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    Alleged shit songs

    OTF rightly takes a dim view of lists, but a list of worst records ever that is topped by a Jimmy Webb song and Minnie Riperton is not brave or clever, but so demented it merits death threats. So, feast your eyes on this orgy of madness.

    The obvious targets are present, but I will cheerfully defend Charlene's opus. I think "I Am...I Said" is a pretty good song (but then, I am an apologist for Neil Diamond). "Midnight At The Oasis" is lovely; Muldaur's voice is quite sexy. And if I may, I would like to like "The Logical Song", with its great harmonies and vicious lyrics. I can see why some people would include Sheena Easton's "Morning Train"; I think it's a enjoyable pop song.

    Most disturbing though is the inclusion of "Ode To Billie Jo". I can understand why any of the featured sings (other than "Loving You") might be annoying to some people, but I am at a total loss as to how this came to be included.

    And I'm thoroughly bored with the received wisdom that "Horse With No Name" is a terrible song. It's not very good, but not it really isn't offensively bad. I should bite the next person who claims not to understand the lyrics (the usual cause for objection). It's about drugs, obviously. Not that difficult to see.

    #2
    Alleged shit songs

    (Gulp). What is wrong with Alone Again (Naturally)? It's a not a comedy number, I grant you, and you wouldn't do a karaoke version of it in your right mind, but it's a heartfelt song by a man mourning the passing away of his parents. Hardly something to be pilloried for, I wouldn't have thought.

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      #3
      Alleged shit songs

      Boogie Oogie Oogie - A Taste of Honey
      Alone Again (Naturally) - Gilbert O'Sullivan
      Oh Babe, What Would You Say? - Hurricane Smith

      "pop Culture Madness' needs to do something about its marketing, because (the majority of) its visitors are tasteless wankers.

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        #4
        Alleged shit songs

        What a stupid list.

        There ia a range of really odd and inventive pop music there, and Ode to Billy Joe is a work of genius.

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          #5
          Alleged shit songs

          G.Man wants a hyphen wrote:
          ... I'm thoroughly bored with the received wisdom that "Horse With No Name" is a terrible song.
          Sometimes, the received wisdom is correct.

          The band have always denied that it's about heroin, and I'm inclined to believe them, because if it was about heroin that would indicate a level of allusive wit simply not evident in lines like

          "In the desert, you can remember your name
          Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain."

          Now, if that's not "terrible" I swear I don't know what "terrible" means.

          You're right about Bille Jo though. That's just mental.

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            #6
            Alleged shit songs

            It (HWNN) might have some jarring lyrics, but the overall sound of the song is lovely. I'm often tempted to go off on one on here but then I reign it in (geddit). It has a nice summery feel and a lovely melody, and there is an openness and mystery to it (the fact that we don't know wtf he's on about, really) and if English wasn't your first language you might not even notice those lines.

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              #7
              Alleged shit songs

              Received wisdom is also correct about 'The Logical Song' - a dreadful song from a dreadful band.

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                #8
                Alleged shit songs

                MsD wrote:
                It (HWNN) might have some jarring lyrics, but the overall sound of the song is lovely. I'm often tempted to go off on one on here but then I reign it in (geddit). It has a nice summery feel and a lovely melody, and there is an openness and mystery to it (the fact that we don't know wtf he's on about, really) and if English wasn't your first language you might not even notice those lines.
                I think the gag only works if you use the conventional spelling, "rein". Unless I've misunderstood it.

                In any case, I think the song is shit all ways up. Sorry.

                And what DSS says about fucking Supertramp. Hippy bastards.

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                  #9
                  Alleged shit songs

                  Nearly everybody mispells it, that was the joke as I know you're hot on spelling. Crap joke, admittedly.

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                    #10
                    Alleged shit songs

                    Anyway, the lyrics aren't "vicious" are they, to that Supertramp song? It's a vaguely anti-Establishment posh-boy hippy lament about how "they" sent Roger Hodgson to public school and taught him to be "logical" as a way of making him conform. A complaint I've no time for, really, on a number of levels.

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                      #11
                      Alleged shit songs

                      It's funny though, what a whimpering spoilt bastard. Call the NSPCC.

                      Like the top two on that list, it's something of a camp classic. I sing I've Never Been to Me quite regularly, as it happens, I love the way she describes what sounds like a pretty top life, being undressed by kings and sipping champagne on yachts or whatever, and then moans about it. Yeh, love, going to B&Q on a Sunday, that's what it's all about and you're really missing out.

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                        #12
                        Alleged shit songs

                        I've tried to visualise the woman in I've Never Been to Me. At best, she's that Paul Whitehouse pub bore in the Fast Show: 'The old jet-setting free-spirit game? All the shagging kings and drinking champagne on yachts? Hardest game in the world. Done it meself, you see...'

