The Lockdown Diaries

[Sporting]

Bread is fine but I can quite happily survive without.

[Balderdasha]

Day 58. Saturday 16th May.

Friday night I got myself into an absolute state, couldn't sleep until 3am, was almost going manic / psychotic, had to wake my husband up to talk me down. Took an extra half dose of my medication to sedate me (I'm on the lowest therapeutic dose so my psychiatrist has previously recommended taking extra in emergencies). It was bad enough that I was even considering knocking myself out with the emergency diazepam. I physically couldn't close my eyes which is a horrible feeling when you're exhausted. Fortunately, the extra dose and the calming effect of my husband speaking soothingly and stroking my back meant I eventually managed to close my eyes and fall into a fitful sleep around 4am, and I didn't need diazepam.

My husband left me to sleep until 1pm on Saturday then brought me a cup of tea and some home-baked pastries (we buy the part-baked frozen ones). The temptation after an episode like Friday night is to fall into a self-loathing depression, but I decided to go to war on the housework instead.

I spent four hours deep cleaning the kitchen (three dishwasher loads, surfaces scrubbed, bins emptied, floor swept, hoovered and mopped, three full laundry cycles). I spent an hour in the garden taking out all the brambles and nettles from the little side alley that goes down to the shed.

My husband and the kids mostly played Nintendo switch games and watched Jurassic Park together. He made spaghetti puttanesca for lunch. I had my mother-in-law's falafels and houmous in a wrap with salad for dinner (had a day off from slimming world restrictions).

We had a big Tesco delivery in the evening. The delivery guy originally forgot one tray of frozen goods but he came back with it before we'd finished packing and we hadn't noticed it missing yet.

I had an early night to prevent a repeat of Friday and seem to be doing a bit better today.

[Balderdasha]

Day 59. Sunday 17th May.

Tackled the dining room today. Cleared and sorted all the assorted rubbish off the dining room table (It breeds. It's mostly half-finished craft projects, school print-outs, broken crayons). Cleaned the table. Put the chairs on the table and hoovered thoroughly. Did two loads of laundry. Didn't learn my lesson from last time we put a rug in the washing machine. I forgot that the rubber underneath disintegrates and clogs up the pipes. Hopefully haven't destroyed the washing machine.

Made a big mixed bean salad for lunch with the last of mother-in-law's falafels.

We have a hedge around our front garden. It had got so overgrown that it was making it actively difficult for pedestrians to maintain social distancing when going past it. So I spent two hours hacking it back with the pruning shears and the loppers. Completely filled our brown bin with cuttings. The kids played in the back garden while I did this but I could still hear them through the fence, so I'd occasionally pause from pruning and shout things like "stop poking your sister with a stick" or "get out from behind the shed" through the fence and then they'd spend five minutes twittering away "how did she know?"

Husband roasted a chicken for dinner. I made roast potatoes and carrots, peas, sweetcorn, Yorkshire puddings, gravy, Quorn roast fillets, Quorn chicken slices and cauliflower cheese (following a slimming world recipe) on the side. Daughter has started to get really into roast dinners and ate ten potatoes and four Yorkshire puddings (when I was a child my mum used to make an extra tray of roast potatoes and an extra tray of Yorkshire puddings every Sunday just so I could snack on them all day).

Son has been playing with a set of foam letters that I bought him all day. They're supposed to be bath toys but he just likes sorting them.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Daughter has started to get really into roast dinners and ate ten potatoes and four Yorkshire puddings (when I was a child my mum used to make an extra tray of roast potatoes and an extra tray of Yorkshire puddings every Sunday just so I could snack on them all day).

I get to my allotted 7,000 calories on christmas day, not via Brandy butter, or plum pudding or even booze, but instead by eating about 20-25 roast potatoes. (These are obviously not full potatoes) Glad to see that I'm not alone. It doesn't count if you prepare them yourself, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Walt Flanagans Dog]

Bread is fine but I can quite happily survive without.

For years I bought it only occasionally (basically around school holidays when the kids would be spending more time in the house). It's only been in recent years that I've bought it regularly, to use in sandwiches to take into work after the canteen prices were "reviewed".

Daughter has been baking a lot during lockdown and I said we'd get a breadmaker machine next week. There is something of a national shortage however, another example of how the country is being swept up in a frenzy of baking (or at least buying the ingredients and equipment for baking). Argos don't have any available, there are none in Asda and some sellers on Amazon are trying to punt them at 5x the normal retail price.

