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Matt J's "Word Racing" timewaster/game for the stay-at-home COVID-19 days of 2020

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  • Balderdasha
    replied
    (I realised on the last race that I'd mucked up and missed the 'low-scoring' rule, but it was too late to do anything about it by then).

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  • San Bernardhinault
    replied
    I'm sure I'm not the only one who is hoping that Matt J is secretly the actual owner of a fro-yo franchise and is going to have each of these as the name on the flavour of the week (which is actually always the same product and normally described as something like "caramel cookies and creme" in the pre-made mix box).

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  • Balderdasha
    replied
    Bonny silly blobs.

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  • Wouter D
    replied
    Icily chill lolly

    (this ice pop is kept so cold, that when you buy it, it's cooler than a polar bear's toenails)

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  • Sits
    replied
    Shiny lolly bliss!

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  • San Bernardhinault
    replied
    Weird sweet dairy

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  • Vicarious Thrillseeker
    replied
    Tasty fishy slush

    I've been drinking but, by heck Matt, this is a wonderful thing.

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  • Southport Zeb
    replied
    Apple fever dream

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  • nmrfox
    replied
    Nasty hippo looks

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  • Sporting
    replied
    Brown lolly blobs

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  • Sean of the Shed
    replied
    Yummy green slush

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  • matt j
    replied
    Race #14:

    It is with great joy that we announce our first ever officially sponsored race. Yes, local fro-yo palace "It tastes worse than ice cream, but yet we make more money (ITWTIC,BYWMMM - trademark)" has graciously honored us with a sponsorship for race #14, the first ever fully middle-America strip mall centered word racing event in history. We've finally made it ladies and gentlemen!

    Being fully sponsored does have it's stipulations, and ITWTIC,BYWMMM has requested that all word racers put their sentences to use coming up with catchy titles with which they may label their indistinguishably-flavored-yet-still-rainbow-like-in-color-variations of fro-yo.

    As such, our racers (once again shooting for 'fast and high') scores, need to abide by this stipulation and provide their best interpretation of this instruction. "Happy Zebra Cakes" (a shockingly competitive sentence for race #13) would work, "Virus laden vomit" would, however, not make the grade.

    ITWTIC, BYWMMM marketing team stands by for your best efforts!

    Clue:
    Sometimes things are just a red herring.

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  • matt j
    replied
    Team/User Place Race #13 Points Race #13
    ad hoc 1 30
    Wouter D 2 28
    sits 3 26
    sporting 4 24
    Various Artist 5 22
    San Bernardhinault 6 20
    slackster 7 18
    lambers 8 16
    soutport Zeb 9 13
    Vicarious Thrillseeker 9 13
    nmrfox 11 10
    diable rouge 12 8
    Sean of the Sead 13 6
    elguapo04 14 4
    Balderdasha 15 2

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  • matt j
    replied
    Results of Race #13:

    As racers changed their pinstripes and aviator sunglasses for plaids and polos, they shifted their competitive field from the old round-a-about to the old grassy knoll.

    A twist, for all love, racers were not to see who could complete the links the fastest, but who could be most efficient with their effort through the 15 stages. After the traditional tearing of the last roll of toilet paper, the competitors were off!

    Last race runner-up Monster Masha Balderdasha and nmrfox in the box threw caution to the wind, swinging for the fences, and immediately pinging their rented balls through the dinosaur into the floating dingy and straight into the water hazard! Their entire opening salvo was thrown off, and it took the entire hole to recover (mark that as near max, Max).

    A few others saw the writing on the wall and were more cautious in the opening stages, and through the first five stages: Dinosaur with dingy, Peter Pan with a jar of Peter Pan, actual Snoop-Doggy-Dog with a Hot Dog... no sorry, he's just walking past... Alligator in a water hole, crocodile in a water hole, platypus in a water hole... alright, who scheduled this race for after a major spring thunderstorm?

    At any rate, it appeared to Original Gamester lambers who had the lie of the land best, setting a course record low through 5. Others, too many to be named here, were in the hunt as well, but Balderdasha and elguapo04 proved that their lacrosse sticks and bocce ball approach to the race appeared misguided. We can write those two off right here in this report, already out of contention for lowest score.

    Into the second five stages, and could lambers keep up the lead? No. A bad hole #6 (damned windmill!) proved daunting, and Mac "D", sporting, around the house, the ad hoc team, and sits, too, all jumped to the top of the leaderboard.

    So let's describe the final 5 in all the whispered glory of the still lacking televised coverage. (ESPN 5, even in the current era, why can't you find airtime for the sport that's catching the imagination of the fans! or fan, or rather... Horace.)
    ...

    Here... we approach stage 11, with our camera tuned to San Bernardhinault...currently not far down the leader board, looking sharp in his customized Ocean Pacific trousers, a simple shot for this experienced word racer... and, oh the humanity, he's completely sent that straight into the 7-11 big gulp of one of our nearby observers.

    Let's turn our attention now to lambers, currently up at stage 14... will he make it past the elephant and into the humps of the monkey trio... if they can just avoid the... no, the see no evil monkey has sent that attempt right back to the tee. Horrible luck.

    Switching now to slackster, who's put in a consistent performance today, one that will certainly keep him in the hunt for the trophy of 'meh', yes well done... finishing out the last four stages with 3-pars on each, well done slackster.

    And now, a battle between our leaders, the ad hoc argument and sits, too. Paired up after stage 10 due to their tied scores, the pair have yet to be separated, but here on the pirate stage of #12, we wait to see. Both have lined up their attempts, and yes, the ad hoc supposition has potted it right of the go. This appears to have put sits, too, completely off their game... oh, the dreaded missed tap-in. That may prove to be the difference folks.
    ...


    Yes, that missed tap-in proved costly, as the ad hoc excuse found a way to glide to a narrow win over late charger Wouter D, whose 2nd and 3rd legs proved fantastic.

    Sits, also too, sporting, around the house, and now that's what I call music legend Various Artist rounding out the top 5.

    SotS, elguapo05, and Balderdasha propped up the bottom.

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  • matt j
    replied
    A surprisingly culinary set of entries. Caught everyone in a peckish mood eh?

    andrew7610 only one missing, I think.

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  • matt j
    replied
    Race closes sometime in 6-7 hours. I think we already have 15 entries, so maybe only one regular missing at this point.

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  • Sits
    replied
    Wheel treat troth

    A rare engagement ceremony in which the groom-to-be gifts his beloved a set of bicycle wheels. Clearly.

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  • lambers
    replied
    UTTER QUIET SOUND!

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  • Diable Rouge
    replied
    Stoke fiery blaze (with the poker, said he).

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  • elguapo4
    replied
    Sells stale candy, shopkeeper covers up best before dates on the sweet counter .

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  • Wouter D
    replied
    Sweet steak sauce

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  • Sean of the Shed
    replied
    Tasty wrens liver

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  • slackster
    replied
    Overt rower error (a couple of rooky air strokes blows the oarsman’s race)

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  • Various Artist
    replied
    Wow, I appear to be stunningly 'meh'. So proud. On that note:

    Might tread water

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  • San Bernardhinault
    replied
    Chump cooks beets.

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