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X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

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    Originally posted by pebblethefish View Post
    Incidentally, I'm currently wearing a t-shirt with South Utsire on it. OK, it's actually got all of the Shipping Forecast on there, but still.
    Fantastic – in that case it'll also have Viking and North Utsire on it too!


      OTF League roundup for 19th October: Season 60 round 9

      Division 3
      As we reach the halfway mark of the season, all clubs in D3 have had their first bye round and so it’s time to see how things shake out with everyone on an even footing.
      OWC Albion become the fourth team to top the standings this term, hitting the summit for the first time this Monday thanks to a 2-0 home win over Veni Vici Vigata (6th). Main pacesetters Wednesday de la Zouch drop back a place after a 1-1 draw in the day’s big game at Tree Hill High (3rd), with Weds relieved to grab a late point to keep them 3 points ahead of THH.
      Brian Munchingflapjack (4th) reinserted themselves in the promotion race by easing past bottom side Pinewood Passers 2-0 at the Green, to draw level on points with THH. Three points further back, Nieuwegein Kneebiters (5th) cut loose – a little – to win 2-0 at Littlewoods Legends (7th), who led the table early in the campaign but have taken just one point from their last six.
      Young Wharfedale Generals (8th) are having this whole week off, but unfortunately due to lockdown restrictions in Yorkshire are unable to go away for half-term and so will have to stay in and play with themselves.

      Division 2

      The halfway point brings another brand new leader, as Eriskay Expression hit the front by crushing Eintracht Midwest 5-1 at the Glen, led by a brace from Milton Lineker – and could even shrug off Terrance Henderson missing a penalty at 3-0 and the visitors pulling one back moments later. Expression go top by two points, Midwest drop to 9th and are only off the foot of the table on goals scored... by 1.

      Shock of the day came at Anything, the gnomically-named home turf of The Gang Play Football (5th), who implausibly thrashed longtime leaders Great Northern Railway 3-0 to hand the Railwaymen their first defeat since mid-August and cost them top spot to boot. There are now just four points between the pair, with two teams a mere point ahead of TGPF.

      Up to 3rd are the first of those, Athletico Deva, who saw off Cods of War 3-0 at the Enormodome to preserve the division’s last unbeaten record. The Deviants were already two up by the hour mark, then with 20 minutes to play the chip-on-shoulder chip-shop-favourites were reduced to 10 men by a straight red card to skipper Toni Presa for a violent challenge on opposite number Oyvin Hasselgard, which saw the Deviants’ captain have to go off too, to effectively end the contest. Five minutes later Lorenc Abazi scored his second of the game with a freekick to put the seal on things. (Do seals eat cod?)

      Heffron Hendecagon were unfortunate to slip a place to 4th on GD despite also winning, in a narrow 2-1 home triumph over die Ambosse (6th) where there was plenty of action but all of it from the 80th minute onward – and most of it only starting in the 88th. Jungle John’s belated opener for the hosts was followed by a clinching second from Gammon the Butler with two minutes left on the clock. Bernd Frehn glanced home a reply for the Anvils in the 90th, then in stoppage time Hendos defender John O’Malley received a direct red for a horror challenge on away midfielder Nico Neff, who departed on a stretcher. The visitors had a sub in reserve, but alas no time to make the man advantage count. Rumours are that those who left Heffron Park early to beat the rush are demanding a partial refund of their ticket price.

      Big news from the basement battle was FC Gloryhammer breaking their third-tier duck with their first ever win at this level. It came at fellow strugglers New Dresden, with the aptly-named Fergus Fortune putting the Hammers on an up-swing with the early opener then Teofilo Perales notching the second on 15 mins. The latter goal left Dresden bottom on goals scored, while Gloryhammer leap two places to 8th.


        No, I don't know why Division 2 got like 45% of the total coverage this week either. Still, just shows how here in OTF we give equal priority to lower division football.

        Division 1
        Very much a holding pattern at the upper end of D1, where leaders Berkshire Swine were held 1-1 at Wensleydale Blues (9th), who are still winless yet proving hard to break down. Blues were lucky to nick a point with an 81st-min equaliser, mind, after giving up 61% possession and being outshot 6-1. 2nd v 3rd however ended in the same scoreline for AFC Csiki Monkeys and Rejects Redux, while Turd Division (4th) were well beaten 3-1 at Saltney Drawers. The latter, who started the day 6th, were the highest-placed team to win. The Drawers climb a spot to 5th at the expense of Whoft Fluffopolis, who went down 1-0 at Hampshire Deers (8th) in a game of few chances at the Meadow. It was not enough to get the Stags out of the dropzone though as Locomotiv Noj (7th) also won, 2-0 at home over Steaua Bridge (10th). That leaves the bottom two five points adrift of the Deers, who themselves are just five behind the Rejects in 3rd.


        To the general amazement of all at Vita Mortis, the table-topping Reaper Men hit the turn 7 points in front of the pack after a seventh straight win, Hank Hulme’s 79th-minute effort giving them a hard-fought 1-0 at Four Candles, who drop to 6th. The mouthwatering clash of 3rd v 2nd at the Stade Andy Liver saw a double from Andon Kocev in the opening quarter help Dandy Town to a 2-1 win over great rivals Croesoswallt Dragons, returning the Highwaymen to 2nd and knocking the Dragons down two to 4th.

