NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

[jason voorhees]

[Cal Alamein]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Great title JV. Probably the first and last northern non-dome Super Bowl ever. Hope there's a blizzard for the lucky fans to experience.

[Kettle]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Sounds fun. Talk that the half time show will be forgone this time round due to the weather has been quashed very quickly by the NFL.

Meanwhile, random gimmick ahoy!

[ursus arctos]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Need to fire up Photoshop again; the Pats changed their logo yesterday:

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

What could have possibly happened (other than Tom Brady frantically searching through every game or practice video to find every instance of him yelling at the tight ends for missing blocks) to make the Patriots change their brand ?

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

This TD Dance certainly takes on a more sinister meaning as well.

[Southport Zeb]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

To live up to the Soprano Bowl name I presume that this time all the lights in the stadium will have to suddenly cut to black?

[Torcida]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Mark Sanchez, Super Bowl MVP.

New York Jets, hometown Super Bowl champs.

It's time to BELIEVE.

[caja-dglh]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

I found the Patriots offer to switch any Hernandez shirt for the customers choice of player confusing. On one side I appreciate that the team is taking a hit to help out fans, but on the flip side it really is as though they are trying to whitewash a troublesome part of their recent history from existence.

Creating a situation where no one wears his jersey to the stadium doesn't make it that one of your big-contract star tight ends from last year isn't on a murder charge any more.

The Pats offense is going to have to look pretty different this year with no Welker and Hernandez. Whitehead to feature more? Gronk to not get Gronked for a season seems even more critical to their success.

[Daze]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Woodhead left for San Diego in free-agency and Gronk isn't certain to be back even for week 1. The Patriots offense is going to consist of a lot of throws to people like Jake Ballard, Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman and Aaron Dobson.

[Torcida]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Daze wrote: Woodhead left for San Diego in free-agency and Gronk isn't certain to be back even for week 1. The Patriots offense is going to consist of a lot of throws to people like Jake Ballard, Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman and Aaron Dobson.

I think more realistically the Patriots offense is going to be much more run-heavy, to the benefit of Stevan Ridley and Shane Vereen. Amendola should play the Welker role and could produce Welker-esque numbers if he stays healthy, which is a big if, but I don't think the other new receivers will put much up in the way of numbers.

[Reed John]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

The Cowboys have two PSU alums and two WM alums, so I guess I have to reluctantly root for them.

[Ginger Yellow]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Meanwhile, random gimmick ahoy!

They seem to have missed the obvious opportunity to have the toboggan slope launch people through the uprights.

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Mr. Donovan McNabb gets signed by the Eagles and subsequently retires as one....thus metamorphosizing from maligned punching bag of ungrateful dog mongrels to eternal hero of future decades of Delaware Valley car commercials and King of Prussia furniture outlet autograph sessions.

Now that it's all done, he and Brian Westbrook were one of the greatest QB-RB tandems in history. His Iggle teams had to be one of the greatest to not win the Super Bowl.

[Torcida]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

At the risk of being devil's advocate, the case against McNabb would be that he wasn't a big-game QB, underperforming in multiple NFC Championship Games and the one Super Bowl appearance (where he famously threw up, allegedly because he was out of shape), and that although he had a low career INT number he was often a very inaccurate passer, a one hopper supreme. His work ethic/conditioning seemed to be an issue in later stops with the Redskins and Vikes, with both souring on him quickly. So - good but not great?

[Incandenza]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

I'll never forget his bizarre entrance in Jerry World in that playoff game against the Cowboys:



As JV wrote at the time:

Also, WTF was that absolutely bizarre wiggle dance and window jumping and humping that McNabb did before the game, in that wacky tunnel with the fans on the other side of the glass at the bar ? It was kind of funny, but I'd understand more if say, Jim McMahon or Chad Ochocinco did it. But with McNabb, as with his phone calling stunt at Giants Stadium, it just comes off as not-in-a-good-way weird.

It just seemed so out of character for him. The way he was practically screaming LOOK HOW RELAXED I AM!!! showed that he was probably scared out of his mind. And that slap on the glass...just erratic. They went on to lose the game 34-14.

And from the same thread, JV had this beautiful post about New Orleans after the Super Bowl win.

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Thanks, Inc. A lot of fun seeing that then reading that. Feels like centuries ago, written at a time that living in Jersey seemed like centuries past.

