The Lockdown Diaries

[San Bernardhinault]

Nice.

I'm normally an antisocial fucker, but the once or twice a week I physically talk in the flesh to other humans (particularly in non-transactional situations) is ridiculously pleasant right now.

[Eggchaser]

Fucking kids woke us up at fucking ten to six. Little bastards can't fucking amuse themselves, so they just make an absolute fucking racket and fight each other. And then my daughter knocks over the glass of water by the side of my wife's bed. And then in the mad rush to try and tidy it up you accidentally bang into one of them and they scream, "DADDY HURT ME!" at the top of their lungs like you're beating the living tar out of them.

It's a wonder the neighbours haven't phoned either the police or Social Services by now.

I. Hate. Lockdown. I don't care how fucking selfish it is, it's fucked me up, it's fucking my family relationships to breaking point, it's fucking up my children's education, it's more than likely fucked my chances of being made partner this year which was pretty likely, it's enabling utter fucking cunts to drag us into a very dark place, politically, my bloody parents' generation seems to view the whole thing as an affront to their God given right to do what they want, when they want and where they want ("Oh, I'm just going into their house for a cup of tea, no one around here has caught it, it's nonsense") and I feel punished for trying to abide by the rules when hordes of selfish cunts flock to the beaches because it's not their problem, it's those other people who are irresponsible. Not to even start on the bloody death toll.

Fuck.

[Eggchaser]

My daughter came in and said sorry, I did too but just want to get off the merry-go-round.

[pebblethefish]

Since March 17th I have only set foot on two roads. If the queues outside the Co-op went to the left of the shop rather than the right, it would only be the one.

[Balderdasha]

Day 75. Tuesday 2nd May.

I'm still struggling with mornings. Husband gave the kids breakfast and got them to do cosmic yoga and watch numberblocks before I woke up.

Home-school activities today: a book review of Spells by Emily Gravett, Elmer the elephant colour by numbers, describing the properties of 2D shapes, making a cardboard phonics camera, Mohammed and the parables of the ants and the crying camel, sorting words by how you turn them into superlatives, patchwork Duplo, chapters of The Twits and the Magic Faraway Tree.

Made another kale and basil pesto for lunch, with cashew nuts instead of pine nuts because we'd run out, with lettuce, fennel and beetroot salad. We're running low on fresh food now, another shop due tomorrow.

Arranged to meet up with another mum and her two kids in the park after school. I was quite impressed with how well the kids managed social distancing. We sat on separate blankets and ate a picnic. They kicked a football to and fro. We showed the other family some of the nature trail and the painted rock snake. Took it in turns to climb a tree. After 1.5 hours though, they were starting to forget about distancing and need more reminding so we called it a day and came home.

Husband made salmon parcels with green beans, lemon and parsley, and paprika potato wedges. I made beetroot, courgette and chickpea burgers (googled recipes for beetroot and courgette as that's all the fresh veg I had in the fridge). They're not brilliant, but I'll happily eat them. Melon slices for dessert, the last fresh fruit in the house.

Watched the new cartoon Addams Family film. Daughter is now trying to practice picking locks with her hair clips in emulation of Wednesday Addams who seems to be her new heroine.

[Balderdasha]

When are you off Dungeons and Dragoning again?

Husband has updated our character sheets. We just need to find an evening where both parents are awake and we're still willing to speak to our children at the end of the day (easier said than done).

[Eggchaser]

I wish I had someone to play D&D with, or better still Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay with its excruciatingly detailed medical descriptions of what a catastrophic injury looks like. Those were the days.

[Eggchaser]

Although right now it feels like we're living through the Tomb of Horrors.

[Antepli Ejderha]

I hope you had a better day today Eggchaser

They've told us the plans for getting kids into school, risk assessments done etc but I'm still concerned and really don't see the point before September. I'm a little anxious but my wife is really struggling with the thought of me going back to school.

[scratchmonkey]

I wish I had someone to play D&D with, or better still Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay with its excruciatingly detailed medical descriptions of what a catastrophic injury looks like. Those were the days.

The Death & Dismemberment tables in Warhammer FRPG 1e are so good, it is true. Good enough that I made a hacked-together (ha!) version of them for use in my hideously house-ruled version of D&D.

[Patrick Thistle]

Do you reckon it would be possible to play D&D over Zoom?

[via vicaria]

Do you reckon it would be possible to play D&D over Zoom?

We're using this site at the moment for lockdown D&D, it works pretty well (little learning curve, but it's got a built-in webex function as well as RPG mechanics)

https://roll20.net/

[scratchmonkey]

I've done Zoom and Google Hangouts and Discord, all combined with roll20 and it works pretty well.

