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    Compromising.

    I cooked something earlier. Nothing much, just a simple pasta and sauce thing, which turned out pretty good. But I realised that in the last 5 years, that I have had to adjust the way I cook so that he enjoys it better. In other words, I've had to learn to cook badly, for him.

    I've done that because he is worth it. And, sometimes I eat a raw steak just to wind him up*.


    That aside, in the past (for others, and possibly recorded somewhere on t'Internet), I have been asked to shave my 'tache (no), get a different job so that I have more time to spend with 'him' (No), and to stop smoking (No). I have gone along to see movies, shows, concerts and exhibitions, for their benefit. I can't think of a single thing that I have suggested that would make people say "Fuck that" because I ain't worth it. OK, but I am not going to type those. (I always thought that my smile and 'come-to-bed' eyes were enough, but, turns out, a crowbar and some kind words will work instead. Who knew!?)

    I know who Calum Scott is. And that Alex Parks. And you know, if you hit someone over the head with a hammer enough, they will still fucking hate it, but will know when to say stop.

    (Did I ever mention about how I broke up with someone** because of Celine Dion?)

    Anyway, anyone else had to compromise for a quiet/better/sensible life? Not necessarily with someone/something (I once had to stop buying crisps because the sound of the packet would freak my cat the fuck out!), but you know "sensible policies for a happier Britain" type thing.



    *not true. I threw the sashimi in a pan and cooked it.

    **I must have mentioned this. And it wasn't a quickie. It was 7 years.
    Last edited by Gerontophile; 09-02-2019, 07:06.

    #2
    (Sorry, that post was all over the fucking place. Ever had to do CONTINUE TO DO something out of your normality, to make someone else feel better?)

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      #3
      Hmm. That’s made me reflect.

      There’’s something in my DNA that drives me to make doomed relationships work. Even when the shit-to-good ratio is way worse than 80/20.

      My parents always seemed to row. My mother was violent towards us. When Dad croaked she had no one to hold her back. My willingness to tolerate shit from people might well be a consequence of my upbringing.

      Sorry. Naff all to do with your post. It just got me thinking.

      And thankfully Mrs HORN is a keeper (open goal).

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        #4
        Thanks HORN. I remember getting in the way of one parent, to deflect the blows of the other, just so that I would get hurt and they wouldn't. It wasn't compromise then, it was just 'please stop this so I can go to sleep as I have school in the morning' and I hadn't thought of that until you mentioned it.

        (If your missus has left an open goal... not much of a keeper, neh?)

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          #5
          Music. I've invariably enjoyed more left-field music than my partners but the thing is that while I can put up with more mainstream music (because often it is actually very listenable) there doesn't seem to be the same dynamics the other way round. Result is that I end up listening when nobody else is in, or on headphones, whereas when they are in the music is heard all around the flat.

          Food. I love spicy, most others not so much. I've done a two-pan curry many times, but heck! it's a hassle.

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            #6
            Sporting’s post is most definitely applicable to me.

            I like music that takes me down rather than up - an exploration of darkness as it were. It’s, for me at least, something too intimate to share with anyone. You know that thing about having three personas (one you show the world, one you show only your closer social circle, and the one true self that you show no one) and a lot of my musical preferences are ones I’d rather not share / be judged on.

            Over time Mrs H’s tolerance for spice has increased, which means we can eat the same dishes now.

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              #7
              Originally posted by Sporting View Post
              I've done a two-pan curry many times
              Oh shit. the amount of money this has literally cost me.

              This is why my 'nice things' will not necessarily be the same as your 'nice things', and ohmyfuckinggodimgoingtocryforgettingathreadtitleco rrectwithouthittingaspacebar, and you would not believe how difficult THAT was for any touch typist.

              Our restaurant died on it's arse because, a) I was nowhere near good enough, and b) neither was he, and he lied on his CV about being a) human, and b) without the ability to beat the crap out of me when things didn't go well. And, some things actually DID go well, and he still beat the crap out of me.

              All of my life, I wanted to be a librarian. It turns out that I can cook, and I fucking hate it. I compromised my life for someone else's choices. There is literally no way that I will ever be a librarian, in the USA. (But, I volunteer my arse off at th... whatever, and I get to choose books.)

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                #8
                You have a space between co and rrect. Sorry to tell you this but have a good day in any case.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by Gerontophile View Post
                  (Sorry, that post was all over the fucking place. Ever had to do CONTINUE TO DO something out of your normality, to make someone else feel better?)
                  My last girlfriend claimed this of me (or at least suggested at it very strongly): she raised the question that I was giving change to homeless people in her presence in order to 'impress' her. She said it was something she liked about me, yet quickly went on to make a rather banal point about my soon being broke enough to join them were I to do this where she lived (before adding the predictable comment about these guys spending it on drugs, etc).

