Matt J's "Word Racing" timewaster/game for the stay-at-home COVID-19 days of 2020

[Sporting]

I wouldn't mind doing limericks again.

[Sean of the Shed]

The crudity bonus had very little effect, but it was obvious that Sean of the Shed got the best of that side.

Why thank you, it quickly became obvious that was the only direction I had left to travel in this round, so any acknowledgement is welcome.
And thank you for your continued adjudication of this marvelous game.

[San Bernardhinault]

I'm aberrantly pleased to have come first in any leg, particularly when competing against Ad Hoc's dadaist limerick.

[Various Artist]

Super stuff matt, really enjoyed this week. Shame I came in just too late for the first race of the five, but pleasantly surprised to finish anywhere other than bottom consequently.

Tanka are like haiku but with a bonus two lines – where the anglicised haiku is generally stereotyped as 5-7-5 syllables, tanka go 5-7-5-7-7. Which is a lot more forgiving in terms of poetic elbow room, and also a much harder formation to defend against.

[Sits]

She sells seashells on the Seychelles seashore.

Try it. Harder than the original.

Edit: thanks Matt, great effort.

[lambers]

I'd suggest tongue twisters, but that's not too far off the norm for many of the previous 30-odd pages.

[Sporting]

Or haikus?

[Sporting]

I'm not great at limericks - I was hoping for a cynghanedd or englyn round.

Bit obscure (and far too fucking hard for me!). How about a five-line poem in any format with a max of 25 letters in each line?

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

I'm not great at limericks - I was hoping for a cynghanedd or englyn round.

[matt j]

Limerick Week, Race #5 Results:

Racer Name	Sentence	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24	25	Total
Test Racer 5	WevenameditaBorisJohnson	6	4	2	4	9	3	1	4	8	10	6	3	7	6	4	10	2	7	6	5	9	2	6	9	0	133
lambers	Fakevisionsfromonefurpill	8	3	9	4	2	10	2	10	6	9	2	8	4	6	1	6	9	4	8	6	4	1	10	5	5	142
Southport zeb	Jockshowedsomuchgrace	7	6	3	9	2	5	6	6	4	8	2	6	1	6	3	5	2	4	3	3	4	0	0	0	0	95
San Bernardhinault	Fuckedtheinsideofhisbrain	8	6	3	9	4	8	6	5	4	10	9	2	10	8	4	6	8	5	10	2	7	4	3	10	9	160
balderdasha	Mythefatflameswerebitchin	1	2	6	5	4	8	3	6	8	5	3	1	4	2	6	4	4	4	7	10	6	3	5	10	9	126
slackster	ScatterinMofuckersasunder	2	3	3	6	6	4	4	10	9	1	6	8	6	3	9	4	4	2	3	2	6	9	8	4	4	126
sean of the shed	Andtweetswhilehavingadump	3	9	8	6	6	4	4	6	2	6	5	10	5	4	5	3	2	10	9	2	3	8	6	1	1	128
sporting	SkinnerThebeastofBolsover	2	9	10	9	9	4	4	6	5	4	7	4	3	2	6	6	8	7	6	5	2	6	2	4	4	134
sits	Incliningtolineupapunt	10	9	3	5	10	9	10	9	2	6	6	5	10	9	4	6	1	3	1	6	9	6	0	0	0	139
Various Artist	Withthedoctorandneveravet	6	10	6	5	6	5	4	8	6	3	6	6	4	3	9	8	9	4	2	4	4	3	2	4	6	133
ad hoc	Butfennelcreatesabigwhiff	7	6	6	8	4	9	9	4	5	3	4	4	3	6	4	2	3	7	10	2	6	5	10	8	8	143
nmrfox	Nowthefoxboxismixedsocks	9	6	6	6	5	4	8	6	5	7	6	5	10	2	1	10	5	4	8	2	6	3	9	2	0	135
diable rouge	Andyourtumlightasafeather	3	9	8	2	6	6	4	6	6	1	5	10	2	5	6	3	2	3	8	4	3	6	5	4	4	121

San Bernardhinault saved it for the last line and put up one of the best sentence scores of the week.

letter	Limerick week values
a	3
b	7
c	3
d	8
e	4
f	8
g	2
h	5
i	10
j	7
k	9
l	5
m	1
n	9
o	6
p	1
q	4
r	4
s	2
t	6
u	6
v	2
w	6
x	5
y	2
z	1

