Skills you really shouldn't have... but do (and vice versa)

[Sporting]

Cycling drunk, perhaps?

How about cycling hands-free with those hands in your pockets while talking on your hands-free mobile phone at the same time?

A lot of cyclists here seem to be experts at this. To be honest, it's hard enough for me to let go of even one hand at a time.

[San Bernardhinault]

That's a skill I never learned. Cycling drunk got me home safely. Cycling with no hands seemed to have no value at all apart from showboating.

[Sporting]

When it's cold and you have no gloves you keep your hands warm in pockets. But yeah, showboating.

[elguapo4]

My spelling has always been impeccable but my handwriting is awful, sometimes when I re read something I've written I can barely understand it myself.

[Sporting]

I used to be able to write more or less nonstop by hand for three hours (exams) in reasonably understandable handwriting but nowadays more than ten minutes is a considerable effort (blame typing).

[ursus arctos]

Same. Also same for typing.

Thus is becoming somewhat disquieting.

[treibeis]

That's a skill I never learned. Cycling drunk got me home safely. Cycling with no hands seemed to have no value at all apart from showboating.

Rolling a fag (or a spliff toke pot joint bogard mooch) could excuse it. Otherwise, no, showboating.

[Amor de Cosmos]

I used to be able to roll a cigarette with one hand while looking at the ceiling.* Doubt I could these days though.

*I was a decorator and spent a fair amount of time painting or gilding cornices.

[MsD]

Cycling drunk, perhaps?

How about cycling hands-free with those hands in your pockets while talking on your hands-free mobile phone at the same time?

A lot of cyclists here seem to be experts at this. To be honest, it's hard enough for me to let go of even one hand at a time.

I cycled down a long hill on acid once. It was very exhilarating but the sort of thing you only do once, unless you're mad.

[Nocturnal Submission]

I cycled up a long hill drunk. It was quite odd. My lungs were bursting and my legs full of lactic acid but I couldn't really feel anything, apart from the slow onset of the loss of consciousness through exhaustion.

[Capybara]

I am amazing with dates. Not the fruit with the stone, but those on the calendar. Birthdays, anniversaries, when I had specific conversations, I can always pin it to an exact date. This baffles my wife who questioned getting married on her birthday so she wouldn't forget our anniversary.

Same here (apart from the wife bit). Also hotel room numbers. Once I've checked in I don't need a reminder - I was in room 206 in Nuremburg a fortnight ago, for example. But people's names, no chance.

[Felicity, I guess so]

As the peloton often do, no hands also allows you to put on or take off gloves, clothes, helmet. I can’t do it and it can be frustrating having to stop to deal with a minor clothing issue

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

I can balance a broom/cricket bat/golf club on my nose. And I can juggle three balls. But I can't do them both at the same time, unfortunately. I bought a second-hand unicycle once, to complete the Billy Smart's treble, but just couldn't do it.

[hobbes]

I cycled down a long hill on acid once. It was very exhilarating but the sort of thing you only do once, unless you're mad.

Didn't your tyres melt?

[Sam]

I can't really think of anything. All my skills are relevant. I live a very pared-back sort of life.

Well, when I put my mind to it I can procrastinate for England, but I doubt that's quite what's required for the thread.

[Furtho]

When ms ursus tried to teach me how to drive a stick in her beloved Karmann Ghia, I managed to drive it into a field of raisins-to-be in Madera.

This should be in the WTF thread, as well as the Arctos family annals. UA, why on earth would Ms Ursus allow you to learn to drive in her Karmann Ghia?

[ursus arctos]

Love is blind, Furtho.

A bit more seriously, I wasn't learning to drive. I was trying to learn how to drive a car with a manual transmission, which happened to be the only kind of car she had at the time. As I was carless, as always, it would have allowed me to share duties with her had I not proven to be so inept.

The experiment was never repeated (nor was the Ghia damaged (very unlike my pride)).

[MsD]

I tried cycling handsfree as recently as last year. Used to be able to do it as a child. I can take my hands off for a second or two. But as I have enough aches and pains without a fall adding to them, I've decided not to keep trying.

[WOM]

My motorbike is nicely balanced so that, if I engage the throttle cruise control, I can ride handsfree for miles. It's quite liberating for your arms and upper back.

[treibeis]

My motorbike is nicely balanced so that, if I engage the throttle cruise control, I can ride handsfree for miles. It's quite liberating for your arms and upper back.

Yes, but you can liberate your arms and upper back without breaking the law and without endangering children's lives.

[WOM]

The children are wearing helmets, ffs. I'm not a lunatic.

[MsD]

Yeah, but what about the two showgirls on your shoulders?

[Sporting]

I can`t swim. Well, I once got to the point of being to move about three strokes forward but then panic set in, possibly caused by a semi-memory of a near-drowning when I was a toddler. Not sure that swimming is a skill as such, though.