        Charging to 3rd come Kernow Kensa, who could not buy a win in their first 5 games but have now snaffled four on the trot thanks to Tyler Armstrong’s header on the hour giving them a 1-0 at Hideous Towns (7th). In diametrically opposed form though are out-of-sorts St Pancras Starmers, who lost 1-0 at home to Great Ouse Town, for whom Jeffery Redman’s 23rd-min freekick handed the reigning champs their fourth defeat on the bounce. Ouse climb to 5th, the Starmers fall to second-bottom. There they split the combatants at the Yeni Hach Kapisi Stadi, where a 0-0 between Zeugmaspor and Banik Roystonov did neither struggling side much of a favour – but Banik’s first point in six games did at least move them above St Pancras to 8th on GD, whereas Zeugma remain 10th by a point.
        Last edited by Various Artist; 23-10-2020, 21:31. Reason: Just realised I undersold my own team's winning run – that was 7, not 6!


          Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
          Fantastic – in that case it'll also have Viking and North Utsire on it too!
          Indeed so. And Cods play home games at Rockall, so there's another one sorted. Now, who's got Dogger?


            Various Artist Janik love your work.


              Originally posted by pebblethefish View Post
              Indeed so. And Cods play home games at Rockall, so there's another one sorted. Now, who's got Dogger?
              Well, my Tiree Automatic team in the Xpert Zone have had all the Sea Areas, plus the Coastal Weather Stations and Inshore Waters that crop up later in the extended Shipping Forecast at 1am – Tiree Automatic itself being the name of one of the middle group.

              Our current squad:
              GK: Heligoland, Forties
              D: Scilly, Machrihanish, Galloway, Rockall, Humber
              MF: Stornoway, Channel, Shetland, Capewrath, Irishsea, Cromarty, Dover
              F: Tyne, Forth, [German] Bight

              I'm now on the second go around through the regular Sea Areas, so young defenders Jed Rockall and Rembrandt Humber are presumably the nephews of former midfield stalwart Hamish Rockall, legendary goalkeeper Berndt Humber, etc. I was particularly proud to have Wight and Bight up front (Iain and Juergen, respectively) as my original strikeforce – something I very briefly replicated this summer when teenage forwards Paul Wight and Mark Bight arrived in quick succession from the academy, though alas the former got sold on again before they could strike up a partnership.

              Following the retirements of all-time leading scorer Sean Malin (who took Iain Wight's club record) and Roland Finisterre last week, the only remaining player from the first set of the Sea Areas is keeper Lukas Heligoland; like Finisterre, he's an example of how I also borrowed some no-longer-used names for various areas (Finisterre = FitzRoy, Heligoland = German Bight) to string the list out further. I also used the French ones for the shared areas in the Channel – Pas-de-Calais, Antifer, Casquets and Ouessant, which are respectively Dover, Wight, Portland and Plymouth.

              All told I think there's 79 different names, which kept me going for just over 4 years before I had to start the second loop!

              Edit: Oh, and in more direct answer to your question, Automatic had a teenage defender called Roger Dogger for a couple of seasons, before I sold him for a very healthy 6m econs, for which he is still remembered very fondly on Tiree.
              Last edited by Various Artist; 23-10-2020, 16:06.


                OTF Season 60 Round 10 Round-Up

                A goal from Edmond Bleuet handed Vita Mortis a 1-0 home win over Four Candles - their eighth consecutive victory - and keeps them seven points clear at the top. The Candles have lost four in a row and are 6th, two points above the relegation zone. Sequences are a bit of a thing in the top flight at the moment, and Kernow Kensa's fifth straight victory - a comfortable 3-0 success over Hideous Towns - takes them up to 2nd place. Towns slip back into the bottom three. Croesoswallt Dragons and Dandy Town both dropped a place - to 5th and 3rd respectively - after they drew 1-1 at the Host of Trophies Past. Moving between them into 4th are Great Ouse Town, who saw off St Pancras Starmers with some ease, winning 3-0. The Starmers have lost five on the trot and are 9th, looking increasingly likely to follow their debut title success with relegation. Putting an end to their run of six without a win were Banik Roystonov, who recorded the day's third 3-0 home victory as they defeated bottom club Zeugmaspor to climb out of the drop zone into 7th.

                Division 1
                Berkshire Swine stay top but were made to work hard for the three points from their 3-2 home win over winless Wensleydale Blues, who return to the bottom of the table. The Blues led at half-time and pulled level at 2-2 before Roberto Alkuaz headed in an 81st minute winner for the Swine. AFC Csiki Monkeys remain in 2nd after a confident display saw them to a 2-1 win at Rejects Redux, who were just one place and two points behind them at the start of the day. Saltney Drawers climb above the Rejects into 3rd following an impressive 3-0 victory at Turd Division, an own goal from Turd Knut Wilson setting them on their way. That defeat saw the Turds fall to 6th, overtaken by Whoft Fluffopolis, the Fluffers having edged past Hampshire Deers thanks to a goal in the closing stages from Judd Leslie-Singleton. The Deers remain in 8th but are still only one point from safety as 7th-placed Locomotiv Noj went down 2-0 at Steaua Bridge, two first-half goals from the hosts sealing the points and lifting them up to 9th.

