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The banality of evil - stationary edition

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    The banality of evil - stationary edition

    Some people chew pens. Everyone knows that, right? So why on earth would you design a biro on which the "cap" that holds the nib/ink tube bit in is connected to the body of the pen by four flimsy strands of plastic like an Airfix model and breaks off if you even slightly chew the end? To force these people to buy more pens, of course. Bic are evil, QED.

    #2
    The banality of evil - stationary edition

    What's that have to do with the pen or cap being immobile?

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      #3
      The banality of evil - stationary edition

      Stationery.

      [Ah, fuckity. I didn't read ua's post before smugly posting mine.]

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        #4
        The banality of evil - stationary edition

        Never mind whether Bic are bastards; do you have hilarious photos of you taken immediately after your mishap?

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          #5
          The banality of evil - stationary edition

          That company always baffled me: beyond 'made of plastic', what do pens, lighters, razors, windsurfers and automotive roof-racks have to do with each other?

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            #6
            The banality of evil - stationary edition

            It's not like the pen explodes or anything. It just becomes useless, because there's nothing stopping the ink+nib bit from going back when you write. The normal kind of biro with a solid round "cap" doesn't have this problem. I'm not even that much of a pen chewer, compared to some of my colleagues.

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              #7
              The banality of evil - stationary edition

              I'm not being obtuse, but I'm not sure what your issue is. Are you complaining about the cap or the actual 'guts' of the pen becoming dislodged and/or inoperative in some way? Bic pens work fine over here in the new world, so I suspect you've been shipped some faulty models as part of the ages-old England/France grudge.

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                #8
                The banality of evil - stationary edition

                I'm complaining that the cap (not the bit that you cover the nib with, but the bit at the other end) on the Bic models at work render the guts inoperable if even mildly chewed on. Unlike every other biro ever made.

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                  #9
                  The banality of evil - stationary edition

                  That company always baffled me: beyond 'made of plastic', what do pens, lighters, razors, windsurfers and automotive roof-racks have to do with each other?
                  I recall reading one of those HBS case studies about Bic's unsuccessful attempt to sell women's nylons at some point. It turned out that women just didn't like the association of cheap plastic disposable things with something worn so tight.

                  I think the common theme in pens, lighters, razors and nylons, other than they're all made of plastic, is that they're all sold in the same kind of stores in the same kind of store displays near the check-out counters so they could all be sold through the same distribution channels.

                  I never heard that about the windsurfers. But the leap from windsurfers to roofracks makes sense.

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                    #10
                    The banality of evil - stationary edition

                    Ginger Yellow wrote:
                    I'm complaining that the cap (not the bit that you cover the nib with, but the bit at the other end) on the Bic models at work render the guts inoperable if even mildly chewed on. Unlike every other biro ever made.
                    Oh, the plug thing at the other end. The bung. The...whatever. So if you chew that bit, the guts come out the back end?

                    What are you chewing on pens for, anyway? Go for a smoke.

                    [Note: that should not be taken as an endorsement of smoking.]

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                      #11
                      The banality of evil - stationary edition

                      Maybe it's a special model designed to help people who are trying to give up chewing pens.

                      It sounds better than smearing shit on it, after all.

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                        #12
                        The banality of evil - stationary edition

                        I find biros explode all the time no matter how nice I am to them. I would mind much less if I had chewed the ends of them, at least I would be to blame. But no. I must be very accident prone I guess but literally everything I own is continually smeared with that greasy black ink because yet another biro has somehow decided to spew its guts over the inside of my handbag.

                        If chewing a pen at all it has to be the lid. I feel safer since I found out that that's why there's a hole in the lid, so that when the day comes when I do end up shocked into inhaling it by some demand on my attention like a pigeon flying past or something - I'm less likely to die.

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                          #13
                          The banality of evil - stationary edition

                          How can you be nice to a biro? What do you do - remember its birthday? Reassure it that it's prettier than the pencils?

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                            #14
                            The banality of evil - stationary edition

                            This is a bit "I drove my car into a wall. Why won't it go properly?"

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                              #15
                              The banality of evil - stationary edition

                              Not really. It's more like "my Ford Pinto blew up when I was rear ended", but without the fire and death and with a bit more culpability on my part.

                              Like I say, it's perfectly possible to make biros that don't have this problem. Hell, Bic make them as well. So why make one that does have this problem?

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                                #16
                                The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                SamLKelly wrote:
                                Maybe it's a special model designed to help people who are trying to give up chewing pens.

                                It sounds better than smearing shit on it, after all.
                                I think this is probably the real answer. It's possibly a design of pen meant for kids in schools, in order to help deter them from such behaviour. (Thinking back, I saw some classmates pen-chew in extremis when I was a kid. Some would practically eat the pen.)

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                                  #17
                                  The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                  pebble, I just try not to, you know, gnaw their arses off. Although I would be better off doing that than biting my fingers, which I do way too much. Oh or the arms of my glasses, those things cost *money*.

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                                    #18
                                    The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                    Looking at our stationery cupboard, it seems I have been unfairly maligning Bic. The evil black pens are made by some company called Ukos. The blue biros are ordinary Bics with the round end cap. If Bic's lawyers are reading this, consider this a formal apology and retraction. If Ukos's lawyers are reading this, get ready for a class action suit, you fuckers.

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                                      #19
                                      The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                      There's a market, surely, for someone to invent a chewable pen that is healthy. Much as Rimmer invented the stress relieving bubble wrap in Red Dwarf. Someone invent one, and when you're all done with your millions, send us one.

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                                        #20
                                        The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                        Wasn't there some guy called Ladislaw Biro? Or did I get that from some made up TV show? Same difference as J Edgar Hoover, right? Or Augustus B Sellotape.

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                                          #21
                                          The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                          The Biro was invented by Ladislaw otherwise Laszlo Biro

                                          but it was brought to market by Baron Bich, who probably manufactured more disposal objects than anyone else in the history of the world.

                                          15 million ballpoint pens a day.

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                                            #22
                                            The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                            Where did the name "biro" come from? It sounds so completely foreign and bizarre to this American. Like, I can understand where you get some names for things, but I'm really stumped when it comes to biro. edit: well, nevermind.

                                            And I have to ask, GY--are you really surprised that Bic makes a poor quality pen? They seem to be the poorest quality pens you can find.

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                                              #23
                                              The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                              According to the Internet, UKOS is UK Office Supplies, and this particular pen is likely their economy house-brand model, and not a Bic-calibre pen at all.

                                              I don't think Bic pens are poor quality at all, Inca. I mean, for what they actually do, I'm continually astounded at people paying exorbitant prices for Cross and Montblanc pens and the like. Same with watches.

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                                                #24
                                                The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                                Read my apology. Ukos make a poor quality pen. Bic make the finest disposable ballpoint pens known to man.

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                                                  #25
                                                  The banality of evil - stationary edition

                                                  I'm continually astounded at people paying exorbitant prices for Cross and Montblanc pens and the like. Same with watches.
                                                  Status symbols and extravagant consumption, innit?

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