Torcida - I have to wonder. Here Eli Manning won 2 of the most spectacular Super Bowls ever...yet has missed the playoffs 4 of the 9 years and 3 of his playoffs were 1 and done. McNabb made the playoffs in 9 of 11 years, and won a slew of playoff games. They sucked before he got there, and have sucked since he left (with 1 good Michael Vick team that should've beaten the champion Packers in '10.)

I honestly don't know what the problem was. It's about as rough a town to play in as it gets...passionate - yet more importantly passionately negative the-sky-is-falling kind of fans. Sometimes the sky did fall on the city...as in Osage Avenue.

The place is just weird. Look at videos of Mayor Rizzo, and he's considered the greatest patron saint of Philly. Then look at how Mayor Goode dropped a fucking bomb on a house with dreadlocked people that didn't believe in taking showers which proceeded to burn a whole block down. Then now you have a literal Nutter as mayor.

To avoid traffic back from the Please Touch Museum (yes, that's the title of their childrens museum,) I google mapped my way through the city. I made a turn on this place called Kensington Avenue. It had huge iron train tracks above, and almost immediately my Spidey Sense started tingling. Out of nowhere, there were people on the street after blocks of abandoned warehouses...and they weren't normal. This guy walking like a zombie with one crutch, people scratching their arms, girls slumped over in 1980s basketball shorts, groups of people sitting together in a dirty stoop. I said to myself "what the fuck kind of place is this shit ? I have to look this up !"

Kensington Avenue. I had driven through the real life Hamsterdam. Philadelphia actually has a decriminalized heroin zone. Where a guy called the Kensington Strangler killed a bunch of junkie hookers a few years back.

Then you're an African-American QB playing for these people.

[Heliotrope]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

jasoń voorhees wrote: Philadelphia actually has a decriminalized heroin zone.

What?
When the retirement ceremony does happen, you'll see the Philadelphia fans' inner marshmallow. A lot of players who have been traded or left in the twilight of their careers have been greeted warmly when they returned. Even the very controversial Eric Lindros probably got the biggest cheers before the Winter Classic alumni game a couple of years ago. It's just someone like a Scott Rolen who gets the cold shoulder. Jayson Werth gets booed mightily at CBP, but eventually opinions will mellow because he was on the World Series team.

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Right On Cue RE: Ealgse.

I gotta figure, if there's one sport...ONE SPORT....that saying such a thing is more suicidal than any other sport, it has to be NFL. Not only do you have to deal with the hits, you have to deal with people protecting you or not.

Something about country concerts in Camden or Philly that brings out the more idiotic race-baiters.

For over 10 years we've done many a comparing teams in the Premiership to the NFL. This NBC skit did a mighty good job of that as well - http://deadspin.com/what-might-happen-if-a-football-coach-coached-soccer-1012841849

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Needlesstosay, the first page of this thread has got to be the weirdest start to the NFL since...last year's Bountygate.

But for sheer scattershot shotgun-pellet shit-for-brained shoddiness, this year wins thus far.

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Whereas in the past the "WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS" Deadspin specials have been Magary's time to shine, the letters have me screaming this year:

Minnesota Vikings -
Corey:
I would fuck my own mother for any other starting quarterback in our division.

Tom:
Those fucking NFC Championship Games. Enough has been written/said about these Hiroshimas of team history, so I'll just say this: it probably was a good thing the Vikings lost at this stage, because as my dad put it, "The gods were telling us, 'You don't want to see what happens in the Super Bowl. Trust us'."

Chicago Bears -

Freddy:
Every position has a failed high round draft pick project. Nathan Enderle (QB), Ced Benson (RB), Juaquin Iglesias (WR), Greg Olsen (TE), Chris Williams (OL), J'Marcus Webb (OL), Dan Bazuin (DE), Dusty Dvoracek (DT), Michael Okwo (LB), Josh Moore (CB) and the Bears are still trying to replace Mike Brown's torn Achilles with Chris Conte, Major Wright, Brandon Hardin, Craig Steltz, Kevin Payne, Al Afalava, Adam Archuleta (free agent, fuck Lovie Smith cronyism!). The only draft pick of any value over last the last few years is Matt Forte, a running back and the least value position in the NFL.

Patrick:
For the most part, Chicago is a decent place. But the thing that truly hold us back? We collectively have this small-minded, provincial mindset that we can't seem to comprehend anything further than a couple hour's drive away.

Call out out city's crime? "Gary is way worse!"

Shitty government? "Well, you're welcome to move to Detroit!"

