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**Bruno** · 07-09-2009, 18:50

That moment when one of your knees gives way

She is ten years younger than me, though

You sly dog.

Don't women usually bring up marriage eventually, start dropping hints, all that? Are you the take-a-hint type or the oblivious type of male?

It's hard to know what to advise, other than to say you should be fairly sure about the want-to-make-babies question before you do anything permanent like. And, ideally, you need to be able to picture yourselves happy together when you're old and wrinkly and incontinent.

Long-haul marriage is kind of a crap shoot though. I got pretty lucky I think, not through any amazing divining powers or relationship wisdom. And from what I've heard they're a real drag to undo, so I'd be feeling strongly if I was you, as opposed to 'ah what the heck.' But you're more mature now, right? And you're already picturing something better than what you experienced first time around.

Don't shoot for perfection, shoot for something you're willing to work at. It ain't called a huge commitment for nothing, it's not like "Hey, I like ice cream, so I will buy a lifetime's supply of ice cream."

**Amor de Cosmos** · 07-09-2009, 19:31

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Has she been married before? If it's your second and her first that could make a difference.

Other people's experiences are of limited use I suspect. La Signora and I had both been married before but we'd known each other, off and on, for thirty five years. We found we liked each other much better at fifty than at eighteen and, to a significant extent, that was both exciting and reassuring. Individuals do actually improve with age it seems. Marriage was kind of an afterthought. We did it for practical reasons predominantly, however I'm very glad we did. I've acquired stepkids I like a lot and a grandson to boot (well to toss around a bit anyway.) I'm not sure, if we weren't married, whether that family connection would be as deep.

**Guest** · 07-09-2009, 20:45

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Mate, if you are thinking about it then its probably going to happen.

Keep in mind there is a World Cup on next summer though.

Anyone else up for OTF-stag-aton?

**EIM** · 07-09-2009, 23:34

That moment when one of your knees gives way

My knee went going up some stairs the other day. For the first time since I popped it in the warm up for a college football game. It turned out to just be a twinge, thank fuck.

Anyway. Get married. Why the fuck not, eh?

**Guest** · 08-09-2009, 00:23

That moment when one of your knees gives way

But If it ain't broke.....

Good luck whatever though.

**Brandenburger Toro** · 08-09-2009, 01:00

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Reading (at least a bit) between the lines, Rogin, it's clear that you two are crazy about each other, and have been for some time.

You know full well what's involved, and aren't daunted. So go for it.

Worst case scenario; being younger, and not previously divorced, she's not as sure she's committed. Not as sure she knows what she's getting into.

If that's the case, given how you feel, I reckon it's best to know...

(Disclaimer: nobody should *ever* take relationship advice from me... )

**Guest** · 08-09-2009, 01:05

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Me, I'd give it a while longer than a year.

But everybody's different.

Best of luck whatever you do.

**Anton Gramscescu** · 08-09-2009, 01:11

That moment when one of your knees gives way

I'm with AB, I think. I waited almost six years the second time 'round, for more or less that reason - once bitten twice shy, etc.

Also, age differences can matter quite a bit - the younger person is maturing and aging a lot faster (comparatively speaking) and may be in a quite different headspace in a couple of years than they are now. Certainly, it was the age difference that more or less did in my first marriage.

But then again, I'm fairly curmudgeonly about this stuff and might not be the best advice-giver.

**caja-dglh** · 08-09-2009, 03:09

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Your kids love her. They also love you. You are in the position of being an example, and having a big impact on their life.

You certainly shouldn't propose so quickly, though thinking of it is in no way wrong. As a child who has been to both my parents weddings before I was ten, while they both had, well, successful marriages (no further divorces), there is a huge amount of due care to be taken.

I think it better to wait a while, purely to be careful around what perceptions you put in the kids minds about mummy and daddy and step-parents and all the other crazy stuff that comes in to play.

**Nurse Duckett** · 08-09-2009, 15:59

That moment when one of your knees gives way

EIM wrote:

My knee went going up some stairs the other day. For the first time since I popped it in the warm up for a college football game. It turned out to just be a twinge, thank fuck.

"He wondered often how he would ever recognize the first chill, flush, twinge, ache, belch, sneeze, stain, lethargy, vocal slip, loss of balance or lapse of memory that would signal the inevitable beginning of the inevitable end."

From Catch 22 by Joseph Heller

**Guest** · 08-09-2009, 16:12

That moment when one of your knees gives way

There's no rush is there? I'm not totally convinced by 'might as well I suppose'. But you probably do know really whether or not it's something that she needs to have. And surely feeling comfortable and part of each other's families and so on is a good basis. More realistic than the crazy-in-love sort of thing?

No point listening to me though. Can't at the moment imagine a second one ever happening.

**Third rate Leszno** · 09-09-2009, 09:02

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Again, with the warning that no one in their right mind should ever listen to my advice about relationships, I'd want to be absolutely 100% certain that she isn't going to want kids of her own before getting into anything formal and binding. It would be a lot messier if you're married and she succumbs to a late life yearning for a babby.

I'd lived with the now Mrs BoG for approaching 6 years before we did anything about marriage (and it did take the form of 'might as well, I suppose', for me at least), but by then we'd pretty much figured each other out and decided it ought to work in the long term.

**Er Liquidatore** · 09-09-2009, 09:28

That moment when one of your knees gives way

It almost seems like I might as well.

Romance: categorically not dead.

**pebblethefish** · 09-09-2009, 09:39

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Toss a coin to decide. Always works.

**Amor de Cosmos** · 09-09-2009, 15:00

That moment when one of your knees gives way

The_Liquidator wrote:

It almost seems like I might as well.

Romance: categorically not dead.

My proposal to La Signora: "OK, then I'll fucking marry you if necessary." [/direct quote]

**WOM** · 09-09-2009, 15:17

That moment when one of your knees gives way

I get all teary when I hear an old-fashioned 'stick it to the federal immigration department' story.

**Anton Gramscescu** · 09-09-2009, 16:27

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Amor de Cosmos wrote:

The_Liquidator wrote:

It almost seems like I might as well.

Romance: categorically not dead.

My proposal to La Signora: "OK, then I'll fucking marry you if necessary." [/direct quote]

What, was she having problems with immigration or something?

**Amor de Cosmos** · 09-09-2009, 16:38

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Rightly or wrongly she was anticipating having problems, you lose a lot of points if you're over fifty. Fortunately at about that time the law changed making it virtually impossible to exclude the spouse of a Canadian citizen from entry.

**Anton Gramscescu** · 09-09-2009, 16:50

That moment when one of your knees gives way

So you got to play the part of Andie McDowell in Green Card? Well done.

**Amor de Cosmos** · 09-09-2009, 17:14

That moment when one of your knees gives way

Pretty much. We still had to submit annotated photos of our wedding reception though.

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