                Division 2
                A lively encounter at the Isaac Bradley Memorial Stadium saw Eriskay Expression defeat hosts Eintracht Midwest 4-2 to consolidate their position at the top. Five of the goals came in the first half, with veteran Eriskay skipper Terrance Henderson completing his hat-trick to round off the scoring after the break. Midwest's reward for stretching the leaders was to slip to the bottom of the table thanks to previous basement dwellers New Dresden picking up a point from a 2-2 draw at 8th-placed FC Gloryhammer. This was another eventful contest, with Dresden twice ahead but probably pleased with the point in the end after having Ingo Graupner sent off with ten minutes remaining. Back at the top end, Great Northern Railway, in 2nd, pinched victory over The Gang Play Football with a stoppage-time free kick from Tommy McConville, the 436th successful free kick of his career, or thereabouts. The frustrated Gang stay 5th and remain very much involved in the promotion chase as the two sides above them failed to win. Athletico Deva are still unbeaten in 3rd but needed a late goal from Martin Windass to grab a 2-2 draw at Cods of War. The livid liver-oil producers are three points clear of the relegation zone in 7th. Heffron Hendecagon missed their chance to move into the top three as they were spanked 4-0 by die Ambosse, for whom Berndt Scilacci and Mario Muller each scored twice. Die Ambosse stay 6th but are just three points shy of the promotion places.

                Division 3
                Things are tight at the top of D3, with just five points separating 1st from 5th after the top two both drew on Thursday. Leaders OWC Albion were held 1-1 at Veni Vici Vigata, the hosts equalising from the spot, their only attempt on goal, to remain 6th. 2nd-placed Wednesday de la Zouch also converted their only chance to scrape a 1-1 draw at home to Tree Hill High, who drop out of the top three. They are replaced by Brian Munchingflapjack, who were 1-0 winners at bottom-of-the-league Pinewood Passers thanks to Valeriu Caracaleanu's goal. The young adults of Nieuwegein Kneebiters complete the promotion-chasing quintet, Enzo Vermant's dramatic 94th-minute winner against Littlewoods Legends keeping them well in contention. The fading Legends stay 7th, just ahead of Wharfedale Generals, whose ten days of isolation in a Yorkshire Travelodge is almost at an end.


                  Originally posted by Hot Orange View Post
                  livid liver-oil producers
                  Haha, I can hardly keep up with this level HO! Damn it all. Will have to get my thinking cap on for the next report.

                  There was a pleasing Partridge vibe to your final sentence there, somehow, as well.


                    Xpert XI official Ladies League Season 60, Matchday 2 report... which predates matchday 3. Yay!

                    Division 1a
                    Mosshagen United LFC       2 - 1   Drakaina
                    Dan?s (pen) 16'                    Heggarty 78'
                    Backe 90'
                    Division 2b
                    Misconduct United          3 - 1   Mauchline Belles
                    Marquez 10'                        Melkersson 89'
                    Hersi 62'
                    Coffey 93'
                    Division 3d
                    Q.P.R Ladies               2 - 0   Coxy Ladies Wulpen
                    Mancaku 9'
                    Asani 55'
                    Division 3e
                    Bongo Nari FC              1 - 1   Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC
                    Nilsen 54'                         Borot 52'
                    Division 4i
                    San Quirico                1 - 1   Viking South Utsira
                    Donadoni 66'                       N.Austrheim 13'
                    Division 5:17
                    LNWR Locomotive            0 - 2   Stoke City Ladies XI
                                                       Fer?r 39', 73'
                    Division 5:22
                    Bombay Green Rockets       0 - 3   S?derb?nerna
                                                       Men 12', 55'
                                                       Filzah 20'
                    Division 5:28
                    Cassiopeia                 0 - 2   SC Cambres Girls
                                                       S? 14'
                                                       Schut 58'
                    The Valkyries              0 - 1   Menywod Maeshafn
                                                       Beck 38'
                    Division 5:32
                    Csiki Girls                1 - 1   Fetele
                    Smet 32'                           Moltisanti 62'
                    Division 6:27
                    I Cinghiali                4 - 3   Pink FC
                    Chornovil 27'                      Gill 32'
                    Soviero 39'                        de Salazar 74', 80'
                    Millen 41', 72'                    Liemer (sent off) 87'
                    Division 6:33
                    666 FC                     0 - 2   Rising Stars
                                                       Sequeira 54'
                                                       Ver?ssimo 66'
                    Division 6:38
                    The Red Machine            0 - 5   Ullapool Northern Star
                                                       Tokarz 3', 15', 37', 67'
                                                       Bastock 10'
                                                       Festas (sent off) 82'
                    Division 6:41
                    Hazeldean Inchmistress     2 - 1   GAI Ladies
                    Christersson 54'                   Arnott 58'
                    Bunton 85'
                    Division 6:43
                    Invisible Ladies           3 - 0   Almighty Ladies
                    Prestonfield 3'
                    Shuttlewood 14', 34'
                    FC Saik                    0 - 0   ASU Politehnica
                    Division 6:52
                    Zeugma Dostluk Spor        5 - 0   Chuchas United
                    Karakan 2'
                    Kulakova 9', 45', 85'              M?ndez (missed pen) 29'
                    Colak 82'
                    Division 6:56
                    Dublin City Womens FC      4 - 0   Chica Bombs
                    Lyktberg 5'
                    Donegal 26', 31', 38'
                    Drakaina’s attempt to bounce back to the top flight at the first attempt started with a win. They were looking to back that up with another away to Mosshagen United LFC in week 2.
                    Etienne’s side took two serious blows in the opening quarter of the match though, Mosshagen going ahead form the penalty spot on 16 minutes, followed 6 minutes later by midfielder Elena Gitsis being forced off with a 15-day injury.
                    The Dragons worked their way into the game once they had processed these set-backs. The equaliser took a long while to come, but it did so in the end, Gael Heggarty firing home from close range on 78 minutes. That looked like it would be enough to secure Drakaina a point, but Mosshagen had other ideas and nicked all the points with a strike in the final minute of the 90.
                    A win and a defeat has Drakaina fifth in the young Division 1a table.