[Uncle Ethan]

o

Do you reckon it would be possible to play D&D over Zoom?

My youngest and his mates did this during lockdown here, so yes.

[Balderdasha]

Day 76. Wednesday 3rd May.

Woken early by an Amazon delivery of lawn seed. The first thing I do each morning is download and print out any worksheets for the day's lessons.

Over breakfast I explained the day's activities to the children. Then I set my daughter up with paper and pencil inventing her own mixed-up animal (she went for a Liaffox, head of a lion, body of a giraffe, tail of a fox). While she wrote that I taught my son the makaton actions for lots of jungle animals, then found him a Mr Tumble episode to watch where he could practice the actions.

Tesco delivery arrived while he was watching that and I managed to put everything away just before the episode finished. Next I set the kids up on the table with the worksheets, pencils / crayons and dice ready to play a "colour by number" Elmer elephant game. While they played that I cut out and glued together the cards for a mixed-up animal game and a shapes game. I played both those games with the kids, then left them watching Tinga Tinga jungle episodes while I made lunch.

Burgers today in wholemeal rolls. I had the beetroot, courgette, chickpea burgers from yesterday, kids had quorn burgers, husband had beef burgers, with chips, mini cucumbers, sugar snap peas and coleslaw.

Sent the kids to play in the garden while I cleared the table, put the dishwasher on and set up the table for the afternoon activities. We used toilet rolls and cereal boxes that I've been specifically storing to make colourful trees from Elmer's forest. We coloured in the patterns with sharpies. While the kids were finishing their trees, I packed a rucksack with snacks and drinks to take out to the park.

Somewhere I also fitted in my daughter doing her handwriting practice, a worksheet about 2D shapes, playing the online numbots game, watching some alphablocks and hey duggee episodes, getting the kids dressed, doing my daughter's insanely long hair, doing the laundry, and sending photos of all my daughter's work to her teacher.

We played an hour of ringfit adventure together for our PE lesson and the kids ate pear and nectarine crumble with ice cream and then we headed out to the park.

In the park we litter picked, I got the kids to run races, they ran up and down the skate park ramps for a while and we ate satsumas, apples, cheese and crackers. Met another mum and daughter we know. The daughter might be in my son's class from September. His nursery has confirmed that they won't be reopening at all this school year. Some of the parents are grumpy that we weren't consulted, but the school are just trying to do their best to keep the kids and staff safe and they don't think that they have enough room to open the nursery.

Back home, I let the kids play Animal Crossing while I made dinner, chilli sans carne, rice, an aji sauce (lots of fresh coriander, garlic, lime juice and Greek yoghurt all blitzed together, very green), raw carrots and rocket.

[ursus arctos]

Ventured about a mile south to pick up some Trader Joe's staples. Steady rain for about an hour didn't seem to much impact on the length of the queue, which took the 20-30 minutes that has become standard at that time of day.

Although there has been virtually no trouble near here, a number of the shops on Broadway have covered their windows with plywood, as if they were preparing for a hurricane. Some of them were already vacant, others must have though they were particular targets for organised looters. The Lululemon shop is in the second category. None of the plywood coverings had even been graffitied, let alone attacked.

To protect drivers, the front quarter of buses has been closed off. Riders enter from the back and fares have been suspended. It is increasingly common for the restricted area to be closed off with chains whose links are coated in bright yellow plastic, which is certainly easy to see, if a bit ridiculous. The bus I was on today had added a jury-rigged clear shower curtain, which probably should be standard.

It also was the first time I saw a person with mobility issues using the restricted area, as they are allowed to do. She had her leg in a cast, which must be a particular pain under the circumstances.

It seems that more people have left the building. The current estimate is that we are at a quarter to third of regular capacity.

[Balderdasha]

My kids are getting really tired of not going anywhere interesting. They're both fantasising about going to the beach and Legoland and anywhere other than here. I want to take them someone, but we don't have a car, so I'm out of ideas for making my local area seem new. Any suggestions???

[Sporting]

My kids are getting really tired of not going anywhere interesting. They're both fantasising about going to the beach and Legoland and anywhere other than here. I want to take them someone, but we don't have a car, so I'm out of ideas for making my local area seem new. Any suggestions???

Treasure hunt? Or burying a time capsule? Or public shaming of people breaking distancing rules?

[Balderdasha]

Treasure hunt? Or burying a time capsule? Or public shaming of people breaking distancing rules?

