X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

[Sits]

Excellent work pebble. Make sure you put it on your manager profile.

[pebblethefish]

There's a manager profile?

[delicatemoth]

There's a glitch in X11 that means I'm unable to look at any of my teams' squad or tactics pages. Anyone else getting this? It'll be a touch annoying if I can't pick a team for Ullapool's game later.

Oh yes, I've seen a couple of references to a new tactics screen. I don't have it, so what's that about?

[Etienne]

I can't log in at all at the moment.

[Auntie Beryl]

It’s….

The Occasional Heineken League OTF Recap

Eyes down for a full house, OTFers, as the first of these (hopefully) regular digests catches a jet of air, is propelled out of the chamber and is carried to its resting place along a wired runway. But has it been unlucky for some? Is anyone already under doctor’s orders? Should there be a royal salute? Read on as we career headlong through the divisions.

Heineken Premiership
Four OTF-managed sides are vying for Season 60’s top title, with Various Artist’s Royal Atlantis looking to retain the silverware they nabbed last time out. In an even opener at T.G.I.F’s Friday Stadium, Harold Godwinson’s breakaway goal for Atlantis just before half-time was eventually responded to in a more eventful second half, and it ended 1-1.

In the second gameweek, there was a first OTF DERBY of the top-flight season, as Atlantis came up against Sarkanyok – who for the purposes of these reports will have their name cruelly shorn of its diacritics for technical reasons. Etienne’s charges can point to having had 100% of the chances in a game that ended goalless. Only the one chance, mind.

Days earlier Sarkanyok started their balls rolling with a hard-fought 1-0 home victory over Alhambra F.C., Edward Sanden nodding in the winner halfway through the second period. The St John’s Ambulance crew were kept busier earlier, when Sarkanyok’s Donat Labancz was carried off, likely to be unavailable for a couple of league games for his side.

Methley Perseverance found the going tough in their first match, away at Mackem Sith FC. The Sunderland-sourced rouge antagonists had the lion’s share of the opportunities at the Renegade Stadium despite seeing Dwayne Lonsdale limping off on eight minutes, taking the lead late in the first half and having another chalked off by the match officials. A second followed with fifteen minutes to go, Rowley Lilywhite grabbing a consolation in added time for Sean Of The Shed’s lads. 2-1 it finished.

Better was to follow in game two, as Alhambra F.C. were again put away 1-0 by an OTF-managed side, Hal Holmshaw beating ‘Bra goalie Chompoo Srijumroon with an effort from distance.
It was a flying start to the new season for Sits’s Gloucester Old Spots, snouts in front within ten minutes thanks to a penalty converted by captain Rio Singleton. Within a quarter of an hour opponents Teutonic Knights were level courtesy of a crusading strike from distance by Raimondo Scalabrini. That’s how it stayed.

The Spots’s second opponents T.G.I.F had already held Royal Atlantis to a draw on day one – this is where we came in – and had a better evening at Wotton-Under-Edge as they notched a 2-0 away victory in a match that saw goals for both sides disallowed. The Spots held on for 78 minutes before the scoring started.
In the early table, Sarkanyok sit 4^th, Methley 6^th, Atlantis 9^th and the Old Spots 10^th. Early days.

HLC1

Zeugma Birligi find themselves fourth in the nascent league table with two home games played. Antepli Ejderha’s men hosted F C P Madeira at Gelecegim Stadi and had the majority of the opportunities in of the opening game, netting via Bayhan Sulun before the wine-quaffing visitors pulled one back. Eventually the pressure paid off, and one minute from the end of regulation time Sulun turned provider to cross for Ertem Namli to head home.

Days later both the expectation and expectoration levels were high as Flob United travelled to Turkey. The gobby punks scored both goals, opening the scoring via Reginald Kenyon’s header and evening things up with a Howey Hitchen own goal after half-time. Zeugma captain Muammer Kiziroglu limped off towards the end of this 1-1 draw and faces eight days on the sidelines. All in all, a good opening week at their new level.

HLC2

South Hams United have made a strong start to life in the third flight, having won promotion in season 59. Their two opening victories will have brought a degree of regional pride to Hot Orange’s Devon denizens, having beaten two teams from over the western border in Cornwall.

