"Where are you from?"

[Patrick Thistle]

I'm most curious about this perception that the 'why' people ask is necessarily from a place of negativity. Surely the simplest answer would be 'just curious". Why that marks someone as a thick cunt or a micro aggressor is genuinely beyond me.

I take people at their word that it's tiring or boring, but surely no more so than any other small talk with strangers.

Actually I'm getting a flashback now to when this got discussed previously and you said something similar. Am I right in thinking you've lived all your life in the same place (roughly)?

It's an odd thing to be curious about imo. (Unless people fear strangers from the outside. Then it helps them identify threats.)

[Sporting]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad question to ask. I'm genuinely interested in people's backgrounds and childhoods and have no problem in being asked about my own.

[Foot of Astaire's]

If you don't feel a connection to, or particularly welcome in the place you live and your accent, skin colour, whatever marks you as 'not local', I can imagine that being frequently asked could grate. How often does it feel like the question is loaded and not just a friendly enquiry?

Personally, i could only think of one occasion. Being in a London pub prior to an away game in the 80s. That "Where you from lads?" made my blood run cold!

[sw2borshch]

Or where you from/where did you go to school as markers of being from a posh/rough/Protestant/Catholic etc. part of town.

[Sporting]

I teach online and establishing some kind of basic info about each other would seem to me a key part of getting to know the other person.

[Foot of Astaire's]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad question to ask. I'm genuinely interested in people's backgrounds and childhoods and have no problem in being asked about my own.

I agree but threads like this will certainly make me less inclined to ask in future which I think is a shame. I worked with Refugee Action a couple of years ago and on the occasions when I did ask, most people seemed happy to talk about where they were from and seemed genuinely pleased that I'd showed an interest.

It's been pretty much a standard opener for UK comedians and Army drill sergeants for decades!

[Greenlander]

Personally, i could only think of one occasion. Being in a London pub prior to an away game in the 80s. That "Where you from lads?" made my blood run cold!

See also "Got the time mate?" from someone backed up by ten of his mates. You'd think at least one of them would be wearing a watch,

[hobbes]

I agree but threads like this will certainly make me less inclined to ask in future which I think is a shame. I worked with Refugee Action a couple of years ago and on the occasions when I did ask, most people seemed happy to talk about where they were from and seemed genuinely pleased that I'd showed an interest.

Context makes a difference. If you're working with refugees, helping them as refugees, I'm sure it's a question that can help them open up about their specific set of problems and help you help them more and make them feel listened to.

If you're at a party speaking to someone with a different accent or of a different ethnic group, it can come across as othering.

There are lots of ways to break the ice without essentially saying "you're different to me. Why?" If someone wants to talk about where they grew up or were born, they'll tell you.

[Patrick Thistle]

I don't really get what finding out where someone is from would tell you about them. Unless that defines them in some way. Which is basically prejudice, isn't it?

It reduces 'knowing people' to 'knowing facts about people'.

[beak]

no-one can tell where my accent is from

I've yet to meet a Dutch person who has correctly located my (Salford/Manchester) accent. Doesn't stop them trying!

A slight tangent from the "where are you from from" question, but a new one to me I noticed is... I've a good friend, with Surinamese parents who was born, and has lived her entire life in the Netherlands. Often when we're out and about we'll speak 50/50 Dutch and English, and there's been a bunch of times where people will address me in Dutch and her in English.

[Sporting]

I don't really get what finding out where someone is from would tell you about them. Unless that defines them in some way. Which is basically prejudice, isn't it?

It reduces 'knowing people' to 'knowing facts about people'.

This morning I spoke with a man from Almería who went to university in Madrid, because the university he went to was better for his particular subject, so we then had a discussion about Spanish universities. We also talked about the tendency of Almería to be more right-wing than other parts of Andalucía. I don't define this bloke by the fact he's from Almería but it gave us scope and openings for interesting talk.

Similarly, he asked me about some aspects of life in North Wales. Where does prejudice fit into this?

[Lang Spoon]

Like Fussbudget I made the mistake of clicking through the thread from the OP. Fuck me.

[diggedy derek]

Obviously there are very different contexts to this. Asking someone where they're from if they're walking into an upscale hotel with suitcases and the family in tow seems relatively inoffensive, as would be (in a very different way) talking to someone in the context of their migration status or something.

