Vasect-omy, Vasect-oyou

[MsD]

I posted on here, FB and Twitter the other day about World Vasectomy Day, to general indifference, a few muted "yay!"s and a very upset response from one male friend.

I honestly don't understand why men aren't going for them, so I thought about where I could find a sample of men to ask about it, and came up with "yous lot".

Why oh why are men not having vasectomies, when they're not positively seeking to get women pregnant? Especially if they hate using condoms. They're generally reversible and men can bank their sperm if they're worried about it. It's much more reliable and less invasive than most of the contraception women have to use.

I read a bit today about the effects that The Pill has on a woman's brain and it made me rather cross. I'm too tired to go on about it now. The Pill raised my blood pressure, when I was slim and active in my early 20s, and the doctor kept telling me not to worry about it. That brand was subsequently banned after a few healthy women dropped dead.

I had a coil inserted for non-contraceptive reasons - it's been OK but I'm glad I had it put in under anaesthetic. Most women don't, and it apparently hurts as though someone was trying to jam a piece of plastic through your cervix, but like most gynae procedures that are agonising, it's described by doctors as "a bit uncomfortable". A vasectomy apparently makes you a bit sore and unable to cycle for a week or two. Yeh, welcome to our world. Almost.

I have some friends who've been in very long relationships where the woman has been on the Pill the whole time. I'm mystified. Why?

<nil thread>

[WOM]

I got the snip right after our son was born. Why would I want my wife pumped full of whatever hormones are in 'the pill' if she didn't have to be? Anyway, it was a big old nuthin' and I was back riding a unicycle on a gravel road within days.

[MsD]

Hello Caller! You've won our prize*.

You see, I really don't know why most men don't think like that.

*subject to availability.

[WOM]

Men don't typically talk about these things.

Men don't typically talk about a lot of important things.

[caja-dglh]

I had sorted out a good urologist and then COVID and we moved and now I need to sort that all out again.

Though until a year or so ago Mrs dglh was very wishy-washy on whether we were done with having kids. I was more in the "no" category so getting that done seemed a little bad-faith.

[Amor de Cosmos]

Hello Caller! You've won our prize*.

You see, I really don't know why most men don't think like that.

*subject to availability.

If I had to hazard a guess I think that a lot of us equate it to castration. Not on any rational level, but on psychological/emotional one. It's a prospect most of us just set aside and don't want to think about. When we do — often at the suggestion of our partners — then OK, but even then it's not often discussed with other men. Because... well, it'd be like admitting you couldn't get it up which, bogus or not, is a huge part of male unspoken interaction. I'm afraid many of us never really get past puberty.

[S. aureus]

I was planning on having one after my daughter was born, as we agreed that two children were plenty.
I suppose that it's probably something that I should still consider having, as I certainly don't want to father any more children, it just seems right now the likelihood of that is rather remote.

[S. aureus]

Actually, thinking back I'm pretty sure it wasn't something that I thought of doing on my own, but someone else (probably my wife, but I really don't recall) put the idea in my head.

[S. aureus]

This isn't terribly informative, but I did discuss it with at least one friend around that time as he had had it done, which I only learned through this conversation. Also, prior to the question being raised I had absolutely no idea about how invasive or debilitating the procedure would be, basically I was completely ignorant.

[Hot Pepsi]

Is there any risk?

I recall that on Scrubs, Cox’ vasectomy spontaneously reversed itself. I don’t know if that’s real.

[scratchmonkey]

It is, although it's incredibly rare. Along with a handful of other potential side-effects, which is pretty much the case with any medical procedure.

There was also a study that associated getting a vasectomy with developing dementia that turned out to be faulty and non-reproducible in any repeated attempts, it still means it gets passed around a lot especially in male-dominated social groups where there's a healthy prejudice against it to begin with.

I got the snip a year ago as that's when my wife was getting her IUD out, which she had for other reasons than birth control. Her doctor said she was fine to consider whether to put another one in, and she wanted the time to think about it, and we don't want any more kids (okay, really, we are romantically attracted to the concept of more kids while at the same time intellectually aware that we would not be able to handle it). The procedure was a big nothing, with the only bumpy bit being that the urologist only had one appointment available in the next month, and it was at the same time as a work meeting for my wife, so I booked it anyway and asked our good friend to shuttle me back and forth (we've known each other for 20 years, he officiated our wedding, I officiated his wedding). My wife has a bordering-on-paranoia on taking advantage of other people's friendliness, so got upset and felt I should have waited a month to when she could have taken me.

