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    #51
    Originally posted by delicatemoth View Post
    Who are those people, Patrick? Looks like some kind of Blake's 7 type thing. Actually, it's not Survivors is it? That bloke with the beard looks familiar.

    It's the cast from Alien, (alien not shown).

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      #52
      Originally posted by delicatemoth View Post
      Ah fucking hell, Survivors would be cool to watch right now!

      I loved Survivors, only partly because I fancied Carolyn Seymour something rotten.

      Liked your gag, BTW.

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        #53
        is "operation last gasp" still funny?

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          #54
          delicatemoth It's a shot of the crew of the Nostromo who were wiped out by an alien life form in Alien. Ash, the science officer, breaks quarantine to allow an infected crew member back on the ship.

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            #55

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              #56

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                #57
                https://twitter.com/forest_fr1ends/status/1248663656075845633

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                  #58
                  Good spot on the font. Helvetica Neue Bold, font fans.

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                    #59
                    https://twitter.com/DentonDanO/status/1250820911374176257?s=20

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                      #60
                      https://twitter.com/thombeckett/status/1251132114252312576?s=20

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                        #61
                        https://twitter.com/WendellPierce/status/1251973490707759106?s=20

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                          #62
                          Originally posted by imp View Post
                          This self-made 'joke' only works in German, and has yet to raise even a single smile among my extended family:

                          Q. Wie hiess for belgische Zeichentrickcharakter, nachdem er sich zu Corona-Zeiten in einen amerikanischen Filmregisseur verwandelt hatte?

                          A. Tintin Quarantäne!!!!
                          For a couple of years at school, we got two grades for each subject in our end-of-year reports: one grade for Attainment and one grade for Effort. (The coolest people got an A and an E respectively. I was one of only a handful who managed an E and an A respectively, for Woodwork).

                          For that joke, you get a D for Attainment and an A for Effort.

                          This isn't a Covid joke, it probably isn't a new joke and it's definitely not a good joke, but I heard it for the first time yesterday:

                          What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?
                          People from Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do.
                          Last edited by treibeis; 20-04-2020, 11:50.

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                            #63
                            I love that, genuinely. I LOLed.

                            And I appreciate my grades. At school in the sixth form I didn't win any prizes for attainment but for French and Sport I won the 'Endeavour' prizes, which - looking back - seems vaguely insulting. Also odd, because I pretty much gave up on French in my sixth form while easing into German overdrive.

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                              #64
                              My GCSE grades were A*, A*. A*, AA (Science Double Award), A, A, A, B, B, B and... E. The latter was for Design & Technology, where I know for a fact the 50% based on Home Economics was pretty good, so the 50% based on (the compulsory) Construction Materials – CDT, by any other name – must frankly have been a negative score. My woodwork and similar was clearly in the same vein as treibeis'.

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                                #65
                                I ran the Flintstones gag by the co-habitees at dinner. First I couldn't get it out because I was snickering too much during the question. When I managed to get the whole gag out, it went down about as well as all my other gags (including the 'A for effort' Tintin Quarantäne joke). The guest smiled politely, which is what polite guests do. Frau imp and impette went on the immediate counter-attack and if you pass through Frankfurt you can probably still smell the smoke from the flames. Not that I expected it to be any other way. They also accused me of having made it up "because it's so bad", and couldn't believe that there are other people on the internet conjuring up jokes as bad as my own.

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                                  #66
                                  A guest? What kind of #liberatefrankfurt #economybeforepeople virus spreading operation are you running?

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                                    #67
                                    It's the stranded vegan house guest who's been here for four and a half weeks - looking after her for friends (from China - I think you met them in Chevy Chase before the USA-Honduras game in September 2001. She would have been two at the time).

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                                      #68
                                      And she's stranded in a pandemic with you and your Flintstones jokes. Poor mite.

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                                        #69
                                        Originally posted by imp View Post
                                        Frau imp and impette went on the immediate counter-attack and if you pass through Frankfurt you can probably still smell the smoke from the flames.
                                        I must admit, if I were your daughter (who I assume is roughly the same age as the guest) and my old man were sat at the dinner table, sniggering like Beavis, with all snot bubbles coming out of his nose, even before the grapefruit-juice-on-a-plate starter had been served, and he then came out with that joke, I too would go off on one for a very, very, very long time.

                                        I told it to my English mate in Berlin, who passed it on to his 14-year-old daughter. Her reaction: "No commitment", which is apparently her way of telling him that he's an embarrassment.

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                                          #70
                                          https://twitter.com/MommaUnfiltered/status/1252338851315683329

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                                            #71
                                            It's a joke I first heard in the Auf Wiedersehen, Pet era when kids' dads started working away - 'our dad's working in the Gulf, he says the thing about the telly over there...' so is probably a good 35 years old. Not quite 'last time I heard that I fell off the back of a dinosaur' vintage, but it's certainly pre-loved.

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                                              #72
                                              Originally posted by imp View Post
                                              It's the stranded vegan house guest who's been here for four and a half weeks - looking after her for friends (from China - I think you met them in Chevy Chase before the USA-Honduras game in September 2001. She would have been two at the time).
                                              Ah didn't realise you had a stranded guest.That must be tough on her (and on all of you).

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                                                #73
                                                Originally posted by ad hoc View Post

                                                Ah didn't realise you had a stranded guest.That must be tough on her (and on all of you).
                                                She's been great, actually - polite, helpful, unobtrusive, laughs politely at my crap jokes, and has (without any pressure on her part) prompted me towards more vegan/vegetarian cooking, which turns out to be cheaper, healthier and probably tastier too (who knew?). I think watching the tripartite interaction of our family at mealtimes has become a living soap opera for her, though, so it's probably been harder for her than for us.

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                                                  #74
                                                  https://twitter.com/DrRobDale/status/1252562756093476864?s=20

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                                                    #75
                                                    Survivalist, 20 Mar 2020: I have all the toilet paper and bottled water I need. I can survive in here for 18 months!

                                                    Survivalist, 20 Apr 2021: I must be let out to get a haircut! This is an outrage!

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