. First u-turn. I’ve not got satnav (I know the route, I’ve done it countless times, again more on that later), so look at a map and spot the route via Cottenham. The alternatives are huge detours, which will take half-an-hour or more. So I aim for Cottenham.

    I get this detour wrong once, and end up back on the A10, a bit further north. U-turn no.2. This costs an additional few minutes. Then, once past Cottenham, I hit the queue. It seems I’m not the only person trying this alternative route, as the police had tweeted to warn everyone. It takes 45 minutes to travel 5.4 miles from Cottenham to Wilburton.

    Comment


      #3
      John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

      Part III

      Once past Wilburton, the roads are really quiet. It is as if no-one can get through, or something. The only stop is in a layby to answer a phone call from the skipper wondering how I was getting on. Helpful any?

      Get to March. Drive past a driveway. Think it looks like the drive to the Squash club (which, again, I’ve been too many, many times). U-turn no. 3. It isn’t the Squash Club, it’s a school. The driveway looks nothing like the drive to the Squash Club. This gives an indication of how flustered I am. U-turn no.4.

      Finally show up at 9:10pm for a match that started at 7:30. All other strings are played. Our no.2 hasn’t made it, as he got caught in even worse north of Cambridge jams than me. So everyone has to shift up a spot. My opponent is a really strong player, maybe as good as anyone I’ve ever played competitively.

      This is where, in an American film, the Squash gods would smile and I would somehow win. The ‘journey’ would have been a learning experience. Yeah, right. To beat this guy, I would have to play at my maximal level, and even then I would need some luck. Jumping straight from a car to the court it is pretty well guaranteed to disallow playing brilliantly. I play OKish, at best. And lose 2-11 4-11 3-11 in around 20 minutes. Well that was worth it.

      Comment


        #4
        John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

        Part IV?

        I drove past a number of speed cameras a bit fast once I got past the last jam. Hopefully not fast enough to trigger them. Shouldn’t have been more than 10% above the limit on any...

        Oh, and I’m playing again this evening. Fingers crossed.

        John Cleese’s character never got to where he was going in Clockwise, did he? So ner, I’ve got one on that fictional creation.

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          #5
          John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

          That link in part 1 doesn't work Janik. I've now looked up the news story, for obvious reasons, and this is it I presume http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Police-incident-closes-A10-Foxton-trains-Hitchin/story-27941618-detail/story.html

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            #6
            John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

            Bloody hell Janik, that's some serious slog. Yes, afraid that the Cottenham cut-through is very well known so I'm not surprised that got clogged up too. Both incidents were fatal, too, which is sobering. Your link isn't working, by the way, but obviously this is the two fatalities yesterday - a woman hit by a train, and a van driver killed by a Mick George HGV ploughing into him at Chittering. Terrible.

            Incidentally, had you discarded the Bassingbourn, Papworth Everard, Fenstanton route...?

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              #7
              John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

              Well done Janik, you didn't let the team down.

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                #8
                John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                It is easy to focus on oneself, isn't it? I'm assuming the Foxton one was a suicide, as the police 'are not treating it as suspicious'.

                As for cutting across from Papworth, I hadn't considered that one. However it suffers from the same problem of the A1198 being close to capacity anyway and seriously overfull with all the A10's traffic as well. It was the one that did for our 2nd string player, so maybe that is a good thing I didn't think of it.

                Discussion of the back roads of Cambridgeshire. Inclusive stuff... ;-)

                Maybe the opportunity for others to post their own transport sagas?

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                  #9
                  John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                  edit: already too late

                  Comment


                    #10
                    John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                    Janik wrote: It is easy to focus on oneself, isn't it? I'm assuming the Foxton one was a suicide, as the police 'are not treating it as suspicious'.
                    Or an accident, surely?

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                      #11
                      John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                      They wouldn't make the decision that there was nothing for them to investigate so quickly if it was an accident. I'm pretty sure that that phrasing is a coded way of saying what happened.

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                        #12
                        John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                        Even if the victim were suffering from some form of dementia and had a history of wandering off?

