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Summer "sports"

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    Summer "sports"

    I think we probably did this aeons ago, but it's worth a reprise following yesterday's tragi-comical events in Haapavesi. This is a country best known for its prowess at winter sports, ice hockey, hill jumping and the like. When it comes to summer, however, then it's another story: a decidedly average football league and our own version of baseball are about all there is.

    To fill in the considerable gaps, there are championships in a variety of activities, such as swamp football, welly boot throwing, mosquito squashing and, er, air guitar playing.

    A new addition yesterday brought the inaugural National Shit Shovelling Championships. Contestants from as far afield as Ylivieska made the trek across Northern Ostrobothnia, in order to fill a wheelbarrow with dung and run it around an obstacle course. Sadly in these depressed times, the organisers' budget only stretched to a single wheelbarrow, so the massed onlookers were denied the spectacle of contestants negotiating the double chicane six abreast.

    First up with the four-pronged fork was Ari Raiskio, who loaded a modest 46kg into the wheelbarrow and then set off round the course. He was forced to pit before the halfway point when his braces came adrift, but courageously ploughed on after a second failure, finishing with his trousers round his knees. Less amusingly, proceedings were interrupted when an unnamed contestant suffered a serious heart attack, requiring resuscitation and hospitalisation. Presumably there wouldn't have been any difficulty in burying him had the worst happened.

    The competition continued, and after a variety of toppled wheelbarrows, crashes into piles of dung and a surprising number of clean runs, up stepped local chippie Timo Junno. He loaded a mountainous 103kg into the wheelbarrow and raced around the circuit in 1 minute 5 seconds for the winning run. In the post-race interview he explained his tactics: "loads of shit and run like hell". Apparently there were rumours of his doping, but since no-one would go within 200 metres of him to get a sample, they'll stay just as rumours. Third placed Pasi Törmälehto described the experience as "the shittiest thing he's ever done", to which a fellow contestant retorted "it's better than being in the army". Next year's championships are awaited eagerly.
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