Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

[Guest]

This incident happened in my late teenage years and I'd be interested in your opinions

My friends and I used to drive out to country pubs. We were a bunch of lanky geeks - so a successful night out was more likely if we found an easy quiz machine rather than going to the crowded pubs to try and meet girls. One night we were returning from a distant pub when I realised I needed to use the toilet. At that moment, we passed another pub that was clearly still open despite the lateness of the hour. Instead of just going behind a bush, I went into the pub and nipped into the loo.

Halfway through my wee the door slammed open and this wild-eyed guy said in a quietly menacing Ray Winstone voice

"Have you been drinking in my pub?"

I shook my head.

"Well, next time you ask if you can use my toilet, alright? Next time YOU BLOODY ASK!!"

I nodded my head and with that he was gone.

Exiting the pub was truly the Walk of Shame.

Do you think he was right to be furious at my casual disrespect? Or was he just a miserable git, after all it was a PUBLIC house and nowhere was there a sign saying

'Toilets for patrons only - lanky non-drinking geeks MUST piss elsewhere'

Grateful for your views.

[Spearmint Rhino]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

I think he was a miserable git.

I doubt he's under any legal obligation to let you piss on his premises, but to prevent you runs against the spirit of a 'public house'.

[Gerontophile]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Of all the things I expected to read on this thread, the subject matter was absolutely not one of them.

He is a git, however, (I think) etiquette would require that you ask the manager, if you are not going to buy a drink.

[Guest]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

There's a pub near me whose bogs are explicitly available to non-customers as part of some kind of local public toilet initiative. There's even a sign 100 yards up the road directing you there, with the symbol for toilets and "in The Railway pub" in brackets.

[hobbes]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

I think he's perfectly right. It's extremely impolite not just use the khazis in a pub without at least asking if you have no intention of drinking there. He didn't tell you you couldn't, just that you should have asked.

[Spearmint Rhino]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

When I'm wandering round North Laine in the daytime, I keep nipping into Komedia for a dump even when I'm not eating in the cafe. I feel slightly guilty about it but I justify it to myself (and rehearse my justification, if challenged) on the basis that, um, I DJed there once and I'm a regular at their club nights and gigs, so I've made my contribution.

Thing is, going back to the original post, what if it was a mum with a small child who desperately needed the loo, or needed a nappy change? Would the licensee be so cunty about it then? I kind of doubt it.

If not, why are the bladders of young single men considered less important?

[Ginger Yellow]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Didn't Ken propose paying pubs to let non-customers use their loos? In the absence of public toilets (ie in rural areas) this seems like a good idea. Surely it's better than rampant pissing in the street.

[Spearmint Rhino]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Mind you, normally I'll buy a token orange juice or coke if I'm stopping in a pub to use their bogs, unless I'm absolutely bursting. (And if I'm bursting and I charge straight to the bogs, I often think "fuck it" when I've shaken off the drops, and walk out without buying anything). So, it's pragmatism rather than a sense of obligation. I don't want to cause a scene, or awkwardness, or whatever.

[Spearmint Rhino]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

This has the potential to be a classic thread, by the way. It's got all the ingredients.

[Mumpo]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

You probably just hit a raw nerve. He'd likely been having problems with his loos being used by all kinds of junkies, thugs and sexual deviants.

In fact, you were probably lucky not to meet any of them.

[Mumpo]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

I use the toilet in Cafe Nero alot if I'm caught short, on account of it being the cleanest in town. When I walk through the door, I try to exude a nonchalant air of 'Hi. Just looking for a seat... I'll be up to buy a latte in a minute', before suddenly swerving off in the direction of the bog.

[Guest]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

McDonalds is a great place to use the bogs, and you can find them in any city in the world. I'd never actually buy anything there, but I'm grateful for their oft-cleaned always available facilities. And obviously as it's McDonalds and all that entails I don't have to feel in the slightest bit guilty about it.

[wingco]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

The toilets at the National Portrait Gallery are an excellent option for those wishing to be excused in the Trafalgar Square vicinity, and disinclined to pay the recently hiked price of 30p at the Charing Cross conveniences.

[Pretend Best Friend]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

I thought it was going to be something along these lines:

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

We've all had a McDump before haven't we?

Oh, ok then just me...

[Guest]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Farringdon Bars, in Farringdon, has two entrances: the main one, and another one where as you go in you can either open an inner door to access the bar, or go straight down the stairs to the toilets.

The Sun in Barnes has a side entrance - to get to the pub itself you have to go past the toilets.

Both pubs therefore offer the chance to use the facilities without even being seen by the staff.

That's all my pub toilet tips. If we get enough together we could start a website. Is www.craftycrap.com taken?

[evilC]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

I, too, try to buy a coke before dashing for the relief of pub loos, if I'm forced to use them - just so I can't be confronted in just such a way by an irate landlord (the only sort there seem to be, around here!).

I think my local council are also thinking of bringing in this same 'pay the pubs to be public loos' scheme, only I think they're actually going to shut all the public toilets in the town (and possibly the borough) too. This is insanity, if you ask me. What if you get caught short at, say, 10am Sunday morning? No public toilets and no pubs open - great!

[Jimmy Bignutz]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

The pub on Paddington station has an entrance which is much nearer to the bogs than the bar, and are free, as opposed to the national rail facilities.

[Guest]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

If you are at London Bridge on your way home and feel you cannot possibly wait till you get home, don't pay 30p or whatever it is for the space-age scary loo on platform 13. the loos on platforms 5/6 are free and there's more than one of them.

[Guest]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Thanks for all your comments.

The original incident obviously got to me. Now if I go into a pub in a toilet emergency (usually one of my kids) I approach the bar like a modern day Uriah Heep. If we're told it's OK to use the facilities my gratitude goes way over the top. I'd imagine it's a fairly pathetic spectacle.

[Ginger Yellow]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

We did the Urinal Etiquette test a few years back. I got all but one right.

[Wyatt Earp]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

In Spain, barmen seem kind of surprised to be asked; it seems to be taken as read that of course you can use the bogs.

[evilC]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Wyatt Earp wrote:

In Spain, barmen seem kind of surprised to be asked; it seems to be taken as read that of course you can use the bogs.

If I needed to go, I couldn't possibly hold on that long, W.E. Thanks for the info, though.

[Wyatt Earp]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

De nada.

[Ball Comrade]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

Most pubs in Finland have a sign either saying 'patrons only' or asking for 50 cents or a euro. Macdonalds has a token system, where the door is locked unless you put a coin in a slot, like the lockers in swimming pools. If you're actually eating there and want to crap without paying, you have to go to the counter and ask for a token.

[AMMS]

Pub Toilet Etiquette - You, The Jury

What I don't understand is why your pals didn't refuse to stop the car when you mentioned your 'need to go', kept driving until you looked like you were going to wet yourself, then let you out and drive away thinking this was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. Obviously, because they were your friends, they would return but they'd have to drive past you slowly a few times, stop up ahead then speed away when you nearly get to them and shout obscenities at you and the size of your manhood. This was all the more funny if it was raining of course.

Also as a teenager he probably assumed you were only in to rob his durex machine.