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    "Where are you from?"

    The thread was sparked by a tweet concerning a foreign individual resident in Ireland who was rather perturbed by this usual Irish conversation starter, considering that he was still regarded as an "outsider". In truth, it was rather somewhat of a cultural misunderstanding, as most Irish people will simply be curious about an individual's background if they are so much as from a different town, and no national or ethnic disparagement is implied - thoughts?

    https://twitter.com/MichaelKellyIC/status/1447617698536505356

    #2
    There can definitely be a side to it. Along with "Why are you here?"

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      #3
      As someone who has had to put up with "no, but where are you really from" for more than a quarter century it's rude and ignorant.

      And of course for a lot of white people it's their way of saying "Why are you brown?"

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        #4
        I am often asked where I am from. Because I am a white, anglophone, straight dude it is never asked aggressively. It is annoying as hell, though, because people want to tell you stories of their holidays in England (or Scotland, or Ireland, or Australia, or wherever they think my accent is from) and will try to find anything to grab on to "Oxford, huh? Is that near Edinburgh? I went to Edinburgh once..."

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          #5
          Loving all the white Irish people under that tweet saying that the foreign bloke is being oversensitive and needs to get over himself because they're not bothered if someone asks them that question. FFS

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            #6
            Originally posted by San Bernardhinault View Post
            I am often asked where I am from. Because I am a white, anglophone, straight dude it is never asked aggressively. It is annoying as hell, though, because people want to tell you stories of their holidays in England (or Scotland, or Ireland, or Australia, or wherever they think my accent is from) and will try to find anything to grab on to "Oxford, huh? Is that near Edinburgh? I went to Edinburgh once..."
            Haha yes. You just wouldn't believe (you would totally believe) how many British people have a house/friend/relative/holiday in the Dordogne/Brittany/Nice which by sheer coincidence are all just around the corner from (nowhere near) where I'm from.

            The thing is that even if the question is asked in a friendly way, and it usually is in my case as well, if you're constantly being asked this when no one else around you is it's hard not to feel that your accent/skin tone is marking you out as someone who doesn't belong.

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              #7
              I'm forever amazed how many people believe they have the right to question people about personal matters, for any reason. I had a gf way back with a daughter who's father was black. She was asked where she was from on a regular basis "Ontario." She'd reply, "No where are you from originally." "Toronto," "Really?" "Yes." Cue looks of disbelief. If her mother was around she'd intervene, but really WTF.

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                #8
                Instead of asking "Where are you from?" just announce to the world "I'm a thick fuck with very limited experience of travelling very far."

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                  #9
                  These days I like answering “San Diego” because that feels like where I am most at home, and!is where I most recently moved from. It bothers the questioner, too.

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                    #10
                    If I’m just making conversation, the better question is, “where did you grow up?”

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                      #11
                      In movie world, my favourite example of this is Stanley Tucci in Easy A, asking his adopted son, who is black. Comic timing, spot on.

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                        #12
                        I was born in Caernarfon but don't have a Cofi accent nor speak Welsh so despite having lived there or in the area from 0-1 and 15-22 many locals struggle to believe that I'm from where I say I'm from.

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                          #13
                          Many people, of course, think England = Britain. This was excusable in pre-internet 1980s Sudan, but now?

                          I was asked by an adult Californian in 1979 if Wales had electricity.

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                            #14
                            A typical micro aggression. It might be well meaning, in Ireland or in the USA, when white people try to find a connection with others but it's very different if it happens on a daily basis.

                            My wife, when asked here, always replies Istanbul, because of the general perception of Turkey.

                            In Turkey, because she looks slightly darker, she was asked the so where are you really from question often. It was almost always in a way to otherise her, to see if she was Kurdish and therefore a perceived terrorist or Alevi, and therefore a perceived religious deviant. She was almost always labelled as being from the East in her workplace and therefore not a White Turk.

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                              #15
                              It is a question one gets incredibly tired of having to answer after a while. Among the trivial aspects of being a foreigner, it was certainly the most tedious.

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                                #16
                                I've only been asked it in an aggressive manner once or twice, but even when I know I'm only being asked it because the person's trying to be friendly it can just get quite tiring. I wouldn't say the fact that everyone in my local knows where I'm from already is the main reason I still call it and treat it as my local even though I now live on the other side of the city from it (the main reasons are the (well-looked-after) pool table and draught dry cider, both of which are rarities in bars in Buenos Aires), but it's a contributing factor. I do get that people are curious but sometimes I just want to tell them, 'we are in the middle of one of the biggest urban sprawls on the planet, with people from all over the world living in it, and we are drinking in a bar in one of its most touristy areas. There is no way I'm the first foreign person you've met. Please just leave me alone.'