Firstly, Mebyon Kernow crossed the Tamar to Slapton Park and had the edge in possession stats, the devil’s ratio 52-48. When it mattered, though, captain Salvatore Antonini made the difference, notching the only goals of the game via a long range shot and a free kick.

After that United headed west to Kernow Vikings. True to their reputation, the Vikings played with some aggression and ended up with two their players limping off early, not helping their cause. Hams were two up by half time through headers by Sigurd Thostrup and Peter Trager, and whilst the home crowd were able to sing some Old Norse celebratory verses at a 70^th minute reply, Thanasis Sifakis made the Kernow Stadium a burial ground at the end of play. 3-1. Two goals and two assists mean that Salvatore Antonini leads the points table in HLC2.

It’s been quieter for Csiki Sods and manager Ad Hoc – their two league games witnessed a total of one goal between them. The opening home tie with Ossia ended goalless but the Sods can justly feel they didn’t have the rub of the green, having created four chances to their opponents’ zero.

A few days later a trip to imaginary real-life Turf Moor beckoned, home to clone club Burnley FC. For this one the Sods held possession well, with 56% of the ball, but for all that didn’t manage a chance and the home side edged the game with a heartbreaking 92^nd minute header. The Sods sit 9^th in the early table.

[Auntie Beryl]

HLC4

Viktor Boskovic’s Chester Rovers escaped the drop by one place in season 59, and currently find themselves one place lower after the first two ties. A tricky trip to South Manchester F.C. saw a range of familiar names (Hughes M, Kanchelskis A, Charlton B) on the scoresheet, with Victoro Acuna scoring from the only Rovers chance. It ended 3-1.

It was a different story when Rovers welcomed Plymouth Argyle to Faulkner Street in the second match, with the home side dominating possession and opportunities. Acuna again hit the back of the net, however Argyle converted their only chance four minutes later, and the score stayed at 1-1 until Laura Norder blew her whistle.

HLC5

It’s been a decent start to the season for Granthamian’s Grantham Town. Visitors The Talk Of The Toon were revealed as pretenders in the opening match with the South Kesteven outfit easing past 2-0 via goals from man of the match Ernie Nixon and, after the break, Graham Clapham. The Toon created little.

A long trip down the A1, round the M25 and along the A23 led to an away meeting with Burgess Hill Wonders next up, with Grantham suffering the loss of defender Andy Crawford early on. Despite this, and going a goal down on the half hour mark, Town were rewarded for their efforts with an 88^th minute leveller. They are third in the table.

HLC6

Copy and paste’s Yarra Valley Aelwyd, managed by IsThatcherDeadYet?, are yet to record a victory in the new Heineken season but do sit outside the drop slots at the time of typing. Their season opener was far from ideal as Skate N Chips trawled up to the Wales-England Border and netted three times without reply, their haul contributed to by man of the match Tits McGhee.

Better was to come for Aelwyd, as four goals were evenly split at Google Gate, home of Starchaser. Ref Donald Scott had flashed his yellow card four times in the first half, three times to YVA players. All the goals came after the break, Starchaser going first before YVA turned things around via Harald Albertsson and Lincoln Chase. A 77^th minute penalty restored parity and that was how it finished, 2-2.

HLC7

The writer of these reports manages Penwith Players, who had never competed as far up the pyramid as HLC7 before this season. It wasn’t a bad start as guttural hosts Growl created no scoring opportunities in the first half, allowing the Players to rattle in three without reply, incurring a ten day injury to Ziggy Minions in doing so. After the break, three early substitutions for Growl had the requested impact and the home team pulled one back. 3-1.

As January turned to February, notification came through that the Manager Of The Month award had gone to the Penwith manager in what must have been an admin error. With a certain sense of inevitability, the MOTM curse struck that same day, as fellow promotees Olympique Lyon took any remaining wind out of the Players sails by easily knocking in three without reply having had 60% possession. PP are 6^th in the league.

Currently 10^th in the same division are Wouter D’s Lokomotiv Leiden, who welcomed AFC Westbourne to Boshuizerkade and waved them off having gone down 2-0, things starting unpromisingly with a Ole-Ivar Birkeland own goal.

There was little relief in game two, either: Roxer Grup squeezed past Leiden 2-1, with the visitors’ first goal of the season coming from a header from substitute Maksin Bazhenov.

