The thread devoted entirely to jaffa cakes and "jaffa cakes"

[Jah Womble]

Not really relevant to The Great Jaffa Cake debate, but I'll mention it anyway:

The 'German' word for "sponge cake" is often (but not always) "Biskuit".

True, or 'Biskuitkuchen'.

But, as you say...

[Patrick Thistle]

I've tried the Milka raspberry ones and I thought they were alright. Admittedly I have a very sweet tooth. The sponge was quite nice. Bit denser than McVities or the Polish ones and with a definite cakey 'skin' on it (you know how on a baked cake the edge gets cooked a little bit more?) Not sure I could eat more than 6 in one go.

They won't be a regular purchase but I'm reasonably happy with them.

[Benjm]

That's a rave review for the Milka compared to 3CR's howl of despair.

I'm a bit Jaffa caked out so am taking a sabbatical from the jelly filled treats, dark Choco Leibniz stepping up in the meantime.

[treibeis]

dark Choco Leibniz stepping up in the meantime.

I know, before you've even mentioned it, how you eat them. There's even a word for people like you: Zartbitterüberhangsknabberer.

If, upon arriving in Germany, you say that to the people at passport control, they take you out the back, make you eat hard-boiled eggs till you puke up and then roll you up in a mattress and kick the shit out of you.

[Benjm]

Firstly, you are wrong, if a randomly picked online translator has done any justice to this word.

Secondly, shouldn't you be shopping for trousers in the sale at Gerry Cottle's?

[treibeis]

Firstly, you are wrong, if a randomly picked online translator has done any justice to this word.

Secondly, shouldn't you be shopping for trousers in the sale at Gerry Cottle's?

Funnily enough, I've got a pair of Regular Fit jeans on today (the stilt-walker strides are all in the wash). They make me feel, look and walk like Max Wall.

[My Name Is Ian]

I was in Morrisons on Monday night and spotted that their "savers" range does a packet of Jaffa Cakes at 12 for 30p. Even in these financially straitened times, 30p is a gamble that I can afford to make and... they were okay, certainly better than I was expecting.

There was probably more of the orange jelly on them than on McVs and the quality of said jelly, which is usually the downfall of an off-brand Jaffa Cake, was decent. I would definitely rather have three packets of these than one packet of "originals." They were a little bit smaller and the chocolate was slightly inferior, but at 2.5p each it seems churlish to complain and they were surprisingly edible. This is the price people pay for a label, I guess.

I've seen the Milka ones in corner shops here and hereby volunteer to join the resistance against them, presuming them to use milk chocolate rather than plain. Not only are Jaffa Cakes one of the few remaining refuges from the tyranny of milk chocolate for those of us who prefer plain (consider, for example, the near total victory of the milk Chocolate Orange over its OBVIOUSLY superior counterpart, which was part of the calculation of how I knew Brexit was more likely than not before the referendum), but it's easier to get milk chocolate wrong, IMHO. Milk chocolate on these is devilry, if you ask me.

[Jah Womble]

Secondly, shouldn't you be shopping for trousers in the sale at Gerry Cottle's?

The circus guy?

[treibeis]

The circus guy?

Yes. Benjm thinks that anybody who wears jeans that are looser than Rudolf Nureyev's work clobber dresses like a circus clown.

[Benjm]

That's not strictly true. I'm very much a believer in each to their own in legwear. Your billowing bell bottoms are a rare, if not the sole, exception.

Benjm thinks that anybody who wears jeans that are looser than Rudolf Nureyev's work clobber dresses like a circus clown.

Another misrepresentation. I actually thought that a couple of surplus to requirement big tops might be refashioned into trousers, if only to keep you going until Phileas Fogg decides to let go of his balloon stocks.

[Various Artist]

Back on pages 4-5 or thereabouts there was quite an involved discussion about Mini Rolls, particularly the exact nature of the jammy variety, so when I was out and about on a late-evening supermarket forage a couple of weeks ago I snapped the below for reference/clarification purposes:



Last week they were on offer when I went back, so not having had any jam ones for years I bought a pack. Purely for research purposes and for the sake of you good people on this thread, you understand. Have just done a cross-section:



For the record, I did get the wrapping off without cracking the chocolate, though it didn't stand up to dissection and display for the photo so well, as can be seen. The jam is pleasingly raspberrily tasty, though as can also be seen the 'cream' stuff sort of dissipates into the sponge. 7/10, would eat again.

[treibeis]

So, you're coming across as a scientist and that, but: You snapped the fucker off..

No, all right, you're good at what you do, but you can't eat a mini-roll for fuck.

[3 Colours Red]

How the fuck did you get that wrapper off so neatly, VA? I'm a ham-fisted goon at the best of times... maybe that explains my travails.

[Various Artist]

So, you're coming across as a scientist and that, but: You snapped the fucker off..

No, all right, you're good at what you do, but you can't eat a mini-roll for fuck.

