The Rolling Stone article Ursus posted is very good.
One thing mentioned in it and other articles about men's mental health that really hit me like a brick wall in the last few years is the shrinking of your social circle when you have a kid, and when your friends begin to have kids (I think I was the first, I'm a few years older than most of my friends, but not by much). Nobody has the time to see you anymore. And I'm sure people want to see me but I'm just too exhausted from work and being a father to see them either. Add to that an exodus from London - which is actually only a few people, but basically the key people in concentric circles of friends - and my social life shrunk dramatically in the space of about two years. After work drinks? Gone. Softball team? Gone. Ball hockey team? Gone. Every big match in the pub with friends? Gone. Parenting was too important.
It's happened to my wife too, but she is best friends with her sister and local, so she knows a bunch of people and so it hasn't been quite so bad. I've always let her go out on the weekends, she can stay out late and get pissed and not feel it in the mornings.
I'm okay and I think I've gotten through the worst of it, but it really sucked for about two years. My wife has generally been supportive - she has insisted I could go out more on the weekends than I do - but I did have to basically put forth an ultimatum - I'm playing softball again in 2018 (a weekday sport here) because I need to have some sort of social life to look forward to otherwise I'm gonna be real fucking miserable to be around.
One thing mentioned in it and other articles about men's mental health that really hit me like a brick wall in the last few years is the shrinking of your social circle when you have a kid, and when your friends begin to have kids (I think I was the first, I'm a few years older than most of my friends, but not by much). Nobody has the time to see you anymore. And I'm sure people want to see me but I'm just too exhausted from work and being a father to see them either. Add to that an exodus from London - which is actually only a few people, but basically the key people in concentric circles of friends - and my social life shrunk dramatically in the space of about two years. After work drinks? Gone. Softball team? Gone. Ball hockey team? Gone. Every big match in the pub with friends? Gone. Parenting was too important.
It's happened to my wife too, but she is best friends with her sister and local, so she knows a bunch of people and so it hasn't been quite so bad. I've always let her go out on the weekends, she can stay out late and get pissed and not feel it in the mornings.
I'm okay and I think I've gotten through the worst of it, but it really sucked for about two years. My wife has generally been supportive - she has insisted I could go out more on the weekends than I do - but I did have to basically put forth an ultimatum - I'm playing softball again in 2018 (a weekday sport here) because I need to have some sort of social life to look forward to otherwise I'm gonna be real fucking miserable to be around.
Comment