Her brother also has a vasectomy (after he and his wife discovered that breast-feeding is not actually sufficient for birth control) and my dad had a vasectomy as well, although he had the experience of nearly getting into a fistfight with the urologist over Reagan, and then going through with the procedure anyway. He spent a good two weeks sitting in a recliner groaning with an ice pack on his crotch.

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

I had to fly from Dubai (where I was working) to the UK to have a vasectomy, as the procedure is illegal in the UAE (or certainly was in 2008). Had the op on a Thursday, cycled on the Saturday, bruising appeared on the Monday. It really wasn't all that.

[Sporting]

I really should have had it done years ago. No excuse or reason for why I haven't. Maybe irrational fear?

Condoms are horrible, though of course I fully accept the practical and moral reasons for their use. But as a man - and I daresay there are a few of us around - who never considered himself some kind of sex god - they presented more than their fair share of practical difficulties, with the fumblings, the delays and the occasional deflationary tale.

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

with the fumblings, the delays and the occasional deflationary tale*.

*Citation needed.

[Sporting]

I'm pretty open on here but there are limits!

[jwdd27]

A friend of mine admirably had the procedure immediately* after getting married, as he and his wife were quite happy with their two boxer dogs and didn't want any additional family.

* a couple of weeks after, it wasn't at the reception

[Stumpy Pepys]

You seem to be advocating vasectomies as a form of medium-term contraception.

[via vicaria]

If I had to hazard a guess I think that a lot of us equate it to castration. Not on any rational level, but on psychological/emotional one. It's a prospect most of us just set aside and don't want to think about. When we do — often at the suggestion of our partners — then OK, but even then it's not often discussed with other men. Because... well, it'd be like admitting you couldn't get it up which, bogus or not, is a huge part of male unspoken interaction. I'm afraid many of us never really get past puberty.

A friend of mine gave that exact reason for why he couldn't go through with it. He doesn't want kids, ever - and he acknowledged it wasn't particularly rational - but it was definitely the motivating factor behind him not having it done.

Didn't really come round to that reasoning myself, but it's not a hugely relevant area for me, being in a same-sex deal. Never found condoms to be a big prob though.

[DCI Harry Batt]

Yeah it's really not a thing for me. Condoms are fine though.

[Balderdasha]

One of my husband's friends went for a vasectomy. He's married with two kids and doesn't want any more. The surgeon asked him if he was absolutely certain. What if his wife and kids were in a fatal car accident tomorrow? Would he remarry and want more kids? He went ahead as planned, but if that's standard bedside manner, I can imagine it putting a lot of people off (as well as no-one wanting to imagine the death of their nearest and dearest just before undergoing surgery).

[Wouter D]

I personally am opposed to any form of surgery that is not strictly necessary, since every instance of surgery comes with a risk of side effects. No matter how small that risk, why would I want to open myself up to that?

I agree with TonTon that condoms are fine.

[My Name Is Ian]

I'll be booking one for when things start getting back to normal. It had been on my list of things to do for this year, but I figured the NHS had a better use for its resources than that during 2020. To be honest, having children was something of a surprise, so it doesn't really feel like any loss.

[Jah Womble]

Reversible it may be, but some don't like the idea of it. I'm one of them. So the dreaded condom it is.

Obviously, I understand that within long-term monogamous relationships it makes sense, but, for those not in them, a vasectomy isn't exactly going to protect against infection or whatever.

One of my husband's friends went for a vasectomy. He's married with two kids and doesn't want any more. The surgeon asked him if he was absolutely certain. What if his wife and kids were in a fatal car accident tomorrow? Would he remarry and want more kids? He went ahead as planned, but if that's standard bedside manner, I can imagine it putting a lot of people off (as well as no-one wanting to imagine the death of their nearest and dearest just before undergoing surgery).

What? That's bordering on malpractice! Apart from displaying a ridiculous, unprofessional attitude, is the surgeon not obliged to say that this procedure isn't necessarily permanent?

[pebblethefish]

Getting a vasectomy would be inconceivable

[Stumpy Pepys]

But concerned about the 'vasectomies can be reversed' tone in this thread. Success rates according to the NHS are:

• 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years
• up to 55% after 3 to 8 years
• between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years
• 30% after 15 to 19 years
• less than 10% after 20 years

I'm okay with condoms too. Just get the woman to put it on .