I cut it in half with a knife you know, just not a terribly sharp one. I mean, normally I just shove them in my gob, I know how to do this stuff really.

I ate one live on camera during the Virtual 'Thon, actually. Licked the wrapper afterwards and everything. I just didn't make a big deal of it so I don't think anyone noticed...

[Various Artist]

Sorry 3CR, I should have replied to you sooner.

How the fuck did you get that wrapper off so neatly, VA? I'm a ham-fisted goon at the best of times... maybe that explains my travails.

As with so many things, patience, a steady hand and the gentle touch works wonders my friend.

Take one end of the wrapper, and pinch it lightly between the very tips of thumb and forefinger of both hands, around where it's sealed. Lift the whole thing up slightly – you need to get the roll vertical, so it drops as snugly into the bottom end of the wrapper as possible and gives you a bit of slack to work with at the top end. Now, taking care to regulate your breathing (never attempt this manoeuvre within 20 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous exercise) and keeping your grip firmly on the wrapper but without exerting pressure on the comestible inside, slowly ease your fingertips apart. This will break the seal and start to open the end.

Now, the key thing at this stage is don't panic and lose your cool. If you forget yourself and go to force your way in like you're trying to put a rubber glove on, it's a recipe for disaster. Listen carefully, because I'm about to reveal the secret of advanced-level Mini Roll ingress.

Rotate the roll, still vertical, 90 degrees (clockwise or anticlockwise, I'm not some kind of martinet handing down absurdly specific orders here) and retake your grip on the now-loosened end of the wrapper. Now smoothly repeat the previous light-and-steady pulling motion, except this time you're ungluing the bond in a direction crossways from your first. The result will be that this end of the wrapper is now loosened from its seal across both its north-south and east-west axes, as it were.

Once again, breathe. At the risk of repeating myself, chaos will ensue if you think the job is done at this point and try to burrow your way straight into the half-open packaging like a ferret down trousers. Remember your training. Calmly lay the roll down on a stable surface, opened end towards you. Let the tremble in your hands subside. Get up, walk around the room if needs be, put the kettle on. If it all seems too much at this point, just walk away and come back tomorrow. It'll still be there waiting for you in the morning, I promise.

Whenever you're good and ready, return to your workstation and take the two now-freed corners of the wrapper once more. Pulling gently but confidently, but without any unnecessary flourish, ease your hands apart as if entering a tent – you should find the wrapping obeys you with silky smoothness: it will part along the long axis of the roll like a flasher's cape. You can proceed to finish unsealing the unopened end in whatever fashion you see fit at this juncture, so long as your freestyling is not over-dramatic, and you will now have full, unfettered axis to your unwrapped, naked Mini Roll choco intacta, if you'll permit the phrase.


For further instructions from here on in the consumption process, I refer you to treibeis.

[Sits]

Strong work VA, strong work. And as you point out, treibeis will critique if it’s required.

[Jah Womble]

I ate one live on camera during the Virtual 'Thon, actually. Licked the wrapper afterwards and everything.

Sounds like subscription-only material to me...

[pebblethefish]

It's a very well written piece, but completely wrong. Just rip from the middle of the top downwards and you have an unmolested mini-roll every time.

I actually had some in my cupboard at the time of VirtualThon20 and was tempted to bring one out to open it live on air, but I couldn't remember which of you was the ham-fisted goon who crushed his every tasty treat.

[Ray de Galles]

How come VA's Mini Roll still comes in a foil wrapper (which we've established is difficult to unwrap without damaging the contents) when the ones my children eat come in this packaging? :

[Simon G]

Returning to Jaffa Cakes briefly, whilst searching for some icing sugar this week for the wife (there has been an immense shortage in Tewkesbury these past couple of weeks) I happened across a 1kg bag of broken Jaffa Cakes (similar to the old broken biscuits boxes).

Some were crushed, others were missing half the chocolate, and nearly all were misshapen in some way, but they tasted gorgeous and, for £1, I got about 50 Jaffa Cakes. I keep meaning to take a photo, so will try and remember later. The shop I got them from was a Co-Op.

[Sits]

You found the Mother Lode.

[Sits]

Anyone game to give this a go?

[Jah Womble]

Returning to Jaffa Cakes briefly, whilst searching for some icing sugar this week for the wife (there has been an immense shortage in Tewkesbury these past couple of weeks) I happened across a 1kg bag of broken Jaffa Cakes (similar to the old broken biscuits boxes).

Some were crushed, others were missing half the chocolate, and nearly all were misshapen in some way, but they tasted gorgeous and, for £1, I got about 50 Jaffa Cakes. I keep meaning to take a photo, so will try and remember later. The shop I got them from was a Co-Op.

Do you ask for bags of doggy scraps at the butcher's, too?

[ad hoc]

Traditional British Jaffa cakes are easy to bake with this recipe. The chocolate-glazed, orange jelly-filled biscuits are delicious when made at home.

Very brave.

[Sits]

Yet only a few limes down:

Making the cakes is easy and a lot of fun..