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Terror in our nation's colon

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    Terror in our nation's colon

    Bossier Parish, Louisiana, is ready. Almost ready.



    (It's just north of Shreveport)

    #2
    Terror in our nation's colon



    We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways...

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      #3
      Terror in our nation's colon

      It's good that they've at least one guy who is left-handed, and another who is saying the Pledge of Allegiance at all times.

      You never know what the terrorists are going to throw at you.

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        #4
        Terror in our nation's colon

        Well, the terrorists obviously want to destroy Bossier City, because, um, well, they hate horse racing and gambling, right?

        (About the only thing I know about Bossier Parish is that Louisiana Downs and some casinos are there.)

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          #5
          Terror in our nation's colon

          I wonder if people in these [strike]backwaters [/strike] ahem, "non-high profile target" areas ever stop and think "Wait--Al Qaeda probably never heard about this place before we organized this unit. Now we're on their radar. WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!?"

          Consequently, I wonder if these embarrassing efforts ever reach some jihadi somewhere planning a terrorist attack and he thinks "Well, I was going to go after Washington, DC...but now that I've heard of Bossier Parish, I'm totally going to rain destruction and the wrath of the righteous upon that evil place. I AM GOING TO FUCK THEIR SHIT UP"

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            #6
            Terror in our nation's colon

            It goes without saying, but the terrorists already won. The only sensible approach is surrender. Then you are (almost) guaranteed safety.

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              #7
              Terror in our nation's colon

              Another prominent feature of Bossier Parrish.

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                #8
                Terror in our nation's colon

                I'm going to start practicing my counter-terrorist crouch.

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                  #9
                  Terror in our nation's colon

                  This threat was part of plans found on a laptop during a safe house raid in Kandahar entitled 'Glorious Mujahideen raid up the Red River'.

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                    #10
                    Terror in our nation's colon

                    ursus arctos wrote:
                    I forgot about the Air Force base, which might presumably be a terrorist target.

                    (Though presumably a military base might be able to defend itself without a citizen's militia of elderly crouching men.)

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                      #11
                      Terror in our nation's colon

                      That dude clutching his chest isn't pledging the flag, he's suffering an acute coronary attack.

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                        #12
                        Terror in our nation's colon

                        Learn more about the 'war wagon'.

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                          #13
                          Terror in our nation's colon

                          "We understand, based on some intelligence that we've collected over the last year, year and a half, that there have been cells and people operating even within our parish that have been trained as terrorists or went overseas to be trained as terrorists," Ed Baswell, a spokesman for the Bossier Parrish Sheriff's Office, told TPMmuckraker this morning.

                          "Allah punish the infidels! Allah...ooh, my back! Oooh...jeez, my leg's real stiff. Shit on a weasel, it's a damn haul for a 68-year-old to be luggin' this here dynamite overcoat up these flight of stairs....ooh. Oh. Oh. Lordy. I shoulda gone before I did this. Oh, man. Not now. Never drink a tub fulla coffee before a suicide run. Do I piss here or find a toilet? Sweet mercy on high, thank you kidneys. Thank you so goddamn much...'yeah, I can do this without the frame', I said, 'I feel like a spring chicken. I can do this.' Stupid moron.

                          Wha...? Damn it! Hello? Hello, is that you, Betty? Betty, didya have to call me now, just before I'm giving my own life to the glory of Allah? Did I forget ma sandwiches? Course I forgot my goddamn sandwiches! I'm haulin' my ass up 20 flights of goddamn stairs! I don't need....peanut butter? Oh. That's my favourite. Yeah. Do like them.

                          No. No. Won't be comin' back. Allah calls me, Betty dear, so I guess you'll be watchin' the Andy Williams Christmas Special on your own. Yeah, the Amalgamated Bank. Just down the road from the church where we got married. Yep. Yep, happy days.

                          Any way, gotta go. Yeah, if you hear a loud bang, that'll be me. Go with a bang! Yeah! Tell Marty the poker game'll have to go on without me....'bye.

                          Okay. 10 more flights to go. 10 more. Spine don't fail me now.

                          Allah shall slay the unbe -

                          Craff! Craff! Ma feef haff fallen ouf! Baftard fuffin' dendurff! Ffit! Ffit!"

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                            #14
                            Terror in our nation's colon

                            Speaking of stupid people overreacting to non-existent threats, bigoted Washington Post readers go apeshit over gay marriage photo.

                            I would appreciate it if your cover pictures would not be so disturbing where my kids can see it easily on the kitchen table... please don’t shove this “Gay” business in our face. This is something that should have shown up on an inside page or two (without the picture).”

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                              #15
                              Terror in our nation's colon

                              I thought this was going to be about this:

                              -

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                                #16
                                Terror in our nation's colon

                                Am I the only person who reads the title to this thread and sees "Terry Nation's in our colon"?

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                                  #17
                                  Terror in our nation's colon

                                  There is a whole world of crazy out there. None crazier than the people who went completely insane about the "Sexbox" game mass effect that my flatmate is playing at the moment. God bless fox news

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                                    #18
                                    Terror in our nation's colon

                                    Are you sure they're not playing Mass Effect 2? Oddly enough there wasn't a peep from Fox (or anyone else as far as I know) about the sex scenes in the sequel. Although they are even tamer than in the original.

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                                      #19
                                      Terror in our nation's colon

                                      It's defo the first one GY. Having made such a cunt of themselves over the first one, I doubt they were going to have anything to do with the new one. I looked up at some point yesterday to see kryz's character having hinted at sex with a space hooker, before returning to his ship where he was decontaminated. before boarding the ship. And I suggested to him that he should go back and have some more decontamination underneath his uniform, because he's just had sex with the entire universe.

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                                        #20
                                        Terror in our nation's colon

                                        Ginger Yellow wrote:
                                        I would appreciate it if your cover pictures would not be so disturbing where my kids can see it easily on the kitchen table... please don’t shove this “Gay” business in our face. This is something that should have shown up on an inside page or two (without the picture).”
                                        Ah, the poor kids. The other day my son (4) said to me "Christopher kissed me at school. Like, for real. But it's okay, cuz I didn't turn into a girl."

                                        Clearly he's getting solid sexuality-related information from somewhere.

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                                          #21
                                          Terror in our nation's colon

                                          They're not shoving it "in your faces," they're shoving it down your throat. It's always down the throat. Always.

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                                            #22
                                            Terror in our nation's colon

                                            The love that dare not speak its name has become the love that doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

                                            I'll probably get the PC thoughtpolice round here now.

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