                    The story always seems to be one of survival in Division 2b for Mauchline Belles. An opening defeat implied it could be same again, unless Jdsx’s side picks up results early in the campaign. Having not done so in week 1 put more pressure on the Tarbolton Road outfit to do so away from familiar surroundings at Misconduct United.
                    Mauchline started poorly though, falling behind after 10 minutes. That goal wasn’t added to until Misconduct struck again just past the hour. Mauchline looked to be heading for a loss until they got a break in the 72nd minute when injury forced the hosts down to 10. Gunilla Melkersson took advantage to pull one back on 89 minutes, but that didn’t leave long for a leveller. The Belles were forced to commit lots of bodies forward, and conceded a third instead deep into stoppage time.
                    Two defeats from two currently has Mauchline propping things up in Division 2b.

                    After drawing too many games last season, Coxy Ladies Wulpen started this campaign with another stalemate. Something different was called for at Q.P.R Ladies.
                    The Waders fell behind nine minutes into the match, and after that found QPR were willing to let them have the ball, presumably feeling Wulpen would do nothing with it. Janik’s side did little to disabuse them, instead falling further behind to a goal on the counter a similar period of time into the second half.
                    That was all the action in a pretty even game that produced a decisive result. Well, that was different. But ‘bad’ different! It felt Coxy Ladies bottom of the Division 3d standings at this early stage.

                    Round 1 of games in Division 3e produce two wins and two draws. That means only two sides were without a point at the end of the opening day, and that had to change for at least one of them on day two as the sides this applies to, Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC and Bongo Nari FC met at Gundruns Plen.
                    The Sea Spirits looked the side most likely to claim the spoils in a goalless first-half. And indeed they went ahead on 52 minutes, Tyan Borot rising to head home a corner. The lead only lasted two minutes for SeanoftheShed’s side though as Bongo Nari broke clear to level. That was against the run of play at the time and became markedly more so as the match progressed. But try as they might the Sea Goddesses just couldn’t find the spark for a winner.
                    The combatants remain in the bottom tow spots in the Division 3e standings, Kanjeng currently occupying seventh.

                    Week two of the season pitted Viking South Utsira up against a familiar foe in the guise of San Quirico.
                    The Blood Eagles came into the game on the back of an opening victory and looked on their way to another when Nina Austrheim raced on to the Mette Hovland’s pass to finish in the 13th minute. However Velvet Android’s side failed to kick on from there, the game staying pretty even. That meant they were only one to the good midway through the second half, which is when San Quirico pegged them back.
                    1-1 was how it finished, which means Viking have four points from their opening two games. That is good enough for third in the nascent Division 4i table.

                    LNWR Locomotive had a decent opening win under their belts when they welcomed Stoke City Ladies XI to Mollington Street for game two of the campaign.
                    The Steamers had had the better of Stoke last season, but it swiftly became clear this one was not going the same way as Viktor Boskovic’s side struggled. As long as Locomotive hung on at 0-0 there was a chance they could change the pattern, but once Stoke had gone ahead on 39 minutes it was looking really bleak for LNWR.
                    The visitors added a clinching second on 73 minutes to inflict an unexpected setback to The Steamers promotion push. Boss and team will want to get swiftly back on the horse, because fifth in Division 5:17, their current position, is not what the pre-season aim was.

                    A 3-0 opening day defeat was a tough start to life back in Division 5 for Bombay Green Rockets. HKS3’s side were hoping for better when they welcomed S?derb?nerna to The Common for their first home game of the new campaign.
                    It wasn’t to be as Bombay’s hopes were undone by a slow start that saw them fall 2-0 behind inside the opening 20 minutes. From there on it was an uphill battle, and one that The Green Rockets never looked like building enough momentum to surmount. Instead it was S?derb?nerna who struck again on 55 minutes to deal their victory.
                    Ignition is proving tricky for The Rockets this season. They need to lift-off as they currently prop up the Division 5:22 table.

                    Week 1 brought the first OTF derby of the campaign in Division 5:28, but there are just two of our teams in there so it was back to playing strangers for both. In Cassiopeia’s case that meant a game at home against SC Cambres Girls.
                    Stormstopper’s troops are new to the sixth tier of course, whilst Cambres were a play-off defeat away from promotion up out of it last season. So this one was a proper test of The Vainglories potential. And it turned out to be a strenuous one as Cambres held a significant edge in possession, which they converted into some chances. And a pair of goals on 14 and 58 minutes. Cassiopeia didn’t have a response to that as they failed to attempt a shot all game.
                    Would the news be better for Menywod Maeshafn at The Valkyries?
                    The balance of possession was certainly more encouraging, as Maeshafn were holding around 60% of ball instead of chasing it that much as Cassiopeia were simultaneously doing. The Welsh side capitalised on their possession when Morgan Beck turned home a 38th minute corner to give them the lead.
                    IsThatcherDeadYet’s charges mostly pursued a ‘hold what we have’ strategy after this, hogging possession but not bothering to create chances with it as defenders refused to commit up field. Instead it was hosts The Valkyries who had the sights of goal, but only brief ones with shots taken rapidly just before the swarming Maeshafn defence could arrive. Snatched, and consequently inaccurate.
                    So 1-0 it stayed to give IsThatcherDeadYet’s girls their first league win of the campaign. It lifts them up to fourth in the 5:28 table, whilst Cassiopeia’s one point from two games currently has them sixth.