[Auntie Beryl]

HLC9

In an eventful first 45 minutes of the season, Nagasaki Towpath saw two of their men booked by harsh and strict ref Terry Nolan and equalised an early Red Cobras goal via a Brede Hadsel screamer, only to go behind once again before half-time. A putative second Hadsel goal was chalked off in the 64^th minute and 2-1 was how it stayed.

Andrew7610’s charges found themselves on the wrong end of the same scoreline in the second game of the season, with visitors F. C. Internazionale converting two of their ten chances before sub Floriano Atlantico nodded in a consolation in the second minute of added time.

HLC10

Hautcharage Ubu opened with a home fixture against Porter FC, who took away all three points with two unanswered goals at Talking Ponies Avenue and indeed monopolised the opportunities.

Better was to follow for Delicatemoth’s team of Luxembourgers, however. Hosts Guiness FC seemed out of sorts for some reason and took a while to settle, allowing a second-minute opener for Miles Stevens. In fact, Ubu didn’t allow Guiness their head at all, doubling their lead through Danny Calvard and making it three via Frederik Brijkman before the end. Ubu are sixth.

HLC12

Nmrfox has reasons to be cheerful regarding the start that Framley Obstreperous have made following their title win in season 59. A somewhat one-sided affair at Paddy Clift Close saw Framley open the scoring against GAI UK via a jewel of a goal from Gordy Bauble, with Gordon Gnarl popping the second over the line after half time with his noggin. That was it, the result 2-0.

If game one was one-sided, the second saw a goal glut as hosts Texas Rangers gave up 6 (SIX) to their visitors and in all honesty it could have been more. Gnarl hit two, Bauble another, with the scoring completed by a brace from Leonard St Chapel and Bailey Jellyhanz, who presumably was relocated from goalkeeper early on in his development. Unsurprisingly, Framley top the nascent table although their 8-0 goal difference has been matched by Italia 90 FC.

HLC18

There are two OTF-helmed teams in this league, and they met in an OTF DERBY in game one. Achill Island FC, watched by manager MortalJoe, and AFC Isla Nubar, overseen by December’s manager of the month Lambers, played out a goalless draw that didn’t lack incident but ended with neither side having found the back of the net.

In game two, Nubar hosted Hucknall Town and did the right thing, man of the match and two goal hero Simon Masrani among their stars. Of concern will be a nine day injury to Dilophos Aurus, but after a 2-1 win the manager won’t feel bad.

The same day, Achill Island also ran out 2-1 victors, in their case at Stadium Lembah Palas – home of Lembah Palas FC. The Malaysian hosts’ hoped-for flying start was delayed by Leroux Defer’s 13^th minute goal, and when Tomonori Enoki netted a second the three points seemed safe. MortalJoe might not have felt like dancing, however, when Phil Samba limped off late on (he’ll be out for eleven days) and, reduced to ten men, Achill conceded at the death. No matter, though – they are third, and Isla Nubar fourth, in the HLC18 table.

HLC19

Another OTF twofer in this league: both teams having moved up a level at the end of season 59. It’s fair to say that momentum has stayed with them, too…

Arran Artisans and boss BillBones must be chuffed at how day one’s match with Southampton went. 63% possession, twelve chances, and six goals; the only cloud on the horizon was an injury to lone striker Victor Silva early on, when one goal up. Not to be daunted, those still on the pitch rattled in another five with defender Valter Pelzer nicking a couple and being considered man of the match.

Not such a goalfest in game two, with Pelzer’s replacement Henry Saltoun notching the strike that made the difference at home to The Merry Kerrys. The Artisans lead the way in the new league table.

Pebblethefish brought Granite Herrings up as champions, and his young side have started brightly. Faced with the unusual prospect of playing host to Circus Elephants in game one, goals from Strathern (OG) and Shigeyoshi Yokohama made their opponents appear ponderous and flat footed. Despite a late response, the Herrings ended up kings of the castle, 2-1.

A second home game a few days later led to the visit of West Wales FC. The only goal of the game was bundled home by that man Yokohama again after half time. After this, the fixture became more heated, with the away side’s Kyle Fahrenheit shown a yellow card and advised by the ref to chill. Granite Herrings lie fourth of a quartet of sides with 100% records.

HLC20

Our final OTF-populated division has – you guessed it – two of our lot in the hot seat.