But when I was teaching some students, they were all cosmopolitan young movers and shakers in the record industry, all attending classes in London. For many of them, where they were from might be irrelevant or be something they were trying to forget or put a different narrative around. Mind you, there were people in that class that insisted on being called "Shadow" and wearing sunglasses. Which, of course, we were fine with.

[treibeis]

Haha yes. You just wouldn't believe (you would totally believe) how many British people have a house/friend/relative/holiday in the Dordogne/Brittany/Nice which by sheer coincidence are all just around the corner from (nowhere near) where I'm from.

I've had the following conversation at least 50 times:

"What part of England are you from?"
"Bristol.'
"Ooh, Bristol. Bristol! I did a language course in Bristol, quite near the seafront."
"Sure it wasn't Brighton?"
"Yes, you're right. It was Brighton."

[Lang Spoon]

"Brighton" was a shitty chain of language schools in Barcelona. They wouldn't hire me cos "our students want to learn proper English". I had friends working there, one sounded like Jamie Carragher's sister, another like he was in a Shane Meadows film. Fuck you, Brighton Language schools. Ya bas.

[Lang Spoon]

I was once asked in Spain if people in Scotland worshipped stones. Outside of Mike fuckin Scott, not so much.

[Sporting]

"Brighton" was a shitty chain of language schools in Barcelona.

I remember it. They used to schedule classes until 11 in the evening.

It went bankrupt:

https://elpais.com/sociedad/2002/10/...05_850215.html

The owner was sentenced to three years in prison:

https://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2012/...329409170.html

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

I understand the importance of refraining from asking this question, due to the sensitivities in some circumstances. [Edit: to be more precise, the importance of thinking carefully before asking the question if the circumstances suggest any offence might be taken.]

But to suggest that it's a weird thing to want to know about someone is just, well, pretty weird itself. The hugely widespread interest in that basic fact about any newly encountered person is demonstrated by the fact that, in so many television quiz shows, it's one of the first things contestants are expected to say about themselves. On Pointless, for example, every contestant pair first introduce themselves (one of the pair speaking initially for both) by stating their names, the relationship between them, and where they are from. Not their profession (that gets asked later in Xander's chat), not their politics or religion or favourite sports team or whatever - just your name and where you're from. Because it's something that the vast majority of viewers are interested in. It's not just Pointless of course, loads of TV shows with contestants take the same approach.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Anyway, my favourite experience of having to pigeon-hole my place of origin was from about 30 years ago on a guided tour of an old house in San Francisco, when the tour guide asked everyone in the group to indicate whether they were from east or west of the Mississippi. I'd never previously thought of myself as from "east of the Mississippi", but I'm happy to be in that category.

[Sporting]

Nobody, as far as I know, has ever taken offence at me asking where they're from. Obviously, I don't then ask crass follow-up racist questions.

[hobbes]

in so many television quiz shows, it's one of the first things contestants are expected to say about themselves.

But in that context they mean "where abouts in the UK" not "why do you speak/look/dress funny."
Once again it's about nuance and context. A few people on here who have experienced it have said how it makes them feel. Irrespective of your motivation that should trump anything else.
We're all grown ups here. Surely it can't be that difficult to understand and even if you disagree, empathise.

[Sporting]

But to suggest that it's a weird thing to want to know about someone is just, well, pretty weird itself.

This.

[hobbes]

INobody, as far as I know, has ever taken offence at me asking where they're from.

And therein lies the rub.

Its entirely possible that everyone you've ever asked was perfectly happy with the question.
But ask yourself, is it possible that they might have been asked that lots before and have a rote response as they don't want to make a big deal of feeling othered for fear of being "that oversensitive foreigner who ruined the party."

[Sporting]

And therein lies the rub.

Its entirely possible that everyone you've ever asked was perfectly happy with the question.
But ask yourself, is it possible that they might have been asked that lots before and have a rote response as they don't want to make a big deal of feeling othered for fear of being "that oversensitive foreigner who ruined the party."

It's possible, but I would hope that tone and context are important here.

[hobbes]

This.

It's not a weird thing to want to know.
However in lots of contexts it IS a rude thing to ask.
Your desire to know something isn't the most important thing here.
I'm at a bit of a loss as to why this is a difficult idea.