Joe Riley and Child Death

[Antepli Ejderha]

A very difficult read this, what an extraordinarily brave man for sharing this story. I know he's not the first footballer to share their story, others like Harry Arter have done so before. I can think of nothing worse than losing your child. Nothing.

Mansfield Town defender Joe Riley opens up on losing his son at birth - https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/54737559

All I can say is please share this and share your stories. And thank you to all of you who've supported me and my wife during this time.

I'm so thankful that we never got to this stage with the two daughters we lost in 2016 and 2017. We found out at the 11-14 week scan that they wouldn't make it and decided to say goodbye at that moment. They are both still with us, much more so with my wife. We are blessed with the most amazing daughter now, perhaps it was kismet, who knows. I try to look forward and not backwards, and to value the most precious little girl I have.

I can only imagine what the Riley family have been through. Hell does not even come close.

[MarkF]

I had just read the story before coming to OTF, and I absolutely concur. Very brave and moving.

The area around my PC suddenly got very dusty for some reason...

[Johnny Velvet]

So sorry for you and your wife's loss, AE.

[Antepli Ejderha]

So sorry for you and your wife's loss, AE.

Thank you RC. Time heals but you never forget.

I know there are a few others on here who've experienced similar losses to us.

When you speak about things many people will open up it, but because it's such a private and painful experience many people suffer in silence.

It's so much worse for my wife, nearly three years of pregnancy with only a single child.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

You have my deepest sympathies AE. In the last couple of months, My sister told me I was going to be an uncle, and then she told me I wasn't. It's a horrible situation. Hopefully she will be as fortunate as ye ultimately were.

[Johnny Velvet]

Dreadfully sorry to hear that too, Berba, best wishes to yourself and your sister.

[Artificial Hipster]

The agony of having to deal with having a still born child must be unimaginable and that piece is heartbreaking (the Idles' lyric nails it, I think; "A still born, but still born, I am a father")

As for miscarriages It's hard to say how much difference it would make but to know in advance that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in (usually) early miscarriage would at least mean people would be better prepared for it. As with so many other people we know we only learnt this when it happened to us. And TAB I'm not sure what's worse, your sister having to tell you that you were and then you weren't going to be an uncle or having to do as Mrs H did which was to tell her mum she'd been pregnant but that she'd miscarried in the same breath. The ultimate message though must always be that in every case here everyone has ultimately gone on to have a child or children in the future and in all likelihood your sister will too.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Thanks RC. Great to see you're back!

Yeah AH, that post comes across as sounding a bit more about me than it was meant to. I can't really even imagine what she felt like on those two phonecalls. She's lucky to have a fella as thoughtful and kind as her partner,

[Artificial Hipster]

Don't worry, it didn't come across that way at all.

[ad hoc]

Yes, many sympathies to everyone who's gone through this. I've known a few people who've gone through miscarriages, (my mum included, more than once) which is bad enough, and a couple who've gone through still births -which seems utterly crushing.

[Antepli Ejderha]

Could you move this to world please Snake Plissken

I feel it belongs there.

[Antepli Ejderha]

You have my deepest sympathies AE. In the last couple of months, My sister told me I was going to be an uncle, and then she told me I wasn't. It's a horrible situation. Hopefully she will be as fortunate as ye ultimately were.

I wish her and her family well. They must be going through an extremely tough time with Covid-19 making so many things more difficult.

It's tough, to go through it once was tough, the second time almost a year later was like auto pilot. We knew what was coming and made decisions accordingly. However once we could grieve it was a hammer blow. Constantly.

[Antepli Ejderha]

Could you move this to world please Snake Plissken

I feel it belongs there.

Thanks Snake.

[Nefertiti2]

Sorry for your and your wife's losses AE and AH and also for your sister, Berba

[Balderdasha]

I'm sorry for your losses. My parents lost a baby boy between the birth of my older sister and me. My mum carried him to full term without knowing that he had anencephaly and he died very soon after birth. They then had another pregnancy with the same condition and had to have a termination. I believe that the aftercare for parents who suffer this has since improved slightly. At the time it was terrible. I don't think my parents ever really recovered from it, despite being very grateful to have two healthy daughters.

I grew up knowing all this, which I think contributes to why I am always very nervous whenever a friend is pregnant. I can never really relax until the baby has arrived safely.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

I'm sorry for your losses. My parents lost a baby boy between the birth of my older sister and me. My mum carried him to full term without knowing that he had anencephaly and he died very soon after birth. They then had another pregnancy with the same condition and had to have a termination. I believe that the aftercare for parents who suffer this has since improved slightly. At the time it was terrible. I don't think my parents ever really recovered from it, despite being very grateful to have two healthy daughters.

This sort of personal tragedy is why you had mass-going pensioners voting to allow terminations in Ireland at the last referendum. However badly treated your parents were, imagine if your mam had to travel to another country to not have to go through a second encephalatic birth?. More of an effort is being made now, but it's still too little for the scale of the problem.

[Antepli Ejderha]

Which is why the situation in Poland really frightens me. Religious bigots trying to make decisions without thinking of the sanity of the women and families involved.

If they forced my wife to go through twice with an untenable pregnancy she world have a breakdown, at best, and I dread to think of the worst.

[Sporting]

What does inpills mean?

[Antepli Ejderha]

What does inpills mean?

Typo. Corrected now.

[Balderdasha]

This sort of personal tragedy is why you had mass-going pensioners voting to allow terminations in Ireland at the last referendum. However badly treated your parents were, imagine if your mam had to travel to another country to not have to go through a second encephalatic birth?. More of an effort is being made now, but it's still too little for the scale of the problem.

Yes, what Irish and Northern Irish women have been through in this arena is horrific. I've always been very grateful to live somewhere that doesn't force women to carry a baby to full term in these, or other, circumstances. My mum's a church-going Christian (though not sure how much of the actual doctrine she believes any more) and not a natural abortion advocate, so the fact that she had a termination meant that I've always seen the need to defend these rights.