"Aren't they sweet?"

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Two days ago. Just two days ago, my wife looks at our two pet cats (approx. 1 year old) as they tuck into the food we've just put out for them, and says "aren't they sweet?".

"No," I scoff. "They're totally cynical predators, not remotely sweet."

I think I called that one right. The missus is out this morning taking our 4 year old to tap dancing class. I pop down to the kitchen to make a coffee. Crikey, what a mess, I thought Maggie was over getting paint all over the floor like that. Oh, lots of feathers too, shit, that's not paint. Ah, yes, just in the next room, there's Lily playing with the carcass of what looks like a baby pigeon.

And now Lily's moaning at me because I chased her off and got rid of her catch.

We got cats because we spotted a live mouse in our kitchen. One dead bird in 2 months of outdoor access since we got them is still a reasonable price to pay for the absence of live rodents I suppose.

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

"Aren't they sweet?"

My two are coming up to 3 years old, and between them have offed at least 25 birds and rodents that we know of (the ones they've brought home). Frankie (the tom) once brought a live and completely unharmed magpie into the house that was bigger than him, and hid from it as it flew up and down the hallway shrieking at him (and us). Magpies are fucking terrifying when they're enraged and flying at you in an enclosed space, I can tell you.

[DCI Harry Batt]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Why did you get two for mousing? One is enough, surely?

[MsD]

"Aren't they sweet?"

I'm getting to be a fair mouser myself, just caught the third one this week. Young cat brings them in unscathed and they run behind things.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

"Aren't they sweet?"

TT, my missus went soft over their photos on the website of the local Cat Protection branch, and they were for adoption as a pair, being litter-mates. To be honest, it is fun to have two.

[Geoffrey de Ste. Croix]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Jean Jacques Rousseau and James Boswell have a similar conversation 250 years ago:

[Janik]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Evariste Euler Gauss wrote: Two days ago. Just two days ago, my wife looks at our two pet cats (approx. 1 year old) as they tuck into the food we've just put out for them, and says "aren't they sweet?".

"No," I scoff. "They're totally cynical predators, not remotely sweet."

Ooh, its the monthly 'cats are evil' thread.

For what its worth, but EEG and EEG's wife are right. Cats are sweet, dead-eyed killers.

[Patrick Thistle]

"Aren't they sweet?"

The only thing more annoying about the antisocial murderous behaviour of cats is the simpering moronic worship of them by some humans.

When I complained about the neighbourhood cats shitting in my backyard I was firmly corrected by a work colleague who told me that cats are "clean" and "they bury their mess" and are therefore "better than dogs."

So I must just be hallucinating the cat shit all over my back yard then?

It's that kind of blind spot that makes me judge all cat owners as soft-minded.

[Alderman Barnes]

"Aren't they sweet?"

If there was one thing I could wish for on this site, it would be an automatic Cat Thread Deletion Algorithm.

No-one ever emerges from these things with any dignity.

[Bizarre Löw Triangle]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Cats are ace. If nothing else, the fact that they domesticated themselves rather than being domesticated by humans is pretty cool.

[Auntie Beryl]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Cat - note the singular - shits all over my tiny lawn. No one else's, just mine.

Little fuck.

[DCI Harry Batt]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Auntie Beryl wrote: Cat - note the singular - shits all over my tiny lawn. No one else's, just mine.

Little fuck.

Kill it.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Well, nobody has to post on, or even read, the cat threads if they don't want to. I would normally post personal trivia like this on my FB page instead, but I can't with this topic as I'm FB friends with one of my sisters who is rabidly anti-cat, largely for bird-loving reasons, and this news would have been a bit of a red rag to her which would not have ended well for either of us.

[DCI Harry Batt]

"Aren't they sweet?"

I love cat threads. Keep 'em coming.

[Janik]

"Aren't they sweet?"

TonTon wrote:

Cat - note the singular - shits all over my tiny lawn. No one else's, just mine.

Little fuck.

Kill it.

Yes, kill things for behaving how they would naturally.
It is quite a human reaction, I suppose.

[linus]

"Aren't they sweet?"

A cat's life is far less important than that of the dozens of wild birds it will kill in its lifetime.

[DCI Harry Batt]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Janik wrote:

Cat - note the singular - shits all over my tiny lawn. No one else's, just mine.

Little fuck.

Kill it.

Yes, kill things for behaving how they would naturally.
It is quite a human reaction, I suppose.

You're right, he should kill its owner first.

[Janik]

"Aren't they sweet?"

linus wrote: A cat's life is far less important than that of the dozens of wild birds it will kill in its lifetime.

And the wild birds are far less important than the dozen of worms/other birds/whatever that those will also kill.

Rating some creatures lives as more important than others is moronic.

[Guy Profumo]

"Aren't they sweet?"

TonTon wrote:

Cat - note the singular - shits all over my tiny lawn. No one else's, just mine.

Little fuck.

Kill it.

[MsD]

"Aren't they sweet?"

A lot of wild birds kill each other, or are killed by other species (squirrels rob nests etc.). Maybe the killers should be put on trial.

My old cat caught very few birds of any type (about 5 in his 17 years) and the two I have now (1 foster, 1 rescue) haven't caught any birds to my knowledge. The younger cat captures frogs and mice and I catch them and release them. Domestic cats that slaughter loads of birds are fairly few and far between.

I do think there are too many cats and dogs (for their own good) and there ought to be a ban on breeding.

But they're ace in their own right.

[DCI Harry Batt]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Could we make a law that all cats and dogs have to be neutered or whatever?

[MsD]

"Aren't they sweet?"

I wish.

It's one of those things parties seem to think is trivial, and it is compared to some other things, I guess, but it would make a big difference and could be funded from donations and enacted by volunteers. There are tens of thousands of abandoned animals in shelters, and many more living rough (as opposed to those who were born feral) or not being cared for adequately, and/or not being supervised, so they're a nuisance to their neighbours (barking, unwalked, lonely dogs). Or worse, being used for dogfighting practice etc. etc.

I wouldn't want to end up with no cats or dogs, but we are a long way from that happening, and we could review the policy once all the homeless pets were rehomed. Then, I'd enforce the licensing and it would be easier to make sure people were being responsible owners.

The law has to be updated in some way to reflect the dramatic increase in cat and dog ownership, and hopefully to reflect the fact that we give a shit about animal welfare and the environment.

Don't get me started on animal breeders.

[Lucy Waterman]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Question to those whose cats keep killing birds: dies your cat have a bell on its collar? Because that tends to mess Mr Predator right up.

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

"Aren't they sweet?"

Yes; and it doesn't seem to make any difference. Maybe birds are deaf. Or, I suppose, maybe it keeps the kill rate to 1 or so a week, instead of the ten per day they'd be getting otherwise. My cats are predominantly white, as well, so it's not like they're craftily camouflaged. You can see them from miles away.

[DCI Harry Batt]

"Aren't they sweet?"

I must admit to not really getting the "stop cats from killing birds" thing.