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The moment when all your children are adults

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    The moment when all your children are adults

    On Saturday, the younger Roginette will be 18 years old. I shall become, young for my years that I am, the father of two adult daughters, and no longer father to 'children'.

    I must confess I will feel a bit emotional about that passing moment. Nostalgia for the end of their childhood years, and for my role as "Daddy" (does that ever end?). Uncertainty about my role as their Dad going forward as they are all grown up and making their own decisions. Not a little bit of fear about what I'm meant to do next when they properly start out on their own. How do I prepare for becoming a father-in-law? A (gulp) Grandfather?

    Any advice or memories as always appreciated OTF...
    Last edited by Rogin the Armchair fan; 31-12-2020, 15:53.

    #2
    Move up a bit, I'm getting into that boat soon (29th January), when my daughter turns 18 (son is 22). I'll feel it more when she goes to university in the autumn, because it has been just me and the two kids for most of the last 11 years, and just me and her for the last couple of years, so it'll be weird. But I'm already having to let go in phases - the next one will be when she passes her driving test (it has been postponed twice already and should be next week, but we're waiting on the cancellation coming through).

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      #3
      Originally posted by Rogin the Armchair fan View Post
      Nostalgia for the end of their childhood years, and for my role as "Daddy" (does that ever end?).
      Nope. I'm still "Popz"* even though he's 37.

      * The alternate is "Poppa Bear" which was how our Christmas card was addressed this year. The mail lady was very amused.

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        #4
        My girl is 18 next month. That freaks me out a bit. The boy will be 16 next summer, which also is a bit shocking. I'm sure I'll be very emotional when we're 'empty nesters' as I'm very emotional about more things as I get older.

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          #5
          My two surviving siblings who have children (I also have a childless sibling and another of my siblings died this year) have 5 children between them, all in their 30s, and not a single grandchild between them yet (tbf, my late sister was a granny). So, you know, grandparenthood may not be imminent.

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            #6
            I’m almost there. My 17 year old daughter will be heading off to uni in September (assuming COVID has calmed somewhat by then); my 25 year old son has been to uni and is now back living at home for the moment, but is likely to move in with his girlfriend sometime this year; my 22 year old son has completed a football scholarship in Houston and is now combining a masters with football coaching- he also has a serious girlfriend and sees his future in the US. The nest will soon be empty. I’m trying not to think too much about it just yet and am still enjoying them while they’re here.

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              #7
              Just musing, but my parents never really got to experience this step. I was 15 when my 19 year old sister, who was still living at home, got pregnant. She, her boyfriend and the baby lived with us all until my parents helped them buy a nearby house when the baby was 9 months old. My sister went on to have three more daughters and my parents helped look after them most weekends. Her youngest daughter was six, when I had my first daughter. So my parents have always had young children or grandchildren to help care for, continuously for the last 43 years.

              This year is the year they've helped least with childcare, simply because of Covid-19.

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                #8
                Tell me about it, Rogin. Without wanting to out-empty-nest you, I have been feeling this acutely as Bored Jr is an only child, we only adopted him at 22 months and he is now effectively living away from home up in Liverpool and has been on and off since he was 19 (he's just turned 21). One of the overriding feelings of empty nest syndrome is that time has flashed by so quickly and you should have spent more quality time with your children and not so much wasting it on stupid nags. I say this as someone who was able to take time off work to be a househusband for quite a few years but I still feel I should have cherished every single moment more. I know that having more than one child doesn't lessen the feeling of missing one of them when they leave or the feeling of near-dread when they go off the radar for a day (or maybe that's just me?). However, it feels like me and Mrs Bored rattling around the house again after a very short time not least after a Christmas visit by the boy and his cousin which filled the house with laughter, chatter, shouting (they are Scousers, after all) and clutter. I have been collating photographs for a belated 21st Birthday book for Bored Jr and the nostalgic ennui is almost overwhelming. The fact that Bored Jr has come through a troubled time where, as I mentioned before, he has had his troubles with the law and, as I haven't really gone into, had to have a life saving operation just before Christmas a year ago seems to have exacerbated the feeling.

                I think I now know why grandparents spoil grandchildren so much. When it comes along, it must seem so much like a second chance to spend quality time, cherish every moment and, perhaps, correct mistakes albeit in usually smaller packets of time.