                                That being said, on the last proper holiday we took (November 2019 in north-western Argentina) we obviously got asked it a fair bit by tour guides, fellow people doing hikes or wine tours and so on, and just replied 'Buenos Aires'. Obviously the foreign travellers were curious and we chatted in a bit more detail with them, but absolutely none of the locals batted an eyelid, which was really refreshing. And like SB, in many ways (not all, but many) it feels like a right answer (so does south-west England). I've spent the majority of my adult life here, after all.

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                                  #17
                                  I've seen the question asked of people lots of times over the years and never, as far as I can tell, in an aggressive or unfriendly capacity but it's only recently I've become aware of how much it can upset some.

                                  Travelling around the US and India is probably where I was asked it most and it always seemed to come from a curious, friendly place and as a conversation starter. It's been exactly the same when I've witnessed it in the UK.

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                                    #18
                                    I don't mind being asked if I'm on holiday. That's just small talk with tourists and very different to living somewhere and getting my credentials checked repeatedly.

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                                      #19
                                      I didn't mind it, living in France or Spain, cos I'm white and it was even a bit of a compliment cos it meant I wasn't pronouncing like Del Boy or Ted Heath.

                                      The real answer if people ask me here is complicated so I have a couple of shorthand versions - "nowhere in particular"; "Scottish but we moved every 3 years" or "forces brat with no roots".

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                                        #20
                                        I'm most curious about this perception that the 'why' people ask is necessarily from a place of negativity. Surely the simplest answer would be 'just curious". Why that marks someone as a thick cunt or a micro aggressor is genuinely beyond me.

                                        I take people at their word that it's tiring or boring, but surely no more so than any other small talk with strangers.

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                                          #21
                                          Originally posted by Fussbudget View Post
                                          Haha yes. You just wouldn't believe (you would totally believe) how many British people have a house/friend/relative/holiday in the Dordogne/Brittany/Nice which by sheer coincidence are all just around the corner from (nowhere near) where I'm from.

                                          The thing is that even if the question is asked in a friendly way, and it usually is in my case as well, if you're constantly being asked this when no one else around you is it's hard not to feel that your accent/skin tone is marking you out as someone who doesn't belong.
                                          Not to diminish any of that (here comes the but), but locally it is served up with a healthy side of 'and what the fucking hell have you done wrong in your life to end up here?'

                                          Anyway, I get the much more fun version of this when I go anywhere more than fifty miles from home and no-one can tell where my accent is from and start guessing Newcastle, Liverpool and counties of Ireland and when out of the UK, Scandiwegia and the Netherlands.

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                                            #22
                                            Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                            I'm most curious about this perception that the 'why' people ask is necessarily from a place of negativity. Surely the simplest answer would be 'just curious". Why that marks someone as a thick cunt or a micro aggressor is genuinely beyond me.

                                            I take people at their word that it's tiring or boring, but surely no more so than any other small talk with strangers.
                                            I'm not sure that is what is being said. I think many people who ask "where are you from?" are doing from a place of curiosity or a desire to make conversation. However, it is how it comes across that here is the problem. I confess that in the past I'd fairly often ask this - most often to taxi drivers, to be honest, since that;s an occupation which is very commonly done by immigrants and I wanted to be friendly. It was only after a while that i realised what the question could (and often did) sound like to an immigrant - which is to say "You don't look or sound like most people from here. So where are you really from?". It wasn;t my intention to ask that, but it was how it was heard. So, I stopped doing it.

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                                              #23
                                              I can’t see myself ever asking this question. I find other ways to explore some of the areas it raises.

                                              certainly when teaching a group of multinational students I made a conscious decision that I should never, ever use this particular wording

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                                                #24
                                                Originally posted by sw2borshch View Post

                                                Not to diminish any of that (here comes the but), but locally it is served up with a healthy side of 'and what the fucking hell have you done wrong in your life to end up here?'

                                                Anyway, I get the much more fun version of this when I go anywhere more than fifty miles from home and no-one can tell where my accent is from and start guessing Newcastle, Liverpool and counties of Ireland and when out of the UK, Scandiwegia and the Netherlands.
                                                I remember being at Butlin's in 1980 and realising that Hartlepool accents pronounced certain words a la scouse. One girl asking another " Does your dad werk at the werks?"

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                                                  #25
                                                  In his perple werk shert.

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