I've had one before and feel they are a but over rated (it might have just been the one we had), and we'll do without one til the fuss dies down then we'll probably have forgotten about it by then.

[Janik]

I suppose that I could look this up but I'll give the OTF hivemind first shot.

Was it Scott's expedition, or another, that lost members to vitamin A or vitamin D poisoning because they ate their huskies including their livers, which had lethal levels of A or D because of their diet of seal meat?

I'll be amazed if there isn't at least four or five factual errors in that single, badly-formed sentence.

Which expedition you are thinking of has already been answered, but in addition it couldn't have been Scott's. Because they didn't have Huskies. They had horses. Who were pretty ill-suited to being draught animals in the Antarctic.

[Patrick Thistle]

Captain Scott sailed from Cardiff. There's a memorial to him in Roath Park Lake that looks like a lighthouse and a hideous modern sculpture behind the Norwegian Church in Cardiff Bay.

One of my Scandinavian Grandma's recurring themes was that the British were idiots who would take horses to the Antarctic, not smart like Scandinavians who would take dog sleds.

[Balderdasha]

As far as I understand, Scott took dogs and ponies. The ponies obviously flaked out first and then the dogs did because they didn't have nearly enough of them, and probably not the right type. They then idiotically carried on walking to the South Pole with no animals and just five men pulling the sleds.

[Balderdasha]

Day 60. Monday 18th May. Starting week nine of home-schooling.

This week's topics are astronauts, Sikhism and Julia Donaldson books, starting with the Gruffalo.

We forgot to buy turnips on Animal Crossing on Sunday morning, which means we will not torture ourselves by checking the price this week.

Morning school included: Andy's Wild Workouts PE, writing a job application to be a Mars explorer (daughter made an excellent case for being the engineer), watching The Gruffalo on BBC iPlayer, making Gruffalo pairs cards and playing pairs (both my kids are legitimately good at this but I still have to pretend to be worse at it to avoid my son having a major meltdown), playing Gruffalo dominoes, phonics worksheet for oo/ew/ue sounds, Gruffalo spot the difference, Gruffalo colouring in, more maths fractions (quarters today). Left the kids watching The Gruffalo's Child while I cleared the kitchen yet again and made lunch.

For lunch I just cooked some macaroni and mixed it with yesterday's leftover cauliflower cheese, with green beans and baby corn on the side.

The kids played in the garden while I cleared up after lunch and set up our afternoon activity which was making our own Gruffalo faces.

When school finished at 3:15pm, I left the kids with my husband while I went into town to collect my medication. Had a nice chat with a friend on the way in. She has two similar aged children (both girls) and is enjoying lockdown so much that she's considering permanent home schooling.

Boots was less busy than it's been, no queuing outside, only a short queue inside. As well as collecting my medication I finally managed to get hold of some high strength vitamin D tablets, some children's vitamins and some spray suncream (I realise that the suncream sort of cancels out my need for more vitamin D, but I burn fairly easily). Popped into Tesco express on the way back for three not-entirely-essential reasons. 1) my son's school has set an activity for this Friday to make "witches wands" from breadsticks, melted chocolate and sprinkles. 2) my husband wanted more vegetables to make kimchi out of. I looked unsuccessfully for cabbage but got swede and radishes instead. 3) I wanted more aubergine and basil to have another go at making pasta alla norma (last attempt was good but too salty). So, I could have survived without all of that but as I was already out I thought one extra shop would hopefully not do too much harm. Wore disposable gloves which I binned immediately on my return home and washed hands thoroughly.

When I got home my husband had discovered that my son drew over the padded rocking chair, so all the covers had been stripped and put in the wash. He'd also made chicken noodle soup out of the chicken carcass from Sunday so that sorted dinner for everyone else and I had the rest of the macaroni cauliflower cheese.

We watched the first two episodes of season two of The Hollow, then kids had a bath and went to bed.

Midway through writing this post I had to rescue my son who was on his hands and knees on his bedroom windowsill. I fully understand why fewer boys survive childhood than girls.

[Balderdasha]

In other news, a week or two ago we realised that we may have been unintentionally starving our pleco fish. We got her as a bottom feeder to clean up after the neon tetras and cherry barbs. She's been doing an excellent job of that; the tank is far cleaner than before. But, it seems that we need to supplement her diet with algae flakes, cucumber slices, pepper slices and suchlike. We don't see her very often because she hides under the flower pots in the tank and only comes out to feed at night, but last time we saw her she looked skinny. I don't know if she's improved but she's eating the vegetables we put in the tank for her now so hopefully she'll plump up a bit.

