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    In my one on one with my boss today I was asked about one of my co-workers. All very awkward as a significant part of my team's meetings are spent mocking this particular co-worker, and everyone hates them (apart from my boss). I waffled my way around "self-centered, conceited, crap scientist with a loud mouth and no understanding" for a while. I did discover that my boss views at least one of the things that I view as an example of their selfishness, as an example of their being a team player. And that my boss is willing to blame the other person on the co-worker's team for stuff that is both of their fault.

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      Jeez, man

      ​​​​​​Have an adult beverage or three

      You've earned it

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        Originally posted by S. aureus View Post
        In my one on one with my boss today I was asked about one of my co-workers. All very awkward as a significant part of my team's meetings are spent mocking this particular co-worker, and everyone hates them (apart from my boss). I waffled my way around "self-centered, conceited, crap scientist with a loud mouth and no understanding" for a while. I did discover that my boss views at least one of the things that I view as an example of their selfishness, as an example of their being a team player. And that my boss is willing to blame the other person on the co-worker's team for stuff that is both of their fault.
        Not for the first time I'm glad I'm not an employee anymore. This sounds like someone's about to be sent to re-education camp.

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          Originally posted by Antepli Ejderha View Post
          Our daughter is 26 months, she's never watched TV. We're hoping to get to 3 years old without her seeing it.

          It's brutal on us at times but the studies we've read seem to suggest it'll have a positive impact.
          I fully agree in theory but in prapcptice tend to go along with Balderdasha's practical advice. Finding enough meaniingful and stimulating activities for a baby and toddler is difficult enough when the parents can provide 100% attention, but when there is other stuff to be done at home it becomes - for me, at least - almost impossible.

          I will say that part of our ratiionalle for allowing to son to watch TV - cartoons and so-called educational programmes - was to increase his exposure to more English and German that he heard from his parents or from occasional trips abroad. The idea was that he should grow up to be comfortable in at least three languages and this is what has happened.

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            I sorta supervise somebody who is a lovely person, but in her three-plus years of working for us, has never really learned how to do the job very well and her effort level has been inconsistent. I suppose I should have pushed harder, but that wasn’t really my place, I didn’t think. Instead, I’ve just tried to be supportive. I just didn’t need the aggravation of fighting over something that I couldn’t actually fix. My boss, also her boss, knew the situation and was doing what he can.

            Last week after a few days of particularly half-ass (half is generous) effort from her, I resolved to discuss it with my boss. I was rewriting half or more of all her articles and she never seemed to care. She turned in shit with the same kind of mistakes over and over.

            I was concerned about how to handle that discussion because I feel like her shitness was partially my fault. I’m just too nice to people. I just don’t want to create conflict unless I think it will actually accomplish anything, but then it occurred to me that my complaints might be taken more seriously if I’d been more forthright in the past.

            And then...

            She quit. She found another job at a sort-of competitor. I think she’ll be doing more multimedia there and maybe not writing so much, which would be better for her anyway. She is better as a speaker than a writer.


            So it’s not my problem now. Yeah, we’ll be short staffed for a bit, but she wasn’t doing much useful work anyway, so it won’t matter much. And, hopefully we can hire somebody new who actually takes direction and learns from it.

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              Antepli Ejderha, if you can manage no TV with a toddler then more power to you. We didn't watch much TV when my daughter was little. I was constantly walking her to different playgroups and we read endless books. But it is harder to avoid by a whole extra order of magnitude with two or more children and there is a balance point where your description of it as "brutal" on the parents, is too brutal to justify the potential benefits.

              Very early on, I remember someone telling me that all parents eventually learn that "TV and crisps don't kill children". It's a bit like the "bread and circuses" concept. At some point, in the chaos of raising small children, most parents need half an hour where everyone can sit slumped on the sofa together and watch a cartoon without anyone whining that their sibling has just poked them in the eye, and that's ok. More than ok. Any type of parenting that preserves the parents' sanity and keeps the children safe, well and fed, is good parenting.

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                I couldn't agree more Sporting and Balderdasha

                Our daughter listens to lots of songs, mostly super simple songs, and has lots of books and is slowly entertaining herself but we're getting to a point in the week when my wife needs a break. The issue is that when the screen or TV goes off there will be the tantrum, and we're doing all we can to be proactive to prevent as much as we can.

                It's tough.

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                  Originally posted by Antepli Ejderha View Post
                  I couldn't agree more Sporting and Balderdasha

                  Our daughter listens to lots of songs, mostly super simple songs, and has lots of books and is slowly entertaining herself but we're getting to a point in the week when my wife needs a break. The issue is that when the screen or TV goes off there will be the tantrum, and we're doing all we can to be proactive to prevent as much as we can.

                  It's tough.
                  I find that as long as you set parameters in advance, then it helps minimise the tantrums, e.g. we're going to watch two episodes of Peppa Pig and then do something else. Then you remind them, this is the first episode, we're going to watch one more, then we're going to switch the TV off. My son, in particular, needs advance warning of change, both minor and major, anything from when we're going to leave the playground to how many sleeps until a birthday. If he doesn't get warning and I suddenly say "right, we're going home now", that's when he throws big tantrums.