                        Though, I'm definitely getting into the realms of unwarranted speculation there, so I'll stop this unpleasant line of discussion.

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                          #13
                          John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                          There's something innately Partridgesque about this thread.

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                            #14
                            John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                            John Cleese's character did get to his conference in Clockwise, but turns up late, covered in mud, half naked, and being closely pursued by police on suspicion of child abduction and car theft.

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                              #15
                              John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                              I only checked this thread to make sure he wasn't dead. (John Cleese, not Janik. I'm pretty sure he isn't. Janik, not John Cleese).

                              Comment


                                #16
                                John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                I saw Cleese perform last week. He is touring Florida with Eric Idle. Mainly it is anecdotes, clips, songs and audience Q&A. Good stuff, nothing groundbreaking, given their age, obviously.

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                  About 11/12 years ago I decided on the sort of spur of the moment decision I'm known to indulge in to go and watch Shrewsbury at Bury.

                                  The radio told me, just in time, that the M6 was closed north bound due to a RTC enabling me to get off the motorway at Stoke.

                                  I got lost somewhere in Stoke trying to find the next junction on the M6 to avoid the closure and ended up going toward Derby. I managed to navigate my way around the countryside using A roads found from a 1998 AA road map with missing and ripped pages. I remember it involved Buxton and Macclesfield.

                                  Eventually at about 2.45 I found myself on the M60/M66 only for the radio to tell me the game was off.

                                  The Shrewsbury team coach was stuck between junctions due to the RTC and obviously couldn't go anywhere.

                                  Lucky though no one was killed.

                                  Comment


                                    #18
                                    John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                    I was driving long before I fully grasped the geography of Toronto. One day I was heading home along the main highway that bisects the city (the 401) when the traffic ground to a halt. I saw an exit sign for Eglinton Ave West. I lived near the end of Eglinton Ave East so I thought "Yeah, that'll do it."

                                    I soon learned that Eglinton is about 45 or 50 km long, with probably 100 stoplights and major intersections. It also narrows for a long while near the middle, with buses and cars parked on both curb lanes.

                                    I recall it took me three or four hours to finally get home. Probably would have been 30 minutes if I'd stayed on the 401.

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                      Hope your next squash match is less logistically demanding, Janik.

                                      Car travel really sucks sometimes. And train travel. Staying at home, or just going places you can get to by bicycle or on foot, is usually much easier and more enjoyable if you have the option.

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                        One question. After you became aware of the Foxton tragedy, did no one think of calling the March club and ask to reschedule?

                                        Comment


                                          #21
                                          John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                          Tangentially related, my husband and I were discussing this story today:

                                          http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/sep/29/samaritans-network-rail-prevented-1000-suicides-three-years

                                          For those who can't be bothered to click through to the link, essentially the Samaritans have been running training courses for national rail staff in how to spot passengers who are in mental distress or potentially considering suicide, how to approach them and get them to safety. This is undoubtedly a good thing, though sad that it's needed.

                                          One thing that has always stuck with me from the small amount of sociology I studied at university is how suicide rates, while seeming very much like an issue for individuals, can be heavily affected by structural societal causes, and how rates can be reduced. For example, China is one of the only countries in the world where the female suicide rate is higher than the male rate. There are many cited reasons, but one of the odd ones is that women worldwide usually choose to ingest something if they want to commit suicide and Chinese women have a lot of access to lethal pesticides, whereas women in the UK opt for paracetamol which is less effective.

                                          Comment


                                            #22
                                            John Cleese – pah, no stickability, that man

                                            Amor de Cosmos wrote: One question. After you became aware of the Foxton tragedy, did no one think of calling the March club and ask to reschedule?
                                            We did tell them we might struggle to get there. But then it looked like there were ways around the jams. As, in fact, they were if one didn't chose the wrong flip of a coin (or had a satnav switched on!).
                                            Three of our five were only slightly late, and I was there eventually. Fixture fulfilled, move on.

                                            No problems (off the court) tonight. On it, I found an exciting new way of being very frustrated. After being thrashed in March, I added blowing a two games to one lead in Huntingdon. Bleergh.

                                            Comment

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