Matt J's "Word Racing" timewaster/game for the stay-at-home COVID-19 days of 2020

[San Bernardhinault]

Racer plays badly

[Balderdasha]

Madam wants drink. (Was going to be 'mummy needs drink', until I saw the new rule about double letters).

[ad hoc]

OTFer saves world

(if I can't have OTFer as a word, then I'll have

Flour makes bread)

[matt j]

OTFer saves world

(if I can't have OTFer as a word, then I'll have

Flour makes bread)

ohhh, too much controversy for a Monday race. Judge deems it acceptable, but writes 'the ad hoc team' into his little red book.

[ad hoc]

The OTFer I am referring to is clearly the supremo/judge of this world-saving competition, in case that helps my case.

[San Bernardhinault]

ad hoc has cunningly found a way to say "mattj" without a double letter. Well played!

[elguapo4]

Scary ghost crypt

[matt j]

Loads of entries (all deemed valid), not everyone yet.

[Southport Zeb]

Never flick foxes

[Wouter D]

Japan crash plans

[context: 'crash' as a verb. Something to do with my honeymoon, which isn't happening (I learned last night). It's probably for the best, but I'm still sad about it]

[ursus arctos]

Crap.

So sorry to hear that. It will be better next year.

[Wouter D]

Crap.

So sorry to hear that. It will be better next year.

Thanks. It would, but wouldn't fit in the larger picture where we are planning to start a Family D directly after this big trip. Of course, if that works out, I don't think we will have the energy to go on such a big trip; I imagine that it also wouldn't matter to me given that the focus of my life will have shifted.

It would've been nice if we could have had it all. But it cannot be helped.

[ursus arctos]

Well, as someone who moved a toddler across an ocean . . .

[Sits]

Front rider fails

[Sits]

Wouter D do it for your 30th anniversary, you’ll be able to afford a better one. But sorry to hear it.

[matt j]

race closed now. writing up report and tallying results.

[matt j]

Wouter D do it for your 30th anniversary, you’ll be able to afford a better one. But sorry to hear it.

Ditto.

[matt j]

Race #6, or Week #2 Race #1, Report:

The desert wastes, heat, wind, the slow trilling of Mexican guitar off in the distance. A strange sepia tone to everything that doesn't actually make sense when you think about it.

But yes, the word racing season was back, baby. Boom! After the traditional reading of the poetry of Pablo Neruda by the Bart Simpson sound-alike voice actor hired for the job, the race was...

on. If by on you mean every race team looks exceptionally tired as though their last race had extensively tired them out and perhaps the lack of 'supplements' through the weekend had left them spent, angry, and maybe just a little dozy in the the old grey matter.

But, new week, new rules! New fans! or rather fan, or rather a few Saguaros that when you kind of squint look like cheering fans! While all the windows to the soul were focused tightly on last week's apertura champion, the ad hoc team, it was another who jumped to a fast lead, the backwards-capped, adidas wearing, 'O.G' lambers who set an early hot pace. The race was his recital, he thought it very vital, to stay in front of "Hey it's, Zeb, Southport Zeb" and slackster. Also Sporting.

Not so hot, in fact, perhaps enjoying their private secluded A.C. luxury train car for a bit too long, Wouter D and nmrfox. Of all the riders it was only the latter who fell victim to the runway's cracks and odd pitches, getting sent sideways as his narrow front tires caught in a rut and sent him spinning sideways as the other races went on unimpeded.

Into the second stretch, or as is known among fans, the 'long yawn'! Here it was Sean of the Shed of the Sean who found strong speed, whipping his yaks to a practical frenzy of hooves and yak... sounds... whatever those are. elguapo04 said 'boo!' and everyone shuddered, but no-one could really find the same pace as sits, around the house.

At the start of the third leg, also known as the KFC leg, it was lambers, followed by sits, around the house, and Mr-return-to-some-consistency, andrew7160.

Who would take the initial checkered flag of the week, hanging as it was from the back-pocket of the old man who accidentally wandered onto the old airport's runway?

Lambers stuck his oars out to add some speed, could they hold out? the ad hoc team's bribe of the judge made his vehicle lighter and speedier on this stretch! would it be the sweet-smelling raisin-cinnamon loaf of diable rouge?

A mass sprint! a focused run! or maybe just a large dawdle!

In the end it was podium places for that trio (two paragraphs back, go back and look now, I'll wait), and a photo-finish amongst the rest. Bringing up the tail end, the notorious VTD and the "D", of Wouter D, followed by the most dawdly of the dawdlers, nmrfox. And Sporting.

[matt j]

Team/User	Place Race #4	Points Race #4
lambers	1	36
ad hoc	2	34
diable rouge	3	32
slackster	4	30
andrew7160	5	28
San Bernardhinault	6	26
elguapo04	7	23
sits	7	23
delicatemoth	9	19
Balderdasha	9	19
Southport Zeb	11	16
Sean of the Shed	12	14
Hot Orange	13	11
ursus arctos	13	11
Vicarious Thrillseeker	15	7
Wouter D	15	7
Sporting	17	3
nmrfox	17	3

[matt j]

Team/User	Week 1 points	Race 6 points	Season Total
ad hoc	126	34	160
lambers	118	36	154
sean of the shed	122	14	136
andrew7610	104	28	132
Wouter D	120	7	127
diable rouge	88	32	120
Kevin S	110		110
San Bernardhinault	82	26	108
delicatemoth	88	19	107
hot orange	96	11	107
slackster	68	30	98
Southport Zeb	68	16	84
elguapo04	60	23	83
ursus arctos	70	11	81
sits	54	23	77
Sporting	68	3	71
nmrfox	56	3	59
Vicarious Thrillseeker	48	7	55
Various Artist	46		46
Balderdasha	14	19	33
Patrick Thistle	10		10

[matt j]

Race #7, or Week #2 Race #2:

Passing through scenic Culver City, California, an actual real-life location, (It exists we swear!) the racers must deal with an unusual twist, perfectly familiar to the judge's father who used to record the show and watch it at strange times of the day, particularly early Saturday morning when his teenage son would occasionally like to try and sleep in for once, but couldn't since the dulcet tones of the show's host would be blasting from the TV despite an old fashioned 'headphone' theoretically being attached to the jack, "Yes, I know I found the daily double Alex! now let me go back to sleep!"

At any rate, all answers should be in the form of a you-know-what. Penalties apply otherwise.

Clue:
look at all those finished tied on points from race #6. wow.

Bonus clue:
"tepid gravy drink" is above average.

[Sporting]

Rhino gasps aloud

[San Bernardhinault]

Which bears verse?

(I need to know which if ua's associates perform beat poetry at open mic nights in the village).

[Southport Zeb]

Where goeth Romeo?

[Sporting]

Just a quick question: Can we have imaginary trophies for each set of five races as well as one for the total cumulative scores? Not that I'll be bothering the leader board but for late-comers and those who can't play every day it would be some kind of incentive.

Thanks again for doing this! I feel about as useful as a pinball machine playing it but it's still great fun.