They'd love a treasure hunt. I just need some time and energy to set one up. So far during lockdown we've done: an Easter egg hunt, a leaf hunt, a bug hunt, a bird hunt, a wildflower hunt, hunting for rainbows in windows, a ladybird hunt.

A time capsule is a good idea, I'm just not sure where to bury it. The soil in our back garden is very dry and I've already dug up enough of the park with our archaeology project. Maybe if it rains some more this week.

I actively try and stop the children from publicly shaming people who are breaking the rules. It's not worth getting into an argument or anything worse.

[Sporting]

The last option wasn't an entirely serious suggestion.

[Balderdasha]

Day 77. Thursday 4th May. 11 weeks of "emergency remote learning" completed.

Strawberries with cereal for breakfast.

I found all our animal books and my daughter did lots of research about lions, giraffes and foxes, to flesh out the idea of her Liaffox. So far it uses its foxy tail to wrap around its body and keep it warm, its lion roar can be heard from 6km away, and it learns to walk on its giraffe legs within an hour of being born. My son made an Elmer the elephant mask. We watched an Our Planet episode about elephants and giraffes.

Husband made lunch. Egg noodles with green beans, tenderstem broccoli, baby corn, mange tout and a bit of teriyaki sauce. Me and the kids did a maths lesson about 3D shapes while he cooked.

After lunch the kids played in the garden while I cleared up and set up an art activity. Had to stop daughter from tying a scarf around son's neck and using him as a "husky" to pull her along on her scooter.

Afternoon art activity was printing repeating patterns with shape stamps cut out of potatoes and paint (usually I would consider this a waste of food but we had a bag of sprouting potatoes that were well past their best). Had to thoroughly scrub the kids afterwards as even though they were wearing aprons they still had paint up to their elbows and all over their faces.

Left the kids playing Animal Crossing while I went into town to collect some medicine and buy a few supplies from Wilco. Had a nice chat with one of my friends. She has MS and keeps getting conflicting advice about whether she should be shielding or not. Couldn't resist having a little browse in Wilco as I rarely go in a shop these days. Bought a few items to bring out as surprises for the kids over the next week, some bubbles, proper tennis balls, tissue paper (needed for tomorrow's craft activity), more printer paper, some dark chocolate coated cranberries for baking.

Back home, the kids are watching some sort of alphabet programme. Husband made them cheese toasties for dinner. I've made a grapefruit, feta and walnut salad for the adults. Mother-in-law popped over to wave and deliver us a watermelon and some strawberries.

[Balderdasha]

Also, husband has been experimenting with making our own yoghurt. This lockdown is revealing previously unguessed personality traits. Turns out that his favourite programme used to be "The Good Life". Perhaps we'll move to a smallholding after this is over.

[Benjm]

Earlier this week, we had a request from a friend to put them up for a couple of nights in the kind of circumstances in which one would usually be glad to help out (a logistical hitch rather than fleeing danger or anything grave). I explained that it was against the current rules and that we wouldn't be comfortable with it, which is the situation, but felt prissy and jobsworthy while saying it. Not helping a friend wouldn't be enjoyable at the best of times but the Government's carefully curated rules-are-for-mugs atmosphere adds an extra dimension, an amplified version of the feeling like a tit for being one of the quarter or so of customers wearing a mask in the supermarket.

[elguapo4]

You can only look after your own health, you'd look a bigger tit in the ICU.

[Balderdasha]

Day 78. Friday 5th May. After this week, I never want to read another Elmer the elephant book ever again.

More writing about the Liaffox. Watched more Elmer the elephant stories on YouTube. Made Elmer biscuits. Turned old milk bottles into models of Elmer the elephant with tissue paper decoupage. They played numbots and switchzoo.

Got the kids to help me do the dishwasher and the laundry. They played in the garden for a bit. They had orange, cranberry and pumpkin seed bread for lunch (another delivery from mother-in-law yesterday) with cucumber, red pepper houmous and strawberries. Adults had leftover chilli sans carne and aji sauce with rice and eggs.

After lunch I got the kids to watch an episode of storybots about how flowers grow, while I took some time to have a proper shower and moisturise.

Daughter was so tired by the end of the day that she was nearly crying because I tried to get her to finish her Elmer milk bottle model. Realised I was being a bit manic and it was totally unnecessary, so they're now chilling out playing Minecraft.

The yoghurt that my husband made is really, really good, especially with strawberries and a bit of sweetener. Really creamy texture (he strained it properly with a fine sieve).

We had a boules set delivered that I was hoping to try out in the park with the kids, but some of the balls are already dented and scratched so we're going to return it.

Husband has got a new piece of work that he's having to work pretty hard on, but work is money so it's all good.