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Songs From The Subject's Point Of View

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    Songs From The Subject's Point Of View

    Tom Waits - What's He Building?

    Wed, Mar 14: Started work on the spanking bench today. Expected more funny looks than I got when purchasing the materials but then again it was Tesco's after all. I have the design pretty much done. I'm just wondering now if it might look better with a toilet seat; better give Glen Johnson a call. He seems to have come into a few of those, for some reason. Decided to move the work indoors after that nosy cunt across the way spent what felt like another fucking lifetime having a butchers at me. Who the fuck does he think he is? And what's with that fucking trilby?

    Thu, Mar 15: Magazines arrive by post today! Readers Digest, Cosmo, Linedancer Monthly, When Saturday Comes. It's so hard being a renaissance man. Got a bit bored in the afternoon so I took down the tire from the swing outside and tried to do hula hoops. Need practice. And a testicle guard. But you try explaining that to the NHS and expecting to claim it back. Big Society my festering hole.

    Fri, Mar 16: He's still watching the fucking house! All day long. Does he get a grant for this shit or something? Thinking about having a tank of formaldehyde delivered to the house just to fuck with his head. I already put the shits up him the other day when I strolled nonchalantly around the yard with a router and a table saw and pretended to cut down imaginary trees.

    Sat, Mar 17: Work on the bench isn't progressing as well as I'd hoped. No More Nails my bollocks. Rat spunk is more adhesive. Best give the ball and chain a call, ask her to bring a couple of samples back from Tennessee. They have rats there, right? In the meantime I'll have to stick to the old-fashioned method and use six inch nails. Singing "Hallelujah" while slamming a six-incher into a 2X4 is incredibly theraputic.

    Sun, Mar 18: I admit defeat. Tried out the bench today but realised that without assistance there's no way you can restrain your free wrist. Not without... you know. Ah, well, fuck it. The materials should make a good playhouse for the kids. I put on Visitor Q for them last week and I haven't heard a peep since. Who said it was uncommercial?
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