Elstree Eagles started season 60 with a home game to RoPS Rovaniemi, and it was a happy Finnish for the North Londoners and manager geejaytee. A somewhat one-sided affair by the end, there was only a Jorge Casquero header in it at the break; it was a different story in the second half as Esmail Kaminpour, a RoPS own goal and a second Casquero header made it 4-0 when the ref peeped his last – a scoreline that did not flatter the Eagles.

It was a much tighter affair at The Frying Pan, home of Canadian Bacon, for the second game of the season. Leading in terms of possession, the Eagles took it easy when it came to setting up chances – only managing one, which Arnie Northfield successfully converted. Bacon, having created seven opportunities, looked frazzled after losing the match 1-0. The Eagles are second, below a side who thrashed Rovaniemi 7-1 in their second game.

Stormstopper’s South Loop Steel might well have softened the Bacon up a few days prior. Benjamin Klit Nielsen pressed the right buttons when opening the scoring from a free kick towards the end of the first half, with Rufus Hankin doubling the lead for the Chicagoans not long after. Bacon thought they’d found the cure when reducing the arrears seven minutes from time; however after Hankin poached a second from close range in stoppage time, the Bacon’s, er, goose was cooked. 3-1.

Game two saw a different story altogether play out for South Loop Steel. Making their way to the Aquadome for their match with RL Athletes, both managers put in five star performances but it was the Athletes who ran up a 2-0 lead by half time. Lars Erik Boggler added a third for the home side after the break. Still, this league is a marathon, not a sprint… Steel sit sixth.

[delicatemoth]

X11 is back to normal for me. Great roundup, AB.

[Wouter D]

Oh yes, I've seen a couple of references to a new tactics screen. I don't have it, so what's that about?

I guess that "new" is no longer an accurate description, since the update has been around for a while, but there are two distinct ways in which you can set your formation and lineup nowadays. The old way is to get a list of your players, with a drop-down menu for each player where you can select "Goalkeeper, Defender, Midfielder, Forward, Reserve, or At Home On The Couch*"; formation is derived from whatever you select in the collective drop-downs. The new way is to pick a formation first, and drag and drop your players to a visual representation of that formation on the screen. I think you can switch between these two tactics screens in your profile on the X11 site.

*I forgot what this last category actually says, but for the sake of the message in this post, this description will do.

[delicatemoth]

Oh I get you. I'd actually forgotten about the old way.

[Antepli Ejderha]

There's a glitch in X11 that means I'm unable to look at any of my teams' squad or tactics pages. Anyone else getting this? It'll be a touch annoying if I can't pick a team for Ullapool's game later.

Oh yes, I've seen a couple of references to a new tactics screen. I don't have it, so what's that about?

Hope it's been resolved, I had no problem this morning or just now.

[Various Artist]

Yes, it's "new" in Xpert Eleven terms, DM, which is to say it was already the default tactics screen when I joined the game over 7 years ago.

Funnily enough, I've actually used the 'old' tactics screen for most of that time, though. My old computer got too slow to use the 'new' drag-'n'-drop screen very well, so I changed my user settings to have the old tactics setup active instead. It not only proved more viable for a slow connection, but I found I preferred the layout. It's been so long since I even looked at the new version I can't remember quite how the latter seems deficient, but it seemed to me that the old version had more useful details visible – provided you skipped back and forward between the separate Tactics, Lineup and Substitutions screens.

[Various Artist]

Meanwhile, great work AB – I thought we might get a general overview of the OTF Heineken contingent's chances as the season started, but you've surprised me with a full roundup of the first week's action. Must be 5 years or so since HO and I were covering the league's weekly goings-on, so great to read that. If these are a repeat event, long-time readers will doubtless recognise a fair few names however as there's still quite a number of other teams around the Heineken who've had the same identities (and, in many case, same managers) the entire time.

[Auntie Beryl]

Thanks, VA - I wouldn't want to make any predictions! Far happier digging into the detail and riffing on names and events.

Can't promise I'll be able to cover all matches, however I did enjoy rattling through what you read up there.

[Wouter D]

Yes, it's "new" in Xpert Eleven terms, DM, which is to say it was already the default tactics screen when I joined the game over 7 years ago.

Now that must be impossible since it didn't exist when I joined the ga--- holy cow I've been playing X11 for over nine years.