Racer Name	Place Race #1	Place Race #2	Place Race #3	Race Place #4	Race Place #5	Crudity bonus	Limerick Week Average placing:
ad hoc	2	7	1	1	2	4	2.833333333
sits	7	1	3	3	4	4	3.666666667
lambers	5	4	5	3	3	4	4
balderdasha	1	3	8	2	9	2	4.166666667
San Bernardhinault	3	2	10	8	1	2	4.333333333
slackster	6	4	4	5	9	2	5
sporting	4	12	7	7	6	3	6.5
diable rouge	9	4	5	10	11	4	7.166666667
Various Artist	12	11	2	9	7	4	7.5
nmrfox	8	9	11	11	5	4	8
Sean of the Shed	10	8	12	6	8	1	7.5
Soutport Zeb	11	10	9	12	12	3	9.5

The crudity bonus had very little effect, but it was obvious that Sean of the Shed got the best of that side.

Great limericks all around! Now to come up with some idea for the next week.

[matt j]

Putting the results together now... and you WON'T BELIEVE how somebody DESTROYED the field and OWNED the other racers.

[Diable Rouge]

Chorizos and ouzos go well together,
But not amid variable weather,
Through this healthy routine,
Keep your bowel squeaky clean,
And your tum light as a feather.

[Diable Rouge]

Apologies - didn't realise we were onto Line 5.

[matt j]

Missing Diable Rouge I think?

[matt j]

I've gotten so distracted by reading the limericks, I've forgotten to add the actual entries to the spreadsheet.

[Various Artist]

Bless you both, cheers. Buggered if I know how it'll score, but the fun this week was all in making up something that worked as a limerick and also fitted within the rules. Any decent placings are a bonus!

I love ad hoc's ad-hoc limerick just above there, from post-race, I have to say. Personal podium for the actual racing ones would be Sean's, Sporting's and SB's. Two Trumps and a Dennis Skinner, the unlikeliest of poetical and political bedfellows.

Much obliged for the Cluj help, meanwhile – I'll revise my mental pronunciation back to what it was originally, then, given it turns out to be more or less what you'd expect from how it looks...!

[ad hoc]

Fuck knows how it’ll score, but VA’s limerick is a cracker.

Indeed

[ad hoc]

A competitive bloke called ad hoc
Gave himself a bit of a shock
At the end of the race
He'd won*, but lost face
His rhyme could only be mocked

(*well I might have)

[slackster]

Fuck knows how it’ll score, but VA’s limerick is a cracker.

[nmrfox]

There was an old man named Fox
Whose hedge was made out of box
A mishap with his clippers
Minced up his new slippers
Now the fox box is mixed socks

[Sporting]

I would like to apologise in advance for my limerick which fails miserably by any form of literary criticism. I got involved in trying to work out the scoring system and lost sight of the poetry. Hence I have what could charitably be called a slightly cryptic limerick (and less charitably be called a load of old shit)

A militant infant called Biff
(Indian friend fell off a cliff
Though he rushed down the hill
Naans will save Shawn from nil
But fennel creates a big whiff

It's cryptic, and fun.

[Sporting]

No Cluj works in the rhyme scheme (the u is pronounced to rhyme with huge and stooge, though the j is softer, like the s in pleasure). It would rhyme more perfectly with rouge.

As referenced here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Help:IPA/Romanian

I could post more, but currently diacritical marks are a no-no.

[ad hoc]

I would like to apologise in advance for my limerick which fails miserably by any form of literary criticism. I got involved in trying to work out the scoring system and lost sight of the poetry. Hence I have what could charitably be called a slightly cryptic limerick (and less charitably be called a load of old shit)

A militant infant called Biff
(Indian friend fell off a cliff)
Though he rushed down the hill
Naans will save Shawn from nil
But fennel creates a big whiff

[ad hoc]

I'm sure that when we had sidebar text on these boards, there was someone whose text read "Cluj, baby", which I took to mean it rhymed with 'Ciao' – assuming that was the pun – so it might be ad hoc has to pick holes in your rhyme scheme there matt. Meanwhile, transatlantic accent variations are evidenced by how discombobulating it is, as a Brit, to see 'spotty' used as a rhyme for 'party' and 'smarty'...! But nonetheless a fine roundup and I'm still reeling from that devilish deployment of 'enurple'.

No Cluj works in the rhyme scheme (the u is pronounced to rhyme with huge and stooge, though the j is softer, like the s in pleasure). It would rhyme more perfectly with rouge.

[Various Artist]

Seconded on both counts!