                      Csiki Girls latest attempt to escape Division 5:32 started with a draw. Ad hoc’s girls were looking to improve on that in game two when they hosted Fetele.
                      The first half was a generally quiet affair. The Csiki’s deliberately gave up possession, looking to hit Fetele on the break. This didn’t really work for either during the period as the visitors created no chances, though the Csiki’s did have one. It was a big one though as a counter-thrust in the 32nd minute won a penalty. Skipper Floriane Smet claimed the ball and despatched the spot-kick with casual certainty.
                      The Csiki’s game plan was looking good, and it appeared to be getting better after the break as they started creating chances. Giving up lots of the ball is always a risk though, and this came back to haunt the Transylvanians when Fetele netted with their first chance of the game on 62.
                      It would prove to be the visitors only sight of the Csiki’s goal, but it was enough to rob the hosts of the win. Two points from two has The Csiki’s fifth in the nascent 5:32 standings.

                      I Cinghiali boss SitsWithRemote stated he really wasn’t looking forward to sharing a match with the knuckle-dragger in charge of Pink FC (not their name), which is understandable really.
                      If you have to play a scumbag, the really important thing is to beat them. Which is exactly what The Boars boss sent them out to do, with a rousing teamtalk that had the home side pawing the ground, primed to attack. That go forward produced an explosive first half from Cinghiali that saw them ahead on 27 minutes through Aleksandra Chornovil’s header, pegged back on 32 minutes, but then two clear by the interval through a Trillare Soviero on 39 and a Susanna Millen header on 41.
                      When Millen headed another to make the score 4-1 on 72 minutes the long-distance observer only seeing the scores might have concluded it was game over. Those at Piani Resinelli knew differently though as the visitors were also been creating chances, and had had a goal chalked off just six minutes earlier. So when they scored for real two minutes after Millen’s second, it was no great shock.
                      And when the same Pink player struck again on 80 minutes to make it 4-3 a depressing (given the character flaws of the boss of the club) comeback looked on the cards. That was until the visitors Annette Liemer lost her head and earned herself a straight red card on 87 minutes, which moreorless sealed Cinghiali’s win and was greeted with much relief in the tribunes.
                      Four points from two games is what Cinghiali have to their names. It is also the most any side in Division 6:27 have claimed, meaning The Boars are joint top on points, third on goal difference.

                      Matchday 2 sent Rising Stars to the Devil’s Stadium to take on 666 FC.
                      His Satanic Majesty may have all the best tunes, but he appears less bothered about the quality of his Football teams as 666 sit in the bottom tier, though 666 did make (and lose in) the play-offs last season. Rising Stars were falling at the same time, but if this game is any guide they appear to be ascending again as Blamb’s side simply outplayed Beelzebub’s girls.
                      Supernatural influences kept the scoresheet blank until half-time, but there is a limit to even The Horned One’s ability to defy the run of play; Rising were creating so much they simply had to break through eventually, Mar?lia Sequeira the player to reject fear and stand tall on 54 minutes. Emboldened by Sequeira’s example and the lack of consequence of that, ?rica Ver?ssimo turned one into two with a direct free-kick on 66 minutes.
                      With Satan’s side put firmly behind them, Rising Stars sit second in the young Division 6:33 table.

                      If Ullapool Northern Star were not expecting much of a challenge from zombies The Red Machine, they were right as the Scots didn’t get one.
                      The match instead provided a canvas for young Polaris forward Slawomira Tokarz to put on a one-woman show. Tokarz had five goals in her previous 24 Ullapool appearances, but came close to doubling that total with a series of strikes. The first two, on 3 and 15 minutes, sandwiched an effort from Suzy Bastock as Northern Star made the game safe in just a quarter of an hour. Tokarz was far from done though, striking again on 37 minutes from a corner and getting her fourth of the day with a breakaway on 67 minutes.
                      It wasn’t all good news for Polaris boss Delicatemoth though as her side suffered two setbacks, one painful due to its complete lack of necessity and the other just plain painful. Taking the later first, young defender Rose Tenson picked up a red cross injury on 61 minutes – she will be out for 7 days. As will be fellow member of the rearguard Irene Festas, who picked up two yellow cards in six minutes to see a red on 82. Given that her side were already 5-0 up when she got the first booking, this was utterly gormless behaviour.
                      One win and one loss has The Stars fourth in the developing Division 6:38 table.

                      An opening day defeat tested Hazeldean Inchmistress great determination to make this season a better one. To have a decent chance of doing that Inchmistress simply had to win against GAI Ladies in their second game of the campaign.
                      Foxy265’s side took a while to get into their stride, the first half slipping past relatively quietly and entirely goallessly. The Imperials began to ramp it up after the break and were soon a goal to the good when G?ta Christersson struck on 54 minutes. Their momentum was checked almost immediately though when GAI equalised just four minutes later.
                      The Framleyshire outfit gradually got over that setback, reset and began building the pressure again. This was an effective method as they went back in front on 85 minutes when Karen Bunton scored on a breakaway. This time it was the winner.
                      Hazeldean are one of four teams in Division 6:41 with three points from two games. They currently sit fifth in the standings due to goal difference, but with so little between the sides early on a couple of wins on the bounce is basically guaranteed to improve on that.

