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Apparently it's "international joke day"

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    Apparently it's "international joke day"

    So.

    Why do sound engineers say "one two, one two"?

    Because on "three" you're expected to lift something.


    #2
    What kind of bees produce milk?

    Boo-bees

    (NB, small nieces and nephews think this is hilarious; their parents not so much)

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      #3
      Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

      Because the P is silent.

      (My daughter told me this one while we were walking someplace, and I heard a boy that looked to be 15 or 16 turn to his friend who wasn't paying attention and immediately re-tell the joke)

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        #4
        What's the semaphore for "I haven't got any flags"?

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          #5
          Originally posted by Incandenza View Post
          Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

          Because the P is silent.

          (My daughter told me this one while we were walking someplace, and I heard a boy that looked to be 15 or 16 turn to his friend who wasn't paying attention and immediately re-tell the joke)
          I told my daughter a long, convoluted 'shaggy dog' joke one time in the car. The next day, my son - who was maybe 4 at the time - retold it letter-perfect to his grandfather and got huge laughs.

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            #6
            Why was 6 scared of 7?

            Because 7 8 9.

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              #7
              Originally posted by Serge Gainsbourg View Post
              Why was 6 scared of 7?

              Because 7 8 9.
              Fucking hell, is that what passes for a joke these days?

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                #8
                What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

                A stick.

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                  #9
                  A chicken walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager.
                  The pub landlord says, "sorry, we don't serve food".

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                    #10
                    So it's actually International Dad Joke Day?

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                      #11
                      Every day is Dad Joke Day.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                        Fucking hell, is that what passes for a joke these days?
                        Well, at least on Sesame Street.

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                          #13
                          I bought a dog off a blacksmith. I took it home and it made a bolt for the door.

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                            #14
                            What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

                            A carrot

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                              #15
                              A bear and a rabbit are having a shit in the woods.

                              Bear says to rabbit "don't you find that the shit gets stuck in your fur?"

                              Rabbit says 'no, not really."

                              So the bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his arse on him.
                              Last edited by Toby Gymshorts; 02-07-2019, 09:43.

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                                #16
                                I first heard the joke "What's brown and sounds like a bell?" back in around 1966. Same thing with the dropping of a piano down a coalmine.

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                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                                  Fucking hell, is that what passes for a joke these days?
                                  That's a quality joke, you fool!

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                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Giggler View Post
                                    I bought a dog off a blacksmith. I took it home and it made a bolt for the door.
                                    In similar news, a giant rabbit has invaded Balham this morning. I suggest we all make a run for it.

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                                      #19
                                      Well, I was in the landing gear bay of this airliner...



                                      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-48830212

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                                        #20
                                        You are so odd.

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                                          #21
                                          Does anyone know what the funniest joke in the world was in Monty Python, the one we used to win the war?

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                                            #22
                                            Calvinist levels of sense of humour loss there...

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                                              #23
                                              It must be amusing to some that Canada Day and International Joke Day are the same day.

                                              Not for rme, obvs,. I like Canada.

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                                                #24
                                                What's a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

                                                A shoe.

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                                                  #25
                                                  A toothless termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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