When it was first introduced, there were too few empty off-field slots in the new tactics screen, so in order to get your desired formation on the field, you'd have to play a Tower of Hanoi-style minigame. I didn't fancy that. I also found that the old tactics screen gives me a better overview for squad-wide DV management, so I stuck with the old ways and hence I only have myself to blame for lack of results.

[Various Artist]

Hah, yes time flies eh?

I think this probably sums up what I was trying to get at in my previous comment, too:

I also found that the old tactics screen gives me a better overview for squad-wide DV management

[Various Artist]

Faintly extraordinarily, my United Underground youth academy has just seen fit to give me a solid new 17-year-old Egyptian striker named... Muhammed Salah.

[Sean of the Shed]

Almost seems a pity that you're going to be changing it to Nigel Northolt or summats like in the next few minutes.

[Sits]

Unsworth Upminster. Or has VA already done that?

Auntie Beryl outstanding work! I like the fact #2 and #3 got one more like than #1.

[nmrfox]

Great stuff Auntie Beryl . My money/econs are on Brent Cross for VA.

[Various Artist]

Heh, I was actually resisting changing the name immediately Sean, in case anyone wants him on a direct transfer under that name – though it would be quite against Lancaster Gate policy (UU's ground, not the FA's former HQ) to allow him to keep his unaltered moniker of course.

I was thinking I'd used Northolt very early on (one of my starter squad who all got sold or sacked very quickly), but looking at my list of station names I must've been thinking of Nick Northwood Hills. So Nobby Northolt is still waiting in the wings, so to speak – one of only two Ns left on the list, along with Neville North Acton. Albeit we do have Nate Northfields already up front right now so it might get a bit confusing...

Also still available is Brett Brent Cross, so it's a possibility Foxy! Sit's suggestion is out though, alas – midfield superstar Ulysses Upminster has not long retired as one of our greatest ever players.

[Various Artist]

Auntie Beryl outstanding work! I like the fact #2 and #3 got one more like than #1.

The three parts are on respectively 6, 7, and 8 likes now, so AB has apparently managed to pick up steam all the way along!

[lambers]

Heh, I was actually resisting changing the name immediately Sean, in case anyone wants him on a direct transfer under that name – though it would be quite against Lancaster Gate policy (UU's ground, not the FA's former HQ) to allow him to keep his unaltered moniker of course.

I was thinking I'd used Northolt very early on (one of my starter squad who all got sold or sacked very quickly), but looking at my list of station names I must've been thinking of Nick Northwood Hills. So Nobby Northolt is still waiting in the wings, so to speak – one of only two Ns left on the list, along with Neville North Acton. Albeit we do have Nate Northfields already up front right now so it might get a bit confusing...

Also still available is Brett Brent Cross, so it's a possibility Foxy! Sit's suggestion is out though, alas – midfield superstar Ulysses Upminster has not long retired as one of our greatest ever players.

Have you used every schoolboy's favourite terminus of the Piccadilly line? Guaranteed to keep the more puerile-minded amused.

[Various Artist]

What, Heathrow Terminal 5?


Oh, oh right, yes. Clark Cockfosters was actually UU's first star striker, and, curiously enough, played a role in basically all our success to date – either in his presence or absence.

He scored 33 goals in 127 matches to help us to Season 3's MLX Cup and Season 5's league title, but he then got sold aged 26 straight after we did the Double in Season 6 to make way for his younger but better skillpathed (is that a word) colleague Paolo Pimlico to take over as lead striker.

A hard decision, you might say, but I think it was the right move – even if ditching your best attacker after four major trophies and as he enters what should be the prime of his career sounds ludicrous. Indeed we did enter a fallow patch after that, but he had suffered a series of bad injuries and his development was stalling, plus he'd frontloaded those goals badly with 25 of them coming in Seasons 1-3. Pimlico, promoted to undisputed top dog, went on to score a then-record 93 for us in 309 games.

And Cockfosters' sale allowed me to give the new pair of 17/4 forwards I snapped up for around half a million each to replace him every opportunity to rotate regularly alongside Pimlico. They were Wouter Waterloo (named in honour of Wouter D, because why not) and Floyd Fairlop -- who would end up playing up front together for an extraordinary 22 seasons, win nine major trophies (if my count is correct) and net 126 and 132 goals respectively in a combined 742 appearances.

[lambers]

Way ahead of me I see! Give it another few years or so, and you'll be petitioning for a major tube extension, just so you have more names available.