                      Our second double-OTF Division is 6:43, where Invisible Ladies, who are not, took on Almighty Ladies, who also aren’t.
                      The visitors to The San Seethrough are actively managed, but with no sense of prescience at all. Instead it was all Invisible, who clearly dominated. Jacqueline Prestonfield headed an opener for Pebblethefish’s side as early as the 3rd minute. Once Aileen Shuttlewood doubled the advantage on 14 minutes it was simply a question of ‘how many?’
                      Just three as it turns out, Shuttlewood heading that on 34 minutes. Following this Invisible mostly disappeared from the game but had already done more than enough to claim the win. The only remaining action was an injury, the hosts Katie Hopkin picking up an 11-day knock with around a quarter-of-an-hour left to play.
                      Our other side in 6:43 are ASU Politehnica. The Scholars were on the road at that old warhorse of a Division 6 side, FC Saik.
                      Saik are a better side these days, and had more of the ball throughout the match, but without doing much with it as Politehnica goalkeeper Timmi Uara only had one serious effort to worry about. Granthamian’s side were a bit more creative, but without a breakthrough. The game was deep into second-half stoppage time when it looked like the hosts had nicked it only for referee Laura Norder to disallow it and the home boss to scream his team’s name at earsplitting volume.
                      After those results the 6:43 table shows Invisible second, but level on points with the leaders as the only two 100% sides left, whilst The Scholars are fourth with a win and a draw.

                      Zeugma Dostluk Spor swatted away a zombie 6-0 on the opening weekend, but would Chuchas United and their active manager be more of a challenge for Antepli Ejderha’s side?
                      Two goals in the opening 10 minutes for Nuray Karakan (shot form a corner after 2 minutes) and Veronika Kulakova (header from a corner on 9) suggested otherwise. Chuchas did show some signs of life immediately after that though, having a goal disallowed on 11 minutes and winning a penalty on 29. But when Gloria M?ndez missed from the spot their morale seemed to collapse.
                      Kulakova fired in her second of the day on the stroke of half-time, with Zeugma continuing their dominance after the break in spite of losing Aghavni Manookian to yet another long term injury, the sixth of her career, on 66 minutes. This one will keep her out for 15 days.
                      Manookian’s replacement, Semra Colak seized her opportunity of unexpected pitch time to make it 4-0 on 82 minutes, Kulakova completing the scoring and her hattrick on 85.
                      With two wins from two and a goals for-against of 11-0, Zeugma are unsurprisingly the early pacesetters in Division 6:52.

                      A kind break in the fixture list gave Dublin City Womens FC a straightforward match to consolidate their opening day win as matchday two pitted them against zombies Chica Bombs.
                      The match was no contest, despite Dublin losing winning goal scorer from the opening day, Jutta Maaranen, to a 7-day injury just 8 minutes in. Mortal Joe’s side were already 1-0 up by that point though, Maria Lyktberg having scored three minutes prior. The rest of the game was the Maurine Donegal show as the veteran forward racked up a hattrick to more than double her total in a Dublin shirt.
                      Donegal’s first came from close range on 26 minutes, the second arrive 60 seconds after a let off as Chica had a goal disallowed, Donegal rising to head home a Lyktberg cross (The Dubs strike counting) and the hattrick was completed on 38 minutes with another finish from inside the box.
                      The Dubs were basically happy with that, adding no more after the break. Which did keep them off top spot in Division 6:56 on goal difference (7-0 would have lifted the Irish side top), but second with a 100% record will do for starters.


                        Under 20,000 characters (i.e. only needs two posts) - yay!
                        The site bug that meant posts of approaching 10,000 characters didn't go up easily also appears to have been fixed - also yay!


                          A model of concision Janik, which as I've noted before is something I struggle with too...! Cracking stuff, thank-you.

                          More verbosity alert – it's the
                          OTF League roundup for 26th October: Season 60 round 11

                          Division 3
                          OWC Albion continue to lead the way in D3, though they were made to work for a 2-0 home win over Littlewoods Legends (7th). A typically young Legends lineup featured 6 teenagers in the starting XI, but held out until early in the second half when the hosts broke through twice in three minutes to condemn them to their fifth defeat on the spin.
                          Albion draw two points clear of their promotion rivals as Wednesday de la Zouch surprisingly slipped up at bottom club Pinewood Passers, falling behind early and struggling to create chances before scraping a 1-1 draw – one that knocks them down to 3rd, three points behind OWC. The Passers' point doubles their season's haul to date.
                          Overtaking Weds to go 2nd, by a point, in-form Brian Munchingflapjack's fourth win in a row (and seventh from eight) was a narrow 1-0 over Nieuwegein Kneebiters (5th) at the Green. With 4th-placed Tree Hill High sitting the day out, a gap of 4 points has opened up behind the top 3.
                          That just left a dire 0-0 between Wharfedale Generals (8th) and Veni Vici Vigata (6th), which saw a clearly ring-rusty Generals (who had the one and only shot seen all game) fail to get into gear on their return to action after 11 days off. A solitary booking for Wharfedale midfielder Casper Dahlin was the only incident of any sort to spoil the pristine blankness of the match report.