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                  #9
                  Well, zoom calls done and baby photos posted to her facebook page, the younger Roginette is 18 and can fly wherever she chooses. She will, too (fly that is), she's already caught my travel bug. Having a young auntie in Norway and her uncle and Grandad both now in Malta has inspired her as much as the places I've variously dragged her and the elder Roginette to over the years.

                  As anticipated I feel proud, happy, a little sad and a lot overwhelmed all at once.
                  Last edited by Rogin the Armchair fan; 02-01-2021, 14:03.

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                    #10
                    Today's the day for us. Fairly subdued celebrations planned, though she has marked the occasion by staying up past midnight last night, opening an online betting account and placing (and winning) her first bet.

                    At some point this evening I'll be digging out my parental responsibility order and giving it a ceremonious disposal.

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                      #11
                      Yeah, my daughter has twice mentioned being able to buy a lottery ticket now. I can't imagine that being something terribly exciting, but 18 doesn't bring many other actual new privileges.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by WOM View Post
                        Yeah, my daughter has twice mentioned being able to buy a lottery ticket now. I can't imagine that being something terribly exciting, but 18 doesn't bring many other actual new privileges.
                        Dunno about Canadian law but in other places she could drink herself stupid perfectly legally now.

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                          #13
                          Yeah, it's 19 here. I think she can vote and join the army, but that's about it.

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by WOM View Post
                            Yeah, it's 19 here. I think she can vote and join the army, but that's about it.
                            She can ride a motorbike, of course.

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by WOM View Post
                              Yeah, it's 19 here. I think she can vote and join the army, but that's about it.
                              Can she cross the river into Quebec for a drink like they do in Ottawa?

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                                #16
                                Can she not just sit on a park bench and drink blue WKDs like all her friends?

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                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                  Yeah, my daughter has twice mentioned being able to buy a lottery ticket now. I can't imagine that being something terribly exciting, but 18 doesn't bring many other actual new privileges.
                                  Over here they ease them into gambling early, with lottery tickets and scratchcards available at 16.

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                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Sporting View Post

                                    She can ride a motorbike, of course.
                                    Not while she's living under my roof!

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                                      #19
                                      Sort of parallelling Balderdasha's comments upthread, re generational overlaps meaning there's a succession of children in the family, while not quite the same thing: my youngest cousin turned 18 last week, which means that my grandad no longer has any grandchilden who are actually children – for the first time since I was born in 1979.

                                      None of my generation have any offspring, though in an alternative reality he could feasibly have half a dozen or more great-children as well by now. One of my aunts though (who also doesn't have kids of her own) lost her long-term partner a couple of years ago and had a really bad spell of depression kick back in at the tail end of last year, and ended up going to stay with him before Christmas – where she's been ever since as she can't leave again during lockdown. Which has been no bad thing, as she has been a lot happier there.

                                      So, to perhaps comfort Rogin: even if you're 90-something and your daughter's over 60, she'll still need her daddy.

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                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by WOM View Post

                                        Not while she's living under my roof!
                                        Why not?

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                                          #21
                                          The judgement and restraint needed to safely ride a motorbike is in desperately short supply in anyone under 30.

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                                            #22
                                            Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                            Yeah, my daughter has twice mentioned being able to buy a lottery ticket now. I can't imagine that being something terribly exciting, but 18 doesn't bring many other actual new privileges.
                                            Did you give her her own shed for her birthday?

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                                              #23
                                              Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                              The judgement and restraint needed to safely ride a motorbike is in desperately short supply in anyone under 30.
                                              I concur with this. I tried to ride a motorbike in Rome age 21. I had no training and the bike was too big for me. The result was a crashed bike, a permanent scar on my friend's leg, having to pay the motorbike owner 100 Euros to get our passports back (a bargain), and missing our flight home due to the delay.

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                                                #24
                                                The polling cards for May's local election came in the post today, and I did a double take when I saw three cards for the first time (son is registered to vote here as well).

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                                                  #25
                                                  Daughter got her A-level results this morning and got what she needed to confirm her place doing Nursing Science (Mental Health) at my alma mater of Newcastle Poly University of Northumbria.

                                                  So in a few weeks I'll be misty-eyed and waving her off into the distance to start a new life without me. And then a few days later meeting her at the Sage to see Nick Cave and Warren Ellis.

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