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    Embarrassing yourself in public

    Went to a drinks thing earlier this evening for a recently-retired boss of mine, in a very upmarket restaurant. Pretty much our entire workforce was there, as well as company top brass.

    There was a free bar, but I wasn't really in the mood for a beer so I got a glass of water. A few minutes later, while I was standing chatting to some colleagues, the glass slipped out of my hand and crashed onto the floor, breaking into several pieces.

    Somewhat stupidly and without thinking, I bent down to pick up the biggest pieces, in the process placing my foot squarely in the puddle. I slipped savagely and landed squarely on my back, legs in the air, like an upended beetle. It took me about ten seconds to get up as well.

    What made it worse that was nobody laughed; instead the room just went deathly quiet as everyone stared at me struggling to get to my feet.

    So, anyone else made a complete fool of themselves in front of their peers lately?

    #2
    Embarrassing yourself in public

    No, just you.

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      #3
      Embarrassing yourself in public

      He's right.

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        #4
        Embarrassing yourself in public

        Oh, wait. This morning when I stopped on the way in for groceries, I folded a plastic bag and put it in my back pocket. When I got to the checkout, the girl said "do you need a bag?" (5 cents) and I said "No" and fumbled my way to the car with my items cradled in my arms while reaching for my keys. It was awkward, but nobody saw.

        You see, I'd forgotten that the plastic bag was in my....no, it's not the same at all, is it?

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          #5
          Embarrassing yourself in public

          Wankers

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            #6
            Embarrassing yourself in public

            Don't suppose anyone filmed it on their mobile phone and whacked it on YouTube?

            I need something to distract me from this dreadful Fulham v Hull game.

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              #7
              Embarrassing yourself in public

              No. It was early and there weren't that many people in the store, so I'd have noticed that.

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                #8
                Embarrassing yourself in public

                Is this it?

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                  #9
                  Embarrassing yourself in public

                  Can't leave a man to drown alone.
                  Took my class for a trip out last week. Caught the service bus down to the nearest supermarket - Waitrose - where they spent a happy hour tracking down the geographical origins of various foodstuffs and colouring in maps. The supermarket folk were lovely; warned in advance they let us store our bags in the training room, organised squash and a mini fruit-tasting, gave us 'bags-for-life' and let the kids visit the freezer store in the warehouse. At the end I made a little speech and on behalf of the kids, thanked everyone at Tescos...
                  I'm just getting over the involuntary cringing spasms when I recall the moment.

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                    #10
                    Embarrassing yourself in public

                    AB - your colleagues do sound like wankers. Are they?

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                      #11
                      Embarrassing yourself in public

                      Heh, ouch. Bet that burns.

                      EDIT: To ChrisJ

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                        #12
                        Embarrassing yourself in public

                        I went to Amsterdam once. Went on the Heineken brewery tour, at the end of which they gave us a tasting. I hadn't had anything to eat. Next stop, the Van Gogh museum. Sat on a bench in front of Sunflowers, I think it was. When I woke up I was dribbling down my front.

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                          #13
                          Embarrassing yourself in public

                          Most of them are okay, TonTon. I got the piss ripped out of me this morning in work, but that was to be expected.

                          However, I would have much preferred it if they had guffawed at my misfortune last night instead of standing there like statues.

                          The whole thing reminded me of one of those surreal dreams where you're giving a speech in front of a load of people and then your trousers fall down or whatever.

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                            #14
                            Embarrassing yourself in public

                            I mispronounced the name of our company in the office the other day when I was on the phone to a client. I didn't turn it into anything obscene or, I thought, especially amusing, but every one of my charming colleagues burst out laughing.

                            Such children. It's a good job I managed to retain my sense of decorum.

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                              #15
                              Embarrassing yourself in public

                              Andrey Voronin.

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                                #16
                                Embarrassing yourself in public

                                A friend of mine shat himself in Blockbusters (he had mild food poisoning) and had to buy some unfashionable trousers from the charity shop next door to go home in.