                          Division 2

                          The top two continue to set a hot pace that is gradually dropping the rest in their wake. Leaders Eriskay Expression’s sixth win on the trot was a 4-1 crushing of Heffron Hendecagon at the Glen, which pushed the Hendos down a spot to 5th and increased the gap between them to 11 points. Two goals apiece from Giovanni Bento and Terrance Henderson took the Eriskay strike pairing’s combined tally to 11 for the term, and the Islanders have scored thirteen in their last three games.
                          Just two points behind them are Great Northern Railway, who won 3-1 over Cods of War at the Clump. The hawkish haddock-alternatives raced into a 3rd-minute lead, but only five minutes later the Railwaymen had flipped the game on its head after deadball king Tommy McConville rifled home freekick #437 (or thereabouts) and slotted a penalty for good measure – his 22nd goal since the start of last season. Teenage striker Jim MacMuirt added a clincher right after halftime; the 18-year-old has 4 goals + 4 assists in just 15 appearances for GNR, and looks a real one to watch for the future.

                          There is now a seven-point chasm between 2nd and 3rd, as in the shock of the day D2’s last unbeaten record fell in Athletico Deva’s 1-0 loss to a Dudu Asseo header at FC Gloryhammer (8th). The slow-starting Hammers are now unbeaten in 3, have won on two straight Mondays, and are just -1 GD behind the Cods on the other side of the safety line. Deva slip back a place to 4th.
                          A week after ending GNR’s own unbeaten start, The Gang Play Football ascend to 3rd via a 4-0 home thrashing of die Ambosse. The game began with the sides adjacent in midtable, but the 6th-placed visitors’ goose was cooked within the first 5 minutes after a Frank Kruger own-goal then a Rudolf Gross penalty put the grateful hosts immediately two up, and The Gang continued to dominate thereafter. Their fifth win in seven sees them climb two places, ahead of an exciting showdown with Expression tomorrow. With GNR going to Deva at the same time, the top two could potentially steal a decisive march on the competition this Thursday.
                          At the other end of the table, the Germanic derby at Netzer Park between New Dresden (9th) and Eintracht Midwest (10th) saw the hosts run out easy winners, two goals from Martin Hausmann deep in the second half securing a one-sided 3-0 victory. Dresden are right on the heels of Cods (an odd mental image) and Gloryhammer, just a point from safety. Eintracht however are now 4pts adrift at the bottom.


                            And, after a suitable pause...

                            Division 1
                            Leaders Berkshire Swine extended their unbeaten run to 9 and their D1 lead to 6 points with a 2-1 home win over Rejects Redux. Two goals not long after the hour mark were enough for the Swine, though Cristofao Edilson’s freekick for the second proved vital due to the visitors nicking one back with ten minutes to go.
                            Rejects drop a place to 5th, but Sits’ porkers double their advantage at the summit, as Csiki Monkeys (2nd) slipped to a 2-1 defeat at Whoft Fluffopolis with a similar pattern of scoring as the above game – Dexter Sprockett’s second for the Fluffers the ultimate difference-maker in this case. Whoft vault two places to 3rd, and close up to just two points behind their beaten visitors.
                            They overtake not only the Rejects, but Saltney Drawers who were upended at Locomotiv Noj in yet another 2-1 where the hosts went two clear before the visitors pulled one back to no avail. Rui Anjo was the scorer of the deciding goal here for Noj, who climb a place to 6th while Saltney drop one to 4th.

                            In an intriguing turn of events, the rest of the bottom five were all playing among themselves. And it was the side who started the day winless at the foot of the table, Wensleydale Blues, who stunned the one in least danger when they kicked off, Turd Division. Turds took a 36th-min lead at the Sheep Dip, but Blues wrenched the lead with a Rhys Sedbergh penalty soon afterwards then an Albert Nethergill strike right after the break. Nethergill’s freekick deep into the second period clinched Dale’s first victory since August.
                            Turds fall back to 7th, behind Noj, while the Blues move off the foot at the expense of Steaua Bridge – the latter succumbed 1-0 at Hampshire Deers (8th) to a 73rd-min Stefan Gottskalk penalty, on a Monday rather heavy on spot-kicks. The Stags overcame the loss of Hermann “’s Hermits” Herlitz to a serious injury in the first half, yet the absence of their top midfielder for the next fortnight – a significant chunk of the games left in his career – could well yet compromise their survival bid. For now, though, they are just a point below the line and indeed only 5 behind Whoft in 3rd on the other side of a congested midtable.


                            Vita Mortis’ fears of encountering a banana skin at local rivals Great Ouse Town (4th) came to fruition, as the league leaders suffered their first defeat of the season when they were sunk 2-1 just down the river. After the division’s two top-scoring sides exchanged goals in the opening half, Walton Winter’s finish soon after the interval proved enough to end Mortis’ eight-match winning run and an undefeated streak stretching back 12 games into late last season. Including friendlies, the Scythemen had gone 15-2-0 since that last loss – a 2-1 on August 24th on their last visit to... Great Ouse Town.
                            Lightning striking twice at the Blue Fen means the gap at the top has been slashed to 4 points, as the Kernow Kensa machine notched up its 6th straight victory to crank up the pressure in 2nd. Four Candles’ lead striker Matteo De Angelo went 9 1/2 seasons without any major injuries prior to this month, but after half an hour at the Kernowek Stadium he suffered his second in a fortnight – the last thing the out-of-form away team needed, and they duly crashed to their fifth defeat without scoring in a row. For all Kensa’s dominance it still took until the 70th minute to break the deadlock, but a Damien Balboa solo effort put the visitors on the ropes and then Dean Booker landed the knockout blow in the last minute. Candles fall a place to 7th.

