Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Mundane Thread II

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    My wife and I saw three drag acts in performance in Key West on Saturday. They were very bold and entertaining but it was clearly "a performance", not someone enacting their true gender identity as far as I could tell, unless they usually walked around in that gear grinding on strangers and demanding tips for miming to sexually explicit female hip-hop tracks (plus the obligatory Abba and Donna Summer). My wife loved my reserved British embarrassment, naturally.

    On tour guides, every bus tour I've taken my UK relatives on around Miami has been total bullshit - 'Rihanna lives in this house', 'Al Capone spent some time here.' A total con to get tourist money, often off tourists from the Far East as well as the European and British gullibles. In contrast, Key West tours are fairly informative if somewhat playing up the zany 'Conch Republic' wackiness schtick; but pick a coolish day or it will be heat torture.
    Last edited by Satchmo Distel; 12-02-2019, 02:36.

    Comment


      In the middle ages, when I was honestly employed by the City of Vancouver, a major goose-fed controversy sprang up which kept government employees busy (or what passes for it) for weeks. Stanley Park (the biggest public park in the British Commonwealth trivia fans) is in downtown Vancouver. It's a big tourist draw and home to various forms of wildlife, both rural and urban, including many, many, too many Canada Geese. These, as EIM has mentioned, can be pugnacious buggers regularly harassing visitors for spare change, and peanuts. The altercations finally reached a critical mass, along with the geese, and the city decided to do a cull. But wait. First the Little Old Ladies who lived in the West End, directly adjacent to the park, were seriously P.O'd because they fed the geese every day ( there's nothing scarier to a politician of any stripe than a gang of militant Little Old Ladies.) More importantly however was the question of who was going to pay for the cull, and therefore carry the political can for it. The City deftly tried to shove responsibility over to the Federal Government. These were Canada Geese after all, and they were the Canadian government. The feds were unimpressed. The City received sufficient funds in transfer payments from Ottawa to pay for cull, and they had no intention of getting involved. OK. So, said City Hall what about the Provincial Government? After all geese have wings. There's no actual proof they're permanent residents of the Park "Are you kidding," said Victoria. "We're not getting on the wrong side of this. Especially with an election due." So, eventually the Little Old Ladies won, as they frequently do, and tourists continue to this day to flock to Stanley Park to be mugged by the geese.
      Last edited by Amor de Cosmos; 12-02-2019, 02:38.

      Comment


        What were you actually expecting from a tour of Miami?

        Comment


          I love Key West.

          Comment


            I have a new addiction: LED candles. I have four large pillars and a box of 12 tealights. But there are so many positives about them, if you like candles and candlelight.
            1. They don't give off any toxic fumes or heavy scents that are bad for people and pets
            2. They never shrink, so you don't have to keep replacing them. I don't know if you've shopped for pillar candles, but they can be expensive.
            3. You can fall asleep with them on and the house won't burn down
            4. They have a timer, so if you do #3, you can conserve battery power by having them automatically shut off
            5. If the power goes off, you're all set.

            Comment


              Originally posted by EIM View Post

              When I worked at the cafe in Boggart Hole Clough, two detectives came in asking if I was missing any geese. The cafe was right next to a fishing pond, and Canada Geese were known to mooch around the area. They were a moody bunch, far more moody than the Salford Quays lot, who largely ignored people and instead stared out over the ship canal and gazed longingly at Old Trafford.

              I told the detectives I wasn't really in charge of geese and my remit started and finished at hot beverages and the occasional toastie.

              The detectives looked miffed. They had, they told me, two geese in the back of their unmarked police car. It was shitting absolutely everywhere and they needed rid of it. Apparently they'd found it when executing a warrant on a wanted man in Blackley, North Manchester. In his back garden was a big stock pot, and two geese tied up. So, in the absence of the man they were after, they'd picked them up and stuck them in the car to release them. We were the closest bit of water to Blackley so they figured the geese must belong to us.

              I burst out laughing. "They're in the back of your car? Are they cuffed? Did you read them their rights?"

              They didn't laugh. They pressed on. Are the geese mine? Where did I want them? I told them to just let them go. We'd soon see by how belligerent they were as to whether they were Boggart Hole Clough geese or Salford Quays geese. So they did. They let the geese go, and drove off in shit-covered BMW. To this day I guess those geese are the only passengers in the back of a GMP car to shit everywhere and not get done for it. Well in, geese.

              I realise this sounds entirely made up, but I promise it happened. Lots of mad shit happened there, like the drowned fox. "You've got a drowned fox in the lake, mate." I've not. I'm a cafe. I don't have a pond or a fox. I've got a kettle and a breville.
              i think you and treibeis need to set up some kind of park hut catering twinning scheme between the minigolf huts in Hamburg and the Boggart Hole Clough cafe. I'm particularly interested in the police encounters. though I can't think of any Manchester - based cop shows. google only offers Scott and Bailey and No Offence, neither of which I've watched.

              Comment


                Last night's dream was very mundane. Someone stole my car.

                Comment


                  No Offence is excellent.

