The WTF? Thread

[Various Artist]

Somewhere I was staying a couple of weekends ago had a charming sign next to the loo admonishing men for their aim, telling them to stand closer, with the priceless observation "It's not as long as you think". (It also added, somewhat alarmingly, "Ladies, please remain seated for the entire performance".)

Amusingly enough, having just been reading a couple of threads featuring the Rolling Stones prominently, the place belongs to Sir Mick's brother. I'd love to know if Jagger Sr has ever seen that sign.

[Lang Spoon]

Did you meet Sir Mick's brother? Does he also have the rumpled simian/Lizzie from Prisoner Cell Block H fizog?

[treibeis]

I wish men would do this, someone has to clean the stray pee up and usually it ends up being a woman. This is why I hate letting men (in general) use my toilet.

If you get caught urinating standing up into a lavatory in Germany that isn't a urinal and that you don't clean yourself, you get a stern talking-to. It's the splashing rather than the outright inaccurate pissing that gets people's goat.

[MsD]

If a guy can't hit that size of target from a couple of feet away, then he needs to see his GP, frankly.

Obviously, there are times when one has to, uh, stand a tad further away. That's more of a test, sure.

This is where a CSI torch would come in handy, because I can tell you a lot of people aren't as accurate as they think they are. I'm sure a certain couple of gents didn't mean to get piss all over the back of my toilet and the spare toilet rolls to the side but they did. It goes every fucking where.

[Lang Spoon]

2 beers, then sit the fuck down in a bathroom you don't clean up (not applying to pubs, where jacks cubicles seem to be solely for gak heads at the weekend).

[Toby Gymshorts]

Scrotox anyone?

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?sto...00007770902731

NSFW, obvs.

[Various Artist]

Did you meet Sir Mick's brother? Does he also have the rumpled simian/Lizzie from Prisoner Cell Block H fizog?

He kinda does, but a lot less so – you wouldn't immediately know it if you didn't already know, if you get me. The likeness was much more there in his accent and vocal inflections. Nice bloke. Been married for 35 years, too, so a bit more settled than big bro has historically managed.

[Guy Profumo]

Maybe not a complete "wtf", but

"If I can guess what colour your hair used to be, can I have my sheepdog back?"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-41082939

[Janik]

I changed my hairstyle, so many times now. I don't know what I look like! - David Byrne

[Amor de Cosmos]

I wish men would do this, someone has to clean the stray pee up and usually it ends up being a woman. This is why I hate letting men (in general) use my toilet.

True. And why, wisely I think, the previous occupants of our home installed a urinal in the master bathroom. However, it flushes automatically mostly on a movement sensor, but there's also a timer. If it hasn't been used for a couple of days it'll flush a couple of times. The first time i I was out of town. It happened at about 3:00am which scared the wotzits off La Signora, who was convinced someone had broken in just use the loo.

[Patrick Thistle]

Cat cafes...

I mean what the actual fuck? A cat adoring loon of my Facebook is going on about visiting one.

[ursus arctos]

[Antepli Ejderha]

That's great, a fitting tribute from Chesterfield.

[Gerontophile]

Makes it look like she died this year, at aged 20.

[ursus arctos]

You've just described The Daily Express' entire business model.

[Patrick Thistle]

This is the first thing on OTF I've ever shown Mrs Thistle. Her expression was priceless. She asked if it was real.

[ad hoc]

'Total monster': fatberg blocks London sewage system

https://www.theguardian.com/environm...y_to_clipboard

[Lang Spoon]

Well Dressing really ought to have spread from darkest Derbyshire. There's barely a mercat cross in Scotland that couldn't be improved by such floral fripperies.

[Guy Profumo]

Well Dressing really ought to have spread from darkest Derbyshire. There's barely a mercat cross in Scotland that couldn't be improved by such floral fripperies.

Given it's only just made its way from "Deepest Darkest Derbyshire" to "Cosmopolitan Chesterfield" it'll probably be a while yet.

[Kevin S]

'Total monster': fatberg blocks London sewage system

https://www.theguardian.com/environm...y_to_clipboard

Blimey. The rat looks pretty pleased with it, though.

Beats the Cambridge one hands down.

The advice there - don't pour fats down your sink - is completely sound of course. What I've started doing now is to pour used cooking or meat fat into an empty butter tub and keeping it in the freezer (scribble on the lid in marker so that others don't accidentally open it). Then throw it away when it's full up. A shame to put a plastic tub in landfill but saves adding half a pint of grease to these things.

Quite what nappies are doing in the sewer is beyond me. How would you even flush one?

[Ginger Yellow]

I got given a grease trap thing as a stocking filler type present a while back. Basically it's a fancy butter tub, but with a cardboard insert to soak up the fat. You reuse the tub and throw away the cardboard when it becomes saturated. Given how much the inserts cost for a piece of cardboard I find I don't actually use it much, but trying it out got me into the habit of scrupulously mopping up oils with a paper towel and throwing them away instead. I suppose you could just use bits of old cardboard boxes, but I don't know how absorbent that would be.

[Ray de Galles]

Wait, what? I do hope the advertising jingle is 'All I Want For Christmas Is Shoe'.

[Ginger Yellow]

NZ MP may be Chinese spy. A lot of it is not exactly dispositive, but this is not the most robust of rebuttals:

“If you define those cadets or students as spies, yes, then I was teaching spies,” he told reporters. “I don’t think so. I just think they are collecting information through communication in China.”

[San Bernardhinault]

[Incandenza]

LOL