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    #26
    Terminal 5

    ITN's news reporter (who's perhaps been primed with lots of BA free champagne) has just gushed, "this is is highly sophisticated new system, where computerised chips will eradicate the problems of lost baggage we've always experienced in the past".

    And, true to specification, none of BA's baggage is being "lost" at present out of terminal 5. None of it's going fucking anywhere.

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      #27
      Terminal 5

      Tubbs, no I meant John McD, who's been banging on about this for yonks.

      Like the Undertones gag though

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        #28
        Terminal 5

        It was BA who famously 'weren't getting on no plane, fool' as recently as the eighties, so their manifest failings running an airline come as no surprise.

        More seriously, I suspect a lot of the problems are ultimately down to BAA's warped priorities in building the new terminal- to maximize revenue from the many, many retail outlets, the actual airport facilities and functions being rather an afterthought.

        And from the tv pictures, it looks like they haven't bothered putting in any seating at all.

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          #29
          Terminal 5

          The seats are in McDonalds. Or even worse in some catchpenny Italian place. Don't you just yearn for fastfood outlets when you see those places at airports?

          Ah, John McD, E10. I thought it was odd that you'd quote his (I presume) neighbour, Mr Wilshire. By all means put that up. I can't find the Gilmour on this public computer I'm on. But it did have a good bit about how being woken up and not being able to get back to sleep wasn't being counted as "sleep deprivation" by Terminal 5's proponents.

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            #30
            Terminal 5

            Munich airport's got it's own specially brewed beer. That's the kind of air travel Hell I like, folks!!!!!!!!!!!

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              #31
              Terminal 5

              RICHARD BRANSON DIES LAUGHING
              TRIBUTES are being paid to Sir Richard Branson this morning after the Virgin Atlantic boss died of laughter.

              Sir Richard was discovered at his West London home early today, slumped over on the sofa with a huge smile on his face and the television stuck on Sky News.

              Staff at his Holland Park mansion said they heard him banging on the floor shouting, 'stop, stop, I can't take any more!' before he let out one final burst of uncontrollable laughter.

              A company spokesman said: "Something must have set him off yesterday afternoon. I called him at around 4pm and he could hardly speak. At one point I think I heard him say he'd pissed himself.

              "It's a shame because he would probably have wanted to go in a balloon accident or some other self-promotional activity."

              Meanwhile Heathrow has hailed the catastrophic opening of its new terminal five as an 80% improvement on a normal day at terminals one, two, three and four.

              British Airways passengers had to wait five hours to collect their bags, compared to the usual 12, and only 300,000 pieces of luggage went missing over the day.

              Airport boss Bill McKay said an 'outstanding' first 24 hours had been marred only by a small riot and a handful of isolated knife fights.

              He added: "It did turn a bit nasty when someone pointed out the terminal was just a big shed that wasn't actually connected to any departure gates. Still, thank God for Alsatians, eh?"

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                #32
                Terminal 5

                Well, it wasn't half as bad as all the reports suggested. It's flawed, when it has no reason to be as a shiny big new terminal. But it's not disastrous.

                The lack of seating is a big problem, particularly just past security where there's nowhere to put shoes back on. And there's going to be far too little seating once they bring the continental stuff in.

                The fact there's only one exit from Heathrow Express (and at the other end from the one you get on at Paddington) is plain silly. And even more silly that the only transit to gate B & C annexes is back, again, at the other end of the terminal.

                The security line is a shambles at the moment, as you have to put all carry on into their silly plastic trays, which means people are balancing wheely-suitcases on top of trays, otherwise the conveyor doesn't work. The conveyor itself is too slow. People can't get their stuff out of the trays sensibly. Somehow they've managed to make security even worse than before.

                But there are some good things, like the fact that you never have to walk very far to a gate, compared to the rest of Heathrow; and the Terminal has easy access to the runways so you don't spend hours driving around the airport after leaving the gate/landing.

                They still haven't worked out how to get staff to the gate in time to push the jetty to the plane, though. I think this is something the people at Heathrow will never, ever learn despite every other airport finding it easy.

                Other people have commented on a mess with the parking, as BAA are gouging the parking companies and putting up prices by a factor of 8 or something, all the cheap-parking companies are just saying use Terminal 4 parking and get transit.

                Which is apparently a big problem when all the tranist, and Heathrow Express, all stop at midnight.

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