                            Dandy Town stay a point ahead of Ouse in 3rd, following a hard-fought but eventually convincing 2-0 win at struggling Zeugmaspor. In a game where the heavy challenges went flying in from the off, Olli Brann dispatched a first-minute freekick to put the Dandies in charge, but they lost momentum after an injury to young midfielder Tomas Bachini ten minutes later and took until two minutes from time to net a clincher.
                            Goal-shy Zeugma are now four points behind the pack in 10th, after the day’s most startling turnaround in form saw freefalling St Pancras Starmers snap out of a five-game losing streak to beat Croesoswallt Dragons at the Stade Belinda Carlisle. The 2-1 scoreline didn't tell half the story, with the Starmers dominating possession and chances (to the tune of 8-1), yet Flavio Saude dragged the Dragons level with – yes – a penalty just before the break. The reigning champions however revived to grab a hugely-needed win through Bankai Tensa Zangetsu soon after it. They climb a spot to 8th, just a point behind Four Candles.
                            Croesoswallt meanwhile are merely two points further ahead in 5th, five points behind GOT above them and with their win over St Pancras in the reverse fixture being their only one in the last six games. They are also just 3 points above second-bottom, a slot now occupied by Hideous Towns after a 1-1 home draw with Banik Roystonov. The general tightness in the lower regions is indicated by how the point apiece dropped Towns from 8th to 9th but raised Banik from 7th to 6th, though but a single point still separates them.

                            Verbose, moi? Still, it's in a day ahead of the next round of fixtures, which is enough of a minor miracle.


                              Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
                              The hawkish haddock-alternatives
                              It's a strong response.

                              Cheers, VA, highly entertaining as always.


                                As was your game today!


                                  Excellent write ups Janik and VA.

                                  Janik ”Pink FC” is fair enough - a good write-up, and to paraphrase Keegan “I did love it. Love it.”


                                    Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
                                    As was your game today!
                                    A bit too entertaining, dammit.


                                      Could have done with a few more minutes injury time, to be fair.


                                        As the new Heineken season kicks off later this evening, this seems like the perfect time to finally update my half-term report on the promotion and relegation trends in this league.

                                        ON THE UP
                                        Total number of teams promoted last season: 57
                                        of these;
                                        Promoted again this term: 41 (or 72 per cent, if you prefer)
                                        Relegated this season : 1 (from Division 1 back to 2)

                                        All 3 promoted teams were promoted again in 7 divisions (including my own).
                                        There were 8 divisions where 2 of the 3 promoted sides went up again, and 3 divisions where just 1 of the 3 new teams was promoted once more.

                                        There were NO divisions where at least one of the newly-promoted teams didn't go on to achieve back-to-back promotions.

                                        Every single divisional champion from season 57 was promoted again in season 58, including 6 who managed to achieve back-to-back titles.

                                        Special mention should go to F C P Madeira, who were promoted to the Heineken Premiership and then won it at the first time of asking.

                                        GOING DOWN
                                        Total number of teams relegated in season: 57
                                        of these;
                                        Relegated again this term: 28 (49 per cent)
                                        Promoted straight back up: 2 (1 of whom bounced back as champions - none other than Methley Perseverance, who are heading back to their rightful place in the Premiership after slumming it down in Division 1 for a season).

                                        All 3 relegated sides were demoted again in 3 divisions (including my own)
                                        There were 4 divisions where 2 of the 3 sides went down again, and 11 divisions where only 1 of the sides relegated suffered a similar fate once more.
                                        There was not one single division where all 3 relegated sides were able to arrest their slides down the league.

                                        2 teams missed out on promotion by a solitary point, and one side was relegated on the last day only because of the outcome of their final game.

                                        And spare a thought for Division 9's Tottenham Hotspur FC, with a goal difference of -68 and the Heineken League's only pointless side.
                                        Last edited by andrew7610; 30-10-2020, 15:52.


                                          In some cases, all 6 of the teams who were there in season 57 are still there in season 59, Ipswiching* along whilst 3 promoted sides storm upwards and 3 relegated sides plummet through the trap door. This happened in 3 divisions, including my own.

                                          *or choose another team who hangs around in the same league for ages. Rochdaling, perhaps? I'm open to suggestions.
                                          Last edited by andrew7610; 30-10-2020, 15:53.


                                            Those are some great stats andrew7610

                                            We're in Heineken 2 this season and have achieved promotions in all but one of the preceding god knows how many seasons. We've also caught up with Ossia who did similar, we play them away tonight.

                                            Every season I say the same thing, perhaps it's one too far. This time I think it is.

                                            Good luck to everyone tonight.


                                              I reckon you'll do just fine Antepli Ejderha , I have absolute faith in your managerial prowess. Thank you andrew7610 , great statto work indeed.


                                                Originally posted by Sean of the Shed View Post
                                                I reckon you'll do just fine Antepli Ejderha , I have absolute faith in your managerial prowess. Thank you andrew7610 , great statto work indeed.
                                                An away draw, three injuries, two players missing the next game and one of them is a 16 dayer. Not really the start I'd hoped for.


                                                  Good work Andrew.

                                                  As I fully expected, the Old Spots got thumped by RichardSP’s Sixfield Saints in Round 1. I sacrificed a senior defender for the good of the conveyer in the close season, and it shows.


                                                    Commiserations to Hot Orange in the MLX Kevchenko Cup Final. Gotham City and Rmy are an excellent side and manager.