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    ill-advised Remarks

    I think I did that thing, yesterday, of offering my seat to a "pregnant" woman who was actually just really fat. Oops.

    #2
    ill-advised Remarks

    Ahahaha. I've lost count of how often people have asked me when it is due, I wouldn't worry too mcuh.

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      #3
      ill-advised Remarks

      It could've been worse, WE. Did she offer it back?

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        #4
        ill-advised Remarks

        I can do better than that, WE. When I went to my 25th high school reunion a few years ago, I said something that made me feel like crawling under the nearest table. An old schoolmate spotted me and began walking in my direction, arms outstretched. We hugged and as we separated, I looked down at her stomach and my mouth dropped open in pleasant surprise.

        "Oh my gosh, Barbara, when are you due?"

        "Marian, I'm not pregnant."

        "Oh God. I. Am. So. Sorry."

        I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, especially since I have my own weight issues. You would think your fellow fat woman might be a little more sensitive to such things.

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          #5
          ill-advised Remarks

          I think it's better to err on the side of offering help where it's not needed than not bothering at all. And as a fat chick, Wyatt, I can say with confidence: don't worry about it. (We generally know we're fat!)

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            #6
            ill-advised Remarks

            So if we say confidently and in a clear, steady voice "Madam - I don't care whether you're fat or pregnant, I'm offering you my seat, as you must surely be glad to get all that weight off your poor, long-suffering legs" on a crowded bus or tube, then that makes it alright?

            If so, then phew!

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              #7
              ill-advised Remarks

              I certainly do feel like shit whenever this happens to me, but I would never blame the person who made the honest mistake.

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                #8
                ill-advised Remarks

                I was in a pub garden a couple of summers ago, and there was a concert going on so it was very busy. A friend of ours asked a nearby table if they would make space on there bench for my pregnant wife to sit down on their bench.

                When she sat down, the person who had made space complained that they'd moved for the pregnant lady and pointed to our fat friend who was still standing. When we explained they all left very soon and so we all got seats.

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                  #9
                  ill-advised Remarks

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                    #10
                    ill-advised Remarks

                    I just saw a gorgeous, beautifully slim woman with a lovely neat little 4- or 5-month bump. I am glad it's not possible to actually die of envy.

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                      #11
                      ill-advised Remarks

                      The worst I've had is when a couple of guys came up to us after a gig and thought I was Mrs Rhino's dad. Harsh but fair.

                      I must have done this sort of thing to other people on plenty of occasions, but my mind has buried them in that dark, remote place reserved for things which, when you remember them out of the blue, make you go "AAARGH FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!" out loud.

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                        #12
                        ill-advised Remarks

                        Along the same lines, my ex used to work in a fancy women's clothing store. I came in to pick her up, and while she was getting ready to go, an older relative of one of her coworkers came in. I went, "oh, you must be Charlotte's mom". It turned out she was Charlotte's older sister.

                        It also turned out that she went in and got plastic surgery a couple of months later.

                        Oops.

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                          #13
                          ill-advised Remarks

                          These are the kind of things that, when you think of them - as SSS once brilliantly pointed out - 'make you want to stand up if you're sitting down and sit down if you're standing up'. Raising of one's hands to one's head whilst doing so is optional, but often helpful too.

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                            #14
                            ill-advised Remarks

                            It's always interesting when my female housemate and her mates are on the Wii, and she creates a Mii for them, and it gets to the stage where she has to do their body shape.

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                              #15
                              ill-advised Remarks

                              When I was bartending, I went on a long rant to one of our regulars about yuppie parents giving their kids the same stupid yuppie-parent names, like fucking Amanda and fucking Ashleigh, and what did they do, just open the 'popular baby names' book and just give their kid whichever name was Number 1 on list, for fuck's sake. He just stared for a second and said "My daughter's name is Amanda." I sort of grinned and moseyed away.

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                                #16
                                ill-advised Remarks

                                Apart from a lifetime of Moes Bar style jokes, what's wrong with Amanda?

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                                  #17
                                  ill-advised Remarks

                                  She who must be loved. I think it's nice. Although I think I prefer Miranda, she who must be admired.

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                                    #18
                                    ill-advised Remarks

                                    Reminds me of my halcyon summers of 1998 and 1999 in Manchester, working as a telephonist for the National Blood Service ... always 'funny' to call for someone to attend a transfusion appointment to be met with the news that they had died the previous day ... oops ...

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                                      #19
                                      ill-advised Remarks

                                      Oh, there's not wrong with the name itself. It was the ubiquity that bothered me. For a while there, every girl was being named Amanda, Ashleigh or Meagan.

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                                        #20
                                        ill-advised Remarks

                                        I await a Megan, falling in love with Brian Chips so she can become Megan Chips.

                                        For some reason I find this far funnier than it deserves.

                                        I think it's payback for the girl named Jo who wanted to meet someone called King and I thoght her utterly absurd.

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                                          #21
                                          ill-advised Remarks

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