Close Ohlson

[Benjm]

One more thing: not even I, as both a rampant Germanophile and fan of questionable shoes, would go near German footwear*.

*Caveat: meaning the general German footwear you see yer ackshul Germans wearing. Yowzer.

I have never quite recovered from seeing a picture of Ralf Hutter sporting a pair of white cowboy boots at some point in the 1970s. They shook my faith almost as much as if it had turned out that the percussion sound on Autobahn was achieved by banging two halves of a coconut shell together.

[EIM]

A lightbulb just went on the landing. Oh, I thought, I can pop to Clas Ohlson. It hit me. I had to sit down. I've not got up since.

[EIM]

FIVE OTHER SHOPS I DON'T WANT TO CLOSE

Safad - Palestinian falafel daddys on Bloom Street. Best I've had, with their special onions and couscous and tomato gear especially nice. Also do a top folded pizza for four quid, which comes with spinach, chicken, or spicy lamb.

Yadgar - Rice and three OGs. Lamb, lentil and chickpea for a fiver, washed down by a tin cup of water. Best cheap scran in town, worst toilets in the world.

Deadstock General Store - They fixed my Barbour holdall for a fiver when it was going to cost £60 odd in official circles. They sell absolutely loads of stuff I want, and none I need. I got a military watch from there, a traveller's notebook I'm too scared to use, an enamel soap dish. Everything looks fantastic. Nothing is of any practical use.

Wilkos - In this barren, scorched, Clas Ohlsonless world, where else can I turn to, but the comforting, sweaty bosom of the East Midlands. It's not as cool, not as hip, not as Olof Mellberg but it remains the best place to go to get stuff that nowhere else sells.

Siop Shop - How Northern Quarter are you? Well the other day I went to Siop Shop and had a vegan doughnut, hot chocolate, and a read of Proper Magazine, while people with beards in tiny wool hats, who wear their trousers like their cat has died, busied themselves on mac books and ordered stuff off a menu that's in English and Welsh. That's how Northern Quarter I am.

Safad closed suddenly the other week. I'm at a falafel loss.