[S. aureus]

It was pretty windy here yesterday afternoon, and when I was taking the trash out last night I found that part of the fence between me and my neighbours had blown down. I wandered round to inform them of this, and figured that my neighbour would be best to deal with it since it's basically his job. He said he'd check it out in the morning and get it done, as I expected.
Just now he came over and knocked on the door. Upon opening it he gets as close as possible without actually being in the house, and proceeds to tell me what's going on with the fence. Leaving me in the uncomfortable position of having to edge my way backwards down my corridor to put some distance between us, while noticing that I was also downwind of him. After talking about the fence he then invites my daughter to come over to his place, as his grandkids are going to be there tomorrow. Clearly not someone who's taking this social distancing stuff seriously.

[elguapo4]

I was just around in the local cafe, picking up something for my morning break. They have clear social distancing markers like all businesses. Two Cops came in behind me,when I turned from paying, one of them had already moved forward, and I had to avoid bumping into him, it's the arsehole's JOB to enforce this.

[Nefertiti2]

So you're coparenting two children and a fish. My respect increases daily Balderdasha (you do a great job and I'm sure your kids will remember this as a wonderful time.)

[Balderdasha]

So you're coparenting two children and a fish. My respect increases daily Balderdasha (you do a great job and I'm sure your kids will remember this as a wonderful time.)

That's very sweet, thank you.

Our fish tank actually contains: three neon tetra fish called Speedy, Hilda and Houdini, four cherry barb fish, all called Bob, a pleco fish called Plucky, a shrimp called Monsieur Shrimpy, a medium sized brown snail called Escargot, and three black and yellow striped small snails called Bumble, Bee and Spiky, who are constantly humping each other.

[pebblethefish]

I hope that the whole family pronounce Monsieur Shrimpy's name in an outrageously over the top French accent. It seems only right.

[elguapo4]

Four cherry barb fish, all called Bob, will be appearing at the next Edinburgh festival fringe.

[Sporting]

Four cherry barb fish, all called Bob, will be appearing at the next Edinburgh festival fringe.

Was planning Edinburgh this summer. Dead fish in the water; though.

[Nocturnal Submission]

I hope that the whole family pronounce Monsieur Shrimpy's name in an outrageously over the top French accent. It seems only right.

[pebblethefish]

I need to have some kids just so I understand modern cultural reference points. Or is that not a good reason?

[ad hoc]

I'd warn against starting with Finding Nemo mind you. In the very first minutes of the film the main character tragically loses his wife and all bar one of his many children in a savage attack by an intruder. It's fucking brutal. People think these animated films are all fun and happiness, but fuck it;s dark

(gets a bit more upbeat later)

[marsupialman]

I'd warn against starting with Finding Nemo mind you. In the very first minutes of the film the main character tragically loses his wife and all bar one of his many children in a savage attack by an intruder. It's fucking brutal. People think these animated films are all fun and happiness, but fuck it;s dark

(gets a bit more upbeat later)

Our boys watched 'Up' yesterday. The opening sequence gets me at the best of times and it hit me like a ton of bricks on this occasion. A bubble of emotion the size of a coconut travelled up my body and then a single tear travelled down the right hand side of my face. Too much.

[DCI Harry Batt]

Is that the one with the house that gets carried off by a balloon or something?

[HORN]

It is.

[ursus arctos]

[Balderdasha]

Most popular kids films are quite brutal, and being orphaned is a running theme.

Warning: spoilers

Lion King: Simba's dad is thrown off a cliff by his uncle and trampled to death by wildebeest.
Bambi: mum gets shot by a hunter.
Despicable Me: the three main kids are orphans in an orphanage run by a psychopath.
Cinderella: her mum died leaving her with an abusive stepmother and stepsisters.
Tangled: Rapunzel is kidnapped as a baby and kept prisoner in a tower by her passive aggressive kidnapper who pretends to be her mother.
Frozen: both parents die in a storm at sea. Kristoff is also an orphan though it's not explained how, just that his only friend is a reindeer until he's adopted by rock trolls.
Dumbo: his mum essentially gets locked up in a mental asylum.
101 Dalmations: all the dogs are kidnapped to be turned into fur coats.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: her stepmother commands a man to take her into the woods and stab her to death and bring back her heart. Later she poisons her.
The Jungle Book: Mowgli gets lost in the jungle so is effectively orphaned.
Beauty and the Beast: essentially an ode to Stockholm syndrome.