Jetzt bin ich ein Bayer

[imp]

Ooh, hark at him. "Converted Germans only". Ja, ne, dann bleiben wir unter uns, ne.

Well, bollocks to you, I wouldn't want to fucking come anyway. What, watching you lot sitting around in your mustard-coloured corduroy slacks and your collared shirts under your crew-neck sweaters, talking about your Bausparverträge, taking three hours to drink two small beers and then getting separate bills? Fuck off. I'd rather have a can of Elephant outside the Hauptbahnhof on my own.

Don't worry, we'll probably have to call it off because at least one of us is worried that we might be developing a slight cold.

[Duncan Gardner]

We have a date and venue in November- the climax of Euro qualifying is in Frankfurt. All welcome to join me for an apfelwoi. Assuming the Green and White Army haven't expelled me for renouncing Brexland citizenship

My brother reminds of an embarrassing incident many years ago when some (roggen)klotz with execrable German managed to book us into a local brothel (coincidentally, G-Man's granda is from the next village)

[imp]

Just picked up my passport and ID card. Have to admit it's bit fucking weird looking at documents that say NATIONALITY: DEUTSCH on them. I know that it's just a document, and that - existentially speaking - it's basically meaningless, but still.

[Diable Rouge]

Just picked up my passport and ID card. Have to admit it's bit fucking weird looking at documents that say NATIONALITY: DEUTSCH on them. I know that it's just a document, and that - existentially speaking - it's basically meaningless, but still.

Is there any citizenship ceremony, similar to what happens in Ireland? Killarney is doing rather well from new Irish staying overnight for group inductions, much like graduations in format.

[imp]

See previous page - just me and a bureaucrat in a room at 8am on a wet Monday morning. Shame, as I would have liked to have made a bit of an occasion out of it with frau imp and the in-laws.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Same thing for me. However, an English friend of mine claims there's a ceremony at the Münchner Rathaus. I'm up for some Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit.

[ursus arctos]

It seems to vary by locality.

Some people in Sachsen Anhalt get flowers

[Stumpy Pepys]

I imagine the mayor will give us a bottle of Augustiner.

Speaking of the mayor, I shook hands with him (Dieter Reiter) at the Tollwood festival in Munich. He was playing guitar on stage and selling Xmas CDs for charity.

Former mayor Christian Ude is doing a Kaberett Tour. Go figure.

[Alderman Barnes]

When I got mine, it was more like a school prizegiving. We sang the national anthem and had to go up on stage and get our certificates from the mayor of Spandau. When he asked where I was from and I told him England he assumed that I was an ex-squaddie who'd stayed on. I expect it's a bit different now.

[Lang Spoon]

The whole meet the Minister for Justice ceremony thing the Irish Govt have started now is a bit off putting I find. It's enough I've to pay over a grand for the privilege without having to meet Charlie "only look like a decent human being compared to his evil dad or the fucking Taoiseach" fucking Flanagan for a cheesy photo op before I can be made legit. Think keeping it a local municipal affair like Germany is better.

[treibeis]

When I got mine, it was more like a school prizegiving. We sang the national anthem.

I remember your mentioning that at the time. I would have paid over the odds to have heard that. And I think the civil servant in charge should have asked every last one of you to explain what "des Glückes Unterpfand" means.

Was is possible to Do The Mesut Özil and refuse to sing?

[imp]

Yep, I'm glad there was no anthem, flowers or handshaking. Wouldn't have minded a quick World Cup highlights reel might - Rahn, Müller, Brehme, Götze: "See what you're a part of now, fellow citizen?"

[Alderman Barnes]

And I think the civil servant in charge should have asked every last one of you to explain what "des Glückes Unterpfand" means

Funnily enough, it was in the citizenship test. It means "lucky Y-fronts".

Was is possible to Do The Mesut Özil and refuse to sing?

They sent us a card with the words on the week before. Singing was optional, but most people mumbled along out of politeness. I didn't hear anyone belting it out Mertesacker-style.

[treibeis]

Funnily enough, it was in the citizenship test. It means "lucky Y-fronts".

I always thought it meant "We need a three-syllable word that ends in "-and" or "-ant" that isn't "Elefant"."

They sent us a card with the words on the week before. Singing was optional, but most people mumbled along out of politeness. I didn't hear anyone belting it out Mertesacker-style.

If you'd done it like Proper Germans instead of the Kunststoff-Krauts that you are and always will be, you'd have belted out the first two lines, ummed and aahed about the middle bit because you don't know the words and then belted out "blühe, deutsches Vaterland" at the end.

[Gerontophile]

When I become American, I will be humming the words to "Don't Stop Believin".

[Duncan Gardner]

Luckily, I already know the new national anthem to karaoke standard.

Those days are passed now. And in the past they must remain

[Nefertiti2]

I was handed mine at the German Embassy

[G-Man]

White and green asparagus might as well be different vegetables. Why is there even a debate which is the better asparagus?

[Lang Spoon]

White asparagus is just wrong.

[treibeis]

I submitted my application to defect yesterday. Dear me. If you printed out every post ever made on OTF, it would take up about 20% of the paper I handed in (I'm self-employed and married, to a divorcee whose first husband is South American; this is not advisable).

Anyway, after I'd given the civil servant everything he wanted, and he'd stamped it and photocopied it and everything, and I was in the clear, I asked whether, really, honestly, come on, mate, I'd have to do the naturalisation test (the first available date for which is 22nd June).

"Ach, ja, Herr treibeis, why do YOU think YOU shouldn't have to do the test?"

"Because, err, umm < bites tongue> ... I don't want to."

"Oh, der Herr doesn't WANT to. Not good enough, I'm afraid."

"All right. But I can only hope that the question "What did the local council do with the tickets for the Rolling Stones concert in 2017?" doesn't come up*. Because DER HERR has no idea what the correct answer might be."

"Herr treibeis, have a nice day."

* Refers to this here:

[G-Man]

Why would you want to become citizens of a country where sex dolls can't walk home at night in peace unless you vote for Nazis in Chinos? Like this idiot:

[treibeis]

Why would you want to become citizens of a country where sex dolls can't walk home at night in peace unless you vote for Nazis in Chinos? Like this idiot:

I wouldn't vote for them for a number of reasons - their inability to distinguish between the dative and the accusative being just one.

[G-Man]

Accusative him as you will, but that sex doll is Michael Weller's dative for the night.

[treibeis]

Accusative him as you will, but that sex doll is Michael Weller's dative for the night.

If I were on a night out in Göppingen, I don't know whom I'd least like to run into: Michael Weller, Nina or some fair-haired bloke going, "Arne! Arne! Er muss deinen Atem spüren, Arne!"

[G-Man]

Is that a handball reference?