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Jokes and Novelties

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    Jokes and Novelties

    Inspired by Dalliance's X-Ray Specs, what did you buy from those tiny box ads on the back of the comics.

    My list:

    Black face soap: 1/10 No one was taken in by a bar of soap a quarter inch thick, with a massive paper label concealing a thimble full of powder paint.

    Sea Monkeys: 5/10 Massive initial disappointment on realising they were the same brine shrimp we were feeding to our tropical fish, but cost more than twice as much. However I did study them more carefully than before, and though I never saw them wave or smile at me — like the ad suggested — there was some minor educational benefit.

    Itching Powder: 7/10 A ridiculously small amount, but sprinkled judiciously on my sister's hairbrush a satisfactory effect.

    Cigarette chokers: 8/10 Tiny sticks of menthol(?) The idea was that you stuffed them in the end of a ciggie, so when someone inhaled they'd start coughing and wheezing. I used the lot on a pack of my Mum's Rothmans. Worked like a treat. She was seriously pissed-off though, and the blow-back was significant.

    Crystal set: 10/10 My first radio. A tiny plastic dish with a cat's whisker, a pair of headphones, and an aerial I attached to the curtain rail in my bedroom. I could listen to the BBC Home Service. In bed! Alone! It was spectacular, for the first time I had control over when (if not what) I could listen to.

    #2
    Jokes and Novelties

    Amor de Cosmos wrote: Black face soap: 1/10 No one was taken in by a bar of soap a quarter inch thick, with a massive paper label concealing a thimble full of powder paint.
    Racist.

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      #3
      Jokes and Novelties

      You could get red face soap too. Would that have been a more appropriate option?

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        #4
        Jokes and Novelties

        Well, you should be blushing, you racist.

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          #5
          Jokes and Novelties

          I don't think any other colours were available. I guess I'll just have to live with my shame.

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            #6
            Jokes and Novelties

            Sea Monkeys - what a scam that was, eh? My sister ordered a couple of 'packets' from the back of an Archie comic to be delivered to our address in England in 1969. Suffice to say, they didn't look much like the 'royal family' that was depicted in the comic. I think one of our cats eventually drank them from the small tank of water in which they were being cultivated. Not exactly a state funeral...

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              #7
              Jokes and Novelties

              Yeah, somebody must have cleaned up big time. Probably the company that sold pet rocks and mood rings.

              I did like the plastic magnifying bubble on the Sea Monkey tank (Oh yes we bought "the palace"), only because I'd never seen one before. I used it to keep my snails in after the original occupants had [ahem] moved on.

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                #8
                Jokes and Novelties

                I too had a crystal set, built from a kit, when i was very small. Completely blew my mind that it operated without power. Kind of still does.

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                  #9
                  Jokes and Novelties

                  The snakes in a mustard jar were fun - the first time.

                  There was a joke shop in town, which provided an extra thrill as it was known to be the place where you bought naughty stuff, not that I ever dared. I can't remember buying anything from the comics though. The newpapers advertised lingerie catalogues, and getting one sent to your friend's address, that was the height of wickedness (and a waste of a postal order).

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                    #10
                    Jokes and Novelties

                    The newpapers advertised lingerie catalogues, and getting one sent to your friend's address, that was the height of wickedness
                    Back in the day, I had a couple of female college friends who took great delight in doing this kind of thing to me: I lost count of the number of times I had to tell stairlift salespeople that I 'wasn't' a chiropodist called Mr Crutchley or similar.

                    In the end, it got so bad that I had to exact my revenge. Being reasonably adept at voice characterisation, I called one of the protagonists under the guise of a legal type accusing her of 'mail fraud' and threatening action - the date, April 1st. (Having been caught on the hop, it didn't occur to her how impossible this would be.) Anyway, it worked a treat and after my telephone 'unmasking', she vowed never to pull the stunt again...

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                      #11
                      Jokes and Novelties

                      Dunno about the lingerie magazines, but once a friend of ours had a party when his parents were away, someone found his stash of wank mags, pulled the staples out and left the individual pages hidden absolutely everywhere about the house. Like slipping them inside the phone book, in between the cereal box and the bag within, all sorts.

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                        #12
                        Jokes and Novelties

                        I did a similar thing to one of my mates, signing him up for all kinds of catalogues for sheds, outdoor furniture and conservatories.

