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    I will do my best to make this possible. It has to be August due to school holidays (our son is 15). The heat doesn't bother me: I lived in Sudan for five years and anything after that is simply a bit warmish.

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      Just looking at the result of the 1918 UK General Election, as you do, and discovered that not only did the none of the leaders of the six main parties have English seats, but two stood in Glasgow constituencies and two of the others were in Fife.

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        Sorry to hear about your cat, SB. Best wishes.

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          Yesterday, I had to descale the water-pump thing on the snazzy high-speed dishwasher at the hut. Because it was the first time I'd done it, I followed the instructions to the letter (as far as was humanly possible; anybody who thinks human translators are superfluous should be given this manual. It reads like a transcript of Stanley Unwin talking in his sleep.)

          Everything went fine and dandy up to the penultimate step. Then something didn't happen that should have happened. After several attempts to make it happen, I rang the hotline.

          Should any of you ever buy a Stalgast 801565 Dishwasher and then have to talk to Herr Wolter about it, just tell him to fuck off. Because Herr Wolter is a copper-bottomed cunt.

          I explained the problem to Herr Wolter, but Herr Wolter didn't listen. All Herr Wolter did was tell me about tubes and valves that a) didn't exist and b) were mentioned with not one syllable in the manual. Herr Wolter delivered his monologue in the same tone as a father bollocking his three-year-old son for "still wetting the bed at your age."

          Herr Wolter's parting shot was enough to make Gerald Ratner cringe with envy. "If you insist on buying cheap crap, then you've only got yourself to blame when it fucks up." Herr Wolter then put the phone down.

          What Herr Wolter didn't know is that one of my regulars is a) a gas-fitter with 50 years' experience and b) a stickler for good manners. When I told him about Herr Wolter, he rang Herr Wolter up.

          Half an hour, and a lot of swear words, later, my regular put the phone down. Not only was the dishwasher working perfectly, thanks to Herr Wolter's instructions, but Herr Wolter had been torn a new one to such an extent that he'll be in nappies for the rest of his days.
          Last edited by treibeis; 11-01-2019, 18:45.

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            Youíre in a hut, youíve got to get out of it.

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              Originally posted by MsD View Post
              Youíre in a hut, youíve got to get out of it.
              I may be in a hut, but I'm also in the groove.

              And you get your apostrophes sorted out before you start lecturing me about life in a hut.

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                I do hope you gave your regular a drink on the house!

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                  Originally posted by MoonlightShadow View Post
                  I do hope you gave your regular a drink on the house!
                  No. I gave him three drinks on the house. This came a day after I'd given him a bottle of whisky for sorting out the sink in the gents' lavatory.

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                    No wonder he comes around regularly.

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                      Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                      I may be in a hut, but I'm also in the groove.

                      And you get your apostrophes sorted out before you start lecturing me about life in a hut.
                      I see nothing wrong with her apostrophes.

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                        Her apostrophes are fine. It's her use of a comma instead of a semicolon that's the issue. Not that it's really an issue; just being pedantic.

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                          Originally posted by Femme Folle View Post

                          I see nothing wrong with her apostrophes.
                          I don't, not now (and I know MsD would rather burn her Vivienne Westwood frocks than misuse apostrophes). It was either her keyboard or a problem with apostrophe display.


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                            Thereís nothing wrong with my keyboard! The board got small!

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                              Going for a Gloria Swanson avatar, eh?

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                                Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                                No. I gave him three drinks on the house. This came a day after I'd given him a bottle of whisky for sorting out the sink in the gents' lavatory.
                                That's how you treat a regular!

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                                  I had a weird dream last night. I was in an A&E type waiting room and overheard the following conversation:

                                  Man 1: Your friend was hurt very badly and the doctor put him down...
                                  Man 2: PUT HIM DOWN? FOR FUCKSAKE HE WAS A HUMAN BEING, NOT A DOG! WHAT KIND OF HOSPITAL IS THIS?
                                  Man 1: ...the hall. In a room. He has been admitted.

                                  I woke up before Man 2 could respond, but I hope his friend gets better soon.

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                                    Originally posted by Sporting View Post
                                    I will do my best to make this possible. It has to be August due to school holidays (our son is 15). The heat doesn't bother me: I lived in Sudan for five years and anything after that is simply a bit warmish.
                                    The heat itself isn't the problem. It's the stuff that starts to smell given the heat that is the problem.

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                                      I got my Mac back with a new keyboard. Such a relief not to have to pound the n key.

                                      I left my iPod with them for repair, they quoted £40, and a week. Best case scenario, both Bose docks are working, so I could have one upstairs and one downstairs.

                                      I might make a lampshade this weekend. In fact, thatís definitely what I will do.

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                                        This lack of apostrophe is a catastrophe.

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                                          Originally posted by MoonlightShadow View Post

                                          That's how you treat a regular!
                                          This is it, you see. I know fuck-all about manstuff, I know fuck-all about microeconomics, I know fuck-all about, well, fuck-all.

                                          But I know what regulars are. At the interview for the hut, I had to say, "No, no idea about crazy golf. No, no idea about running a business. However, me and The Lady I Walked To The Registry Office With, we've got 60 man-years as regulars." And that's why I now do what I do.

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                                            I am starting to visualuse you as Clint Eastwood in later years Treibeis....

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                                              Originally posted by Moonlight shadow View Post
                                              I am starting to visualuse you as Clint Eastwood in later years Treibeis....
                                              There's a certain visual similarity, yes. But I can do what Clint did without the need for guns.

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                                                As dreadful as my local newspaper is, by heck, they have some cracking headlines. So forgive my indulgence but Pervert performed sex act as he looked into OAP home in Cwmbran while wearing a gas mask

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                                                  Originally posted by Femme Folle View Post
                                                  I had a weird dream last night. I was in an A&E type waiting room and overheard the following conversation:

                                                  Man 1: Your friend was hurt very badly and the doctor put him down...
                                                  Man 2: PUT HIM DOWN? FOR FUCKSAKE HE WAS A HUMAN BEING, NOT A DOG! WHAT KIND OF HOSPITAL IS THIS?
                                                  Man 1: ...the hall. In a room. He has been admitted.

                                                  I woke up before Man 2 could respond, but I hope his friend gets better soon.
                                                  Could this be a sequel to my dream about being punched in the face lots?

                                                  If so, I am glad someone cared for me enough to get angry about my supposed death.

                                                  Though I'd like to know where Man 2 was when I was being savagely attacked? Eh? All very well being big and protective afterwards, but I needed you in there with me.

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                                                    Do we have two Moonlight Shadows?

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