The list of cities the average spherical shaped man from Palo Heights will cite as "not as good as Chicago" continues: Milwaukee. St. Louis. Des Moines.

And here's the joke: Chicago's real rivals are cities like Seoul or Frankfurt. We have to compete with those cities for corporate headquarters or cultural attractions, and time after time we come up lacking. Our shitty airport(s). Our crumbling education system. Our massive gun violence epidemic.

So how does this pertain to your preview of the Chicago Bears? Because for the first time we deigned to roll the dice on an offensive minded coach and bet everything on Jay Cutler and the passing game. And when it fails (and it will), our fan base will once again demonstrate our complete lack of awareness of trends and changes going on out elsewhere in the world outside the midwest. We'll piss and moan that we didn't build around the run for January. Or we just didn't play traditional, "smashmouth" football like Halas/Ditka/God intended.

We'll limp into the playoffs, get housed by some team with a mobile quarterback and a modern system, let Trestman hang around for a year or two, then go right back to a retread defensive coordinator who promises to go back to classic "Bears football" in order to "beat the Packers" and please our myopic half-manatee fans.

Detroit Lions -

Jeff:
Do you know how agonizing it is to see teams like the Buccaneers, Saints, and especially the Cardinals all make the Super Bowl before the Lions? Hell, the Texans entered the league a decade ago and have won two playoff games. A baby born the day the Lions last won a playoff game can legally drink now, and the last time they won a championship bathrooms were still segregated. None of the last 13 non-interim head coaches have received another NFL head coaching job.

Brian:
In the 47 years of the Super Bowl era, the Detroit Lions franchise has 3 fewer playoff wins than Mark Sanchez.

Steve:
You don't know suck until you've visited Detroit. Seriously, it's the only city in the United States with housing cheaper than a night's stay at a nice hotel, and it's still considered a bad investment. It literally takes a day for the police to come to your house if there's a break-in; even the burglars get burgled. The city of Detroit is the absolute only thing that the Lions are better than. Most cities have buffer zones between their bad neighborhoods and million dollar stadiums. Not Detroit. You can look across the street from Ford Field and see blown out windows in a 200 year old brick building with a spray-painted mural of a whore getting slapped by a pimp - but hey, at least she's making money.

Baltimore Ravens-
Jon:
Joe Flacco is a boring oaf who knows how to throw jump balls, yet he weaseled this franchise out of $120 million dollars. Flacco owes half that money to Jacoby Jones for fielding those punts that were thrown in Denver and at the Super Bowl.

George:
Terrell Suggs looks like Louis Gosett jr in the movie Enemy Mine.

Ryan:
Half the Flacco jerseys in Baltimore are actually dark blue, not purple. Some brilliant Chinese knock-off manufacturer realized years ago that you could just manufacture Giants jerseys and stick Ravens decals on them and our fanbase would be too stupid to figure it out. It seems like every game I hear, “Hey check out my new Flack-oh jersey, I got a good deal on the intranet” only to look over and see something that was clearly meant to have Eli Manning printed on the back of it. To make matters worse, it’s usually tucked into their pants like it’s some sort of formal attire.

Patrick:
I was in NOLA for Super Bowl XLVII. We were in a bar on Bourbon Street "celebrating" and all I heard was the conspiracy theory about the lights going out and it's the NFL trying to let Colin Kaepernick win. Bitching and moaning about this blown call and bad play execution. It's not week 7 assholes! We just won the effing Super Bowl. Enjoy it!

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

I believe ursus linked to the new Jacksonville helmet in the 2012 NFL thread, but seeing it tonight I have to say I love it. It's incredibly hilarious.

Here's how it works, which is absolutely brilliant on tv with seeing the Eagles march on a 80-yard drive with no 3rd downs. If the defense gets penetration and a tackle, the helmets are dark. However, if a pass is completed and the entire team has to turn and chase the player with the ball (DeSean Jackson,) they turn yellow. It's like an automatic yellow alert. It's brilliant.

[jason voorhees]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Rex Ryan.

Coach of the New York Jets.

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18y3tbinkvswxgif/ku-medium.gif

[Incandenza]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

The head-tilt...

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/3102465/sanchezballattack.gif

[evilC]

NFL '13 - Road to the Soprano Bowl

Incandenza wrote: The head-tilt...

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/3102465/sanchezballattack.gif

I imagine that was his neck breaking under the impact of 1.5 balls.