                        At worst, she's the crazy bint in the shopping centre who harangues some poor innocent housewife, who -- halfway through all the guff about Georgia and California -- decides to make a run for it. But to no avail: Charlene yanks her back ('Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away') before she gets the chance.

                        On the extended version, she probably asks for some money towards her train ticket home, because someone's stolen her purse, only to leg it to the off-license to buy more Diamond White.

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                          #13
                          Alleged shit songs

                          The Temptations covered I've Never Been To Me in the early '80s. I don't recall how they changed the lyrics.

                          Anyway, the lyrics aren't "vicious" are they, to that Supertramp song?
                          You're right, Wyatt. I confused Logical Song with Breakfast In America (the one about having a girlfriend who's "not much of a girlfriend"), which probably was intended to be satirical anyway.

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                            #14
                            Alleged shit songs

                            Gilbert O'Sullivan's best song by quite a distance is 'Get Down'.

                            He's an annoying prick to deal with. I had to interview him over the phone some time in the mid-1990s, and he terminated the conversation after about three minutes because I wasn't asking him enough questions about his new album.

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                              #15
                              Alleged shit songs

                              Our English teacher, c 1972, devoted a lesson to teaching us why Alone Again, Naturally was a far superior song to Telegram Sam with its "meaningless" lyrics.

                              I do like AAN but was a big T Rex fan and tried to argue for it - it's not poetry, it's not an essay, it's A Pop Song - but I gave up.

                              I'm of the same opinion now. Unless lyrics are really slap-you-in-the-face shit, they are less important than the sound, the feel. A lot of my favourite songs have very abstract or barely decipherable lyrics, around half are lyrically strong and the ones I consider lyrically perfect are fairly rare.

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                                #16
                                Alleged shit songs

                                I broadly agree. But, first, those lyrics are slap in the face shit, and, secondly, I don't like the tune either.

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                                  #17
                                  Alleged shit songs

                                  I like 'Boogie Oogie Oogie' and 'Alone Again'. I have a soft spot for Midnight At...'. I hate 'Horse...'. That record can drive me screaming from the room. 'I've Never...' is absolutely 70s self-absorbed, self-regarding, selfish. It is toe-curlingly bad. So she has flat-backed her way around the globe and now feels sorry for herself. Shame.

                                  The worst music of all time. No Anita Dobson in there. Or Lance Percival. Or Mike Sarne. Or Our Kid.

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                                    #18
                                    Alleged shit songs

                                    yeh, but "I've Never .. " was written by two blokes, which changes things a bit, it could even be seen as Music of the Oppressor - don't aspire to life beyond motherhood and marriage or you'll end up bitter and alone - except that it has been claimed as "camp".

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                                      #19
                                      Alleged shit songs

                                      Was it really written by two blokes? In which case not camp, more likely a piss take. The wretched thing should have been filmed with Farrah Fawcett. It probably was.

                                      In fact I seem to remember some excruciating TV movie from about 1977 about some 'woman executive' who was 'unfulfilled' and went of in her Mercedes to 'find herself'. My then girlfriend sobbed up a storm. I was sick.

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                                        #20
                                        Alleged shit songs

                                        Well, it's of its time, there were lots of songs like that lyrically. Hal David penned a fair few doormat-friendly lyrics with Burt Bacharach songs like Wives and Lovers and Waitin', Wishin' and Hopin' but they have such great tunes no-one really minds.

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                                          #21
                                          Alleged shit songs

                                          You're all missing the point here.

                                          Compare this to some bona fide shit songs and it falls to pieces.

                                          'I've Never Been To Me'; isn't it just a bit meh if you compare it to:

                                          BrokenCYDE 'FreaXXX'

                                          Which is bad on every conceivable level.

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                                            #22
                                            Alleged shit songs

                                            Until these lists start recognizing the dark and troubled sound of 'Bird Of Prey' by Uriah Heep, then they are not worth taking seriously.

                                            Check it: Uriah Heep 'Bird Of Prey'

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                                              #23
                                              Alleged shit songs

                                              Yeah, that's the problem with these lists. These songs are all well known for a reason: they appeal to many people. There needn't be a consensus that these songs are good, and many or most people who love and understand pop will hate them. But there are half zillion songs that never came to the broader public's attention because they were so bad, nobody even thought the broader public should hear them.

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                                                #24
                                                Alleged shit songs

                                                Yeah, even when they try and dig up something obscure they'll usually end up picking a band along the lines of Attila - Billy Joel's heavy metal band - which is pretty weird but pretty awesome really.

                                                The worst offender at this is the Kenny Everett Worst Records Ever album, which contains some stone cold classics, even 'Surfin' Bird' by The Trashmen.

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                                                  #25
                                                  Alleged shit songs

                                                  I had a sudden urge to play Hello, Lucille are you a Lesbian? by T. Valentine and it really is as bad as I remember. But his Betty Sue is nearly alright.

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