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                    My husband is always good at giving me perspective on the quality of my parenting, sometimes by reminding me what previous generations used to consider as "normal". For example, I don't beat my children with a belt (as my grandad and grandma did). I don't scream at my husband and tell him that I'd divorce him if I wasn't a good Christian (regular weekend for the other grandparents). I have not left my seven year old in the house on her own because she was whingeing about having to go somewhere (looking at my mum here). My husband doesn't pass out drunk on the lounge floor every evening (that'd be my dad).

                    And then there's always this: https://amp.reddit.com/r/trashy/comm..._trash_can_to/

                    (Photo uploading not currently working so it's a link to Reddit instead).

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                      Also forgot, I don't chain smoke around my children (father-in-law) and I remain calm in a crisis rather than bursting into hysterical tears the instant one of my children is minorly injured (mother-in-law. She is the most wonderful human being in many, many ways, but you don't want her anywhere near you in a crisis).

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                        Originally posted by ursus arctos View Post
                        On the other hand, what is it with the Great British Public's "vomit" obsession?




                        How does this obsession manifest, for you?

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                          With tongue somewhat in cheek, but the frequent comparison of the taste of Hershey's Chocolate and NS's evocation of the odor of Amazon packing paper did trigger something. There have been other examples.

                          It just isn't something I have encountered with anything like similar regularity in other cultures.

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                            Kraft Parmesan in a pot. That smells like vomit.

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                              At some point my child's psychiatrist told me not to stress about the kids watching too much television or whatever as they'd be fine in the long run, and if they weren't it wouldn't be because of that. I'm hoping that she's right, but she does have 3 or 4 decades of experience dealing with kids.

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                                Originally posted by Sits View Post
                                Kraft Parmesan in a pot. That smells like vomit.
                                All parmesan smells like vomit. I don't think I have a cultural affinity to comparing things with vomit but parmesan just does smell like vomit. But I presume not everyone picks up on it as they would be unlikely to put it on their food if they did

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                                  Is this a widely held opinion?

                                  I ask because it is batshit crazy.

                                  One issue I have is that the odour of my own vomit is dependent on what I've been eating. Is it the English penchant for drinking to excess and vomiting in the street that gives you lot a single sense of its smell?

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                                    I’m highly vomit-averse, though not fully phobic. A friend is, and until she pointed it out, I didn’t realise how much vomiting occurs in film.

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                                      Originally posted by ursus arctos View Post
                                      Is this a widely held opinion?

                                      I ask because it is batshit crazy.

                                      One issue I have is that the odour of my own vomit is dependent on what I've been eating. Is it the English penchant for drinking to excess and vomiting in the street that gives you lot a single sense of its smell?
                                      Which leads to singularity. All smell is vomit.

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                                        I don’t think many people love vomit, but my aversion means I can’t speak to people after they’ve vomited, even if they brush their teeth.

                                        My (non-phobic) mate’s first kiss with her boyfriend was after he’d vomited then washed his mouth out with beer.

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                                          And people say that there is no unique English culture

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                                            Originally posted by MsD View Post
                                            I don’t think many people love vomit, but my aversion means I can’t speak to people after they’ve vomited, even if they brush their teeth.

                                            My (non-phobic) mate’s first kiss with her boyfriend was after he’d vomited then washed his mouth out with beer.
                                            I was like that with a girlfriend as well, after she vomited. Though not a first kiss. All I can say in my defence is I was very drunk at the time.

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                                              ua is making me laugh a lot here.

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                                                Drinking to excess is not the only circumstance when one might vomit in the street. I vomited on Oxford Street once after going for a nice meal at Mildred's. My mistake was thinking that the stomach bug I'd caught in Nepal the week before had gone. It had not and a slightly larger than usual meal was enough to retrigger it.

                                                I also get terrible "morning sickness" when pregnant (ridiculous name, it lasts all day) and I often got no warning that a vomiting attack was about to happen. I've vomited in a bin on Clapham High Street, next to a tree on Clapham Common, and on one memorable occasion I got off a bus in Knightsbridge and vomited spectacularly over the railings of a very expensive building, like a vomit waterfall down to the below ground level of the building. Once I'd stopped heaving, I realised there was no way I could clean it up and just hurried away shame-faced.

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                                                  My wife is virtually useless once someone vomits, even when it was the kids when they were tiny. I couldn't care less.

                                                  Our son came home after imbibing in the park a couple of months back and subsequently did a fantastic Mr Creosote impression all over himself and the couch. L recoiled and left the room as if she'd been shot from a cannon. I was largely on my own to tidy up the crime scene.

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                                                    Originally posted by ad hoc View Post

                                                    All parmesan smells like vomit. I don't think I have a cultural affinity to comparing things with vomit but parmesan just does smell like vomit. But I presume not everyone picks up on it as they would be unlikely to put it on their food if they did
                                                    You don't like any cheese, so you're pretty much shooting in the dark here.

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