Hooray, the rugby season in England starts! I shall now impart my wisdom, prejudice and ignorance to you all:-
Bath Rugby
Suddenly looking pretty strong again. Naughty South African troublemaker Luke Watson is club captain but the big signing is Lewis Moody, who will add his brand of 100 mph indifference to his own safety play. Sam Vesty is a good backup for both Butch James and Olly Barkley, without them last season they were poor, struggling to score tries. A dark horse for the title.
Exeter Chiefs
For the drop, I fear. They haven't got any players of note in their squad and their coaching staff doesn't have the steel than Neil Back brought to Leeds last season. I suspect they'll pull off a few shocks (they were the only team to beat Quins in ND1 a few years back when we trampled everyone else into the dirt) but it won't be enough. Fans are also disgruntled at massive Season Ticket price hikes.
Gloucester Rugby
Another season standing still. They've named celebrity drunk driver and backs move killer Mike Tindall as captain but he'll either be injured or fouling up England all season, the fans are excited about his replacement, Trinder. Redpath has yet to prove himself as a coach and they haven't really signed anyone to stir the Shed's blood.
Harlequins
With Bloodgate firmly behind us, a new coach, new captain (Chris Robshaw) and some of the fat trimmed, we're still looking underpowered in the tight five (last year's standout baby eating lock, James Percival, blew out his ACL in the meaningless final match of the season). If our backs get the ball we can run rings around anyone, but we'll probably lack the steel to mount any real challenge in the League. We may win the Anglo-Welsh or Amlin, though, we usually win a minor cup once every four years and we're due again.
Leeds Carnegie
Some wise buys, such as Steve Banjo Thompson, have added to the collection of hardnuts and workhorses that Neil Back has moulded very much in his image. They'll finish lower table but they'll be happy to do so. They'll probably unearth some more gems of young players who will jump ship (probably to Leicester) as usual. As long as Fourie stays out of the England team I'll be happy too.
Leicester Tigers
You have to hand it to them, if you don't they come and take it away from you. Current champions and rightly favourites to win, nothing seems to phase them. Entire backline fucked and joke journeyman at 10? Scrape wins by a single kick until they're fit. Lose your talismanic flanker to a deadly rival? Here comes the next one off the production line. One can only hope they don't win, it's getting dull. Also, I would like to see Quins beat them for the first time in the League since rugby went professional.
London Irish
Interesting times. Big Bob Casey has been dumped as captain and it seems that he's being edged out. Likely to do what they always do - start in a blaze and then fade away come the business end of the season. Another Armitage brother has appeared and they'll always put on a good show, but they'll be midtable fodder. As long as my uncle doesn't get quite so drunk the next time they play us at The Stoop, that will be nice.
London Wasps
The media spotlight has moved off them now that Danny Cipriani has moved to Melbourne (or football if you read some rumours). They have a very "meh" feel about them this season, they have lost some key players, their squad isn't getting any younger and they look rather stale. No doubt they'll throw all this in my face as usual as they wait until the last minute before powering up the table but the fact that their only fly half cover appears to be England's inside centre will worry their fans.
Newcastle Falcons
The loss of Carl Hayman to Toulon will mean they are in real trouble. I suspect the only reason they'll stay up is because Exeter are even worse. It's hard to see what Newcastle offer at times, they struggle to get crowds, they can't keep hold of their players and they aren't that exciting to watch. Pretty much everything will hinge on the 9-10 axis of Micky Young and Jimmy Gopperth staying fit and in form as they're the two genuine high class acts they have.
Northampton Saints
Will the Saints finally convert their cup successes of the past into a League win? Their locks are now shorn of two really good players in Kruger and Lobbe, back to Safferland and retired respectively, but their pack can go toe to toe with the best. They've got some sparkling talent out wide but they really need to know what to do at half back - Dickson is good but inconsistent and if you could meld Myler's kicking ability and nerve to Geraghty's passing and running you'd have a world beating fly half. I reckon they might spring a not unexpected surprise, as it were.
Sale Sharks
God, where to start? Sheridan's back (good) but Charlie Hodgson's injured (terrible). They've made 20 year old beanpole James Gaskell club captain (think Peter Crouch's slightly shorter brother and you're there) and new head coach Mike Brewer is trying to get rid of the wastrels that have arsed about the place for several years. But you get the feeling they aren't sure what their overall best team or gameplan is.
Saracens
Ugh. Loathesome coach, loads of imports, a godawful "club song", saddled with playing at Vicarage Road, a stadium in dire need of kncoking down and starting again and a rather nasty taste in the mouth. Sarries used to be entertaining if harmless and produced some very fine players. Now they seem to have become the embodiment of a rugby club trying to do a Manchester City. They played some great rugby at the end of the season, but it took a player's revolt to force Dr Venter to stop his horrendous tactics. They'll go well and if Alex Goode fulfills his promise I might revise my opinions.
Winners I'm going for Northampton
HEC Saints, Leicester, Bath, Glaws, Sarries and LI
Anglo-Welsh Quins, why not?
