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    They could ask your mother in law?

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      Ouch.

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        Originally posted by S. aureus View Post
        Why do my kids' schools think that I'm the best person to decide what math courses they should be taking next year?
        How old are your kids to be specialising in maths? Don't they just take maths? (or math, obv)

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          Originally posted by S. aureus View Post
          Why do my kids' schools think that I'm the best person to decide what math courses they should be taking next year?
          I feel this way sometimes when doctors ask you which course of action you want to take. You're the trained medical professional, you tell me which is the most advisable treatment! I get that you need to gain informed patient consent but sometimes the pressure for the individual to decide is a bit much.

          When my son was twelve days overdue, I had to decide between:
          a) do nothing, but a baby staying in more than two weeks overdue carries risks of the placenta failing starving the baby of oxygen b) get induced. This could potentially have led to a natural birth, but if you're induced you only get given 24 hours to give birth before being taken for a caesarean. Last time that I was on synthetic syntocinon I went through 16 hours of contractions every 2-3 minutes without dilating and ended up with a caesarean. Also, being induced puts you at more risk of your womb rupturing if you've had a previous caesarean.
          c) go straight for a caesarean. But then you've definitely got some significant recovery time, and multiple caesareans reduce your chance of being able to have more children in future (the womb can only be opened and sewn up so many times). Caesarean birth also comes with risks of infection, and possibly increases future likelihood of eczema and asthma in a child.

          I wanted the doctors to tell me which was the lowest risk option overall and they couldn't, they just kept telling me I had to decide for myself.

          I went for option c. I think it was the right choice because the surgeon who performed the caesarean told me that the wall of my womb was very thin and a rupture would have been likely if I'd opted for option b, but there was no way to know that beforehand, and there's no way to know whether I'd have actually made it as far as a natural birth or not. I don't regret the decision but I do sometimes wonder whether son's eczema and asthma would be as bad if I'd tried for a natural birth (probably would have just had an exhausting day ending in a caesarean anyway).


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            I feel this way sometimes when doctors ask you which course of action you want to take. You're the trained medical professional, you tell me which is the most advisable treatment! I get that you need to gain informed patient consent but sometimes the pressure for the individual to decide is a bit much.
            Amen sister. The amount of times my GP has said "what would you like me to do?"
            Your fucking job, would be a start, Doc.

            I feel the same about lots of choices. I don't want a choice what school the cub goes to, I want all schools to be really good.

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              Originally posted by S. aureus View Post
              Why do my kids' schools think that I'm the best person to decide what math courses they should be taking next year?
              I have to say that not once in my career as an English teacher did I put that kind of question to a parent. At GCSE level I obviously explained to them the requirements of the syllabus, the choices of literature texts and explained the reasons for changing exam boards (which happened a couple of times) and took any questions they may have had but I didn’t expect them to contribute to the decision making process because that was a job for myself and the department. Parents were always fine with that.

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                Originally posted by hobbes View Post

                Amen sister. The amount of times my GP has said "what would you like me to do?"
                Your fucking job, would be a start, Doc.

                I feel the same about lots of choices. I don't want a choice what school the cub goes to, I want all schools to be really good.
                Amen to all of that. "Choice" is largely a bag of wank.

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                  I agree with Balderdasha and Hobbes about how frustrating it is to be presented with a high array of options by healthcare professionals. I now just ask them what they would do if they were choosing for them. Or I ask them which option they have seen produce the most consistent results / they have the most confidence in.

                  But not everyone can push back like that and a lot of people are steered into choosing to do nothing.

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                    My Internet keeps flaking out. I'm going to have to phone the Virgin Media lose all hope all ye who phone us "helpline"

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                      Thoughts and prayers.

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                        Originally posted by Patrick Thistle View Post
                        My Internet keeps flaking out. I'm going to have to phone the Virgin Media lose all hope all ye who phone us "helpline"
                        You've no fucking chance. I think their customer service department is three people in a beach hut on that island of his, and two of them are playing volleyball while the other is coming back with drinks from the bar.
                        Last edited by Rogin the Armchair fan; 09-12-2022, 11:50.

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                          Originally posted by Nocturnal Submission View Post


                          Looks like it's quite garlanded: http://www.hopecarshalton.co.uk/

                          I wonder if longeared, Capybara or any of the other real ale enthusiasts on OTF know of it?
                          I usually only go to different guide pubs because I happen to be in the area for another reason (ie football) and don't usually make a special outing, so thanks for the recommendation. I might give it a try in the new year.

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                            I took the day off as annual leave today with the intention of buying a Christmas tree.

                            Which of course means that the low level cough I was nursing has erupted into full blown feeling like death symptoms and I probably should have just taken a sick day.

                            Still, I can't really feel too hard done by given that I was on full pay for 4.5 months of sick leave from mid-October 2021 to end-February 2022.

                            Christmas tree buying is on hold. Instead I am spending the day on the sofa drinking Lemsip and feeling sorry for myself and doing the type of household admin that can be done from a reclined position.

                            Currently, I am on hold to Argos due to the fact that one of the clips that holds the two pieces of our new corner sofa together has snapped off already. It is already looking like splashing out for three years of insurance was a good idea. With the battering that our children put sofas through, I suspect this sofa is going to be like the parable of Trigger's broom. We'll probably get at least part of it replaced every six months or so.

                            I am taking it easy for the next three hours because no matter how shit I feel, at 3pm I still have to go and collect the kids from the school and take them to the Christmas fair (husband has dodged this particular bullet as he's running a training course this afternoon).



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                              Christmas tree wise, we're staring into the abyss as IKEA aren't selling them this year and the supermarkets are asking a fortune for them.