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by Third rate Leszno View Post
                    In OTF/real life crossover news, there was a swan sitting down in lane 1 of the Formby by-pass this morning - thankfully just by the lights at Tesco, rather than on the bits where people are doing 60mph, so once a few people had swerved around it, a bloke got out of his car while the lights were on red and chivvied it onto the grass verge, where it promptly settled itself down and resumed watching the traffic.
                    There was one sitting on the cycle side of the millennium (eye) bridge (nearer the Gateshead end) the other morning when I rode across. Not so surprising but it gave me a start and I had to brake quite sharply.

                    Comment


                      I love Stanley Park.

                      Comment


                        Does he reciprocate? Does he even know you exist?

                        Comment


                          Visited. Didn't get mugged by geese. What more can one want?

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by Patrick Thistle View Post
                            To be honest, if a swan attacks a human I'm inclined to believe the human deserved it somehow. They may protest their innocence but they've probably inconsiderately got in the swan's face.

                            "I was just innocently punting down the river between the swan and her nest..."

                            "I was just innocently walking my dog Yappy McYapface who likes barking at swans..."

                            "I was just innocently taking a drunken piss in the canal..."

                            I'm on the side of the swans.
                            The swan that chased me did so for no reason other than that he/she was a bad-tempered bastard and/or wanted to show other swans how hard he/she was and/or wanted to humiliate me.

                            Because I'd done nothing wrong. I'd been walking home from work along a pavement that I had every right to be on (and more right than the swan, as my taxes had contributed to the construction and upkeep of the pavement, whereas his/hers hadn't, as he/she had never paid a eurocent tax in his/her life) and the fucker just went for me, from a distance of at least ten metres.

                            It's none of my business, but you maybe ought to think a bit more carefully about what you're saying before you start propagating this "swans good, humans bad" crap. There are some people, bad people, who, for reasons best kept under wraps, might not approve.

                            Comment


                              I bet you looked at him funny. That will do it.

                              Comment


                                My Dad had a scar on his head from a goose that attacked him when he was a toddler, and one on his lip from a horse kick.

                                Not surprising he never went back to Ireland.

                                Comment


                                  Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                                  It's none of my business, but you maybe ought to think a bit more carefully about what you're saying before you start propagating this "swans good, humans bad" crap. There are some people, bad people, who, for reasons best kept under wraps, might not approve.
                                  There are some tasty characters in and around the unlicensed, bare knuckle swan fighting scene, alright.





                                  Comment


                                    I remember a swan biting my Dad. What he had done to upset the swan was ignore it rather than share his lunch with it. The swan was not having that.

                                    Mr Asbo the swan in Cambridge was clearly driven into his aggression by humans. But once it was ingrained, he attacked indiscriminately. I never got the animal rights groups stance on this - moving him away was clearly to his benefit as well as the human river users. He must have been severely stressed by all the boat traffic to keep trying to attack it.

                                    Comment


                                      Originally posted by MsD View Post
                                      I bet you looked at him funny. That will do it.
                                      Even if I did, he started it. And, even for a swan, his eyes were too close together.

                                      Comment


                                        Originally posted by Benjm View Post
                                        There are some tasty characters in and around the unlicensed, bare knuckle swan fighting scene, alright.




                                        Seeing as Your Man would have been, what, in his late twenties when that photo was taken, he appears to have let himself go a bit too much a bit too soon.

                                        I might be digging myself an early grave here, but I reckon, despite the fact that I'm not a swan, I could have Martin Lee in a fight.

                                        Comment


                                          My mind is conjuring up the most stereotypical soft-porn soundtrack to that photo.

                                          Which is still preferable to most of Brotherhood Of Man's output.

                                          Comment


                                            That photo was taken last week. They were bare knuckle swan fighting with a live piano accompaniment in Gloucester so did the promo shots in B&W for a golden age of silent movies feel.

                                            Comment


                                              Is it just me, or was there just too much f*cking hair in the '70s? I mean, the long-haired '60s had hair, but not that sort of hair.

                                              Comment


                                                Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                                                The swan that chased me did so for no reason other than that he/she was a bad-tempered bastard and/or wanted to show other swans how hard he/she was and/or wanted to humiliate me.

                                                Because I'd done nothing wrong. I'd been walking home from work along a pavement that I had every right to be on (and more right than the swan, as my taxes had contributed to the construction and upkeep of the pavement, whereas his/hers hadn't, as he/she had never paid a eurocent tax in his/her life) and the fucker just went for me, from a distance of at least ten metres.

                                                It's none of my business, but you maybe ought to think a bit more carefully about what you're saying before you start propagating this "swans good, humans bad" crap. There are some people, bad people, who, for reasons best kept under wraps, might not approve.
                                                I'm not saying the swans are good. Just that I'm on their side.

                                                Comment


                                                  My ex father-in-law died on sunday. Heart attack. Not really unexpected but still. He was an interesting guy (although I'm glad I lost touch when I split from my ex, he was a raving Brexiter loon by the end..) and I have fond memories of trips away to the country to watch football, visit pubs and generally go and discover less obvious places in England, it gave me a good idea of the country beyond Manchester after I arrived here.

                                                  Comment


                                                    This is how to deal with a swan:
                                                    https://youtu.be/03VZIfEtN9U

                                                    Comment

                                                    Working...
                                                    X