                        Not one of them noticed that his address included the line '7th floor'.

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                          #13
                          Jokes and Novelties

                          Christ, that 'porn' scam is evil. The guy must've surely disowned his friends after that. (His parents having disowned him, presumably...)

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                            #14
                            Jokes and Novelties

                            Jah Womble wrote: Christ, that 'porn' scam is evil. The guy must've surely disowned his friends after that. (His parents having disowned him, presumably...)
                            A female friend of mine once collected her brother's porn stash when he was out of the house, drew underwear on all the models with a black felt-tip pen, then returned everything to its previous location.

                            Evil cow.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Jokes and Novelties

                              Nothing to do with jokes or nudey books, but I remember seeing an advert on the back of one of my uncle’s Spider Man comics for some front forks for bicycles. They had a 90° kink to the front, with the horizontal bit extending for something like four or five feet (or at least that’s what it seemed like through my five-year-old eyes).

                              I pestered my father for ages to order me some of these forks. Aware not only of his own DIY incompetence, but also of the fact that a bike shop would have charged more to change the forks than my bike was worth, he refused. (He probably said something like “They’ll make you look like a right nancy boy”, as that was always his reason for not buying me stuff.)

                              With the benefit of hindsight, I’m glad he didn’t buy them, as they’d have snapped within minutes, probably causing me to be catapulted into the path of an oncoming 332 bus (the one that stops outside Bored’s and my local).

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                                #16
                                Jokes and Novelties

                                Toby Gymshorts wrote: I did a similar thing to one of my mates, signing him up for all kinds of catalogues for sheds, outdoor furniture and conservatories.
                                Heh. We used to fill out McDonald's job applications for a friend of ours as we'd eat our meals. The whole deal; name, address, references, the lot...

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                                  #17
                                  Jokes and Novelties

                                  BEAK wrote: ...pulled the staples out and left the individual pages hidden absolutely everywhere about the house.
                                  Oooo....thanks for jogging my memory.

                                  I stayed over at a girlfriend's house in university when her parents were away. We had a few people over for smokeables and drinkables. The next day, I got up early to go to work and left her a note saying "I've hidden five cigarette butts and five beer bottle caps somewhere in the house....have a good day" etc., never thinking she'd take it seriously. She spent most of the day looking for them. That didn't go over very well.

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                                    #18
                                    Jokes and Novelties

                                    BEAK wrote: Dunno about the lingerie magazines, but once a friend of ours had a party when his parents were away, someone found his stash of wank mags, pulled the staples out and left the individual pages hidden absolutely everywhere about the house. Like slipping them inside the phone book, in between the cereal box and the bag within, all sorts.
                                    I used to work with someone who'd previously worked at the Daily Sport. He told me that he once took several of the hardcore porn magazines that were always lying around the office and cut pictures out of them. He then opened up the news editor's umbrella and dropped the cuttings into it. So when the news editor went to the cashpoint at lunchtime and it started to rain...

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                                      #19
                                      Jokes and Novelties

                                      The most embarrassing thing my Mum said was "I've cleaned your room. I tidied up the magazines under your bed into a pile."

                                      She's not coming over next Christmas.

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                                        #20
                                        Jokes and Novelties

                                        I wouldn't have thought the news editor of the Sport would be prone to embarrassment.

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                                          #21
                                          Jokes and Novelties

                                          I feel that any discussion of fake jobbies needs to break them down by brand. The quality is so variable.

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                                            #22
                                            Jokes and Novelties

                                            I still reckon the Whoopee cushion takes some beating.

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                                              #23
                                              Jokes and Novelties

                                              Yeah, whoopee cushions, fake dog shit and I had a fake box of cards that when you went to slide out the cards gave you an electric shock. I also liked the wooden and metal puzzles you could get.

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                                                #24
                                                Jokes and Novelties

                                                I'm led to believe (from a younger work colleague) that you never stay logged in to Facebook when your mates are around, lest you have all sorts of relationship statuses and likes put on the public record.

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                                                  #25
                                                  Jokes and Novelties

                                                  I loved your classics like fake dog poo, fake vomit, chewing gum that snaps on your fingers and the whoopee cushion. I could only have dreamt of actual x-ray specs.

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