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                                We just get ours out of the loft.

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                                  They're pre lit n'all.

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                                    Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                    Christmas tree wise, we're staring into the abyss as IKEA aren't selling them this year and the supermarkets are asking a fortune for them.
                                    Canada is full of trees!

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                                      Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                      Christmas tree wise, we're staring into the abyss as IKEA aren't selling them this year and the supermarkets are asking a fortune for them.
                                      I thought you always got a free Christmas tree from Costco. You know, you go there, eat your body weight in free food samples, buy a rawl plug for a buck fifty and then get a free tree because the sign said "... with EVERY purchase".

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                                        Originally posted by Capybara View Post
                                        I usually only go to different guide pubs because I happen to be in the area for another reason (ie football) and don't usually make a special outing, so thanks for the recommendation. I might give it a try in the new year.

                                        Yeah, it was quite busy with a nice vibe, though the demographics of the patrons were exactly as you'd expect, not that there's anything wrong with 100 middle-aged men loudly and happily talking nonsense . The only hot food on offer seemed to be bowls of a hearty stew, which is probably all you'd want with a pint on a cold evening.

                                        It's a couple of minutes walk from the train station and only a few more from Carshalton Athletic's ground, so it's both quite accessible and handy to combine with a footy trip.

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                                          Yeah, we might need to lower ourselves to free Costco trees, but it hasn't come to that yet.

                                          Two night before Christmas last year, a local grocery story stuck a FREE sign on their remaining half-dozen scraggly examples, and I almost took a picture for you. I fear that we can't chance that happening again.

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                                            Originally posted by Balderdasha View Post
                                            I feel this way sometimes when doctors ask you which course of action you want to take. You're the trained medical professional, you tell me which is the most advisable treatment! I get that you need to gain informed patient consent but sometimes the pressure for the individual to decide is a bit much.
                                            It is all a reaction to the old "Trust me, I'm a Doctor" approach when the medical professional would opt for a treatment course and wouldn't explain at all about it to the patient. Would, indeed, regard questions from the patient as interfering in their work.
                                            The current situation where the medical profession now attempts to bend over backwards to be seen that they are not imposing their choices on patients is a reaction to that, and to the trauma it caused patients. All they need to hear in these situations is "Well, I don't know which is the best as I don't have the necessary expertise to judge. You are the medical professional: I want to hear which option would you advise is the best course, and why you think that is the case". Once they are given licence to rank the options and steer the patient, they ought to be willing to do so - but it has to be the patient who asks them to do that as otherwise they can be accused of effectively the same thing, i.e. leading the patient towards the medics preferred course, which may not have been the patients one.
                                            Last edited by Janik; 09-12-2022, 13:56.

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                                              Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                              Yeah, we might need to lower ourselves to free Costco trees, but it hasn't come to that yet.

                                              Two night before Christmas last year, a local grocery story stuck a FREE sign on their remaining half-dozen scraggly examples, and I almost took a picture for you. I fear that we can't chance that happening again.

                                              I'm going to one of the local farms with a mate tomorrow lunchtime, as per usual. It's a nice little ritual with elements that are performed each year. His autistic son ribs me, his wife criticises her husband's tentatively proposed choice of tree, I buy one of the more expensive nordmann firs and wonder if I shouldn't go for one of the cheaper options, we have a little bit of banter with the guy who sells them and who wears shorts whatever the weather and then we come back to my place for a coffee.

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                                                I should read posts more closely, it seems Balders was asking the medics for a ranking of options. Unfortunately she did so using a particular word - 'risk'. That has an unfortunate connection with another word - 'litigation'. This is why PT's style of asking works well - "If your wife was in this scenario, which option would you be happiest to see her chose?" (same question asked of a female doctor as well as a male one, naturally!). That isn't advice and doesn't open up the potential for the doctor being liable if the course the patient selects goes horribly wrong.

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                                                  Originally posted by ad hoc View Post

                                                  How old are your kids to be specialising in maths? Don't they just take maths? (or math, obv)
                                                  They are 12 and 14.
                                                  For the 12 year old there are two different options for next year, one of which splits into two the following year. I had to sit through an excruciating video on the subject last night, which detailed exactly what the kids would be learning over the next two years for each of the options. At least the first couple of minutes of the video were somewhat helpful as it described what sort of student should go into which option*, before it started on "track A students will learn how to calculate volumes of spheres in month 3 of 7th grade, then move on to..." for what seemed like an eternity, read very slowly indeed (I wasn't paying any attention to the details, so the example is of the type of thing not what was actually said). Anyway, it was pretty clear where to put my daughter next year.
                                                  *Based on the conversation I had with one of my friends while trying to work through all this last night, I think they left out some important details.
                                                  For the 14 year old there seem to be 2 basic options for what to do next year, one of which splits into 3 different sub-options (to be decided now). The guidance provided here was not helpful, though may have been more so to someone who is already familiar with the US school and university system and nomenclature. It was not at all clear to me which option my son should choose, though at least talking with my friend clarified which of the 2 main choices he should do.

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                                                    Originally posted by Patrick Thistle View Post
                                                    My Internet keeps flaking out. I'm going to have to phone the Virgin Media lose all hope all ye who phone us "helpline"
                                                    So I phoned Virgin Omnishambles and the AI confirmed there was an intermittent fault on the line and sent me a text with a link to follow to try and fix it. I clicked on the link but then connectivity returned so I stopped the process.

                                                    The Internet connection has just gone again 3 hours later. I tried the link in the text and got a notice saying the website haa a problem and they're going to try and fix it soon.

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