Relegated Exeter
Bath Rugby
Suddenly looking pretty strong again. Naughty South African troublemaker Luke Watson is club captain but the big signing is Lewis Moody, who will add his brand of 100 mph indifference to his own safety play. Sam Vesty is a good backup for both Butch James and Olly Barkley, without them last season they were poor, struggling to score tries. A dark horse for the title.
Exeter Chiefs
For the drop, I fear. They haven't got any players of note in their squad and their coaching staff doesn't have the steel than Neil Back brought to Leeds last season. I suspect they'll pull off a few shocks (they were the only team to beat Quins in ND1 a few years back when we trampled everyone else into the dirt) but it won't be enough. Fans are also disgruntled at massive Season Ticket price hikes.
Gloucester Rugby
Another season standing still. They've named celebrity drunk driver and backs move killer Mike Tindall as captain but he'll either be injured or fouling up England all season, the fans are excited about his replacement, Trinder. Redpath has yet to prove himself as a coach and they haven't really signed anyone to stir the Shed's blood.
Harlequins
With Bloodgate firmly behind us, a new coach, new captain (Chris Robshaw) and some of the fat trimmed, we're still looking underpowered in the tight five (last year's standout baby eating lock, James Percival, blew out his ACL in the meaningless final match of the season). If our backs get the ball we can run rings around anyone, but we'll probably lack the steel to mount any real challenge in the League. We may win the Anglo-Welsh or Amlin, though, we usually win a minor cup once every four years and we're due again.
Leeds Carnegie
Some wise buys, such as Steve Banjo Thompson, have added to the collection of hardnuts and workhorses that Neil Back has moulded very much in his image. They'll finish lower table but they'll be happy to do so. They'll probably unearth some more gems of young players who will jump ship (probably to Leicester) as usual. As long as Fourie stays out of the England team I'll be happy too.
Leicester Tigers
You have to hand it to them, if you don't they come and take it away from you. Current champions and rightly favourites to win, nothing seems to phase them. Entire backline fucked and joke journeyman at 10? Scrape wins by a single kick until they're fit. Lose your talismanic flanker to a deadly rival? Here comes the next one off the production line. One can only hope they don't win, it's getting dull. Also, I would like to see Quins beat them for the first time in the League since rugby went professional.
London Irish
Interesting times. Big Bob Casey has been dumped as captain and it seems that he's being edged out. Likely to do what they always do - start in a blaze and then fade away come the business end of the season. Another Armitage brother has appeared and they'll always put on a good show, but they'll be midtable fodder. As long as my uncle doesn't get quite so drunk the next time they play us at The Stoop, that will be nice.
London Wasps
The media spotlight has moved off them now that Danny Cipriani has moved to Melbourne (or football if you read some rumours). They have a very "meh" feel about them this season, they have lost some key players, their squad isn't getting any younger and they look rather stale. No doubt they'll throw all this in my face as usual as they wait until the last minute before powering up the table but the fact that their only fly half cover appears to be England's inside centre will worry their fans.
Newcastle Falcons
The loss of Carl Hayman to Toulon will mean they are in real trouble. I suspect the only reason they'll stay up is because Exeter are even worse. It's hard to see what Newcastle offer at times, they struggle to get crowds, they can't keep hold of their players and they aren't that exciting to watch. Pretty much everything will hinge on the 9-10 axis of Micky Young and Jimmy Gopperth staying fit and in form as they're the two genuine high class acts they have.
Northampton Saints
Will the Saints finally convert their cup successes of the past into a League win? Their locks are now shorn of two really good players in Kruger and Lobbe, back to Safferland and retired respectively, but their pack can go toe to toe with the best. They've got some sparkling talent out wide but they really need to know what to do at half back - Dickson is good but inconsistent and if you could meld Myler's kicking ability and nerve to Geraghty's passing and running you'd have a world beating fly half. I reckon they might spring a not unexpected surprise, as it were.
Sale Sharks
God, where to start? Sheridan's back (good) but Charlie Hodgson's injured (terrible). They've made 20 year old beanpole James Gaskell club captain (think Peter Crouch's slightly shorter brother and you're there) and new head coach Mike Brewer is trying to get rid of the wastrels that have arsed about the place for several years. But you get the feeling they aren't sure what their overall best team or gameplan is.
Saracens
Ugh. Loathesome coach, loads of imports, a godawful "club song", saddled with playing at Vicarage Road, a stadium in dire need of kncoking down and starting again and a rather nasty taste in the mouth. Sarries used to be entertaining if harmless and produced some very fine players. Now they seem to have become the embodiment of a rugby club trying to do a Manchester City. They played some great rugby at the end of the season, but it took a player's revolt to force Dr Venter to stop his horrendous tactics. They'll go well and if Alex Goode fulfills his promise I might revise my opinions.
Winners I'm going for Northampton
HEC Saints, Leicester, Bath, Glaws, Sarries and LI
Anglo-Welsh Quins, why not?
Relegated Exeter
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