                  All a bit odd coming from someone who claimed to be a humanitarian. Thankfully history now, however.

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Sporting View Post
                    You have a space between co and rrect. Sorry to tell you this but have a good day in any case.
                    Did I hurt you in some way?

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Jah Womble View Post
                      (before adding the predictable comment about these guys spending it on drugs, etc).

                      I hate this comment. As if the person saying it had never snorted nor drunk nor smoked in their lives. And maybe it's not true and if so then it's that person's way of surviving the day.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by Sporting View Post
                        You have a space between co and rrect. Sorry to tell you this but have a good day in any case.
                        Ah, fuck, Sporting: I'm sorry but our page sizes differ.

                        Also, I'm sorry I couldn't type what I just thought (other post notwithstanding.)

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                          #13
                          I'm about to attend a yoga class. I hate yoga class.

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                            #14
                            Opening line to 'Shipbuilding'?

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                              #15
                              I have to dumb down my vocabulary for most of my family and save my sesquipedalian loquaciousness for here.

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                                #16
                                Everyone has to talk shite somewhere.

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                                  #17
                                  (Connected to the word 'locquai... yeah, that one.)

                                  I learnt the word heliotrope from a "Broons" annual.

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                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Wouter D View Post
                                    I'm about to attend a yoga class. I hate yoga class.
                                    I’ve got a cataract. I read “attend” as “offend”.

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                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by Sporting View Post
                                      I hate this comment. As if the person saying it had never snorted nor drunk nor smoked in their lives. And maybe it's not true and if so then it's that person's way of surviving the day.
                                      Yep, that's how I see it. If somebody's in a position where he/she has to ask for money on the street, then his/her need is considerable. I stop asking questions at that point.

                                      (As for the ex, she indeed put plenty up her nose. But that's by-the-by.)

                                      Originally posted by Gerontophile View Post
                                      Everyone has to talk shite somewhere.
                                      Korgis earworm.

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                                        #20
                                        My wife is.....challenging. Moody, quick-to-anger, slow-to-flexibility, etc. But my life is infinitely more joyful for her. She's type A, I'm firmly B. She gets me out of the house where I'd be perfectly content to stay in. And she's smart and funny and pretty and all the other good stuff.

                                        But yoy...the music. Word for word the Sporting experience. And that's a bit maddening. Everything is singer-songwriter, whether rock, country, pop, folk, blues, etc. It has to sound exactly alike in most respects. No new ideas or sounds or nuthin'.

                                        The money thing is where we're firmly on the same page, except that I give it away to people doing noble things, and this makes her nuts. It's gotten to the point where I've told her father (who does our taxes) not to mention the charity receipts to her, and he's respected this. Her go-to line is that she'd rather give her time than her money, to which I reply 'but you don't give either'. And that's where it ends and I keep doing it. Other than that, no issues.

                                        It's funny...now that the kids are semi-adults, my daughter actually asks 'How are you guys a couple? It makes no sense.' And she's right. I try to explain it, but...

                                        I've rambled, haven't I?

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                                          #21
                                          My last girlfriend is a vegetarian so as Jules in Pulp Fiction said "that kinda made me a vegetarian too" she always said I could eat what I liked,but she also compromised by cutting down on the ciggies cause she knew I hated them,.Now I'm back eating meat and I presume that she's back at 20 a day. We were both healthier when we together.

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                                            #22
                                            Originally posted by Wouter D View Post
                                            I'm about to attend a yoga class. I hate yoga class.
                                            Originally posted by HORN View Post
                                            I’ve got a cataract. I read “attend” as “offend”.
                                            My downward dog is downright offensive, so both may very well have happened.

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                                              #23
                                              I listen to Counting Crows a lot more than I would without Mrs Thistle. Because I'd never listen to them except she puts the CD on.

                                              I think I've become more assertive in the last couple of years and do things I want to do to relax. I don't think I'm selfish or uncompromising but if I've had a hard day or a hard week and I don't want to go out or I want to go to a football match, I'll say so.

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                                                #24
                                                I've been with my wife so long I can't distinguish between when I'm tolerating, compromising, caving in or winning a concession.

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                                                  #25
                                                  Films and TV, for me. I do enjoy crap, together and apart, but I've not found anyone to share my life with who also wants to watch the decent, serious stuff I do. Luckily at the moment I get to spend many evenings entirely alone, so I can watch Homes Under the Hammer while telling myself I'm about to put on "Strike".

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