Animal identification advice required

[Felicity, I guess so]

Was out in the wilds of Northumberland on my bike on Sunday, and trotting towards me down a hill came a small creature the same colour as a red squirrel, with what looked like a bushy tail but was too small to be a squirrel (about half the size).

The other thing that led me to rule out 'red squirrel' was that when it saw me it didn't stand on its hind legs, or scale the hedgerow but darted into the grass verge.

Some sort of weasel/stoat/marten? Are they that small?

(Edit: I should perhaps point out that red squirrels are still present in Northumberland, unlike other bits of England)

[Alderman Barnes]

Animal identification advice required

Sounds like a stoat or a weasel, martens are much bigger.

If it was half the size of a squirrel, then I should think it was a weasel.

[EIM]

Animal identification advice required

I think it was a panther, or some other sort of beast. If I were you I'd take the grainy camera phone footage you surely took to the local rag, and start a region-wide scare.

[WOM]

Animal identification advice required

Now that caught me off guard.
I saw the 'last post by EIM' thingy and thought "Ah, yes, there's your man for squirrel/small rodent-type questions."
Not saying I'm disappointed, as such. But..well, there you have it.

[Reed John]

Animal identification advice required

"Marge, dont discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. Its what separates us from the animals...except the weasel."

I thought wesels were bigger than squirrels.

[Femme Folle]

Animal identification advice required

Maybe it was just a young squirrel. Or maybe a dwarf squirrel.

Have you looked on this website, F,IGS?

[EIM]

Animal identification advice required

Look, WOM, sometimes you have to sacrifice a little bit of truth for a little bit of excitement. Take this thread. F,IGS comes on here and says "Hey, dudes, I saw something that might have been a squirrel but wasn't, perhaps it was something else!" and what happens? We stifle a collective yawn and all say, in a bored monotone "Weasel."

Now. Had F,IGS stormed this thread with a smoke-bomb of lies, and said "Fuck me bendy, whilst walking in Northumberland, I saw an unidentified beast that could, in a certain light, have been some sort of PANTHER (or weasel or something) he'd have had the thread flooded with offers of help from the feral feline equivalent of Matt Hooper from the Oceanographic Institute. "Gentleman, this was no boating accident, this was a GREAT BLACK PANTHER."

At which point, I walk in to the thread, scrape my hands down the monitor, and say "You all know me, know how I make my living. I can catch this bird for you. But it won't be easy. Bad cat. Not like going out in the park and chasing voles and field-mice. This cat, swallow you whole. No shaking, no tenderising, down you go. And we got to do it quick, bring back the tourists. Put all your businesses on a paying basis. But I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, Felicity. I'll find him for three. But I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many hunters on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the paws, the whole damn thing."

Of course, after that, I go out to Northumberland (if such a place even exists. I aint ever heard of no Northumberland sausage, and that's where I get most of my non local knowledge from), set up a box, propped up by a stick, with some string attached to it, and catch that Goddamn weasel. And I bring it back to this thread, to mutters and murmurs of disquiet and discontent.

"Where's my ten grand, you poor dumb bastards?" I'll ask. And you'll have to cough up. Have to. Because them the fucking rules, WOM. Them are the rules.

[WOM]

Animal identification advice required

Look, I ain't got panther money. Weasel money I can manage. But not panther money. And like I said, I wasn't saying nothing. I was just, you know, saying...is all.

You watch how you go or you'll end up like that Crocodile Hunter fella. Only weaseled to death instead of stung. Or squirreled away somewhere, Austrian-style.

[Cavalry Trouser Tips]

Animal identification advice required

There are red squirrels in Formby too.

[Moonlight Shadow]

Animal identification advice required

Oh excellent thread. Walking in the Peak District I came across a lovely bird, bit bigger than a magpie, black with white tipped wings. He stood out for his superb acrobatics in the air and its amazing calling tune, at first I thought someone's mobile was playing a 1980's video game music. Any idea what it is?

[willie1foot]

Animal identification advice required

There are red squirrels in Formby too.

That explains a lot. I always thought his voice was unnaturally squeaky.

[WOM]

Animal identification advice required

Any idea what it is?

Black Panther.