                                It was the late 90s but it still amuses me.

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                                  #17
                                  Embarrassing yourself in public

                                  MsD's story needs some elaboration. Did he have to stand in the car park, remove his soiled trousers and underwear, and put the new ones on, before throwing the soiled ones into a bush?

                                  Or did he shuffle back into Blockbusters and ask to use their staff toilet for this changeover (retail DVD rental stores are not noted for their public toilet facilities)?

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                                    #18
                                    Embarrassing yourself in public

                                    Shuffled out of Blockbusters, along to charity shop, grabbed first trousers to hand, thrust money at disgusted, gagging assistant, shuffled out and changed in toilet somewhere.

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                                      #19
                                      Embarrassing yourself in public

                                      However, I would have much preferred it if they had guffawed at my misfortune last night instead of standing there like statues.
                                      Does it help if I say that I guffawed at your misfortune upon reading your post?

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                                        #20
                                        Embarrassing yourself in public

                                        There is a particular job interview story told on OTF that needs to be resurrected.

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                                          #21
                                          Embarrassing yourself in public

                                          I was at Football Against Racism in Europe at the Camp Nou in 2006, and the first night had seen some good festivities. I was not quite as sharp as I'd have liked, but still felt pretty good all the same.

                                          On the way to the morning plenaries, I ended up walking along a concourse at the stadium, and by some wrong turn, realised I was on the wrong side of the pathway all the other delegates were along (we were separated by columns which had been filled in with glass.

                                          No matter, I thought. I'll walk to the end, do a u-turn and walk back a few yards and be at the area where people were gathering for the lifts.

                                          maybe I'd have been more aware had I been more sharp, but the upshot was that a very cunningly disguised floor-ceiling glass wall meant that there was no place to do a u-turn, and so I walked full pelt into a glass wall, and bounced off it, helpfully observed by amassed UEFA bigwigs. I felt great for the rest of day, a combination of a bruised and swollen forehead and bruised and shrunken ego.

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                                            #22
                                            Embarrassing yourself in public

                                            The only one not involving alcohol that springs to mind:
                                            Late 1977. Id left school and on limited financial resources had managed to replace every pair of flared jeans I owned but one with straights.
                                            On exiting Halfords I started to run across the zebra crossing towards the train station thus avoiding the oncoming double decker bus.
                                            Feet catch in flares and I stumble to the floor with the bus breaking violently inches from my head. Binned em on returning home.

                                            As Robert Shaw said "Ill never put on a lifejacket again".

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                                              #23
                                              Embarrassing yourself in public

                                              haha ...

                                              I spose the last time I looked really silly was in Mr Chow's (posh restaurant in Knightsbridge), when I forgot how tall I was (big heels), stood up quickly to go to the loo, smacked my head on one of their tasteful low hanging lampshades and shouted "AAAH FUCK!" really loudly. The waiters rushed over, very concerned, and when I came back two of them held the lampshade out of the way solemnly and with great ceremony, like I was an eight feet tall dignitary or something. When we'd finished our meal, they rushed over and held it out of the way again.

                                              You see, that's the service you pay for.

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                                                #24
                                                Embarrassing yourself in public

                                                Well, it's definitely not the last time I looked really silly, but I do have a similar story to NHH and MsD. Walking down George St in Oxford with my mates on the way to Park End, I received a text. I was replying to it when I walked head first into a lamppost. As I slumped against the nearest surface, I shouted at the top of my voice: "Motherfuck!". It was at this point that I realised that the surface I was slumped against was the window of a restaurant, all of whose customers were staring at me.

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                                                  #25
                                                  Embarrassing yourself in public

                                                  To all the people on Queensferry Street in Edinburgh who saw me walk directly into a lamp-post on my way to the bus stop: I'm glad to have amused you. But they were the nicest pair of legs I'd seen in a long, long time.

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